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Dementia and Alzheimers

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BigAl

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
Is anyone else dealing with this ??? Holy Cow !!! I am ready to beat my head into a wall .

I have a distance relative that has Dementia . I also have someone close to me that I believe is showing serious signs .


I am at my wits end . Anybody know of a good support group that they can reconmend where I can get some straight answers.

This is ripping a family apart .

Edit : I'm willing to take this "offsite" to protect your privacy
 
Hey Al.....We can support each other! Redneck and I are going thru it right now. I also took care of his Great Aunt for a couple of years with both of these. As far as a support group goes you may be able to find out thru your local hospital about something in your area. You can pm me if you are more comfortable about it in private. But I think if we keep it out here there may be others going thru it too. It may help as other's read what we are going thru. We can help them or they can help us.
 
Whoa! The timing on this thread is eary! I was just considering posting something along these lines earlier today while I was at work.

I also have expereince with dimensia.

This is a very touchy subject with my family. First, let me start off by saying that everyone should educate themselves on what to look for(i.e. signs and symptoms of dimensia) Be very aware of sudden mood changes followed by anger and denial. Without getting specifics online, my Father in law began to show signs of it a few weeks before retiring at the age of 65. The doctors were a little slow to diagnose him as having dimensia attributing his behaviours to his high blood pressure and diabetes.

The main thing I can recomend for dealing with someone with dimensia is that the individual should never be left alone. Remember, the person will be having moments when he/she is not making any sense and may become arguementative and possibly aggressive then forget what happened only a few minutes later.

Al......I know dimensia is very hard to deal with. Feel free to PM me anytime to discuss further. It can destroy a family if you don't know what to look for.
 
my uncle had alzheimer's - and it got so bad before the end we almost had a double funeral. My aunt was killing herself trying to take care of him, even after she had to put him in a care facility for his own safety.
 
Al, Dad had to manage his second wife through various stages of dementia and Alzheimers, like groomerguy described, and Dad found the support group arranged by Kaiser to be priceless.

Kaiser probably has an outpost up there. Even if you don't belong, the cost to get in a counseling group may be reasonable. Or worth whatever it costs.

Another resource would be through the county mental health department. They likely have a specialist who can refer you to local resources.

Not relevant to you, but maybe to someone reading this: Dad after his wife's death moved on to a Kaiser-Plan sponsored widows and widowers counseling group, then he also started attending the elder group in a church through people he met in that group. I think he would have become a hermit out at the ranch if he hadn't found these.

All these were a tremendous help in understanding the crises he found himself in. (And for accepting that at 88, it was time to give up his drivers license etc. He saw and spoke with others making those decisions.)

You aren't in this alone. There are other families dealing with the same thing. You just have to find them.
 
My wife's bachelor uncle, who we were very close to, has dementia and Alzheimer's. He was a wonderful, generous man to his family and community. We knew that was something wrong about a year before he realized it himself. The rest of the family were in denial because their father/grandfather had the same thing. When he finally realized that there something wrong with him he did a really smart thing. He came out to the house and had us sign papers to give us his power of attorney. When we started to organise his business affairs it amazed us that he had practically given everything he had away. The number of people and organizations that had taken advantage of that poor man's generosity and illness was despicable. Anyway, that was about 5 years ago. We kept him at home with care and supervision as long as we could but eventually had to have him committed to an Alzheimer's unit in a local nursing home. He's been there for 3 years now. My wife who looks after all his financial and other affairs still goes to see him 3 times a week and sits and talks to him although there is no sign or understanding or recognition. She's a lot stronger than I am. I must admit that I loved that old man but I haven't been to see him in over 2 years. It just used to tear me up and upset me too much. It's a strange, strange disease that affects the people surrounding the person a lot more than it seems to affect the person themselves.

There are a lot of support groups for the families of Alzheimer's patients. You need to do some research and find one close. I strongly advise getting in touch with one of them because it will educate you to the symptoms of the disease, how it progresses and what steps can be taken to possibly slow down it's progression.

Best of luck. It will be a trying time for your whole family. I'm not a particularly religious person but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

PM if you want to. I can offer some very practical advice.
 
