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Frustrated

So two days ago I was feeling so good I was thinking I could almost go back to work. I had a good workout at the gym. Etc etc. Fast forward to today.
My left foot is so flared up and red and swollen. I can barely stand. I was almost ready to drag my ass out to the garage and haul out an old pair of crutches to have in the house so I can move around.
 
Oh. And to add to the frustration. I had been waiting for a surgery date since December for sometime in January. I did get a call in early January for a mid month surgery date but that was given to someone else when I couldn't call back in time. So they gave me the date of January 31st. So we made plans. My wife booked time off work. I get my preop booked. Then we find out yesterday that I was never actually booked for the 31st. So now its February 7th for sure unless something unforseen happens
 
So I've been pretty much consistently increasingly frustrated recently with the warming temperatures. It gets harder every day to sit here in pain accepting my new life as it is and to stay focused on the positives. Every day I sit here looking out and watching people do things, simple things like walking their dog, and wishing that I could do that. Then I'll see someone ride by on a motorcycle and wish that I could still ride. Or when I see a truck hauling a boat I think "Man I miss fishing." I mean serious fishing. Heading out to a remote lake somewhere and spending the day on the water. There's so many things I can't do anymore all because some idiot panicked on the highway and nearly killed me.

Yes, I am thankful I'm alive. But there's a difference between being alive and living. Everyone is alive. Not everyone truely lives. And to live is to enjoy every moment you can with the people you love doing the things you love to do. And I can't do that anymore.

With all that being said, about the only thing I have to look forward to now is an upcoming week of grueling tests down in the butthole of Canada aka Toronto in may to determine whether my injuries are deemed "catastrophic" for insurance purposes. For more info see the following http://www.canadianunderwriter.ca/i...airment-definition-starts-in-2016-1003787075/

Basically in a nutshell it will mean that I can not do more than 40% of what I was able to do before my accident.

I have a hard time sitting in a vehicle long enough to get across the city now. They want me to fly there Sunday. Get up at 5:30am. Take a freaking taxi an hour and a half to get to an appointment where they will poke and prod for two hours. Then take a two freaking hour taxi to another appointment where they plan on doing more poking and proding for the afternoon. Followed by a half hour taxi back to the hotel where they drop me off at the front door and expect me to navigate my way up a 17 story hotel to my room without assistance. And this same routine for 5 days straight. Not impressed but it is what it is. People will never understand the pain I'm in. Including medical professionals.
 
This crap of only sleeping 4 hours a night is getting old quick. Been in pain for 8 days straight barely able to move.

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Still very frustrated. Can't sleep a full night and wake up pain free. Today is supposed to be a happy day as it's my 40th birthday. Instead I'm sitting in pain with both legs tingling and no strength in them. Hardly able to stand for more than a few minutes let alone walk.

Every second I stand feels like someone pouring lighter fluid on my back and lighting a match.
 
Just a little update. I'm in for a week of hell this coming week. My insurance company is sending me to Toronto to basically duplicate all the tests I've had done in 2 years to prove how screwed up I am. I go to a 1 hour appointment here and I'm beat for 2 days.

Here's a sample of what my week will be like. Wake up at 4am for a 6am taxi ride. The taxi will be 2 freaking hours long to get to an appointment only 30 miles away. That appointment is 2 hours. Followed by another 2 hour taxi ride to get to my next appointment in the afternoon. Yah. I'm impressed.

And to make it worse is I'll be stuck in the cesspool of immigrants that is Toronto. Basically take all of the yuppy liberals in one country and cram them into a 40 mile radius. That's Toronto.
 
NorthernRedneck said:
And to make it worse is I'll be stuck in the cesspool of immigrants that is Toronto. Basically take all of the yuppy liberals in one country and cram them into a 40 mile radius. That's Toronto.
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Look on the bright side. You will get to leave all that behind as soon as the appointments are over. Just make sure none of them follow you home. :whistling:
 
Sounds like Trudeau is going to try and legalize marijuana. There are some good medical options for pain and sleeping these days. Might want to give some stuff a try. Around here it's a panacea of varieties with all sorts of purposes for medical and recreational use.
 
