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Do I Have The Right To Feel Sad, Upset and Angry?

pirate_girl

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
FF Patron
I don't even know where to begin with this.

On Monday, my sister was supposed to take me to the hospital for a schedule ERCP procedure to remove the stent from my pancreas, that has been in there since before my gall bladder surgery.

I got up that morning, showered, took the dog for a walk and waited nervously for the clock to strike 9 (the time she was supposed to show up).
I was to be at the outpatient clinic for all the necessary prep and blood work, etc 90 minutes beforehand.

She calls me at the LAST minute to inform me that she couldn't take me, because she wasn't feeling well. She sounded fine to me.
-----
Rewind to over a year ago. Said sister had gotten involved with some freaky born-again church, and began to slowly distance herself from family members and friends.
I'd call her and ask to meet for dinner, to go shopping, or just to spend time with her.
She always had an excuse for telling me no basically.
During the time our Mother was very ill and dying, it was even worse.

I had known that during the time I'd lived in England, my sister had become Mom's power of attorney and felt that
SHE was in charge of all her affairs as well as any personal belongings to be inherited, and she got them. ALL of them, including the 12 piece service of Blue Willow china that was supposed to go to me, as well as a quilt my Grandma had made.
When it came right down to it, I didn't care that I didn't get those things.

After Mother passed away, the divide doubled.
The day of Mom's funeral she thought she should be in charge of everything and ordered the lingering family members at the funeral home what to do with the flowers (she insisted we all go to the graveside immediately and arrange the tons of floral arrangement around the grave-- the funeral home do that for families.) even though Mom was cremated and we scattered her ashes at a later time.
--
Fast forward to recently/now.

When I'd initially gotten ill with the pancreatitis (the night I felt like I was going to pass out here at home)- I had called my sister first to ask her if there was any way she could come and get me and take me to the hospital.
I called twice.
Since she's a screener of phone calls, I got no immediate reply.
Instead, my step-sister in Georgia called me 10 minutes later and asked me why I only call Juliet when I need something.
WHAT THE HELL?
Then she said Juliet couldn't take me to the hospital because she was on bed rest and it had something to do with her complications from Lupus.
I told GA sis that I was going to the neighbours-- that they'd call the EMS for me, which of course they did.
So Juliet, in all her possible guilty feelings actually called the neighbours asking what was going on, then the neighbour handed me the phone until the ambulance arrived to get me.
I told her I was told she was on bed rest. She hesitated and said "oh no, that was a week ago"
Right.
In the end, Juliet did show up at the ER while I was being assessed, but since I was so ill I don't recall much else other than her leaving after I was admitted and taken up to my room.
She never came to visit me once for those 6 days while I was in the hospital.
She called once to ask how I was doing.
I have a brother, but it serves no purpose even going into what our relationship is.
Even though I worship him, he's always been distant except for coming around and playing man of the family during tragedies or showing his face for holiday celebrations.

I don't know why my sister is behaving like this.
I re-scheduled the ERCP for the 25th and she said she would take me.
I want and NEED a family member there with me and I want it to be her because she is the only living sibling I have in the immediate area.

This has put me into a round of confusion and a bit of a depressive state.

Thanks for allowing me to rant. I feel a little better.
 
first of all, you have the right to feel how ever you choose-- they're your feelings

That being said, they are your feelings, and you own them...why let someone who could obviously care less about you make you feel bad? I'm sure it's not bothering them, all you're doing is hurting yourself in reality. (ya, I know it's hard to do and easy to say):flowers:
 
"You can pick your friends, you can't pick your relatives"

That was told to me years ago and I didn't really grasp it at the time, guess I was too young.

Yeah you have the right to be PO'd, but I wouldn't use that to gage your life by. There is a lot of people that will go out of their way to help you when you need it, those are the folks you need to put your trust in.

There is no way this side of hell I would let my brother into my house. Let that be a pretty short description of him. I don't fret over him at all, I have friends that I am much more concerned about.

Your sister is still your sister, but it is clear she doesn't put you at the top of the list of people she does things for, sad, but life.

Hope all else goes well and you heal quickly and stay that way!
 
