Snowcat Operations
Active member
DAMN IT! I saw Pirate Girl had responded and all I get is a LOL!!!. No story. You would think a "Pirate Girl" would have one Skallywag of a storie to Shiver Me Timber!
Most embarrassing Sex story
- Thread starter Doc
- Start date
Trakternut
Active member
This story does not include me, or anyone I know, but I found it rather........amusing.....
A man who had built his own home was, some years later, having sewer problems. The plumbers and excavators dug his septic tank up. Upon removing the lid, the homeowner was curious as to all the....."objects" that were in the chamber. One of the plumbers said that they were balloons. The homeowner couldn't fathom how "balloons" had found their way into the tank. It took a minute for the realization hit as to what these "balloons" really were. Of course, you've already figured out that they were condoms that had been flushed into the system.
The homeowner swore that he had never used such objects with his wife..................................................................................................................
Turns out that his business partner had been "going over books" with the homeowner's wife.
A man who had built his own home was, some years later, having sewer problems. The plumbers and excavators dug his septic tank up. Upon removing the lid, the homeowner was curious as to all the....."objects" that were in the chamber. One of the plumbers said that they were balloons. The homeowner couldn't fathom how "balloons" had found their way into the tank. It took a minute for the realization hit as to what these "balloons" really were. Of course, you've already figured out that they were condoms that had been flushed into the system.
The homeowner swore that he had never used such objects with his wife..................................................................................................................
Turns out that his business partner had been "going over books" with the homeowner's wife.
Snowcat Operations
Active member
Thanks DOC! How I missed that is beyond me!!
She didn't then, so somehow ironic at that!
You tried to drink her pretty but your penis just didn't think you were there yet. 
Troy
New member
About 4 years ago , my girlfriend and I picked up some beer and decided to drive to a secluded spot. We parked the car and walked down a trail in the woods near a stream to hang out and have fun. We are laughing, drinking, having fun and we had sex of course
Anyhow, my girlfriend is a screamer so she's screaming etc and after we had sex, we were walking back to my car still with beer case in hand, This police officer was on the trail watching everything that happened, so as we were approaching the officer, he had big smile on his face and I thought to myself "Shit" we are going to jail lol. ...The cop did absolutely nothing! It was so embarrassing! I guess we put on a good show
Anyhow, my girlfriend is a screamer so she's screaming etc and after we had sex, we were walking back to my car still with beer case in hand, This police officer was on the trail watching everything that happened, so as we were approaching the officer, he had big smile on his face and I thought to myself "Shit" we are going to jail lol. ...The cop did absolutely nothing! It was so embarrassing! I guess we put on a good show
About 4 years ago , my girlfriend and I picked up some beer and decided to drive to a secluded spot. We parked the car and walked down a trail in the woods near a stream to hang out and have fun. We are laughing, drinking, having fun and we had sex of course
Anyhow, my girlfriend is a screamer so she's screaming etc and after we had sex, we were walking back to my car still with beer case in hand, This police officer was on the trail watching everything that happened, so as we were approaching the officer, he had big smile on his face and I thought to myself "Shit" we are going to jail lol. ...The cop did absolutely nothing! It was so embarrassing! I guess we put on a good show
....or the officer is thinking he'll make a fortune off the video, so he doesn't want to ticket you. 
rback33
Hangin in Tornado Alley
OK Doc.. How many times can I score points on this? The WORST one first....
Some time before I got married I was still living at home, but working full time driving a truck locally. My brother and I shared a room, but my wife still slept with me when she was there on weekends. My mom calls me on my phone at work one day just IRATE. You see my little brother was the trouble maker. The drinker and the one to get caught shoplifting. Everything I WASN'T. She is blabbering on about what he did and she could not believe he was that dumb or lazy. I am like whoa mom slow down.. what happened. She says " I decided to go in there and do some straightening up and was cleaning off you dresser and there were USED condoms under that jumper cable bag you got for Christmas." Suddenly it was like 110 in that truck in the middle of January. I was like...Um mom.. why the hell would u think they were his... those were mine. She threw a fit and wondered why they were not in the trash. It was FULL I said.. and the dogs would have drug them out. Actually... now that I think about it.. DAD called me about it first laughin his damned ass off. He still thought it was my bro's fault and I straightened him out then called mom. My poor wife to be SWORE she was NEVER setting foot in that house again after that. Of course that was a lie, but I was in DEEP doo for a while.
The second and less embarrassing story...
