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The Story Of Christmas....

With Kansas,Nebraska and South Dakota firmly behind them Sir Big Al was making good time through North Dakota and heading for the border of Canada,the glow from the yellow piss Snow had surly helped them through the dense darkness that none had witness before,the drifts of snow were now becoming walls of treacherous ice and even the Kristi was showing the strain with the engine roaring at maximum capacity with smoke bellowing from the titanium tail pipes,this little Kristi had shown full courage and heart but Sir Al could not bare to punish her more and pulled over with defeat sadly poised into his soul,it all looked over.

But then out of the Darkness high from the sky came a twinkle of hope,the twinkle got closer staying small yet getting brighter,it flickered outside the wind shield and all in the Kristi stared closer,they could not believe their eyes as they realized this twinkle had in fact had wings and the most beautiful face and white glistening hair,Sir Al wound down the window and she buzzed up to his face and spoke softly....

"i am the Ice Queen i come from afar,i purchased these wings as i don't own a car....may i assist you,what do you need....just ask me softly and end it with please".....

Bill thought the Viagra was playing mind tricks....Sir Al thought the Rum was to blame.....PG who was now close to flooding the Kristi with her waters just shouted at them"FOR THE FIST TIME IN YOUR LIVES WILL YOU JUST ASK THE BLOODY WOMAN FOR ASSISTANCE......I WANT THIS BLOODY THING OUT OF ME AND ASAP"

With his spirits low and after drawing the short straw Bill bit his inner cheek and asked the Ice Queen"could you break down these walls and clear our path, i'm starting to smell and need a bath...............please"

With a smile on her face and a wave of her hand,the walls crumbled down with a large crashing sound,the snow flakes stopped falling and the darkness did lift,she winked at Sir Al and blew him a Kiss:brows:........and with that she was gone.

Sir Big Al fired up the Kristi with a grin on his face and started to cross over the border into Canada,the Glow from the yellow piss snow was gone but also had the darkness but where in Canada would they find Groomers Inn:confused2:

...........................To Be Continued...................
 
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At last the white passion wagon reached the border of Canada with only border control to pass,with the control post insight there was a loud bang followed by a hissing sound coming from the rear of the car,the wise Jerks looked at Murph but he assured them it was not him this time and as no smell followed they stopped and got out to check.

A rear balding tyre had split close to the rim and needed to be changed...but in the trunk the jack was not there as Rusty removed it to make room for a 1960's radio he found on the side of the road a few day's earlier,everyone cussed Rusty for being such a jerk.

Toad said if they all combined their strength then just maybe they could lift the car but this failed as one was only a Horny Toad and the others had the muscle consistency of a wet lettuce......again they needed help and by luck it come in the form of a old wandering Cowboy.

"Cowboy i am can i help you four damsels" he said with a cheeky grin as he chewed his Tobacco(Jev was blushing)....the four screeched like bitches with excitement and explained their dilemma in which Cowboy told them to step aside and let a man do what a man's gotta do,and with only one arm he picked up the whole rear end of the car,spitting his used Tobacco on to the floor he told them to take their time as he did not wish to see them break a finger nail.

When the tyre was changed all thanked Cowboy and asked if he knew of a place close by over the border where they could get booze and weed as they had run dry,Cowboy said "let me jump in and i will guide you to the best dealer around.....you need to follow the signs to a Town called Greenstone.....hide me in the trunk as i just kicked out of Canada for stalking the pretty locals".

So he jump in the trunk and over the border they went heading to a town known as Greenstone........border control were asleep on the job and made things easy........


..................To Be Continued....................
 
Now with no idea how to find Groomer's Inn Sir Al and Bill needed to find a local with great knowledge of the area,but could only find a Mountie riding a magnificent white stallion.....he was a tall Mountie with long flowing dark brown hair and carried a shining silver plated Sig 220,this Mountie was a crack shot and could take down a Cola can from 3 foot.

The Mountie introduced himself has PB and was happy to assist in any way he could,Bill explained they needed to find a safe haven Inn known as Groomer's and it was urgent due to the constant howling from the back of the Kristi from PG and more importantly Sir Al was running low on Rum.

PB told them to follow up the rear which kind of worried Sir Al,and before long they saw the lights glowing through the Inn windows,this sight could not have come any sooner as all of a sudden there was a gush of flowing water pissing out everywhere for PG's waters had broke,and Bill was also pissing himself as Sir Al had filled the last Dr Pepper bottle from his own leaking bladder.

When they reached the Inn Bill rushed through the door where Groomer himself stood serving drinks and home made pies,a piano was playing and Ladies were dancing naked upon the Bar....Bill's Viagra kicked in for round two when in marched PG and whacked him with Sir Al's Tyre iron.Groomer looked down and see the bump....looked down further and see the dripping water...."what the fuck do you think this place is" he shouted...."get out of here!!!"

"But we were sent here by forces unkown and need a place quick as this aint waiting" she replied....."NO" he insisted and PG reacted by grabbing him by the man sack and shouted"if you dont want these ripped off and rammed down your throat you will give me a room now!!!"with a limp and a high pitched voice Groomer led them to the Barn out back.

...........................To Be Continued.................
 
