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temper tantrums!!!
- Thread starter kitty
- Start date
The Tourist
Banned
My Dad was a disciplinarian and I was an angry young man. We never found that balance.
I will tell you this. Five years ago my wife and I bought two dogs. And as young dogs will do, they got into everything. So much so, that I thought they were testing me. A book written by an "expert" suggested that they are pack animals, and need an alpha-dog.
About the twentieth time they peed on the rug, I rushed into the room and barked like a big dog. They hid in their carrier, afraid to come out, and the condition did not improve.
Many people quote the Ten Commandments in terms of "Honor thy Father and Thy Mother." Given this verbiage, it sounds like the impetus must come from the child.
But the Bible also says, "Fathers, do not drive your sons to anger."
Yes, we have rules. The dogs are house broken, I seldom have to raise my voice, and they know perhaps three dozen words--both in commands, rewards and directives.
But this relationship--even with a dog--developed more from love, patience and the demonstration that my directives provided a benefit for us all.
Your son is obviously testing you. But if you return anger for anger, then all you teach him is that his outburst is the accepted problem solving method in the home. You'll only get more of the same.
My dogs love me. As for my Dad, *sigh* all he got from me was the sight of a motorcycle taillight leaving town...
I will tell you this. Five years ago my wife and I bought two dogs. And as young dogs will do, they got into everything. So much so, that I thought they were testing me. A book written by an "expert" suggested that they are pack animals, and need an alpha-dog.
About the twentieth time they peed on the rug, I rushed into the room and barked like a big dog. They hid in their carrier, afraid to come out, and the condition did not improve.
Many people quote the Ten Commandments in terms of "Honor thy Father and Thy Mother." Given this verbiage, it sounds like the impetus must come from the child.
But the Bible also says, "Fathers, do not drive your sons to anger."
Yes, we have rules. The dogs are house broken, I seldom have to raise my voice, and they know perhaps three dozen words--both in commands, rewards and directives.
But this relationship--even with a dog--developed more from love, patience and the demonstration that my directives provided a benefit for us all.
Your son is obviously testing you. But if you return anger for anger, then all you teach him is that his outburst is the accepted problem solving method in the home. You'll only get more of the same.
My dogs love me. As for my Dad, *sigh* all he got from me was the sight of a motorcycle taillight leaving town...
thcri
Gone But Not Forgotten
Is he jealous of the younger one?
Lay down on the floor and show him a temper tantrum.My son is two and a half and he screams all the time!!!!every time i tell him no.yea i know the terrible twos are here BUT he also gets mean and hits...any ideas on how to handle it???ive tried everything nothing seems to work!!!!
Scream and kick your legs.
He'll look at you like
.. the message will be sent.. he may never do it again.
kitty
New member
yea i do yell....sometimes i try to talk calm to him but it dont work and when i get on to him his daddy saves him and he knows it....
D
darroll
Guest
Could he be jealous of your baby getting most of the attention?.
Swat him on the fanny.
I’m from the old school. Don’t know if they do that anymore.
Swat him on the fanny.
I’m from the old school. Don’t know if they do that anymore.
kitty
New member
oh i have he just tells me oh that didnt hurt do it again...i dont want to hit him so hard it leaves a bruise...Could he be jealous of your baby getting most of the attention?.
Swat him on the fanny.
I’m from the old school. Don’t know if they do that anymore.
This is how I handled it. I did not spare the rod ............ time out don't work at that age IMHO
First time ask nice to stop and explain the behavior is not allowed, tell him you love him.
Second time do the same but tell him the consequences (good ole fashion ass whoopin)
Third time follow through with what was outlined above. A welt or two across his rump will remind him how it got there every time he sits down.
My sons turned out great and are true gentlemen, we are a tight family!
First time ask nice to stop and explain the behavior is not allowed, tell him you love him.
Second time do the same but tell him the consequences (good ole fashion ass whoopin)
Third time follow through with what was outlined above. A welt or two across his rump will remind him how it got there every time he sits down.
My sons turned out great and are true gentlemen, we are a tight family!
thcri
Gone But Not Forgotten
I really didn't have many problems with our kids. One thing both my wife and I agreed together. If your husband and you don't then nothing will ever work. My son one time did give me a rough time and I did spank him good. Hurt me more than him I think; but he never ever crossed me again. Maybe instead of mom doing the deed maybe it is time for hubby to step in and give him a good spanking.
CityGirl
Silver Member
At this age, it is very important to establish with your child that No means No. Never ever let no be negotiable. This was the best advice I ever received from my mother. When my children were at that age, they didn't pull these stunts more than twice because my response was consistent.