My parents owned a pop up camper. When the weather permitted we stayed out there to have the privacy and not bother my brother. Well, one day a nasty thunderstorm was blowing in and my dad decided that the camper needed to be folded up. I was busy playing Nintendo, but my bro was helping take the camper down. Shortly thereafter dad comes stomping in carrying on of the aluminum support rods that hold the bed up. It had a VERY distinct bow in. He asked what the HELL we had been doing out there....(duh) I said, "we had a pretty violent tickle fight." That DID happen... LONG after the bowing of the support. I felt it go when I was goin to town the night it happened. Bad thing was he talked about that at the rehearsal dinner.
oh yeah... and then there was the morning i came down for breakfast at the in-laws (post marriage this time) and her mom looks at me and says "can you guys be a little quieter next time?" I laughed right out loud.. my wife was not so inclined....
Some time before I got married I was still living at home, but working full time driving a truck locally. My brother and I shared a room, but my wife still slept with me when she was there on weekends. My mom calls me on my phone at work one day just IRATE. You see my little brother was the trouble maker. The drinker and the one to get caught shoplifting. Everything I WASN'T. She is blabbering on about what he did and she could not believe he was that dumb or lazy. I am like whoa mom slow down.. what happened. She says " I decided to go in there and do some straightening up and was cleaning off you dresser and there were USED condoms under that jumper cable bag you got for Christmas." Suddenly it was like 110 in that truck in the middle of January. I was like...Um mom.. why the hell would u think they were his... those were mine. She threw a fit and wondered why they were not in the trash. It was FULL I said.. and the dogs would have drug them out. Actually... now that I think about it.. DAD called me about it first laughin his damned ass off. He still thought it was my bro's fault and I straightened him out then called mom. My poor wife to be SWORE she was NEVER setting foot in that house again after that. Of course that was a lie, but I was in DEEP doo for a while.
The second and less embarrassing story...
My parents owned a pop up camper. When the weather permitted we stayed out there to have the privacy and not bother my brother. Well, one day a nasty thunderstorm was blowing in and my dad decided that the camper needed to be folded up. I was busy playing Nintendo, but my bro was helping take the camper down. Shortly thereafter dad comes stomping in carrying on of the aluminum support rods that hold the bed up. It had a VERY distinct bow in. He asked what the HELL we had been doing out there....(duh) I said, "we had a pretty violent tickle fight." That DID happen... LONG after the bowing of the support. I felt it go when I was goin to town the night it happened. Bad thing was he talked about that at the rehearsal dinner.
oh yeah... and then there was the morning i came down for breakfast at the in-laws (post marriage this time) and her mom looks at me and says "can you guys be a little quieter next time?" I laughed right out loud.. my wife was not so inclined....
cowgirl
Silver Member
Embarrassing story............
My boyfriends parents came for a visit last summer. Since they live in another state, this was the first time I met them. My boyfriend was showing his stepmom, dad, and twenty year old brother photos he had downloaded on his computer. About a month ago my boyfriend had taken lets just say nude photos of me. Since it was kinda of a joke when he took the photos, he forgot about them. He downloaded all the photos off of his camera onto his computer. His family was gathered around his computer while the photos were being displayed as a slide show. The full sized naked photo of me became plastered acrossed the screen. To make matters worse, once the photo came across the screen, he started pushing buttons to make the photo go away. The computer froze with a full size naked photo of my ass on the screen.
My boyfriends parents came for a visit last summer. Since they live in another state, this was the first time I met them. My boyfriend was showing his stepmom, dad, and twenty year old brother photos he had downloaded on his computer. About a month ago my boyfriend had taken lets just say nude photos of me. Since it was kinda of a joke when he took the photos, he forgot about them. He downloaded all the photos off of his camera onto his computer. His family was gathered around his computer while the photos were being displayed as a slide show. The full sized naked photo of me became plastered acrossed the screen. To make matters worse, once the photo came across the screen, he started pushing buttons to make the photo go away. The computer froze with a full size naked photo of my ass on the screen.
Cowboyjg
Country Club Member
ONE.... I need to see the picture to determine it's validity.
TWO... I'm sorry but that avatar is reserved for a tuna of "Another Flavor " shall we say
Three....I will need to see the picture to determine it's validity. (I already said that didn't I)
Four....Are you over 18 years of age. (We've had a bad experience lately with yungin's tryin to get in on Adult communications)
Five....about that picture....
Sorry...couldn't hep mysef...
Yes I know you have a boy friend and he has nothing to fear from an old horse like me..