All of a sudden into the barn walked the Three not-so-wise jerks with Murph and Cowboy at their side.....tired from their journey they told the others how they had been sent to witness the Birth of a special child,Bill told them to have a good look and to take pictures to send to Big Dog as he was in to all sorts of perversion.

PG started screaming as the baby was now coming fast(not as fast as Bill did)....with no bed to lay PG on they slung her back first onto a Honda trike that Groomer has stored in the barn and put her legs over the sides of the handle bars,Lobo zoomed in for a close up on his Kodak camera which he had got a good deal on from a online store that we can't name for legal reasons,Rusty passed out drunk and Jev started asking around for cooking ideas for the placenta...this guy could make a wholesome dish out of anything.

PG started to panic and asked for a nurse....groomer run and got a dancer from his Inn named lilnixon who had once delivered a calf with her Husband called nixon,nixon come along for the laughs and in hope of a free Beer.With lots of pushing and shoving mostly from the men wanting a closer look up PG's skirt,a tiny head appeared....."i need Rum" cried Sir Big Al..."just one last big push"cried lilnixon....and with all her might PG screamed and pushed so hard not only did baby come free but she also shit all over poor little Murph...at long last the child was born and safe without the assistance of the Healthcare Bill from over the border....the child was a delight for all to see and weighed in at 8lb 7oz....a boy with dazzling dark Brown eye's.

Rusty cracked open the twelve pack....Jev built a fire under the non-stick frying pan and Lobo done what Americans do best and started firing off the AK-47....the celebration went on for hours until they realized they had lost track of time and it was Christmas Eve....they all had friends and loved ones waiting for them at home....some may even be missed but very unlikely.

What would they do and what would the special child's future hold????


................Stay tuned for the final chapter....................
 
if i didnt have room for a jack, how would i have room for a Cowboy? you need to get this story straight before it gets sent to the publisher :poke::yum:
 
The great Knight Sir Big Al stepped forward and ripped open his shirt....this was a man of steel that could not spell failure......."i shall get everyone home and in time for Christmas.....bring me my tools from the Kristi" he shouted and pulled a blueprint from his back pocket...."bring me timber and nails"he ordered and started working away.

All looked in amazement as the construction began,Sir Al working with the crudest of tools yet crafting the most eye popping machine...."Fetch me rope he shouted and paint of bright red...round up some Reindeer and keep away Jev".

Two hours passed and shit could he work....Rusty sat drinking wearing a skirt,murph was still Horny,nixon stole Beer,Cowboy just farted and wet willed Jev's ear.

At last it was created and was painted bright red....gold trimmings and ropes attached to the Reindeer and just enough seating to accommodate all that needed to get home...what was it they asked....could it be what that thought it could be but surly that would be impossible...

yes explained Sir Big Al it is an exact replica of Santa's sleigh....for it was i that helped Santa build is sleigh as only i with Kristi building skills could understand the physics to create such a machine....everyone was stunned but promised Sir Al they would keep his secret....Rusty they gave memory loss drugs as he could never keep his gob shut.

Over in the corner PG and Bill looked sad....lilnixon asked why so sad at such a happy time...the explained with PG's commitments taking care of the sick and Bill being way to busy helping the Amish they could not care for the child...what should they do??

Then without warning a flash and the great one Admin Doc appeared and explained the special child was destined to be taken from them anyway,as for in a far away land a childless couple had prayed for this child.

Doc asked PG to write the child's name onto a piece of Golden paper which she did and Doc wrote a message for the child also on the same piece of Gold paper then put it inside a locket and placed it around the child's neck,then told Sir Big Al to travel faster than ever before to take home everyone with the last stop being at a location for the child to be gifted to his new parents......Doc said he would text the location to him on his cell phone as he had left it on his boat.

So of flew the sleigh dropping off all that had witnessed the amazing birth...Sir Al did not slow just tossed them overboard one by one......they all got home with time to spare and Horny Toad Murph well lets just say he aint no Toad any more after his 3 minutes of passion with his adorable Princess wife as his curse was now lifted.

The location came through on the cell phone and Sir Al followed Doc's directions....he raced against all odds to travel to a far away land where he landed outside a quaint little cottage....he crept inside and dropped the child under the tree "whoop's" he whispered,then slipped out the door and flew off into the night silently on his last journey to his own home.

Within an hour morning broke and the Husband and wife came down to find their prayers had been answered...a child of their own to love and be proud,the wife could not contain her curiosity and opened the locket...it read...

Many good people helped make sure this child got to you safe....if ever he needs them again he can find them at www.forumsforums.com and on the back it said his name....

Galvatron.

The End.

The sleigh Sir Al built......
 

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Hey, at least I got to shoot off the rifle. And managed to refrain from ventilating my two traveling companions.
 
muleman said:
Well don't bother me and PG come March as we will be busy working on twins for next year:w00t2::yum::yum::yum:!
Click to expand...
Man!!
So I threatened to rip a nut sack off, then wound up giving birth to the kid:yum:

Twins next year?
I don't think I can go through this again!
:doh::wow::yum:
 
Jeez this was fun to write and starred some great members that are sadly no longer with us.

Should i write a new one:unsure:
 
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