They don't get to tell me "no". I would stop what I was doing. Take them to their room telling them "When I tell you to do something, you do it. You don't tell me no. That is disobedient and disrepectful and when you are disobedient or disrepectful you are going to get a spanking." (sets the terms) I would sit on the bed turn them over my knee and give them up to 3 thwacks on their little bare backsides with a bolo paddle (ball removed). It stung and might have left a red mark but no bruising and this in not abuse. I never hit my children out of anger. THAT is abuse. Discipline requires discipline. If you are angry and think a spanking is in order, send them to their room and wait until you have your feelings under control.
Children need to know their boundaries. It provides security. If you don't win this battle now, you will have bigger battles in the future that you may not win and your child will be the loser. It's called Tough Love.
They don't get to tell me "no". I would stop what I was doing. Take them to their room telling them "When I tell you to do something, you do it. You don't tell me no. That is disobedient and disrepectful and when you are disobedient or disrepectful you are going to get a spanking." (sets the terms) I would sit on the bed turn them over my knee and give them up to 3 thwacks on their little bare backsides with a bolo paddle (ball removed). It stung and might have left a red mark but no bruising and this in not abuse. I never hit my children out of anger. THAT is abuse. Discipline requires discipline. If you are angry and think a spanking is in order, send them to their room and wait until you have your feelings under control.
Children need to know their boundaries. It provides security. If you don't win this battle now, you will have bigger battles in the future that you may not win and your child will be the loser. It's called Tough Love.
CityGirl
Silver Member
I will never forget when our daughter was about 3, I came home from work and my MIL, who had been caretaking for the day, met me at the door and she said something along the lines of "Your daughter has been horrid. She has sassed Grandma and she said sh%t." Well, I wasn't raised talking like that so you can guess who she picked it up from..... 
So, I took her to her room and explained to her why she was in trouble and that because of her behavior she was going to get a spanking.
She began to cry and said "Don't pank me Momma, I won't say no more sh%t." WEll, I had to leave the room and go somewhere to laugh. I came back and administered her spanking and then we called Dad. When I called CB and told him what had happened. He wanted to speak to Hayden so I put her on the phone. I could hear him as he spoke to her and I heard him say "Now, Hayden, I know Daddy talks like that sometimes but...." and somewhere in here, Hayden interupted him and said "yeah, I know and you're in trouble and you're gonna get a spanking when you get home"...Again, I was rolling on the floor. That has been 14 years ago. I remember like it was yesterday.
So, I took her to her room and explained to her why she was in trouble and that because of her behavior she was going to get a spanking. She began to cry and said "Don't pank me Momma, I won't say no more sh%t." WEll, I had to leave the room and go somewhere to laugh. I came back and administered her spanking and then we called Dad. When I called CB and told him what had happened. He wanted to speak to Hayden so I put her on the phone. I could hear him as he spoke to her and I heard him say "Now, Hayden, I know Daddy talks like that sometimes but...." and somewhere in here, Hayden interupted him and said "yeah, I know and you're in trouble and you're gonna get a spanking when you get home"...Again, I was rolling on the floor. That has been 14 years ago. I remember like it was yesterday.
I have 3 kids (2, 5, and 12) and they all know if they don't listen they will get a good ole fashioned ass whoopin'. I do not abuse my kids by beating them but they will get their behind smacked. Very rarely do the oldest two get spanked anymore because they know the deal. The 2 year old is learning but is more stubborn than the other two were.
The most important thing is the parents must be on the same page. We discuss punishments in private and not in front of the kids that way we can show a united front and they cannot play us against each other.
My 12 year old was in school and a kid was bragging that she did not get spanked because she would go to the guideance counselor and tell. My daughter promptly replied, I would never do that because I got it too good at home and I deserve the spanking most of the time.
The most important thing is the parents must be on the same page. We discuss punishments in private and not in front of the kids that way we can show a united front and they cannot play us against each other.
My 12 year old was in school and a kid was bragging that she did not get spanked because she would go to the guideance counselor and tell. My daughter promptly replied, I would never do that because I got it too good at home and I deserve the spanking most of the time.
Tractors4u
Active member
CityGirl makes some very good points. You don't have to bruise to spank effectively. You just need to get their attention. Different things work for different children. My wife came from a no spanking back ground and I did. Our youngest daughter finally broke my wife and made her a spanking mom. Once you have their undivided attention, the time outs and such are much more affective. Rolling around in the floor and screaming to show them how they are acting is ridiculous and does nothing more than entertain the child.
1. Consistency across the parents. If your husband isn't going to support you then nothing is going to work. Get some ear plugs and let him deal with it.
