# Frustrated



## NorthernRedneck

Just needed somewhere to vent my frustrations.  Figured this would be the best place.  It's no surprise to anyone here that I'm a hurting unit since my accident but I doubt anyone truly understands how freaking frustrating it is for me now.  It's like I went to work a 38 yr old one morning and woke up 2 days later 90 years old.  It gets very hard to stay positive some days when I only get a few hours of sleep due to bouncing back and forth from the chair in the living room to the bed.  I can't stand for long.  I can't sit for long.  I can't walk for long.  Most days I sit at home watching the grass grow.  I'd get a hobby but most days it hurts to move and hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable.  The other night I took the lovely missus out to a dinner and dance.  I basically just sat there and by 11pm I had enough and could barely walk with assistance and using two canes to get out of there.  

My family is paying the price for my pain.  There are activities in the community that we just skip now because I can't participate.  Last night we wanted to take the older boys on a haunted walk but I could barely move.  Life just plain sucks now.  I used to love taking the kids out hunting in the fall.  That's out of the question.  I used to love fishing.  I can't sit in a boat for more than 45 minutes now without paying for it for days.  Hell, the last time my boat was in the water was july.  With this stupid crps affecting my legs now every time my back muscles get sore it sends burning cramps down my legs and I can barely put pressure on my feet.  Most nights I have tears as I fall asleep because of the pain.  I can't lay beside my wife now because every touch hurts.  Just frustrated.


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## MrLiberty

Until they walk a mile in your shoes people will not understand the pain you are going through.  

I know having had severe arthritis my whole life that people just didn't understand the pain I had when I walked a fair distance.  I was slow and always left behind and made fun of by both family and friends.  

In the bar business I worked 14 hour days, and at the end of the day at home I thought riga mortis had set in after I sat still for a while.  I worked for my brother in construction also.  He would get mad at me when after 8 or 9 hours I was slowing down and could hardly step up on a ladder.  Now that he has arthritis he understands a bit more, but he still thinks I was being a baby.  

I didn't have the kind of accident you had, but I understand what you are going through, and know that I will keep you in my prayers.


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## NorthernRedneck

I don't envy anyone living with arthritis. People who are healthy just don't get it. Like when we go to a store and all of the handicapped spots are taken. Most of which are by vehicles without permits. Then we struggle inside only to discover that there are no motorized carts or the ones that are there aren't charged. Then if we find a cart people generally treat us like a parasite in the store and refuse to move out of the way. I've had to go down an aisle and back up the next one only to get an item on a shelf just past someone standing there refusing to move. Yep. Frustrating. 

Then as I struggle back to the truck people are giving me dirty looks like I have no business parking in a handicapped spot. Even though I'm walking with either a walker or two canes. 

Then there's the joy of attending a community event. I look it up first to see where the handicapped parking is etc. When I get there people have it blocked off and refuse to move. I get told to go park 4 blocks away and walk by the security guard. 

Yes. This is what my life has become. Instead of working a full time job I now spend my days in pain just struggling to survive without going insane. If it wasn't for the countless medical appointments and physio 3 times a week I'd never get out. It's pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to these days until the spring when at least I can get back to camp for the weekends. 

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## zekeusa

My X-wife has fibro-myalgia and she would meditate to distance her brain from her body pain. Sorry to hear your in so much pain. Breathe in and concentrate on the word Peace......Exhale and concentrate on the word Relax....Or you can do it with numbers. 1 2 3 4 breathe in......1 2 3 4 breathe out


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## mla2ofus

After years of what some call extreme lower back pain, which I've lived with because I don't like prescription pain relievers, and a fear of spinal surgery, I'm trying reflexology by a friend. Just started last nite having the wife rub some "magic salve and oils"(my name for it) on my lower back and neck. If I feel good results I'll let you know.
                            Mike


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## NorthernRedneck

zekeusa said:


> My X-wife has fibro-myalgia and she would meditate to distance her brain from her body pain. Sorry to hear your in so much pain. Breathe in and concentrate on the word Peace......Exhale and concentrate on the word Relax....Or you can do it with numbers. 1 2 3 4 breathe in......1 2 3 4 breathe out



That's kinda what I've been learning to do with this pain management program I'm now in.  It does help to a degree but doesn't do much for the frustration part trying to do things with the family knowing I can no longer do.  Such as....it's halloween.  There are places around town doing haunted walks for the kids.  It's either my kids miss out because I can't do it or my wife takes them and I sit at home feeling sorry for myself.  

Again there's the whole accessibility issue every place I go in this city.  I take the scooter most places now just to allow me to do things without being in severe pain.  A lot of times If I don't use the scooter just going into a store I have to sit just getting from the parking lot into the place.   And I'm done for the day if I overdo it.  

