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our friend vera

Galvatron

Galvatron

Spock and Galvatron < one and the same
today has been a hard day.....as for the fact our dear neighbour Vera of 12 years as took the leap of faith of moving to a care home.

i took the easy option to make myself busy and let my wife take her to what's going to be her new home.....its private and very well looked after by staff....her late husband spent his final years at the same home.

her family don't care and we are the ones to help pick up the pieces......my wife drove her there and got her settled into her room......she never realised she could have a tv in her room so my wife nipped out and got her a new one(SMALL BUT SUITS HER NEEDS).found a inmate as i like to call em is an old neighbour of hers and it perked her up and the staff there really seem to care and that means the world to her.

only reason i posted it here was Vera was so scared and heart issues have been ongoing.....maybe with a prayer or 2 she may get though the next few days and find a new happiness within her new home that lets me know her for another 12yrs+.

(no telling anyone but Vera is 86 yrs young).

KIMI.
 
Sure thing Kimi, prayers for Vera. I liked the way RR put it, I also hope her new digs work out for her. :thumb:
 
This says it all!
 

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American Woman said:
It's sad Vera only has her neighbor at a time like this. y'all are good people.
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What she said. And thank you, that is what friends are for. Sometimes friends care more than family, that is the sad part.
Again, thank you, you and your wife are special people. Prayers for all ya'll.
 
Aww Kimi :)
She'll adjust to the care home after a few days.
Good thoughts and wishes for Vera from me.
 
My mom is 81 this year. I am not looking forward to a similar trip with her inn the next couple of years. She has been successfully living on her own since my dad passed in '95.

You have my thoughts and prayers that your friend will find happiness in her twilight years in that setting. (It sounds like a good home, though.)
 
thanks for your kind words everyone.......we popped in quick today and dropped off some letters.....she seems pretty happy but early days(done it quck so we dont wreck the carers work of making her feel wanted....not sure if thats right or wrong).

must comment on the staff as they seem top notch with the all needed caring approach.

the next stage is going to be emptying her home......not sure how we will tackle this(she wants us to deal with it)as she has lived their 52 years......so much she wont be able to take so not sure what or how to start but need to think of a plan soon.

any help with ideas on how to deal with the house please say as me and the wife aint a clue on how these things work....happy to deal with it just would welcome advice....by the way im 36 years old and never thought i would see the likes of dealing with this yet.

thanks again for your much needed kind words.
 
Wow kimi, you bit off a big mouthful. It will not be easy.
First I think you should get a notarized letter from her giving you "power of attorney" to deal with things, and explaining what she wants you to do. That way you are covered when / if her family comes along later & tries to mess with you or her things / money.
There may be some antiques that could be sold to help her pay bills. (Don't forget E-bay, etc.) Some people buy "estates" to resale, or maybe you could have an auction or a yard sale.
Best of luck to ya.
 
kimi said:
thanks for your kind words everyone.......we popped in quick today and dropped off some letters.....she seems pretty happy but early days(done it quck so we dont wreck the carers work of making her feel wanted....not sure if thats right or wrong).

must comment on the staff as they seem top notch with the all needed caring approach.

the next stage is going to be emptying her home......not sure how we will tackle this(she wants us to deal with it)as she has lived their 52 years......so much she wont be able to take so not sure what or how to start but need to think of a plan soon.

any help with ideas on how to deal with the house please say as me and the wife aint a clue on how these things work....happy to deal with it just would welcome advice....by the way im 36 years old and never thought i would see the likes of dealing with this yet.

thanks again for your much needed kind words.
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Kimi, I know what you are up against. We went through this with my mom and my wife's mom. It is not easy, and will consume a lot of time.

We sat down with my mother and asked her what she thought was the best way to dispose of her belongings. Had friends or family expressed an interest in certain pieces of furniture; nick nacks; kitchen ware, etc. By talking about this, she remembered that Aunt Suzzie had always liked a certain piece of furniture, so we made sure Aunt Suzzie got that item. Finally, after talking about the most valuable items and determining how she wanted to dispose of them, everything else was easy, as she didn't care about the small stuff. She told us to worry about the disposal.

