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How Can I Get My Parents And Friends To Accept A Wide Age Gap In Dating?

I

Ironpony

Member
I introduced my gf to my parents, who met my gf by accident because of a situation where I had to meet them to drop something off while I was with her, and they met her and because of the age difference, they had to give a very shall we say... 'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner' parent reaction to it.

What's the best way to get your parents to accept the age gap though? I mean should I tell them that not everything about an SO is going to be perfect and a gf is always going to have some flaw, just like how my parents wouldn't see each other as absolutely perfect in every way? Or is that not the best approach?

But my friends are also shocked at me for going for her and seem taken aback and acting different around me so far a little it seems because of it. She's 21 and I just turned 37. What do you think on this reaction from family and friends. Thanks for any advice on it! I really appreciate it!
 
mla2ofus said:
Think of the future. How's she going to feel when you're 67 and she's only 51.
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I disagree. So No. I say don't worry about 30 years from now. Worry about next year and every year you are together. Most relationships last less than three years these days. And as Ester peril observed in her couple practice, many couples marry and re-marry three times within their life times....; sometimes to each other.

It boils down to this, there is no perfect marriage, their is no happy forever in the choice of a mate. There is only the gift you bring to each other when you each concentrate and capitalize on each other's best interests. When that time passes, so will the romance and the relationship. Forget about age differences. Concentrate on her happiness.

As for mom and dad, they will always be you parents. However, it is unlikely they will not always be acting as your best advocate looking out for YOUR best interests. Find someone who will be doing that.

It could last a month a year a decade or a lifetime.

I say this with experience. My wife and I are both in our third marriages. All of them to each other.
First time,,, She was 17 and I was 21. At the time both parents objected to the age difference.

Nothing compared to yours but at the time it was huge.
Keep in mind, age has virtually nothing to do with caring for each other's happiness.


55 years and counting.
It wasn't easy, It is still rewarding.
 
FrancSevin said:
I disagree. So No. I say don't worry about 30 years from now. Worry about next year and every year you are together. Most relationships last less than three years these days. And as Ester peril observed in her couple practice, many couples marry and re-marry three times within their life times....; sometimes to each other.

It boils down to this, there is no perfect marriage, their is no happy forever in the choice of a mate. There is only the gift you bring to each other when you each concentrate and capitalize on each other's best interests. When that time passes, so will the romance and the relationship. Forget about age differences. Concentrate on her happiness.

As for mom and dad, they will always be you parents. However, it is unlikely they will not always be acting as your best advocate looking out for YOUR best interests. Find someone who will be doing that.

It could last a month a year a decade or a lifetime.

I say this with experience. My wife and I are both in our third marriages. All of them to each other.
First time,,, She was 17 and I was 21. At the time both parents objected to the age difference.

Nothing compared to yours but at the time it was huge.
Keep in mind, age has virtually nothing to do with caring for each other's happiness.


55 years and counting.
It wasn't easy, It is still rewarding.
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Oh okay, well 17 and 21 doesn't seem near as big as my age difference though.
 
Ironpony said:
That makes sense, but I already asked her that and she didn't have a problem with it and said it should be fine. But what do you think?
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It's about you and her. If you get along good, then stay together. I was with a woman for 6 years and there was a 15 year age difference. Another time there was a 23 year difference.
 
Ironpony said:
Oh okay, well 17 and 21 doesn't seem near as big as my age difference though.
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Then I would suggest you may have missed the point.

It's not about an age difference. It's about love. It's about your 100% commitment to Her happiness.

Leave mom and dad out of the equation.

That said, the difference between 17 and 21 is actually huge. As for your situation,,,; Your partner is 21 which is much more advanced that 17. My fiancé was a child just entering adulthood. 21 is a whole different person.

At 17 my [parents objected because they had "better plans" for me. At 21 I was old enough to decide my future. At 37, I would suggest, so are you.

Question,,,; Who is more important to you right now. Mom and Dad or the love now in you life. I'm betting that is a question she is asking. She should be.

But I would suggest,,, you shouldn't put her there.
 
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Lenny said:
It's about you and her. If you get along good, then stay together. I was with a woman for 6 years and there was a 15 year age difference. Another time there was a 23 year difference.
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I had a stunning blonde "country girl" working for me once. She was 19. Her husband/boyfriend was 39. Good ole country boy. They built a life together , even hand built a cabin along the Cedar Creek in the Ozarks. One stone, one log, at a time. That was in 1982. Still together. That makes him 79. Her 59.

She is still hawt. I mean a 10 on any scale. Him, not so much. His whole life was set to make her happy. Apparently, he succeeded.
 