I guess the frustrating part is knowing that there is very little I can do about it now.  Looking at medical reports online listing the top 10 or 15 most painful conditions, crps which I now have is listed as being even more painful than the most severe arthritis.  And I have that as well in my back now.  

So I'm a hurting unit.  When the arthritis in my back flares up, the muscles compensate.  Because they are so damaged from the accident, they tense up tighter than a nun.  This affects the nerves going to my legs.  I can be doing something and within minutes my legs give out on me.  Feel weak to the point of collapsing from under me.  Then the burning in my feet starts up.  Now, it looks like I  have plantar fasciitis in my left foot.  So when the cramping starts in my left leg I often sit perfectly still for hours till the pain starts and I have to elevate it.  I now spend my evenings in pain trying to get into a comfortable position.  Then going to bed at night I often sit on the edge of the bed for 10-15 minutes before laying down because I know as soon as my back hits the mattress the pain will start.


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## NorthernRedneck

Today is particularly frustrating. My wife is out of town. The younger two kids are gone for the weekend. I wanted to do something fun with the older two. Instead I can barely freaking walk. The wife sent me a message asking if I had switched over the laundry. Kinda hard to do that when I can barely make it downstairs. I just did it but getting back up proved to be difficult. It took me ten minutes to make it up 12 steps from the basement.  I guess I'm just sitting here today in an uncomfortable cramping pain. The best way to describe it. Absolutely no strength in the legs. Cramps. Burning muscles. Pins and needles in my feet. This is what I have to look forward to for the next 40 years or so. 

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## zekeusa

Sorry to hear your in so much pain. Maybe a heating pad or hot shower?


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## NorthernRedneck

zekeusa said:


> Sorry to hear your in so much pain. Maybe a heating pad or hot shower?


Did both. Actually the heating pad is a permanent fixture on my chair. 

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## NorthernRedneck

Well now. Today something new happened. I decided that I needed to get mobile so went out to move a few things to the back storage shed. As I pushed the lawnmower down the paved driveway to store in the shed my left leg gave out on me completely. Yep. I landed hard on the pavement scraping my hand and knee. Ain't that just a lovely turn of events 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			
		
		
	


	







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## pirate_girl

Oh dear! 
Be careful you!


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## MrLiberty

OUCH!  I know about knees giving out, last year while standing in the bathroom peeing, my left knee buckled and I started going down, I reached out and grabbed the back of the toilet tank and broke it where it connects to the toilet.  What a mess, and it took maintenance a day and a half to put a new toilet in. 

My left knee gives out often so I have to wear a knee brace and use either a cane of walker.


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## NorthernRedneck

That sucks. I caught up to you and I'm only 39. Reminds me of the last time I went to the washroom and shook it more than twice. Damned near gave myself whiplash. 

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## MrLiberty




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## NorthernRedneck

I'm going downhill physically over the past few weeks. Freaking nerve damage is really taking its toll. My whole left side from the top of my head to my toes is often numb tingling and sore. When that happens I have no muscle tone in my left leg making it difficult to walk. And now that snow is here to stay getting around is more difficult. 

They want me to participate in a  6 week pain management program. That means dragging myself halfway across the city for 9am every day. Not as easy as it sounds. 15 minute drive across town. Find parking. Unload the scooter. Struggle to get it on the elevator. Make my way through an old run down mall full of the city's low life scum (these people are drunk by 10am every day)  just to make it there. So it's an hour process to make it there for 9. Then an hour to get home. 

living the dream


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## pirate_girl

I know you're very frustrated since the ups and downs from your accident, Brian.
It does sound like a bitch having to go through all that travel time, but in the end may be worth it.
Hugs a bunch.


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## NorthernRedneck

I have good days and bad days. A good day is when I'll make it out of the house and maybe get out with the mobility scooter. I still can't walk more than 100 feet without being in severe pain. Without warning my left foot will turn red and start burning. This has been traveling up my leg and now when it flares up my leg gets red and swollen  from above the knee all the way down. 

Pretty pathetic that I just got a nice new cell phone a month ago and now am looking to get rid of it for something smaller I can hold with one hand as some days I can barely lift my left arm due to nerve damage from the accident. 

I've already learned that fishing boating riding atvs etc are all a struggle for me now. About the only thing I have left is my ability to play guitar. Now that I'm sometimes losing feeling in my left arm and hand I'm scared I might lose that as well. It's downright freaking depressing to go to work a healthy 38yr old one day and wake up a crippled up 90 year old only 2 days later. Getting harder to keep my chin up. And now I'm looking at surgery sometime later this month which means about 4 days in the hospital and 6-8weeks of extremely light duty at home. Followed by my regular light duty routines. 