TWO... I'm sorry but that avatar is reserved for a tuna of "Another Flavor " shall we say
Three....I will need to see the picture to determine it's validity. (I already said that didn't I)
Four....Are you over 18 years of age. (We've had a bad experience lately with yungin's tryin to get in on Adult communications)
Five....about that picture....
Sorry...couldn't hep mysef...Yes I know you have a boy friend and he has nothing to fear from an old horse like me..
Last edited:
DaveNay
Klaatu barada nikto
Let's just move requirement #4 up to #1 position before we start asking for pictures......
Cowboyjg
Country Club Member
What's the matter...cheetos gone?
rback33
Hangin in Tornado Alley
Great! I am not the youngun over here there. I just turned 30 a few months back.
rback33
Hangin in Tornado Alley
Yeah.. my wife is a day younger... for some reason turning 30 has her "fired up" Things were very lively last summer not just in the bedroom, but all over the house. Then I had shoulder surgery and she was afraid of hurting me for some reason... it's taken months to work back into it, but things are picking up
Cowboyjg
Country Club Member
You can't blame a cowboy for tryin....
You do realize that every time they see you.....well
I can only imagine the look on thier faces....:Raised_Ey
Welcome to our house...
cowgirl
Silver Member
it sounds like your wife turning 30 was a good thing for u. Im not to worried about it, its just a number.
And yesssssss, first impressions are everything. I imagine they will not forget that photo for awhile. I do have to give them credit, they did take it well. I think the look on my face was "priceless". I could have killed my boyfriend, but for some reason he found it funny
And yesssssss, first impressions are everything. I imagine they will not forget that photo for awhile. I do have to give them credit, they did take it well. I think the look on my face was "priceless". I could have killed my boyfriend, but for some reason he found it funny
Snowcat Operations
Active member
He aint the only one who found it funny!
LMAO!
LMAO!
Mechanos
New member
This really hot jewish girl from high school, especially well endowed, picks me up, takes me home and bangs the hell out of me. The following night she brings her best friend home and we proceed to have a "menage-et-tois" that last a couple of weeks. This was a real ego booster for a young high school student. It was suprising, but during that time I started looking at EVERY woman after that. Wasn't getting too much sleep either! Oh yes, and there were alot of women in the college town I lived in. So after a bit I moved in with the second woman. One day while she was at work, the initial gal, her best friend that we had all originally met IN BED, takes me down to her parents lake cottage, and we get it on in the lake. I go into HYPOTHERMIA!!, fortunately she was a nurse. Embarrassing? Yeah! That evening I made the mistake of confiding in girlfriend 2, the one I'm living with, she's ripshit!!! But we lived together for another year.
Girl friend number 30 something: Says she will make it with me if I stop smoking. I quit right then and there. She said it real loud, sitting at the counter of a fairly full restaurant. I was beet-red embarrassed. About a year into this relationship she takes me home to her parents house, and has me tie her up to her parents brass bed, with her dad's ties. This is a bit weird for me. So then I'm expecting her mom to pop in from work any minute and am nervious as hell. Hours later, after 2 hart attacks, she confides in me that her mom works days, and won't be home for several hours!!
Do they make an ANTI-Viagra?
Girl friend number 30 something: Says she will make it with me if I stop smoking. I quit right then and there. She said it real loud, sitting at the counter of a fairly full restaurant. I was beet-red embarrassed. About a year into this relationship she takes me home to her parents house, and has me tie her up to her parents brass bed, with her dad's ties. This is a bit weird for me. So then I'm expecting her mom to pop in from work any minute and am nervious as hell. Hours later, after 2 hart attacks, she confides in me that her mom works days, and won't be home for several hours!!
Do they make an ANTI-Viagra?
^^ 
Man.. this thread gets a lot of 'guest' viewing attention late at night.
LOL!
LOL!
Deadly Sushi
The One, The Only, Sushi
ABout 17 years ago my girlfriend gained a LOT of weight within 2 months.
From this big:
to......
This big:
So one night she sets up candles in the washroom for a romantic shower thing. Well..... looking at the pear that she turned into I couldnt get....... Mmmmmm..... the 'engine' wouldnt turn over. I tried. I realllllllllly tried but the engine just wouldnt start. So I had to tell her that I was just reallllly tired. I felt really bad especially since she tried to be romantic.
From this big:
to......
This big:
So one night she sets up candles in the washroom for a romantic shower thing. Well..... looking at the pear that she turned into I couldnt get....... Mmmmmm..... the 'engine' wouldnt turn over. I tried. I realllllllllly tried but the engine just wouldnt start. So I had to tell her that I was just reallllly tired. I felt really bad especially since she tried to be romantic.