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Well its my Dads wife(age 88) that has dementia . I have seen some flares of violence that worry me . Its just a matter of time before she starts hitting people . I tried to talk with her kids ,which are grown adults ,but they do not give a crap about her .Her Son and Daughter want her out of their lives and they want the inheritence money ASAP . There's a lot of love in that F#Cked UP family !!!! The times Dad has been in the hospital it is up to me to insure her safety .
I had home health nurses in place to help Dad and her . Dad ran them off .Dad's (age 84) condition is he is physically unable to do anything for himself without help . His wife is 4 years older but in good Phyiscal condition but she is at the middle level of Dementia now . Dad's mind has been sharp ,but I have noticed a serious change since i returned from Panama in May.

He has every excuse you can imagine to defend his reasons for staying at the house . Dad should not be living at home . His own Doctors have tried to talk with him as has every member of our family to move to a retirement home or a rest home . I tried to get him to live with me . He flat out refuses . The doctor told me 2 days ago that Dad is his most frail patient . His Kidneys are down to 15% use because Dad self medicated himself and ruined them. I took his drivers license away after he could not lift his foot to the brake and somehow he managed to pass a retest and get it back !!!

Since I am legally in charge of the family affairs and speak for family , I finally issued a warning that Dad get nurses or I walk out . Dad agreed on Friday but now tells me not to push it . Something about the cost of home nursing . Money is not an issue . He can afford the best 24/7 .

I am trying to please about half a dozen people now . A doctor , a Dad and his wife, a Bother ,a Sister and myself .

I made a promise to my Mother on her Death Bed that I would take care of everything and the family .

I feel like I am failing miserably . I see signs of Dementia starting in Dad now .

Me and Dad are close .... real close .

I do not want to walk out but I cannot and will not watch as he kills himself by being stubborn . It is taking a serious toll on me now . I am on anti depressant meds ! I have always been about the meanest toughest SOB in the world. I have always took names and kicked Ass in life and business !!! and now I am reduced to this .

I'm sitting in California , A state that I detest , twidling my thumbs , trying to please my father and a bunch of other people and I feel like I can't get a damn thing right .
 
Al, I think your Dad needs to go to an assisted living center, and his wife needs to be in a facility for those who need round the clock care (nursing home)
You need to get together with all those involved and tell them they BOTH need to be in the same place.
I work in a HUGE facility that houses an AL unit, nursing home and a rehab center.
Look into it please.
Sounds to me like this is the only answer.
None of you need this kind of stress when there are simple solutions out there.
Hugs and good luck.
 
pirate_girl said:
Al, I think your Dad needs to go to an assisted living center, and his wife needs to be in a facility for those who need round the clock care (nursing home)
You need to get together with all those involved and tell them they BOTH need to be in the same place.
I work in a HUGE facility that houses an AL unit, nursing home and a rehab center.
Look into it please.
Sounds to me like this is the only answer.
None of you need this kind of stress when there are simple solutions out there.
Hugs and good luck.
Click to expand...

Thanks PG ,
It looks like I would have to take this to court to force Dad to do that . I will not win and am not willing to do that . The doctors have told me that no judge will side with him or the family as long as my fathers mind is still sharp , even though I am seeing a big change in Dad . If I got him nurses he would just run them off in a few months as he did before .
I am going to contact the hospital tomorrow and see what is avalible for support or direction .
My one chance is my father knows that his money means nothing to me . I have my own . I am willing to sign off the estate and walk out for good if things don't change and he now knows this . His health is all I care about .
 
Is it his house he doesn't want to leave, or his Independence? I believe there are places that just "help you when you need it." The residents have their own 'apartment', but it is in a facility with help to make sure things are taken care of, like meds on time, food, etc.