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## MrLiberty

NorthernRedneck said:


> I have good days and bad days. A good day is when I'll make it out of the house and maybe get out with the mobility scooter. I still can't walk more than 100 feet without being in severe pain. Without warning my left foot will turn red and start burning. This has been traveling up my leg and now when it flares up my leg gets red and swollen  from above the knee all the way down.
> 
> Pretty pathetic that I just got a nice new cell phone a month ago and now am looking to get rid of it for something smaller I can hold with one hand as some days I can barely lift my left arm due to nerve damage from the accident.
> 
> I've already learned that fishing boating riding atvs etc are all a struggle for me now. About the only thing I have left is my ability to play guitar. Now that I'm sometimes losing feeling in my left arm and hand I'm scared I might lose that as well. It's downright freaking depressing to go to work a healthy 38yr old one day and wake up a crippled up 90 year old only 2 days later. Getting harder to keep my chin up. And now I'm looking at surgery sometime later this month which means about 4 days in the hospital and 6-8weeks of extremely light duty at home. Followed by my regular light duty routines.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N915W8 using Tapatalk



I'll be keeping in my prayers.  Good Luck on the upcoming surgery.


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## NorthernRedneck

MrLiberty said:


> I'll be keeping in my prayers.  Good Luck on the upcoming surgery.


Thanks. I know we've all got our issues with various health needs. It is what it is. Normally a simple hernia surgery is a day procedure but with my history of blood clots they want me back on blood thinners a day before the surgery and following I'll be in for at least four days. Initially they were talking ten days in the hospital. I need to stay mobile which is easier said than done when I currently have a hard time walking to the end of the driveway. 

At first glance I look fine but i sure don't feel fine. I spent last evening with an ice pack cooling down my foot. Tonight will be the same. Waking up at 4am with burning pain in my back and feet pretty much sucks. It's also hard relinquishing tasks I used to enjoy doing such as blowing snow in the driveway. We've hired someone to do it this year. So I sit in the house in pain watching someone else do my work for me. Sucks. [emoji22] 

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## NorthernRedneck

Apparently I missed a call yesterday from the surgeon. They have a date for my surgery. Needless to say I'm scared sh-tless. Not of the actual surgery but the aftermath. 

If someone is say 100% of their function ability before a surgery and it knocks them down to say 75% ability for a period before they are back to 100%again, that's fine. I could live with that. In my case though it's much more complicated. If I was 100% before the accident and was knocked down to about 20% and it's taken 18 months to get back up to about 35%, what's the surgery going to do to me?  Am I going to be knocked back down to about 20%?  Will I be even lower? If it's taken me 18 months to get back to about 35% ability compared to before the accident then how long is this going to take?

All questions running through my mind. How much more strength do I have inside? I keep getting knocked back down and it's harder to get back up each time. Not only is this a physical battle but a mental battle as well. It'd be so easy to just give up. 

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## 300 H and H

We all hope and pray that the surgery gives you back some of what you have lost. 

Hang in there, life is full of surprises, some good, some not so good. Hope is what you need to deal with this, along with a lot of faith..

Time required to heal is nothing if the results are helpful. Think nothing of that, other than it is just apart of the journey. 

Good luck with what ever comes your way. Keep your faith and hope. It is at the core of who you are. Stay strong my friend. 

Regards, Kirk


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. That's all I have to draw on some days. 

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## zekeusa

Ask ALOT, ALOT of questions. A friend just had prostrate surgery and they didn't tell him what life would be like after the procedure.


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## Helmsman38

Don't give up. there are those of us lurking in the shadows rooting for you.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. Its gonna be tough but I'll make it. Always have. Got the surgery booked today. End of the month. The 31st. 
On another note, when it rains it pours. My brother has had internal issues for a few weeks. Diverticulitis. They can't control it. He may be going under the knife too about the same time as me to have a part of his intestine removed. 
It gets better. Just got word that mom had to go in to a clinic to have some abnormal spots examined on her skin. May be cancer. 

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## MrLiberty

prayers for mom and your brother on the way.....


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## Danang Sailor

NorthernRedneck said:


> Apparently I missed a call yesterday from the surgeon. They have a date for my surgery. Needless to say I'm scared sh-tless. Not of the actual surgery but the aftermath.
> 
> If someone is say 100% of their function ability before a surgery and it knocks them down to say 75% ability for a period before they are back to 100%again, that's fine. I could live with that. In my case though it's much more complicated. If I was 100% before the accident and was knocked down to about 20% and it's taken 18 months to get back up to about 35%, what's the surgery going to do to me?  Am I going to be knocked back down to about 20%?  Will I be even lower? If it's taken me 18 months to get back to about 35% ability compared to before the accident then how long is this going to take?
> 
> All questions running through my mind. How much more strength do I have inside? I keep getting knocked back down and it's harder to get back up each time. Not only is this a physical battle but a mental battle as well. It'd be so easy to just give up.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N915W8 using Tapatalk


I can't give you any answers as to before/after percentages; maybe PG could help a bit there.  However, it has been my personal experience, especially with bone cutters, that after the surgery and requisite therapy, I was always better off (i.e. at a "higher percentage") than before surgery.  If a surgeon cannot give me some assurance that his work will result in a better Me there is no point in hiring him!  Why let some yay-hoo cut into your precious body if it isn't going to help?  (Last-chance, no-other-option, sure-death-otherwise surgeries are obviously in another category.)


