• Please be sure to read the rules and adhere to them. Some banned members have complained that they are not spammers. But they spammed us. Some even tried to redirect our members to other forums. Duh. Be smart. Read the rules and adhere to them and we will all get along just fine. Cheers. :beer: Link to the rules: https://www.forumsforums.com/threads/forum-rules-info.2974/

Lawyer jokes

Picture taken at a recent bar association meeting ....
 

Attachments

  • me&sharkey.jpg
    me&sharkey.jpg
    68.6 KB · Views: 94
Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off."

"I know the feeling," the other says.

"No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."

:yum:
 
pirate_girl said:
Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off."

"I know the feeling," the other says.

"No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."

:yum:
Click to expand...

Not sure how this is unique to lawyers, but funny all the same.:w00t2:
 
A lawyer died and the grave diggers were complaining when the undertaker demanded they dig the hole eight feet deep instead of the normal six feet. When the Undertaker was questioned about the reason for the depth of the grave, he replied,

"Lawyers are really good, deep down"
 
St. Peter and the Devil reach an agreement to share the repair of the fence between heaven and hell with each agreeing to do the repairs and repainting every other year. Things go well for several years until the Devil tells St. Peter that the fence is good enough and he isn't going to paint it that year...

St. Peter says, " I have a contract. You have to paint the fence or I'll sue!"

The Devil starts to laugh and says, "Where you going to find a Lawyer?"
 
A Lawyer, a priest and salesmen are shipwrecked on a small island just off the mainland within swimming distance, but unfortunately it was surrounded by hundreds of great white sharks...

The Priest prays and prays and walks out into the water and is immediately killed and eaten by the swarm of sharks...

The salesman sets down on the shore with his head in his hands and says, "I give up... There is no way out of this mess..."

The lawyer looks around, walks into the water and starts swimming. The Sharks split and make a path for the lawyer straight for the shore... The lawyer walks out and the salesmen yells, "How did you do that?? What's your secret??

The lawyer replied, "No secret... It was Professional Courtesy!!"
 
Two Boys' Fathers
Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door. "Hi, my name is Billy," he says, "what's yours?"
"Tommy," replied the other.
"My daddy's an accountant," says Billy. "What does your daddy do?"
"He's a lawyer," Tommy answers.
"Honest?" says Billy.
"No, just the regular kind."
 
:whistling:
​
BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE
CENTURY:​
This took place in Charlotte North Carolina . A lawyer purchased a box
of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among
other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile
of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance
company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of
small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The
lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)​
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that
the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless,that the lawyer
held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the
cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them
against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable
'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy
and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and
paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in
the 'fires.'​
NOW FOR THE BEST PART ...​
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.:clap:​

This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award
Contest.​
ONLY IN AMERICA - NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS WE'RE NUTS.​
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top