# Little Johnny



## Leni

The kids filed into class Monday morning.

They were all very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, and then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold  Girl  Scout cookies & Imade $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Debbie," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom & dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.

"$2,467," he said

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand & I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"

Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five  stars  for his  assignment.

Bless his heart!


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## Lenny

I like Little Johnny Jokes.

It would be nice to have a sticky thread for them.


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## Leni

They are funny.


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## Dmorency




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## mla2ofus

Funny, but unfortunately the obama method isn't a joke!!
                                         Mike


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## Doc

Lenny said:


> I like Little Johnny Jokes.
> 
> It would be nice to have a sticky thread for them.


Good idea.  Consider it done.


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## Lenny

A pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The pastor called on Little Johnny and he said,

"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."


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## Lenny

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. 

Little Johnny who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm answers the door. 

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?" 

Little Johnny: "What the Fuck do you think?"


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## Dmorency

The class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the 
time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was  calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little  Johnny, however, knowing that he could be a bit crude at times, but  eventually his turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the  class and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the  blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out  what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she  asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnny. 
"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a  period?" "Damned if I know," said Johnny, "but this morning my sister  said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and  Uncle Bob left town suddenly."

Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She  asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you  how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my  dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in  the face." 
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad  asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and  pretend to be asleep." 
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with  another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her  advice. 
Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I  kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then  Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want  them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my  slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her  five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour thy  father and thy mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches  us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" 
Without missing a beat Little Johnny answered, "thou shall not kill."

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to  heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" 
"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.. 
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest. 
"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.


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## Lenny

The value of a Catholic education and a pencil. 


Little Johnny was not the best student in school . Usually he slept through the class.  One day his teacher, a nun, called on him while he was sleeping.

'Tell me Johnny, who created the universe?'

When Johnny didn't stir, little Susie who was his friend sitting behind him, took her pencil and jabbed his in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Johnny.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Johnny, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' but Johnny didn't stir from his slumber.

Once again, Susie came to his rescue and stuck him in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Johnny.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Johnny fell back asleep..

The Nun asked him a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Susie came to the rescue. This time Johnny jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'


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## Lenny




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## duflochy

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
... 
Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"


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## Leni

Good one.


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## Lenny

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

Little Johnny raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!'


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## duflochy

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she
asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body
goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said: "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied: "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front
of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: "Sister, I think it's your feet."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little
Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Little Johnny said: "Well, I walked into Mummy and Daddy's bedroom the other
night, Mummy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying: 'Oh!
God! I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The Nun fainted!......


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## Dmorency

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students  might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas  season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time  ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus  today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."  Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know!  He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and  waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few  very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said,  "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door,  and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"


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## LedZap

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."


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## Lenny

Good one, LZ!


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## Lenny

Little Johnny was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

Little Johnny replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

Little Johnny replied with a chuckle.
"You're bullshitting. You don't even know the way to the Post Office.


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## Adillo303

The fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth..

However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."


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## waybomb

"Teacher," announced little Johnny, "there's somethin' I can't figger out."

"What's that Johnny?" asked the Sunday school teacher.

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

"Right."

"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Er--right."

"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again you're right."

"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of  Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin'  somethin' important, right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed the teacher. "So what's your question?"

"What I wanna know is this," demanded Johnny. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin'?"


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## Leni

Spelling Lessons
Teacher asks the kids in spelling class to tell what their father does for a living, and spell it. First kid says, "My daddy's a baker. That's b-a-k-e-r. He makes bread and lots of sweet goodies to eat." 

Second kid says, "My daddy's a banker. That's b-a-n-k-e-r. He makes lots of money, buys us lots of toys." 

Next kid says, "My daddy's an electrician. That's e-l-a-k...uh, e-l-e-x...uh...." 

Teacher interrupts, saying, "That's okay, Rayford. Think about it and we'll come back to you." Turning to Little Johnny, she says, "You're next, Johnny." 

Little Johnny says, "My daddy's a bookie. That's b-o-o-k-i-e, and I'll lay you odds ten to one Rayford don't ever spell electrician."