Cory & myself moved a trailer next to my Dads house about 9 years ago, partly to get out of town, part to help Dad take care of his 80 acres. About 3 years later, they (both Mom and Dad) noticed things were not right, Mom started having trouble remembering things. The doctor put her on aricept, which is about the only alzhimers med at the time, & Dad would go places with her, (she drove mostly since Dad had heart trouble and 'mini strokes'), even if he didn't feel good, to make sure she did not get lost. She stopped driving when Dad went to the hospital with a heart attack Thanksgiving morning 2004 at about 1:00AM. The doctors wanted to do a quad by-pass, & I can still hear Daddy Tell them "what-ever it takes to fix it." They operated about the first of Dec., and Dad passed away Dec. 9. He had a blood clot in his small intestine, undetected, so gangrene set in and it still was not detected until it was too late.
Mom kept living in the house they had shared for almost 60 years. Cory was cooking for her, I was helping her with her meds, putting them in a weekly pill box with it written down when to take them. I think the lonely-ness of that big house, and missing her mate of 60years, she basically gave up. She would not take her meds, or was taking twice, who knows. She would get mad at me trying to help her, and just not listen or try to help. When she came down with pneumonia, the only way the doctor would release her from the hospital was to go to assisted living. The doc had her meds straitened out, including physic, so she was ok with it for a while.
If you spend some time with her, you can tell a lot of the time she still knows what is going on, but she has to go slow, and think things out. When she talks, you can tell what she says is not what she is thinking. Or she can not get her mouth to say what she wants to say.
Mom has been begging for months now to go home. And that tears my heart out. But there is no way she could live by herself, she is 81years old last Nov., and is sometimes un-stable on her feet.
I have an older sister, none of the family care for husband, she has 'stolen' from family before, so Mom will not go there, and we will not let him live here, he is also a thief. My older brother is on dylansis, his kidneys have completly shut down, so he can't take care of her. 2 younger sisters, they both have their own problems or agenda. My brother, myself, and 1 younger sis drive within 1/3mile of the ALF where Mom lives every time we go to work / town and again coming home. My other 2 sisters live about 5 miles away. Cory and myself are the only ones that go by to even say "hello" on a regular basis.
I promised my Dad, about 3 hard breaths before his last, I would take care of Mom the best I could. My Dad ment more to me than anything except for my wife and 4 kids, and I will do my damndest to keep that promise.
Al, I know how this is tearing you up, and do not know what to say. There is nothing I, or anyone, can say that will take the hurt away. I know from experience. But do know that you are not the only one going thru this kind of hurt.
If you want to talk, feel free to PM me, we'll exchange # & when to call.
 
First of all can i say my heart goes out to all of you going through this difficult time.
Now i have never directly had to deal with this but a close friend/neighbour/work buddy of mine his mother-in-law had dementia/Alzheimer's...her husband was wow what a man....he refused outside help and devoted his life to her right until the end.

Now this is where the problem lies that i want to mention...with all the care he gave and refusing outside help he passed away 6 months before her due the the strain it all put on his own health.

The mental and physical drain on the primary carer is beyond belief....they must be looked after just as well as the person with dementia....they need full support from all the family and health services they cannot be left to it even if they say they are fine and that they are coping.....it's bad enough watching one loved one slip away without the additional loss of another.

Ron my neighbours Father-in-law never once complained and refused help....he lapsed on his own health check ups and just stuck with his promise that he loved her and was his duty to his wife to look after her no matter what......he become ill very sudden and was taken to hospital and diagnosed with cancer and died within a month and never left the hospital in that time...his beloved wife went straight to a care home where she was lost without him and died 6 months later from natural causes....we say even though her dementia was very bad she knew Ron was gone and gave up.

I hope this helps in some way and you all take care of yourselves as well as your loved ones.

Galv.
 
Thanks ,all of you ....
Last night it all just kind of came to a head I guess . I had acquired Dad and his wife a real nice upscale 2 bedroom /2 bath apartment in a large retirement care facility. They even had their own chef who would cook to order . Everything a person could want was provided . One week before Dad was to move in he backed out . I am not sure if it his independance or love of the old house that keeps him there .
I already controll and manage all my fathers affairs and business Dealings so protecting the assets is not the issue .
I do not give a crap about the money, have never taken a dime nor will I . I have my own .
Today I am headed out to do battle again yet today and hope that Pop will understand . If push finally comes to shove , dad will lose ...and so will I..
 
BigAl said:
If push finally comes to shove , dad will lose ...and so will I..
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Al, you're not losing if the "right thing" is getting done. I always look at these old age as a reversal process. Remember, they had to deal with you when you were a baby and toddler - now it's your turn.

No matter how angry your dad may get, if the right thing is done he will most likely get over it.
 