Thanks Mark, but what doesn't make sense to me at all is that I was there for her always when she was going through her problems.
She and her family used to live right across the street from me.

Mom lived with them for a while until we moved her into the assisted living center where I work.
Around about that time is when the family started falling apart.
It's very difficult to look back on it now, but I can see a trend of things going to hell and my not having a family any longer aside from my sons and their kids.
I only wish they didn't live as far away as they do.
 
Hang in there girl and know that you are not alone in the world unless you choose to be. Family can be the ultimate comforter and the ultimate test of patience and understanding as well. My wife and I both have similar problems with family hence one of the reasons we live so far away from them by choice. Sad how things go sometimes, but live each day to suit yourself and god and it will all work out in the end. Bill:flowers:
 
She is making it clear she is not someone you can count on. It also sounds as if she simply does not care. And, like the others said, of course you have the right to feel how you do. You've given her plenty of benefit of the doubt and other chances to prove herself, all she does is prove she really could care less.
She'll always be your sister but she is obviously not your friend. :(
 
I get where you're coming from, PG.
I don't think the born-again church has much to do with your sis's issues. Sometimes, when the last parent passes away, there's one of the kids who feel set adrift, no anchor. Might be the case there. You're entitled to feel however you want to feel. Since she's not a reliable person, you could still love her, but "divorce" yourself from her. It's gonna hurt, but only once. Keep this up and she'll hurt you every chance she gets.
Hope I'm wrong.
 
For whatever reason, family can turn on you and it often has nothing to do with you. I have 3 brothers, and when I need help I call my friends. One is always too busy fucking with his garden when he's not out of town on business, the other is got bad knees (not bad enough to stop goose hunting and walleye fishing), and the other is a Teamster who despises me because I'm a conservative. There was a time when I could call all of them, and they would show up ready to help with whatever project, and often bring their own beer and enough for the crowd. No more. They got older and somehow got fucked-up in their thinking, so I'm cordial to them at holidays and call my neighbors or friends to help. Blood or no blood, people can be ass holes, and it looks like your family is no different than mine. The Teamster brother actually calls outsiders to do work that I do as part of my business. He's that callous that he paid someone else $6,500 to remodel his bathroom, rather than to give me the business (FWIW, the guy did a poor job, and now he won't come back to fix the problems).

Call a friend, you'll be better off. If you don't have a friend nearby, how about someone from church?
 
My experience with "born again" Christians is that they join that movement because they feel their life is lacking something. Usually it has nothing to do with developing a closer relationship with Jesus.
 
PG,

You have the right to be upset. When my parents died (I was 23 when my Mom died) it drastically changed our family dynamics and not for the better. Our experience is like JEV's; I can count on my friends and neighbors for more support than my sister and her family.

Try praying for your sister and her family. It may or may not work but it will help you the most!

Praying for you and her.

K
 
pirate_girl said:
Thanks Mark, but what doesn't make sense to me at all is that I was there for her always when she was going through her problems.
She and her family used to live right across the street from me.

Mom lived with them for a while until we moved her into the assisted living center where I work.
Around about that time is when the family started falling apart.
It's very difficult to look back on it now, but I can see a trend of things going to hell and my not having a family any longer aside from my sons and their kids.
I only wish they didn't live as far away as they do.
Click to expand...

Sometimes life is like Oz, someone drops a house on your sister, and the other one is a real ass... You clearly are the good one!

May I suggest you throw a bucket of water on your sister next time you see her?:yum:
 
Family drama is the worst drama. Sorry to hear about what you are going through. You are more patient than I. I'd have written her off ages ago.
 
Good ole family ...... Can't live with them and can't live without them . Beleive me PG, many folks here on FF know exactly what you are going through.
just be right with yourself .... Thats the only person you really control anyway .... Good Luck :flowers:
 
RobsanX said:
My experience with "born again" Christians is that they join that movement because they feel their life is lacking something. Usually it has nothing to do with developing a closer relationship with Jesus.
Click to expand...

Reps to you for that post! You're probably right on the mark.

PBinWA said:
Family drama is the worst drama. Sorry to hear about what you are going through. You are more patient than I. I'd have written her off ages ago.
Click to expand...

