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Silly Jokes

Here is a 'silly' poem a secretary told me in the early 1980s. She told it in the afternoon after other ladies and her had beer and marijuana for lunch.

There once was a man named Santini.
who spilled gin on his weenie.
Being uncouth,
he added vermouth,
and slipped his wife a martini.
 
Lenny said:
Here is a 'silly' poem a secretary told me in the early 1980s. She told it in the afternoon after other ladies and her had beer and marijuana for lunch.

There once was a man named Santini.
who spilled gin on his weenie.
Being uncouth,
he added vermouth,
and slipped his wife a martini.
Click to expand...

What!!! No olive.
 
I ain't a fig plucker and I ain't a fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck figs 'till the fig plucker comes.

It's easy. Go ahead and say it. <GRIN>
 
Here's an oldie:

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate little, which made him frail and with his odd diet he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
 
Did you hear that Mattel made a new HAMAS Barbie?

Its a blow up doll



----------------


My grandfather said my generation relied too much on technology

So I unplugged his life support



-----------------


Accidentally gave my wife a Glue Stick instead of a ChapStik

Now she won't talk to me



------------------


I started a new website for Orphans

it doesn't have a home page
 
1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness
 
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