We sold a few pieces, but ended up giving a lot to charities; some to people who sold items for churches and homeless shelters; but gave most to the Viet Nam Veterans organization. Mom seemed to like it that she was able to help a lot of people through donations to charities.

As you will find out, it is a lot of time and work. Mom asked what happened to a few of her things. My wife and I could not remember everything, but mom seemed satisfied when we told her it went to a homeless shelter, or another charity.

Since she does have family, I would try to determine how her relationship is with her family. Ask her advice on how much to interact with her family. She may tell you to let them have first pick, or she may tell you to not let them have anything. Once the word gets out that you are disposing of Vera's belongings, I'll bet the family comes to see you wanting their share.

Best of luck with this. You and your wife are great people to take on this awesome responsibility.

Bob
 
Thought i would give a update.....

The good thing is Vera has settled in well and accepted the care home as her new permanent home.....the staff are friendly and caring and the other inmates(as i like to call them)have made her feel at home and are much needed company with good spirit.
She does not like the fact meal times are set and adjusting to their routine bugs her due to the fact when she was in her own home she done what she liked as and when....she also misses having her own garden in which she took great pride in but she seems to be letting go in a positive way.

All her money side of things for her to live there as now been resolved and that all seems a great weight lifted from her shoulders.....and she is in the process of writing down what she wants to bring with her from her house,not that she can take much as her room as limited space.

On the sad side things are no better with her family....if anything things are worse....turns out when her late husband was himself having to go into care due to poor health (about 10 years ago)he took the step of having her daughter and son-in-law take a large amount of their life savings and hiding it away safe from the tax man so that if and when he was gone there was ample money left tucked away to care of Vera when it was her turn to need caring for.....well that time as come and she asked for access to that money and she as been told it is all gone.....where is anyone's guess(thank the lord she prepared herself just in case and she will be ok).

Well despite all that she is still well and being positive....this coming Friday myself and my dear wife are picking her up for the day so she can go to the bank and post office to do some changes of address and to redirect her money for paying the bills at the care home....then we are going for lunch followed by a trip to her house where we can help her have a look through and pick up some belongings that she needs.

Then it's the step of clearing the house of the other goods which she as decided to sell as much as possible and the rest well we ain't got that far yet.....but I'm sure it will all work out for the best.....i wont say what i feel like saying about the way her family have treated her due to the fact there maybe ladies present.....I'm guessing you all can guess any hows.

Thanks for listening guys

Kimi.
 
Kimi, it's good to hear things are going OK with Vera, at least physically. I hate to her about the "family feud", that happens too often. Our family has had similar thing happen. I won't go into the whole story, but a sister was taking care of a Great Aunt. One of my uncles had been making regular deposits to a bank acct. in my G.A.'s name as a "life insurance policy" He went to check on it one day, he was told my Aunt had closed the account. My Aunt was suffering from Alzheimer's, & my sister drove her to the bank, to "borrow" the money. It's not my business so I haven't asked, but to my knowledge she has never paid a penny back. There is more, but ya get the point.
Thank God, Vera was prepared for it.
Kimi, be careful, I have a feeling they may want more later. Careful they don't come in 'later' & claim you co-ersed Vera into something. Again, think about a "Power of Attorney"
God bless you and your wife for your efforts. And good luck.
 
urednecku said:
Kimi, be careful, I have a feeling they may want more later. Careful they don't come in 'later' & claim you co-ersed Vera into something. Again, think about a "Power of Attorney"
Click to expand...

me and my wife will be fine on all this side.....the care home will be taking over all her money dealings....they have legal advisor's and experts that keep an eye on things....no money goes anywhere without being checked over....so in a sense she will be safer now.

She also has a social worker on hand to help advise her too and trust me she still has marbles so all looks good.

Thanks for the advice.