FrancSevin said:
I had a stunning blonde "country girl" working for me once. She was 19. Her husband/boyfriend was 39. Good ole country boy. They built a life together , even hand built a cabin along the Cedar Creek in the Ozarks. One stone, one log, at a time. That was in 1982. Still together. That makes him 79. Her 59.

She is still hawt. I mean a 10 on any scale. Him, not so much. His whole life was set to make her happy. Apparently, he succeeded.
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I'm happy for them. They knew what they were doing when they got together and now.
 
Oh okay, thank you very much!

Well I feel there is something obvious here that my parents are not considering... I am autistic and I do not have the same maturity level for a 37 year old compared to other people my age.

I feel that I have the same maturity level as her after we went on a few dates, which is why I think it's been going really well. So that is the reason why we seemed to have clicked is because my maturity level is psychologically lower, because of my condition.

But my parents want me to date someone my own age, even if it means the woman's maturity level will be much higher than mine therefore, because of my condition. If that makes sense?
 
You seem fairly convinced of why you can't have this relationship because of something so insignificant as your difference in age.
age. Your original question was about making your parents and friends accept your relationship.

So which is it? Your problem or theirs.

Your parents will always be your parents. They and your true friends should be looking for your happiness. If their acceptance is lacking, then they aren't your friends. I suggest you stop finding reasons why you can't be with this woman and put that energy where it belongs. Towards her happiness and the relationship.

Stop exploring reasons why you can't have a relationship with this woman, and just do it. Either it will work or it won't. Either way, your parents and your friends will be there for you.

My advice is free and worth every penny.
 
Ironpony said:
I introduced my gf to my parents, who met my gf by accident because of a situation where I had to meet them to drop something off while I was with her, and they met her and because of the age difference, they had to give a very shall we say... 'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner' parent reaction to it.

What's the best way to get your parents to accept the age gap though? I mean should I tell them that not everything about an SO is going to be perfect and a gf is always going to have some flaw, just like how my parents wouldn't see each other as absolutely perfect in every way? Or is that not the best approach?

But my friends are also shocked at me for going for her and seem taken aback and acting different around me so far a little it seems because of it. She's 21 and I just turned 37. What do you think on this reaction from family and friends. Thanks for any advice on it! I really appreciate it!
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Hi Ironpony. I dont think its too big of an age difference.
 
16 years apart isn't really very much of an age gap at all in my opinion.
I would have some concerns if the age gap was large, but not a measly 16 years.
Enjoy your time together, don't over think it.
 
Age hardly matters.
Looks shouldn't matter.
Authenticity and commitment matter.
Exhibit that quality and you will catch better friends and relationships.

It ain't sexy but, in the long run, it works
 
Well I feel like I cannot make decisions based on the future because if the relationship is going really good now, which is is I feel like it's unfair me to end the relationship just because something might not go as well in the future if that makes sense? I mean how far am I supposed to plan ahead when it comes to a relationship if it's only been a few months? Like as far as head is into my sixties?
 
Ironpony said:
Well I feel like I cannot make decisions based on the future because if the relationship is going really good now, which is is I feel like it's unfair me to end the relationship just because something might not go as well in the future if that makes sense? I mean how far am I supposed to plan ahead when it comes to a relationship if it's only been a few months? Like as far as head is into my sixties?
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You are in love.
Don't plan anything.
Don't play any games
Be genuine
Don't lie
Don't scheme
Just enjoy enjoy the ride
 
Ironpony said:
I introduced my gf to my parents, who met my gf by accident because of a situation where I had to meet them to drop something off while I was with her, and they met her and because of the age difference, they had to give a very shall we say... 'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner' parent reaction to it.

What's the best way to get your parents to accept the age gap though? I mean should I tell them that not everything about an SO is going to be perfect and a gf is always going to have some flaw, just like how my parents wouldn't see each other as absolutely perfect in every way? Or is that not the best approach?

But my friends are also shocked at me for going for her and seem taken aback and acting different around me so far a little it seems because of it. She's 21 and I just turned 37. What do you think on this reaction from family and friends. Thanks for any advice on it! I really appreciate it!
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IP, life is so short and a person is very lucky to find someone they really care for. The age thing can be a little tricky but don’t toss away something that could be wonderful between you two. Several years ago I met a wonderful woman that was 48, I was 24. I unfortunately needed to move away for a new job, I still think about her today and wonder ”what if”? I say give it a chance, besides your age difference is not really that big of a gap. I know I’m just a sappy romantic.
 
Agreed.
I like that poster.

Sometimes people work too hard at life. When you just let it happen, life gets really simple, and one finds happiness just by allowing it to come in.
 
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