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Tidbits and Groaners II
- Thread starter Doc
- Start date
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
I had to apologize to my wife just now. All that hard work she put into Christmas dinner yesterday just went down the toilet. 
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
FrancSevin
Proudly Deplorable
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town.
He's going through his usual run of off-color "dumb blonde" jokes, when a
well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:
"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you
think you can stereotype women that way?
What connection can a person's hair color possibly have with their fundamental
worth as a human being?
It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from getting respect at work
and in our communities, and from reaching our full potential, because you and
your anachronistic kind continue perpetuating negative images, not only
against blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."
You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to
discrimination laws in every civilized country, but deeply offensive to
people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens.
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells:
"You stay out of this, Mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee."
He's going through his usual run of off-color "dumb blonde" jokes, when a
well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:
"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you
think you can stereotype women that way?
What connection can a person's hair color possibly have with their fundamental
worth as a human being?
It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from getting respect at work
and in our communities, and from reaching our full potential, because you and
your anachronistic kind continue perpetuating negative images, not only
against blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."
You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to
discrimination laws in every civilized country, but deeply offensive to
people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens.
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells:
"You stay out of this, Mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee."
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches and a peeping tom watches snatches.
A pick pocket snatches watches and a peeping tom watches snatches.
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FrancSevin
Proudly Deplorable
"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography."
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
"Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." ~ George Burns
"Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man."
"Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken."
……when people say, “it’s better than sex”, they clearly aren’t doing it right.
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
"Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." ~ George Burns
"Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man."
"Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken."
……when people say, “it’s better than sex”, they clearly aren’t doing it right.
FrancSevin
Proudly Deplorable