Thanks Galv.....I was having trouble putting things into words and you helped me get my thoughts organized. I have been the caregiver for a loved one 4 times now.First off Momma.....She died 10 years ago from lung disease. Her last six weeks in the hospital were hell on earth for her, and I was froze to her side the whole time. She was afraid to be alone and would call my name all hours of the day and night for help. What you said about the promise up there really hit my heart. I promised her I wouldn't leave. We (her and I) fought for her to stay alive until she gave up and I forced to give up. I had painful memories in my head for a couple of years after that. I was in the hospital 8 times in one year after that because of heart problems. I jumped into taking care of Redneck's Great Aunt not long after that. She had Dementia/Alzheimer's that set after she fell and broke a hip. At first it like babysitting. Then I found myself making major medical decisions again. I was changing diapers, and fussing with her trying to get her do anything. After two years she was put in a nursing home and I had trouble letting her go. For the first year I was there everyday checking on her, and sitting with her, because although she didn't know who I was I still brought comfort to her and was the only one that was able to get her to eat or take her meds without a fight. Little by little I was able to leave her to others.
Five years later my was struggling trying to take care of this woman he married. He made her a promise. He refused any help or medical attention for himself. When he was too bad himself he finaly went to the doctor with my promise to make sure she was taken care of and not leave his side. I did both between AG, Redneck, and I. He was diagnosed with Cancer in the last stages. Because of my promise I did the same thing with Daddy I did with Momma. The sicker he got the more frozen I became. Redneck, family, and hospital staff tried to get me to leave and couldn't because of my promise to Daddy. I put myself thru hell on earth with him. The guilt, and the promise I had from Momma dieing came back, and I was hurting for both of them. I say guilt because she and I fought for her life in that hospital room. When she died there was guilt for me because the "battle" was over and she died. Fast forward ten years and I find myself going thru the same promise, and guilt with Daddy. Daddy died this past Thanksgiving and I went back to work the next day like nothing had happened. "Talk about shell shock" I went from by Daddy's side dieing of Cancer in a room for three weeks to the biggest shopping day of the year in a Mall. I was numb walking to my job thru the mall filled with Christmas shoppers. I threw myself into Redneck's Momma after that. We are fulling his promise to his Daddy and now, and his guilt .
 
PBinWA said:
Remember, they had to deal with you when you were a baby and toddler - now it's your turn.
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I been there for 13 years now in that position . I don't mind handling Pops affairs , its the "game playing", on his part that is getting very old .

Weather I want to or not , today is the day it ends .
 
I honestly think Mom has played a lot of games, too. A lot of the time we would notice her asking the same question several times, a few minutes apart, in a different way, like she was trying to catch us in a lie. Then at times, it really seams like she can NOT remember as long as it takes to tell her something. Then later in the day or the next day, she will say something to reference the conversation, where you know she remembers.
 
Best of luck Al. This is terrible I know. My grandmother (67 + or -) is right here in town in the nursing home and I have not seen her in close to 6 months I would guess. I am a bit too much like ETF I guess. My grandfather is now showing signs himself after caring for grandma for ages. He even had a crazy outburst in a local restaurant about how they have a cure but won't release it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It's nothing I would ever wish on anyone to deal with such struggles.
 
rback33 said:
Best of luck Al. This is terrible I know. My grandmother (67 + or -) is right here in town in the nursing home and I have not seen her in close to 6 months I would guess. I am a bit too much like ETF I guess. My grandfather is now showing signs himself after caring for grandma for ages. He even had a crazy outburst in a local restaurant about how they have a cure but won't release it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It's nothing I would ever wish on anyone to deal with such struggles.
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I think most of us believe there are more they can do, but between the government and the money-greedy drug companies, they won't .
We just do the best we can with what we have.
Al, good luck. Remember, we're here for ya. If you would rather go private, we will do that, too. ANY thing we can do to help.
 
There was an older gentleman that went to our church he was 87 years old and fit. He could have probably out ran me if he wanted to. He took care of his house inside and out which included mowing 5 acres. His wife started to go downhill with alzheimers and he tried to take care of her. He did all he could and eventually had to put her in a nursing home and visited her everyday. It wasn't long after that, he died. I think the wear and tear from trying to do too much is what killed him. He had two boys who I'd never seen until the funeral and then when his wife died they showed up again and sold the house and all their possessions. Mr. Jess was one of a kind.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is don't try to do too much and jeopardize your own health as will do no one any good.
I hope it all works out Al, take care and God Bless.
 