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## NorthernRedneck

The surgery should go alright. This surgeon is down to earth and knows his stuff. Very thorough. 

I met him just after having the drain inserted last year in the hospital. He was the doctor oncall and agreed to take me on right away. At first he was thinking of doing both a mesh and flap to fix the hernia. Its basically from my ribcage to about 4 inches down right where they initially cut me open. 

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## NorthernRedneck

Having a rough day all around. Its damned hard to stay motivated to do anything productive when i cant stand for more than a few minutes without nearly collapsing in pain. Days like today i find myself sitting in the living room staring out the window thinking that it took me 39 years to get to this point....is it going to be a case of me spending the next 39 years sitting in pain staring out the window. Only thing keeping me going is my wife and kids.


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## JimVT

I ride my bike on the public road less every year.
jim


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## NorthernRedneck

So two days ago I was feeling so good I was thinking I could almost go back to work. I had a good workout at the gym. Etc etc. Fast forward to today. 
My left foot is so flared up and red and swollen. I can barely stand. I was almost ready to drag my ass out to the garage and haul out an old pair of crutches to have in the house so I can move around.


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## NorthernRedneck

Oh. And to add to the frustration. I had been waiting for a surgery date since December for sometime in January. I did get a call in early January for a mid month surgery date but that was given to someone else when I couldn't call back in time. So they gave me the date of January 31st. So we made plans. My wife booked time off work. I get my preop booked. Then we find out yesterday that I was never actually booked for the 31st. So now its February 7th for sure unless something unforseen happens


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## NorthernRedneck

So I've been pretty much consistently increasingly frustrated recently with the warming temperatures. It gets harder every day to sit here in pain accepting my new life as it is and to stay focused on the positives. Every day I sit here looking out and watching people do things, simple things like walking their dog, and wishing that I could do that. Then I'll see someone ride by on a motorcycle and wish that I could still ride. Or when I see a truck hauling a boat I think "Man I miss fishing."  I mean serious fishing. Heading out to a remote lake somewhere and spending the day on the water. There's so many things I can't do anymore all because some idiot panicked on the highway and nearly killed me. 

Yes, I am thankful I'm alive. But there's a difference between being alive and living. Everyone is alive. Not everyone truely lives. And to live is to enjoy every moment you can with the people you love doing the things you love to do. And I can't do that anymore. 

With all that being said, about the only thing I have to look forward to now is an upcoming week of grueling tests down in the butthole of Canada aka Toronto in may to determine whether my injuries are deemed "catastrophic" for insurance purposes. For more info see the following http://www.canadianunderwriter.ca/i...airment-definition-starts-in-2016-1003787075/

Basically in a nutshell it will mean that I can not do more than 40% of what I was able to do before my accident. 

I have a hard time sitting in a vehicle long enough to get across the city now. They want me to fly there Sunday. Get up at 5:30am. Take a freaking taxi an hour and a half to get to an appointment where they will poke and prod for two hours. Then take a two freaking hour taxi to another appointment where they plan on doing more poking and proding for the afternoon. Followed by a half hour taxi back to the hotel where they drop me off at the front door and expect me to navigate my way up a 17 story hotel to my room without assistance. And this same routine for 5 days straight. Not impressed but it is what it is. People will never understand the pain I'm in. Including medical professionals.


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## NorthernRedneck

This crap of only sleeping 4 hours a night is getting old quick. Been in pain for 8 days straight barely able to move. 

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## NorthernRedneck

Still very frustrated. Can't sleep a full night and wake up pain free. Today is supposed to be a happy day as it's my 40th birthday. Instead I'm sitting in pain with both legs tingling and no strength in them. Hardly able to stand for more than a few minutes let alone walk. 

Every second I stand feels like someone pouring lighter fluid on my back and lighting a match.


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## NorthernRedneck

Just a little update. I'm in for a week of hell this coming week. My insurance company is sending me to Toronto to basically duplicate all the tests I've had done in 2 years to prove how screwed up I am. I go to a 1 hour appointment here and I'm beat for 2 days. 