Funny you mention that. I had an appointment this week with the local marijuana clinic. Still trying to wrap my head around it as my whole life I was totally against it. Now I have a legal prescription for it. At this point I'll try anything to get some relief.
 
Trying to make the best of a bad situation this week amongst all of the appointments. We took a drive to fort Erie last night to see my wife's sister. Stopped at Niagara falls for a quick view. We had the morning free so since we're in Toronto might as well go up the tower. I hadn't been since I was 10.
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Aaaaand.........the other shoe is about to drop for me yet again. I was "feeling around on my abdomen just below where I had the hernia surgery in February. Feels like another one is starting up just above the belly button on the original scar line.
 
PBinWA said:
I think it's all about finding a variety that works for you. Have fun uhh "researching".
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It took me a great deal of soul searching to finally gather up the balls to place an order. My family doc referred me to the local medical marijuana clinic. My order just came in. The medical stuff isn't at all like what you can buy on the street. There's a daytime strand with basically no thc that helps relax the body muscles without leaving you buzzing all day. The medical stuff is 100% legal up here. You get a wallet card to prove that you can have it and as long as it bears a sticker identifying it with that order you're good. I tried a quick sample and within minutes noticed my pain level go down and energy level go up.

The nighttime strain has just enough thc to relax the body and help you sleep. My family doc thinks I may even be able to reduce if not eliminate the pain meds.
 
Ok. I'm starting to be a believer. After a few days of taking the daytime strand which btw has no medicinal effects, my pain level is almost gone and I've been able to reduce the pain medication amount I've been taking. I'm even able to walk longer distances without a cane.
 
Back to being frustrated. Will this journey never end? For weeks I've been having increasing pain in my right side liver area. Since I had the hernia surgery in February my ab muscles have also been out of whack and picking up anything heavier than a piece of paper causes pain. Now add that to my now chronic back pain and the burning throbbing in my left foot and leg caused by crps and I'm pretty much useless most days. I did follow up with my surgeon last week who referred me for yet another ultrasound. I've had more of those than a pregnant woman with quintuplets.

I used to be able to go outside and spend hours in the yard doing work. Now, ten minutes and I'm done and sore for two days.

Sleep has been better lately but that's thanks to strong pain meds combined with medical marijuana.(which I still struggle with mentally to take. Anything recreational I used to do has become a chore and is no longer enjoyable. Yes. I'm still alive but I sure as hell ain't living.

We are going on our rv trip in a few weeks but I know that'll mean driving for 2-3 hours a day at most. Setting up and sitting in pain watching everyone else enjoy themselves. I'll be doing allot of sitting on the sidelines this trip.
 
Life is a journey. I hope as you travel the load you are carrying gets lighter. :flowers:

We all have our own story. The good the bad and the ugly. What we chose to do with those is who we are. You are a tough one, and able to survive what most could not have. Hang in there my friend, God has a plan for you, and in the fullness of time it will become clear. We all wish for the very best of outcomes for you here. :flowers:

Regards, Kirk
 
Thanks. Some days are harder than others. Then I have yuppie liberal "specialists" from Toronto telling me that I shouldn't care that I can't do most of what I could do before the accident. They have absolutely no clue what life is like up here while they sit in their high rise condos sipping on a mocha frappa latte drink. Just frustrating as all hell having my whole life scripted by people who have no clue.

Anything I do now has to be cleared by my insurance who takes direction from the assessment center I was sent to in May for a week.
 
Update. I originally had an ultrasound booked for October 2. They called me this morning and want me there tomorrow morning. Hopefully I don't have fluid built up again. That means almost for certain I'll end up with another drain bag hanging from my side. Then more serious discusions will take place involving removing part of my liver
 
NorthernRedneck said:
Update. I originally had an ultrasound booked for October 2. They called me this morning and want me there tomorrow morning. Hopefully I don't have fluid built up again. That means almost for certain I'll end up with another drain bag hanging from my side. Then more serious discusions will take place involving removing part of my liver
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Good to hear you don't have to wait.

Crappy that you have to go through all this but the delays for diagnosis and then treatment makes the whole thing worse. At least for this you got put on the fast track.
 