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## Lenny

The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”. 

He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”. 

She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”. 

He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”. 

She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”. 

He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.


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## Leni

The teacher asked class to use the word “fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's
farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating".
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated".
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate".
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
"fascinate" so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!"

The teacher sat down and cried.
GOD - I love this kid!!!


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## Lenny

Little Johnny and his brother Little Jake learn to cuss from the older kids.

 They come home and sit down for lunch.  Mom turns to Little Jake and says, "What would you like to drink?"  Jake says, "I want some fucking milk."

 Mom spanks Little Jake, sends him to his room, turns to Little Johnny and says, "Now, what would YOU like to drink?"

 Little Johnny says, "You can bet your ass I don't want any fucking milk!"


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## Lenny

Little Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, "I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S."

 The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys."

 Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."

 Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."

 "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

 Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!"


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## Lenny

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.

One little girl held up her hand and said: “Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken.”

“Very good” said the teacher.

Another one said: “This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, I presume that the BMW wouldn’t start.”

“That’s excellent” says the teacher.

Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that.......”

The teacher interrupted him and said, “I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.”

Johnny says, “Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence.”  

The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”

“As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm.  I presume he was going for a shit because he can’t read.”


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## MrLiberty

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by  the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny…
 The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again.
 Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.”
 The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?”
 Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.”
 The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican.
 Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.”
 Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
 Little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”


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## MrLiberty

It was the 1st day of of 1st grade for Little Johny and he was really  excited. In class his teacher said:  "Now that we're all grown-up we  aren't going to use little  baby talk anymore.  Instead we're going to  use "Grown-up" words! Now who would like to start by telling about their  summer?"

A girl named Suzie was waving her hand so the teacher called on her. She said: "This summer I rode a choo-choo! "

The teacher said "No.. we don't say choo-choo, say "train" Remember to use Grown-Up Words.? Now who's next?"

Little Johny was called on and he replyed "This summer I went to Disneyland and saw Winnie the Shit!"


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## Leni

Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."

Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.

Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"


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## MrLiberty

Leni said:


> Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
> 
> Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."
> 
> Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.
> 
> Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"


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## Umberto

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' 

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. 

Dear Dad: 

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. 

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.  But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. 

Stacy said that we will be very happy. 

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.  We share a dream of having many more children. 

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.  We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. 

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. 

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. 

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. 

Love, 

Little Johnny 


PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.  I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the Report Card that's in my center desk drawer. 

Call me when it's safe to come home.


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## Lenny

A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following
question: 

 "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

 Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."

 The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

 Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back."

 "That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

 Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."


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## Leni

Mom took Little Johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.

Doctor: "How did such a thing happen?"

Johnny: "It's that damn neighbor girl, Susie. Her braces are too darned sharp."


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## Jim_S RIP

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up
and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'

His father replied, because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure
that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the milkman wants to buy Mom.’


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## MrLiberty

While in math class the teacher was playing the game, what number follows.  As she went through the class she got to little johnnie and asked, "what follows 69?"  Little johnnie replied, "mouthwash."


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## pirate_girl

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.  His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" 

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.  "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. 

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor.  She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.



 Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"


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## MrLiberty

pirate_girl said:


> While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.  His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
> 
> Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.  "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
> 
> Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor.  She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
> 
> 
> 
> Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"


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## MrLiberty

_*LittleJohnnies sister Janie feels left out..........*_

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their  parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next  day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.


 There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies  saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only  Janie was left.


 “Janie, do you have a story to share?”
 ‘Yes, ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a  Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out  over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol,  and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the  bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the  middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until  she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade  broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”


 ”Good Heavens,” said the horrified teacher. “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”


 “Don’t fuck with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”


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## Doc

Little Johnny


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## stigger

I love little Johnny lol.


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## FrancSevin

A policeman on a horse approaches little Johnny on a bicycle and says, “Nice bike you’ve got there. Did Santa bring you that?”
“Yep,” replies the little boy.
“Well, tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” he says, and fines her $5 for it.
Little Johnny looks up at the policeman and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there. Did Santa bring you that?”
The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!”
“Well,” says  Johnny, “next year tell Santa that the d–ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!” 