I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you. I have never had to deal with dementia or Alzheimers, but my late partner developed brain tumors as secondaries after lung cancer and that was pretty awful. I saw him change from a lovely person who drove abnormal loads and anything on wheels to a guy who could not go round a roundabout in a car at the beginning. At the end I used to take the electric kettle to bed with me, having turned the gas off outside the house and putting a padlock and chain around the solid fuel stove to prevent him opening it, as I was so frightened of him hurting himself. I was unable to watch him twenty four hours a day, but I was lucky in that I had a friend staying in my caravan on the back lawn (he had been kicked out by his wife at Christmas) and he spotted a light come on in the house at about four in the morning and came in to see what was happening and found my partner in his wheel chair ( he could not walk by then) about to go out the front door. When asked where he was going, he replied, "to the shop to get some milk" I cannot imagine if Alan had not caught him and persuaded him not to go, where he would have gone and what would have happened to him. With the best will in the world, it is impossible to watch someone twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.
 
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BigAl said:
Since I am legally in charge of the family affairs and speak for family , I finally issued a warning that Dad get nurses or I walk out . Dad agreed on Friday but now tells me not to push it . Something about the cost of home nursing . Money is not an issue . He can afford the best 24/7 .

I am trying to please about half a dozen people now . A doctor , a Dad and his wife, a Bother ,a Sister and myself .

I made a promise to my Mother on her Death Bed that I would take care of everything and the family .

I feel like I am failing miserably . I see signs of Dementia starting in Dad now .

Me and Dad are close .... real close .

I do not want to walk out but I cannot and will not watch as he kills himself by being stubborn . It is taking a serious toll on me now . I am on anti depressant meds ! I have always been about the meanest toughest SOB in the world. I have always took names and kicked Ass in life and business !!! and now I am reduced to this .

I'm sitting in California , A state that I detest , twidling my thumbs , trying to please my father and a bunch of other people and I feel like I can't get a damn thing right .
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Al, from what I've read of your posts, I have no doubt you will make the right decisions.

Being in charge of family matters is a no win situation, with the more family involved the worse it will usually be (you can't please everyone).

My aunt died three years ago. She was poor, had really nothing, and left me in charge of putting her affairs in order and making sure everything was taken care of. I happen to live 500 miles away while the rest of the family lived within 30 miles of her. It was not fun, but I got the things that needed to be done, and not everyone was happy (some are still probably pissed at me). Hell, I threw two cousins out of my aunts apartment because they were bickering on who would get what, and I told them if they wanted to remember my aunt that way, to get the **** out and never come back.

You're never going to please everyone.

Knowing what I've read from you, you WILL NOT fail.

People will get mad at you because you don't "cave" into what they want.

Do what you honestly think is right, and everything will work itself out.

I have no doubt that you're the man your father is.
 
Al, I'm not going to be able to be of much help to you, other than to say my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. My father in law has Alzheimer's. This is a big bull of an 87 year old man who, up until two years ago, had a big garden, lived to fish and went most days, and could still go to a party and dance all night when the youngsters had long since worn out. Now, he doesn't even remember how to fish, or how to start a tiller or mower. It's unpleasant for me but it's really hard on my wife. We live over 300 miles away from them, and Jill is going to start taking unpaid leave to go up and help her Mom out.
My best wishes to you. Hutch
 
BigAl said:
Lol . Lady have you got some timing !!!!

Its not good . Tomorrow I will try to hire nurses . Dad is putting up a hella fight .
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I hate to hear that Al.....I understand how it happened though
If that helps your feelings any.
Daddy kept giving in and changing his mind until we were crazy. He was so stubborn and independent. To make matters worse he has had a temper all of my life, and I have always had a fearful respect for it. As he got older it got worse. I understand how hard it is to stay the child at times like this. You know your right, but at the same time you can't "disrespect" and not do as your told. I couldn't do it...but I'm all about telling Redneck how to do it. LOL
It's hard for him not to let her keep the "Mother role" I have to remind him all the time that she's not up to that.....and it hurts him all over again.
I am so glad that you started this thread Al. It has caused me to look at what we are doing to each other and our family. Redneck and I are the average age of kids taking care of their parents like this, but we have the extra added stress of two small boys left to raise. They are 11 and 5 with handicaps of their own. This has made me see that we have to back off for their sakes.
 
Al, hang in there.

We went through similar with my wife's parents. They were more muddled and less forceful than you are describing, but we soon learned there is a critical need to assign more than one competent person per elder to stay ahead of the chaos they continually made.

And I'm in the middle of similar with Mom now. She has burned out half the decent middle aged women of Fiji so far, they just can't take it. I got their help in there long ago when I couldn't deal with Mom alone. And Dad - well he was like your Dad. (divorced, so these were two different chaotic households for me to manage. Simultaneous with the inlaws needs.)