And I would have told her so too!

Hell! If it were possible and/or proper, :whistling: I'd drive down there to look after ya meself!
 
PG I do understand where you are coming from, we have difficulties in my immediate family, I can't go into details, but it is upsetting my daughter and me. Basically she is being ignored by her father and as she says she is feeling "very lost and grieving for her dad who's alive, but it feels like he is dead". Families can be a right pain, give me friends any time.
 
I don't have any sibblings, I was an only child, so I can't really comprehend what you are feeling about your sister. The only thing I can say is that your sister sounds as if she has some serious 'control issues,' and if that is so, it may not help to know it pg but, she can't help it.

She doesn't sound as 'family orientated' as you seem to be, and it can only continue to hurt you emotionally to try to revive what apparently wasn't there originally, mainly a bond between you... at least not on her part.

At the moment your main goal must be your physical and emotional health. That's the most important thing to attend to at the moment, and obviously you do need someone to be with you to comfort and support you during the next few weeks/months, whilst you continue to recover from your gall bladder op.

Spend your energy on looking around you, try to see who you would feel most comfortable with... let people, friends and acquaintances know of your dilemma regarding your impending medical appointment, and let them know that you would really appreciate someone going along with you to it.

This is not the time for you to try to attempt to mend any broken bridges with your sister. You will need all of your emotional strength for other things. Concentrate on YOU, and only you for now. YOU are the important one here, in this equasion, not your sister.

Good luck and I know I speak for everyone here when I say our thoughts are gonna be constantly with you. :flowers:
 
You have every right to be upset. Calling at the last minute like your sister did is un-excusable. Given the info you have provided, I'd say she has serious issues. I like all who posted earlier are with you 100% and hope you can have a better relationship with your sister. If she is willing.
 
PG, sorry for your troubles. Just remember, you have many friends who are able and willing to help. Sometimes family is the last to depend on.
 
Thanks guys and gals.
Good advice and some love and concern certainly felt from you all.
I'll get through this eventually.
Thanks for sharing your stories with me, it helped. ;)
 
PG, you have every right to feel as you do. My family (not counting wife and kids) is down to my mother and step sister, and we have very few problems. Dragonfly Lady is not so lucky; she only talks to her brother when she contacts him. He has not initiated any contact for at least 20 years, and doesn't seem to care if he ever hears from her. There is a long story behind all this, and I don't have (nor want) the details.

 
Well, tomorrow is the day, and yes- my sister is going to be here at noon to pick me up.
Procedure being done at 2pm. Should take about 45 minutes if all goes well.
Recovery time depends I suppose.
We had a nice long chat today and cleared the air a bit about some things, although there is something about her that I just don't get now.

She said after I am released, we will go back to her house (which is in Lima) so I can see how I feel over the course of a few hours, then she'll bring me home later tomorrow evening, and we may even have some dinner together- again, depending on how I feel.

I am dreading the whole thing, but it has to be done.
Keep me in your thoughts tomorrow, please.
 
Thinking of you and hope all goes well PG. You don't think she will kidnap you to do an "intervention" do you?:whistling: I know from past experience I choose death before anyone but my wife has anything to do with my healthcare.:flowers:
 
Thanks Jerry, kisses and hugs back.
I am feeling like a big baby facing this.
We nurses ARE the worst when it comes to anything at all concerning illness, or medical procedures lol
Just dug this up from the last ERCP.. you can see where Dr Sheikh went in there and retrieved that big assed stone.
Hopefully tomorrow is a breeze and he'll just yank the stent out, and all will be well.

Notice on the last pic. My gall bladder was a freaking mess.

1.jpg

2.jpg

3.jpg

4.jpg
 
muleman said:
Thinking of you and hope all goes well PG. You don't think she will kidnap you to do an "intervention" do you?:whistling: I know from past experience I choose death before anyone but my wife has anything to do with my healthcare.:flowers:
Click to expand...
Thanks Bill.
No, I don't think she'll kidnap me, but she might wanna hold my hand and say a prayer. That I will be totally open to.:wink:
This might just be the chance for us to get back on the right track?
Who knows.. I surely hope so.
 
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