Here's a sample of what my week will be like. Wake up at 4am for a 6am taxi ride. The taxi will be 2 freaking hours long to get to an appointment only 30 miles away. That appointment is 2 hours. Followed by another 2 hour taxi ride to get to my next appointment in the afternoon. Yah. I'm impressed.

And to make it worse is I'll be stuck in the cesspool of immigrants that is Toronto. Basically take all of the yuppy liberals in one country and cram them into a 40 mile radius.  That's Toronto.


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## Jim_S RIP

NorthernRedneck said:


> And to make it worse is I'll be stuck in the cesspool of immigrants that is Toronto. Basically take all of the yuppy liberals in one country and cram them into a 40 mile radius.  That's Toronto.



Look on the bright side. You will get to leave all that behind as soon as the appointments are over.  Just make sure none of them follow you home.


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## XeVfTEUtaAqJHTqq

Sounds like Trudeau is going to try and legalize marijuana.  There are some good medical options for pain and sleeping these days.  Might want to give some stuff a try.  Around here it's a panacea of varieties with all sorts of purposes for medical and recreational use.


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## NorthernRedneck

Funny you mention that. I had an appointment this week with the local marijuana clinic. Still trying to wrap my head around it as my whole life I was totally against it. Now I have a legal prescription for it. At this point I'll try anything to get some relief.


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## XeVfTEUtaAqJHTqq

I think it's all about finding a variety that works for you.  Have fun uhh "researching".


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## NorthernRedneck

Trying to make the best of a bad situation this week amongst all of the appointments. We took a drive to fort Erie last night to see my wife's sister. Stopped at Niagara falls for a quick view. We had the morning free so since we're in Toronto might as well go up the tower. I hadn't been since I was 10.


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## NorthernRedneck

Aaaaand.........the other shoe is about to drop for me yet again. I was "feeling around on my abdomen just below where I had the hernia surgery in February. Feels like another one is starting up just above the belly button on the original scar line.


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## NorthernRedneck

PBinWA said:


> I think it's all about finding a variety that works for you.  Have fun uhh "researching".


It took me a great deal of soul searching to finally gather up the balls to place an order. My family doc referred me to the local medical marijuana clinic. My order just came in. The medical stuff isn't at all like what you can buy on the street. There's a daytime strand with basically no thc that helps relax the body muscles without leaving you buzzing all day. The medical stuff is 100% legal up here. You get a wallet card to prove that you can have it and as long as it bears a sticker identifying it with that order you're good. I tried a quick sample and within minutes noticed my pain level go down and energy level go up.

The nighttime strain has just enough thc to relax the body and help you sleep. My family doc thinks I may even be able to reduce if not eliminate the pain meds.


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## NorthernRedneck

Ok. I'm starting to be a believer. After a few days of taking the daytime strand which btw has no medicinal effects, my pain level is almost gone and I've been able to reduce the pain medication amount I've been taking. I'm even able to walk longer distances without a cane.


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## NorthernRedneck

Back to being frustrated. Will this journey never end?  For weeks I've been having increasing pain in my right side liver area. Since I had the hernia surgery in February my ab muscles have also been out of whack and picking up anything heavier than a piece of paper causes pain. Now add that to my now chronic back pain and the burning throbbing in my left foot and leg caused by crps and I'm pretty much useless most days. I did follow up with my surgeon last week who referred me for yet another ultrasound. I've had more of those than a pregnant woman with quintuplets. 

I used to be able to go outside and spend hours in the yard doing work. Now, ten minutes and I'm done and sore for two days. 

Sleep has been better lately but that's thanks to strong pain meds combined with medical marijuana.(which I still struggle with mentally to take.  Anything recreational I used to do has become a chore and is no longer enjoyable. Yes. I'm still alive but I sure as hell ain't living. 

We are going on our rv trip in a few weeks but I know that'll mean driving for 2-3 hours a day at most. Setting up and sitting in pain watching everyone else enjoy themselves. I'll be doing allot of sitting on the sidelines this trip.


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## 300 H and H

Life is a journey. I hope as you travel the load you are carrying gets lighter. 

We all have our own story. The good the bad and the ugly. What we chose to do with those is who we are. You are a tough one, and able to survive what most could not have. Hang in there my friend, God has a plan for you, and in the fullness of time it will become clear. We all wish for the very best of outcomes for you here. 

Regards, Kirk


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. Some days are harder than others. Then I have yuppie liberal "specialists" from Toronto telling me that I shouldn't care that I can't do most of what I could do before the accident. They have absolutely no clue what life is like up here while they sit in their high rise condos sipping on a mocha frappa latte drink. Just frustrating as all hell having my whole life scripted by people who have no clue. 