Quick update. My liver is still a mangled mess but there's no sign of fluid build up. So that means that the pain is all muscular.

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So one of the things I have come to realize is that there are so many closed doors to people with disabilities in the states. It's not perfect in Canada by any means but everywhere I have gone this month in the states I've encountered hurdles and obstacles in regards to accessibility.

I have not seen one store or business in our travels that has automatic doors for people in wheelchairs. Most businesses don't have ramps to allow access either. Canada also struggles with that. Last week in Niagara falls I felt quite excluded and that was in Canada. Trying to navigate narrow sidewalks full of people and every time my wife and kids went into a store I had to wait outside.

There are many things that I simply avoid now. I can only walk short distances and stand for a few minutes. Which leaves me with two options at most places. Either sit outside the store or just don't go.

Then there's the whole thing with social gatherings. I get there and if I'm not using the scooter then it's one or two canes. When I walk in everyone asks how I'm feeling today then I'm basically dismissed and placed in a corner and ignored till it's time to leave. So I have just started to avoid social gatherings altogether.

Today we are taking the kids to a water park. I know exactly how this day will go. I'll be sitting there on my scooter watching everyone else enjoying themselves.

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Sorry for the issues Brian. I had not thought about it but you are correct in that most stores, even big box stores do not have automatic doors. Grocery stores would be the exception but ...what fun are they when on vacation?

I do see ramps in most places to make things wheelchair accessible but I guess you have to have someone with you to open the door. Something I had never considered.

Social gatherings, well they can be like that for everyone at times. All depends on who is there and the dynamics. Not fun, I do empathize.
 
Yes. All frustrating things. Sucks when you used to do everything with no restrictions then one day wake up and can barely do most of the things you used to enjoy

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I haven't held up my end of the bargain for being a grumpy old man in a while. These freaking CRPS flare ups just suck big time. I've been chair bound for basically two days now because of burning and tingling in my left leg. For those who wonder what it's like, here goes:

Take a hot sharp razor blade and slice open your entire leg. Now peel off a layer of skin at a time. While we're at it, let's turn all the muscles to jello. Now take a hammer and chisel and start chipping away at the joint between the ankle bones. That's pretty much what it feels like.

It's been hovering around the freezing point here all day and a mixture of rain snow and dence fog. Wish it would just snow and drop to -10.
 
I am new here, but I wanted to share an idea with you. This will sound kind of weird, but look into Reiki Healing. It is that woo woo energy healing modality.
This type of healing works on everything, physical, mental/emotional and spiritual.
I know most people think it is BS. But what do you have to lose?
I hope you find the relief you seek.
 
I'll look into it. Thanks. With the weather we've been having my CRPS flared up most of the time. When it gets like this I can't walk stand etc.
 
Update: The crps has progressed lately. It's a bitch of a disease I don't wish on anyone. It had been localized to just my lower leg and foot. Now it's spread to my upper leg, hip, and both butt cheeks. There's times when I walk if I put my foot down the wrong way, my hip feels like it's going to pop out of it's socket. We're working on that during physio.

Those following my ordeal since the accident know I had surgery in February to repair an abdominal hernia. This resulted in an infection and 3 months of nursing coming to the house. Guess what! I now have another hernia just below the first one. So I've been referred to the surgeon again. I'm not looking forward to this.

I have also been attending a chronic pain management program every monday afternoon for 12 weeks.
 
Oh no. Sorry to hear all this.
Is the crps related to the accident in any way?
 
Doc said:
Oh no. Sorry to hear all this.
Is the crps related to the accident in any way?
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Yes. There's no definite way of diagnosing it. No definitive way of treatment for it. It's similar to fibromyalgia but a lot worse. Some people get it from an injury. Others, surgery, and others, something as simple as a stubbed toe. In severe cases, it causes total loss of limb function and can lead to amputation. And in a lot of cases, the affected limb has nothing to do with the original area of injury. My legs survived the accident intact. But my crps started in my left foot.

I have been doing allot of research on it. What does it feel like? Pour boiling hot water on an area of your body. Now while it's still burning, run a cheese grater back and forth over that area. It will be fine then attack without warning. Here's a couple fairly recent pictures of when it flares up.
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