ok, that machine was at slims cabins when i delivered the bombadiers from ilford (oh it is all making sense now). you have done a bit of work on the machine since i last seen it.
the last time i was in cranberry was on the ITUNA TOUR. the tucker was on east side of his driveway. but maybe he has moved to the shiny new shed he built by the DNR.
here is a little bit of my last visit in cranberry which starts in the pas, it is part of the ITUNA TOUR which is in my soon to be released second book. (you should be able to figure out who the local people are)
The gravel road comes out to the paved highway and I turn left to head north but the scale man to the south notices me and leave the scale house in hot pursuit with the flashing lights on. That dodge truck sure must not get very good mileage the way he was driving it. When the scale man pulls me over he thinks I’m hauling an illegal load and purposely drove around the scale on the river road. He tells me to turn around and follow him back to the scale house to be fully checked out. This works out great because we now have a two car parade happening with all the flashing lights.
At the scale house the scale man checks out my new boat and says I can’t haul scrap metal like this. All scrap metal has to be cut in to small pieces and loaded in a steel sided trailer. My new boat is not scrap metal, I’m the King of Obsolete so what kind of a boat do you think I would be buying. This 40 foot steel boat is a classic and I’ll look good boating around on one of the five hot days of summer in my Speedo. For some reason the scale man did not like my reply because he must have had a quick vision of me in my Speedo. Then he says I’m trying to avoid the scale by driving on the river road. I told him that is where the boat was located “near water” and that I drove the river road because that is the way I was facing when I left the lady’s yard. If I want to avoid the scale, I would have gone to the nudity bar until you closed the scale at quitting time and then drove right by. So off we go inside the scale house and the scale man is checking out all my paper work for wide loading my new boat. He can’t find anything wrong there so he checks out my logbook and didn’t like the way I have been filling it out. He says that it looks like someone in grade 3 has been filling it out. All I said to get him mad again was “I have 12 years of schooling doesn’t mean I have grade 12”. The scale man keeps calling me a professional truck driver which I’m not because I have hemorrhoids and a bad back. I’m the King of Obsolete a hobbyist truck driver reliving trucking 32 years ago with this classic Screaming Ford. For some reason he did not like that response either.
Well after 2.5 hours of visiting with the scale man as I called it because he sure did go through the truck, trailer and paper work until he found something wrong. Plus he didn’t like any of my replies during that quality time with him either. I told him to write me up because anything you do will only boosted the ratings on my website. With that statement he decide to shut me down for 8 hours so that means I can’t drive or anything in that time frame. No problem since my cup of coffee is always half full. The marketing has now begun because lots of people seen my new boat on the semi trailer and recognized the Screaming Ford. I always travel with a box of my first book Cat Train Newsletters so let the sales begin. The scale man hints he would like a free book. Wrong because I have to sell these books to pay for the tickets you just gave me.
It was a busy afternoon at the scale house with everyone stopping by to see the King of Obsolete and his new boat. I just finished travelling for 2 days with the dragline known as the wedding ring on the semi and no one showed any interest. Buying this 40 foot steel boat was a good marketing move and I can tell already with all the interest it draws. I even set up the ladder so people could climb up and look inside the big boat. Since the scale man is a government employee he was gone right at quitting time. He said he would be back at 9:00 pm when my 8 hour shut down is finished. Sure enough he was back at 9:00 pm sharp and he was very surprised to see how many people were there in the dark to buy a book and see the new boat. I thanked him for this excellent marketing opportunity. For some reason he was not a happy camper, must have been because I didn’t have a book for him to buy because sales were good.
With it good and dark, I leave the scale with those amber lights flashing to mark the wide load for on coming traffic. This is great because the lights are better in the dark and when I arrive at my buddy’s place to spend the night. All his friends look to see what those flashing lights are all about and to come over to see my new boat. Of course I’m about 12 hours late from when I planned to arrive so these guys have had their fair share of beverage and I must now catch up to them. This was not a good plan because the next morning after a night of beverage my head really hurt for some reason. Even the sound of bacon and eggs frying up was too loud for my head. I have to drive the Screaming Ford for 10 hours to get back to the Kingdom. I can feel the pain coming on.
After numerous cups of coffees, I decide I better get the Screaming Ford started and warmed up. Oh the sound of the 8V-71 Detroit engine was way too much for my aching head. It was not music to my ears this morning. Now I see what the no-tell motel guest was complaining about yesterday morning. This is when you regret big time having all those tasty beverages the night before because of the pain the next day. I say good bye to my friends that are hurting just as much as me and head to load lumber. The lumber has been custom cut for building the cuddle cabooses for Cat Train Tours. The lumber mill is only down the road on the way home so it won’t take long to load. They guys at the lumber mill just fill my new boat up with the lumber so it is easy to haul and tie down. They were having a have good laugh at me suffering from a sore head and driving the Screaming Ford. The only way to drive the 8V-71 is you have to drive it mad. The engine is designed to “scream for mercy” to get the horse power to the maximum. So when you have a sore head that is self inflected, the “scream” is extra loud and you can’t do anything about.
When loaded up, I just get on the highway and bring the Screaming ford up to speed as quietly as I can. I look in the mirror and there is my newest best friend the scale man. Once again he is in hot pursuit with the light flashing and everything. What a nice guy he is traveling almost 2 hours one way to see if I have any more books that he could buy. When I get pulled over to the side of the highway, he wants to see my log book to see if I have graduated to a higher level of education in filling it out. No problem I said, it was done correctly and he was impressed. Next he asked where I got all the lumber that now fills my new boat. I told him the lumber mill because Safeway groceries store was sold out. Once again he was not impressed with my answers just like the day before. With that comment he told me I could not haul my lumber in my boat on my semi because of the type of licence plate on the truck. It the same license plate that has been on the truck for 15 years and today we have problem. That is when I lost it! It is “my” lumber that is in “my” boat that is on “my” semi, I own it all! Bought and paid for with hard earned beer bottle empties. There has never been a problem with the licensing of the truck until I met you today. I then told him he is not going to waste my day like he did the day before. So write me up right now so I can get home to die from the night of beverage. With a big smile on his face he gladly wrote a ticket and we parted ways.
thansk
KoO
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