Anything I do now has to be cleared by my insurance who takes direction from the assessment center I was sent to in May for a week.


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## NorthernRedneck

Update. I originally had an ultrasound booked for October 2. They called me this morning and want me there tomorrow morning. Hopefully I don't have fluid built up again. That means almost for certain I'll end up with another drain bag hanging from my side. Then more serious discusions will take place involving removing part of my liver


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> Update. I originally had an ultrasound booked for October 2. They called me this morning and want me there tomorrow morning. Hopefully I don't have fluid built up again. That means almost for certain I'll end up with another drain bag hanging from my side. Then more serious discusions will take place involving removing part of my liver



Good to hear you don't have to wait.

Crappy that you have to go through all this but the delays for diagnosis and then treatment makes the whole thing worse.  At least for this you got put on the fast track.


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## NorthernRedneck

Yep. Still a few days till I get the results.


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## NorthernRedneck

Quick update. My liver is still a mangled mess but there's no sign of fluid build up. So that means that the pain is all muscular. 

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## NorthernRedneck

So one of the things I have come to realize is that there are so many closed doors to people with disabilities in the states. It's not perfect in Canada by any means but everywhere I have gone this month in the states I've encountered hurdles and obstacles in regards to accessibility. 

I have not seen one store or business in our travels that has automatic doors for people in wheelchairs. Most businesses don't have ramps to allow access either. Canada also struggles with that. Last week in Niagara falls I felt quite excluded and that was in Canada. Trying to navigate narrow sidewalks full of people and every time my wife and kids went into a store I had to wait outside. 

There are many things that I simply avoid now. I can only walk short distances and stand for a few minutes. Which leaves me with two options at most places. Either sit outside the store or just don't go. 

Then there's the whole thing with social gatherings. I get there and if I'm not using the scooter then it's one or two canes. When I walk in everyone asks how I'm feeling today then I'm basically dismissed and placed in a corner and ignored till it's time to leave. So I have just started to avoid social gatherings altogether. 

Today we are taking the kids to a water park. I know exactly how this day will go. I'll be sitting there on my scooter watching everyone else enjoying themselves. 

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## Doc

Sorry for the issues Brian.   I had not thought about it but you are correct in that most stores, even big box stores do not have automatic doors.   Grocery stores would be the exception but ...what fun are they when on vacation?    

I do see ramps in most places to make things wheelchair accessible but I guess you have to have someone with you to open the door.    Something I had never considered.  

Social gatherings, well they can be like that for everyone at times.   All depends on who is there and the dynamics.  Not fun, I do empathize.


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## NorthernRedneck

Yes. All frustrating things. Sucks when you used to do everything with no restrictions then one day wake up and can barely do most of the things you used to enjoy 

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## NorthernRedneck

I haven't held up my end of the bargain for being a grumpy old man in a while. These freaking CRPS flare ups just suck big time. I've been chair bound for basically two days now because of burning and tingling in my left leg. For those who wonder what it's like, here goes:

Take a hot sharp razor blade and slice open your entire leg. Now peel off a layer of skin at a time. While we're at it, let's turn all the muscles to jello. Now take a hammer and chisel and start chipping away at the joint between the ankle bones. That's pretty much what it feels like. 

It's been hovering around the freezing point here all day and a mixture of rain snow and dence fog. Wish it would just snow and drop to -10.


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## S-noWonder

I am new here, but I wanted to share an idea with you. This will sound kind of weird, but look into Reiki Healing. It is that woo woo energy healing modality. 
This type of healing works on everything, physical, mental/emotional and spiritual. 
I know most people think it is BS. But what do you have to lose? 
I hope you find the relief you seek.


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## NorthernRedneck

I'll look into it. Thanks. With the weather we've been having my CRPS flared up most of the time. When it gets like this I can't walk stand etc.


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## NorthernRedneck

Update:  The crps has progressed lately. It's a bitch of a disease I don't wish on anyone. It had been localized to just my lower leg and foot.  Now it's spread to my upper leg, hip, and both butt cheeks. There's times when I walk if I put my foot down the wrong way, my hip feels like it's going to pop out of it's socket. We're working on that during physio. 

Those following my ordeal since the accident know I had surgery in February to repair an abdominal hernia. This resulted in an infection and 3 months of nursing coming to the house. Guess what!  I now have another hernia just below the first one.  So I've been referred to the surgeon again. I'm not looking forward to this. 

I have also been attending a chronic pain management program every monday afternoon for 12 weeks.


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## Doc

Oh no.   Sorry to hear all this.
Is the crps related to the accident in any way?


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## NorthernRedneck

Doc said:


> Oh no.   Sorry to hear all this.
> Is the crps related to the accident in any way?