2. Say what you are going to do and then do it. Don't threaten a punishment and then never follow through. It's night and day in my house. My wife rarely follows through and the kids know it - they will just ignore her pleas and warnings. Not so much with me.
3. Be creative in your punishments and don't be lazy. I have stripped my daughters rooms bare of everything they covet. Spankings can loose their effectiveness. I have one child that I rarely ever have to spank. The other one (the "bad" one) can take a spanking and two minutes later be back to her old tricks. I have taken all her clothes and toys out of her room - everything. Left her with nothing to wear but "boy" clothes (she likes dresses) and then she has to earn her stuff back through good behavior. Nothing like time-out in an empty bedroom (I always leave books in there) to make it more like punishment. Timeout in a room full of toys isn't really punishment. Timeout can't be done in a corner of an "active" room where they can see and draw attention. Make it truly jail-like.
However, I would strongly emphasize point number 1 above. If your husband is going to undermine you then you need to address that. I had to address it with my wife and still have to make a big deal about it occasionally - more than I wish I had to.
2. Say what you are going to do and then do it. Don't threaten a punishment and then never follow through. It's night and day in my house. My wife rarely follows through and the kids know it - they will just ignore her pleas and warnings. Not so much with me.
3. Be creative in your punishments and don't be lazy. I have stripped my daughters rooms bare of everything they covet. Spankings can loose their effectiveness. I have one child that I rarely ever have to spank. The other one (the "bad" one) can take a spanking and two minutes later be back to her old tricks. I have taken all her clothes and toys out of her room - everything. Left her with nothing to wear but "boy" clothes (she likes dresses) and then she has to earn her stuff back through good behavior. Nothing like time-out in an empty bedroom (I always leave books in there) to make it more like punishment. Timeout in a room full of toys isn't really punishment. Timeout can't be done in a corner of an "active" room where they can see and draw attention. Make it truly jail-like.
However, I would strongly emphasize point number 1 above. If your husband is going to undermine you then you need to address that. I had to address it with my wife and still have to make a big deal about it occasionally - more than I wish I had to.
Ya think?
All it took was 1 time for me to show Ty how silly he was being.
He never did it again.
I never had to spank the boys much for anything, but when I did, they got it good, always followed up with hugs and kisses later.
What works for some parents disciplining their children doesn't work for all.
They are now ages 30 and 25. They could probably remember every time they were corrected.
CityGirl
Silver Member
Lay down on the floor and show him a temper tantrum.
Scream and kick your legs.
He'll look at you like
The only behavior i have addressed via mimickry is biting. I agree with tractors. Rolling on the floor will definitely be entertaining but a biting child, if they get bit back....that will generally stop them. (and that is the last resort when all other methods to stop the biting fail.)
CityGirl
Silver Member
Ya think?
All it took was 1 time for me to show Ty how silly he was being.
He never did it again.
I never had to spank the boys much for anything, but when I did, they got it good, always followed up with hugs and kisses later.
What works for some parents disciplining their children doesn't work for all.
They are now ages 30 and 25. They could probably remember every time they were corrected.
Glad it worked for you and definitely is worth a try. If it is not effective you move on to the next hopefully effective method. And definitely followup the spanking with hugs and kisses. Reinforces you hate the behavior and love the child.
Yeah, anything is worth a try. Keep trying new things until you find something that works.
muwaahahahahaha!!!
Tractors4u
Active member
I'm reminded of the movie Talladega Nights. Ricky Bobby and his two obnoxious kids moved in with Ricky's moma. She threatened to "paint their back porches red". One of the kids said, "you're gonna break us like wild horses aren't you?"
Trakternut
Active member
I see the difference of opinion between your husband and yourself to be the biggest stumbling block in fixing your problems. However, as was mentioned, drawing a line and not backing down is your next best option. Once a kid learns that a parent can't be pushed beyond a point, they learn. It may take awhile, but, they learn.
I know I did.
I know I did.
RedRocker
Active member
My step daughter and her 4 yo and 1 yo live with us. The 4yo is hell on wheels and was running the show. Finally Mom stepped up to the plate and took charge, it has made a big difference in his behavior. In our situation it's grandma that is the problem, she's a pushover and takes way too much crap IMHO.
rback33
Hangin in Tornado Alley
You beat me to it RR. Without a unified parental front you are dead in the water. That is the number one thing that my wife and I agree on. All kids are different. Putting Hannah in time out was not very effective. Putting her STUFF in time out was. She HATED losing her toys. She has taken her fair share of spankings as well. CB and CG have had the pleasure of eating with Hannah
... There have been lots of good suggestions here, but nothing will work if the numbskull does not back you up.
D
darroll
Guest
This is the main reason that parents are bigger than their children.
The parents can make them mind.
The parents can make them mind.