Kimi.
 
kimi said:
today has been a hard day.....as for the fact our dear neighbour Vera of 12 years as took the leap of faith of moving to a care home.

i took the easy option to make myself busy and let my wife take her to what's going to be her new home.....its private and very well looked after by staff....her late husband spent his final years at the same home.

her family don't care and we are the ones to help pick up the pieces......my wife drove her there and got her settled into her room......she never realised she could have a tv in her room so my wife nipped out and got her a new one(SMALL BUT SUITS HER NEEDS).found a inmate as i like to call em is an old neighbour of hers and it perked her up and the staff there really seem to care and that means the world to her.

only reason i posted it here was Vera was so scared and heart issues have been ongoing.....maybe with a prayer or 2 she may get though the next few days and find a new happiness within her new home that lets me know her for another 12yrs+.

(no telling anyone but Vera is 86 yrs young).

KIMI.
Click to expand...

Sounds like you are her family!:thumb:
People should be so lucky to have friends like you!
 
fogtender said:
Sounds like you are her family!:thumb:
People should be so lucky to have friends like you!
Click to expand...

haha funny you say that....Vera tells everyone my wife is her daughter....they try doing the maths and say gobsmacked "wow you had her when you were 50"

raises some eyebrows but makes us laugh.
 
Well today is the sad bit....Vera as allowed her son-in-law to clear the house...the vultures were there first thing this morning and followed by 2 vans to clear the rest.

53 years of happy memory's just being tossed into the back of a couple of old vans im glad she took my advice and has stayed away today has it would finish her.....my wife is working which is also good as the gardens my wife helped maintain all these years are just being trashed....where is the compassion these days.

Good news is very is doing well and seems happy.....will pop and visit her later today and paint a prettier picture than what i have seen....she deserves better.

By the way to this day her family have still not visited her....just the odd phone call to get what they want.......im fooking angry.

thanks for listening guys and girls.

Kimi.
 
Kimi, I feel ya.
It's almost that way with my own MOM. I have 1 brother and 3 sisters. Dad passed in Dec. 04. Mom went in to assisted living feb 06. Dementia, & moving in to more advanced stages of Alz., but still knows pretty much what's going on. 75 acres, cattle & orange grove, dumped in my lap to take care of. Of course, "if you need help, let us know"====="too busy can't help then". Fwd to today-- 1 sister comes by about avg. 1 time a week. 1 sis- "just want to go home after work", she drives 3 tenths of a mile from Mom, ever time she goes to or from her house. the other sis said, and I quote, " my husband, kids, and grandkids come first." She lives 5 miles from Mom, babysits her grandkids, (my Mom's great-grand kids,) and hasn't brought the kids to see their great grand Mother 3 times in the last 2 years. My bro is now living in Mom's house, and probably sees Mom 1 time every other week. He also drives 3 tenths mile from Mom in and out. Cory and / or my self sees Mom nearly every day, talk to her about 3 times a day. Cory does her hair.
My sibling are mad that the place was signed over to me, (while Mom knew what she was doing.) Sorry, didn't mean to:soapbox: but I get pissed when people treat their family like that.

Kimi, thank you for caring about Vera.
 
Well nows the time to update as im sure many know i have not been my normal pain in the ass self.....just got back from a visit with my wife and i think its time to share what we know....


Vera is dying and has only days left after a sudden downfall in her health....myself and my wife have done our best and said our goodbyes and are fully at peace with where we go from here.

Vera had her 87th Birthday last week and man we are so proud on how she made it so far.......she is not in pain and she knows what is happening in ways and is happy to bow out.

i would like to thank the members here that have chipped in with advice and support through the great PM system....words cant explain how much it as bought me and my family much needed relief.

spare a prayer for Vera tonight.

Thanks


Galv.
 
I'm on it Galv...dying is just another part of living. It's what awaits her once she passes that matters now. She'll be in good hands now! Keep your chin up and be happy for her. May her last days be filled with love.
 
Galvy Im really sorry to hear that she has gotten to that stage. It has to be increadibly difficult for you and your family and I wish to God that there was something that I could do. I pray that you and yours is comforted and Vera is without pain.
 
Final update.....Just got the call i was expecting to come....Vera passed away lunch time today.

At peace at last.
 
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