Yes. There's no definite way of diagnosing it.  No definitive way of treatment for it. It's similar to fibromyalgia but a lot worse. Some people get it from an injury. Others, surgery, and others,  something as simple as a stubbed toe. In severe cases, it causes total loss of limb function and can lead to amputation. And in a lot of cases, the affected limb has nothing to do with the original area of injury. My legs survived the accident intact. But my crps started in my left foot. 

I have been doing allot of research on it. What does it feel like?   Pour boiling hot water on an area of your body. Now while it's still burning, run a cheese grater back and forth over that area. It will be fine then attack without warning. Here's a couple fairly recent pictures of when it flares up.


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## Doc

Yuck.  That looks so painful.  Man.   That's horrible.


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## NorthernRedneck

It is. I knew nothing about it before. So imagine having that, the feeling of a sledge hammer hitting your spine after walking 200 ft, and your abs burning. That's pretty much my daily struggle. I most likely will never work again. It sucks


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## NorthernRedneck

My saga continues. Now it's a combination of things. 

1. My medications are all messed up. My doctor wanted me to try a new medication a few months ago. It didn't work out too well for pain control and actually made my crps worse. So he wanted me to stop it. I tried twice. Each time I stopped after only a few days I had severe withdrawals. Dizzy. Lightheaded. Nausea. Vomiting. Ringing in my ears. A sense of vertigo. 

2.  Being on the medication alleviates the above but causes the crps to flare up worse than before. I literally had to either sit or lay down in tears all weekend at camp. Saturday, I could barely walk 20 feet. It sucks. If you're squeamish don't scroll down. Within 10 seconds my foot looked like this. And lasted for hours.


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## pirate_girl

Oh my!
Something needs to be done about that.
Doesn't look right at all.


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## NorthernRedneck

I agree. It's sadly a part of having crps. Picture the most severe cramp or Charlie horse you've experienced and times that by 10.


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## Doc

OMG, that looks horrible.   Geez louise.   I feel for ya man.   Ouch x 10.


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## NorthernRedneck

Bad news is I had a nasty flare up again tonight. Good news is that my pain program I've been involved in has really helped with the mental aspect of pain and the different ways of blocking out the pain.
And that has helped me turn a 4 hour flare up into an hour one. It still hurt like an SOB but I can mediate and take my mental focus off that and focus solely on my breathing.


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## NorthernRedneck

I'm still getting these painful spasms and flares. Feels like its on fire and freezing at the same time. Only thing is now, they happen any time of the day and without warning. Before, I was only getting them in the evening. It makes things very difficult as I never know when it will flare and have to be prepared to drop everything and be out of commission for an hour minimum. 

That picture is from last night. That lasted an hour before I could straighten it then it burned for another 2 hours.


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## NorthernRedneck

So I talked about my surgery in another thread. My last hernia repair was a nightmare from the getgo at the hospital. This time the hospital stay was much better aside from a couple of episode's with ignorant nurses. Even then, my personal care nurses were great. The first problem I had was when only minutes after being brought to my room, i was in so much pain from being transferred from the stretcher to the bed that I had to throw up into the closest thing around which was a wash basin. At the same time, my foot and leg were flared up like above. To make matters worse, a nurse came in and totally disregarded my condition and shoved a needle into my arm while I was throwing up. 

I normally have good blood pressure with it being somewhere around 120/75. While in the hospital, it consistently stayed in the 160/100 range. It did come down eventually. 

The surgery was supposed to be a simple hernia repair with one main smaller incision over the hernia and two for the cameras. When he got in there he discovered that my entire original incision line from the accident 3 years ago was about to pop into a massive hernia. Change of plans. One HUGE mesh inserted then stitched to the abdominal wall all over.  That meant several cut sites all over to get in and sew the mesh to my muscle so it doesn't move. Then staple each cut shut. Some cuts were bigger than others requiring more staples. Lots of swelling also accompanied it. Staples come out friday. In the meantime I'm barely moving around and hurting.


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## Doc

Man, that looks painful.  Best wishes & prayers for a fast recovery.   I feel for ya man.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks doc. I didn't think things could be worse than my horror story recovery from the last surgery in 2017. The recovery on this one is hopefully going to be less complicated and infection free. But more painful. Last year the pain was in one general area. This year my entire abdomen is in pain. It hurts. Oh and if I see anything funny on tv laughing is almost unbearable. [emoji37]


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## Jim_S RIP

NorthernRedneck said:


> . Oh and if I see anything funny on tv laughing is almost unbearable. [emoji37]



We’ll try to find some bad jokes for you. No need to laugh


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## NorthernRedneck

Still hurting big time. Stress is through the roof today. Depositions with lawyers where I have to basically relive the day of my accident from the time I wake up till what I remember. Also pointing out everything I can't do and how it's  affected my life and my family's life.