I wish I could think of a kinder way to put these but I'll share with you my conclusions:

* You can't let an incompetent person lead you around by the nose. If they were competent they wouldn't act like that. Now, finally, it's up to the child to take responsibility to keep the parents safe and comfortable and you have to make decisions that they, in their present state of mind, don't agree with. You are still doing the right thing even if they don't agree. I found I was thanked, but only after the dust settled and I was near burnout.

*The caregiver always goes first. We saw this with FIL, and everybody related to elder care told us to get help before we became casualties. You sound like you are facing some stress right now. You have to hire front-line helpers to take the heat so you can get your wits together. Really, you don't have an obligation to hold the parent's hand 24/7 for several years. It would be inhuman to ask that of anyone and your parents wouldn't ask that, if they were still the caring people they once were. Find the best, most caring, hired help you can obtain. Then go visit as a guest, rather than as the on-call, never-thanked person who is expected to come over several times a day to solve every little problem. Save your sanity.

You mentioned relinquishing an interest in the estate. Forget it. People do theatrical things under stress, but you know you would be back shortly taking full responsibility but using your own resources instead of theirs. The gesture would be meaningless to your Dad, he knows you are a good person and won't abandon him. After a couple of days he would forget the theatrics and things would be right back where they were. Except you just made a significant gift to the future heirs who aren't helping you in this time of crisis. Why should you do that? They will never thank you, they already think you are wealthy so you should be spreading it around. They, like Dad, wouldn't reciprocate in any way for what you just gave them. Forget it.

Al, we're all worried about you. AW was just the only one who knew how to ask tactfully.

I hope this gets easier on you.
 
Galvatron said:
First of all can i say my heart goes out to all of you going through this difficult time.
Now i have never directly had to deal with this but a close friend/neighbour/work buddy of mine his mother-in-law had dementia/Alzheimer's...her husband was wow what a man....he refused outside help and devoted his life to her right until the end.

Now this is where the problem lies that i want to mention...with all the care he gave and refusing outside help he passed away 6 months before her due the the strain it all put on his own health.

The mental and physical drain on the primary carer is beyond belief....they must be looked after just as well as the person with dementia....they need full support from all the family and health services they cannot be left to it even if they say they are fine and that they are coping.....it's bad enough watching one loved one slip away without the additional loss of another.

Ron my neighbours Father-in-law never once complained and refused help....he lapsed on his own health check ups and just stuck with his promise that he loved her and was his duty to his wife to look after her no matter what......he become ill very sudden and was taken to hospital and diagnosed with cancer and died within a month and never left the hospital in that time...his beloved wife went straight to a care home where she was lost without him and died 6 months later from natural causes....we say even though her dementia was very bad she knew Ron was gone and gave up.

I hope this helps in some way and you all take care of yourselves as well as your loved ones.

Galv.
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I would just like to add one final comment that i left out...

When you sit down and have to make the decisions for your loved ones try and think back to when they were not ill and what would they have wanted and would they have wanted you becoming stressed and ill in the process....at least then no matter how much they kick and scream and how painful it looks you can have peace of mind knowing its the illness making all the noise not the person you love.

Galv.
 
Galvatron said:
I would just like to add one final comment that i left out...

When you sit down and have to make the decisions for your loved ones try and think back to when they were not ill and what would they have wanted and would they have wanted you becoming stressed and ill in the process....at least then no matter how much they kick and scream and how painful it looks you can have peace of mind knowing its the illness making all the noise not the person you love.

Galv.
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Real good point, Galv. That reminds me of two more that I left out, you said them.
> Cory is always reminding me it's not Mom doing the things making me crazy, but the illness.

>About 10 years ago, when we started dealing with her Aunt, Mom started telling us when she gets to the point she is some-what difficult to deal with, place her in a suitable facility. She did not want to be the burden on her children that she saw could happen. She has said this many, many times, when she KNEW was in her 'right' mind, and knew what she was saying.

The problem is, she is STILL our loved MOM, and it's hard to turn her care over to other people.
But like Cory also said, we have to take care of each other, and our own 2 children. As bad as Mom wants to come home, and as bad as I would like to bring her home, her and Dad would both rather us put our own family before them.
And DAMN, THIS $H!T IS FRUSTRATING. But we have to take care of ourself, or we become another part of the problem, & no help to any-body.
 
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