  __________________


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## MrLiberty

The kids filed into class Monday morning.
 They were all very excited.
 Their weekend assignment was to sell something, and then give a talk on salesmanship.
  Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies & Imade $30," she  said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil  spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
 "Very good," said the teacher.
  Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I  explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current  events."
 "Very good, Debbie," said the teacher.
 Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
 Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom & dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.
 "$2,467," he said
 "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
 "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
 "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
  "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a  Dip & Chip stand & I gave everybody who walked by a free  sample."
 They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"
  Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the  President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it  looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad  taste out of your mouth."
 Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.


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## Doc

LITTLE JOHNNY IS BACK:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.


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## Doc

Another little johnny ....


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## Doc

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"


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## Doc

Little Johnny's back


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## Bamby

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying  attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a  fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The  teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all  off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."  Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice  cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice  cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The  teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one  with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"


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## pirate_girl

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."


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## NorthernRedneck

.....
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Canadian eh!!!


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## Doc

...


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## Doc

Little Johnny one more time ...


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## pirate_girl




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## road squawker

pirate_girl said:


> View attachment 113744




I posted this onto another forum that I frequent.


... and got this response to it:

" That is liberal indoctrination in our school system today. Shameful."


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## Doc

:th_lmao:


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## Doc

Little Johnny is at it again ....


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## olivegirl

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"


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## NorthernRedneck




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## Doc

https://www.facebook.com/darrell.di...Zl_Vk6CETompNpwl1S1GdpuEaoBDSbM&__tn__=<<,P-R
Little Johnny meets Nancy Pelosi
Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Tampa and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Pelosi , "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Pelosi .
 "That's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Pelosi , "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss ... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!"
The teacher left the room


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## papa tiger

Lil Johnny goes over to his friends house and rings the door bell.
The wife answers the door.
"Hi, is Jimmy home?"
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No come in."
They sit down and Lil Johnny says, 
"You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. 
I'd give you a hundred bucks if I can just see one."
Sara thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell,
- a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. 
Well Lil Johnny promptly thanks her and 
lays throws a $100 bill on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Lil Johnny says, 
"They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them.
 I'll give you another 1$00 bill if I can see them both now."
Sara thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and 
gives Lil Johnny a nice long look.
Lil Johnny thanks her and lays another $100 bill on the table.
saying I can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says,
"Your friend Lil Johnny stopped by."
Tony thinks about this for a second and says,
 "Well, did he drop off the $200 he owes me?"


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## papa tiger

*NASA TO SEND 3 ASTRONAUTS TO SPACE, 2 YEAR MISSION*.

NASA allows each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each.
The first astronaut decides to take his wife,
the second decides to take books and learn how to speak German,
and the third astronaut decides to take 200 lbs. of cigarettes.

Two years later the space shuttle lands and
there is a large crowd waiting to welcome them home.
The first to step forward is the astronaut and his wife,
each have a baby in their arms.

Next, out steps the second astronaut speaking fluent German.
They gave their speeches / thank yours and get a rousing applause.

Then finally Lil Johnny steps out, the third astronaut has a cigarette in his mouth.
Well, Lil Johnny walks up to the Mic on the podium and
asks the crowd, "Has anyone got a light?"


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## papa tiger

The LEO is patrolling a local parking spot overlook of a River Valley.
He drives by a car and sees a couple inside with the dome light on.
So; The LEO turns on his lights and pulls up to their car.
There is a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and
a young lady in the back seat knitting.
He walks up to the driver's window and says, "Your Drivers License please.
The young man quickly hands the LEO the Drivers License.
"Lil Johnny, What are you doing?" the policeman asks.
"I'm reading a magazine Officer."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asks,
"And what is she doing?"
Lil Johnny looks over to the back seat and replies,
She's knitting a Blanket."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asks Lil Johnny.
Lil Johnny says, "I'm nineteen,"
"And how old is she?" asks the officer.
Well; Lil Johnny thinks quick, looks at his watch and says,
" in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."


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