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## NorthernRedneck

I'm moving around much better now. My abs still burn like hell. So far so good though. My first hernia operation was closed with stitches and eventually opened up when it became infected. This time he used staples. They come out tomorrow thankfully. They burn and pull.


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## Jim_S RIP

NorthernRedneck said:


> I'm moving around much better now. My abs still burn like hell. So far so good though. My first hernia operation was closed with stitches and eventually opened up when it became infected. This time he used staples. They come out tomorrow thankfully. They burn and pull.



Glad you’re getting around better. Getting the staples out will be a great improvement!


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## NorthernRedneck

jim slagle said:


> Glad you’re getting around better. Getting the staples out will be a great improvement!


Yes. I made it back to sleeping in bed again after a week of the chair. So I'm making gains.


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## NorthernRedneck

Most staples are out now. He left a few on the main incision for a couple more weeks to hold things together


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## Jim_S RIP

NorthernRedneck said:


> Most staples are out now. He left a few on the main incision for a couple more weeks to hold things together



Progress!


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## NorthernRedneck

Yes. But he did try removing a couple staples from the main incision however it immediately stared opening up.


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## Jim_S RIP

NorthernRedneck said:


> Yes. But he did try removing a couple staples from the main incision however it immediately stared opening up.



Oops, sounds like the main incision will be stapled a while longer.


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## NorthernRedneck

So yes. We're at camp this week and everyone else is having a great time swimming and doing whatever. Me, not so much. I realize that I'm only 2 weeks post surgery but it doesn't make it any easier sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have fun. When it came time to move the shed this morning, I was pretty much useless and in the way. Same with building the new one. I couldn't even handle sitting on the sidelines and watch. Just sucks being only 41 and feeling 90.


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## zekeusa

This job would probably be a good one if the boss wasn't such an ass. I think he gets off on being a jerk to his employees. I am being nice right now because I'm on FF but I'd like to tell him a few choice words.


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## pirate_girl

zekeusa said:


> This job would probably be a good one if the boss wasn't such an ass. I think he gets off on being a jerk to his employees. I am being nice right now because I'm on FF but I'd like to tell him a few choice words.


Been there, done that.
Mmmmhmmm.


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## zekeusa

PG, What did you do about it? Change jobs?


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## pirate_girl

zekeusa said:


> PG, What did you do about it? Change jobs?



A few times in the past, but that's nursing.
Bad and good administrators and directors.
Mostly good.


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## NorthernRedneck

Looking better. Even the spot that opened up. The rest of the staples come out next week. I'm slowly able to get around more but have to watch with bending over and any lifting. If I do anything the mesh inside pulls and burns.


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## zekeusa

Go Easy! Whatever you do don't over do it!!


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## NorthernRedneck

Yep. I'm taking it easy


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## NorthernRedneck

So yesterday I had to make an unplanned visit to see my surgeon to get antibiotics as once again the incision is infected. I'm on a heavy dose of antibiotics for the weekend and have to report back monday morning. Thankfully a friend of ours is a nurse out at camp and has a good supply of dressings.   Here we go again. As soon as those staples come out the thing is going to open up like last time. That means  nurses coming to the house 3 times a week for the next few months. Yay. Just what I wanted.


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## pirate_girl

Oh my dear.
That's nasty.


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## pirate_girl

NorthernRedneck said:


> So yesterday I had to make an unplanned visit to see my surgeon to get antibiotics as once again the incision is infected. I'm on a heavy dose of antibiotics for the weekend and have to report back monday morning. Thankfully a friend of ours is a nurse out at camp and has a good supply of dressings.   Here we go again. As soon as those staples come out the thing is going to open up like last time. That means  nurses coming to the house 3 times a week for the next few months. Yay. Just what I wanted.


What's she cleansing and dressing it with?
I'd do purified water, followed by betadine swab x2, air for a bit then mepore.


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## NorthernRedneck

She used sterile swabs with peroxide. She also put some steristrips over the wound to hold it together till Monday. Not much else anyone can do right now. It's the same thing I went through in 2017 after my first hernia surgery. Within two weeks it became infected and eventually opened up taking months to heal. Guess that means no swimming this summer. Or boating. And minimal atving with the side by side.

Last time, my entire abdomen was red and swollen. The 4 inch long incision opened up and was oozing puss for months. Nothing surprises me anymore. I have to laugh at it now. It's been 3 years of hell with one thing after another.


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## pirate_girl

Steri-strips do make more sense to have it open air a bit.
Thank God you have antibiotics.
Keep that thing clean and take it easy.
Sheesh.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's the plan. The ole waltz again. One step forward two steps back.


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## NorthernRedneck

Update time. We've been through hell and back the past 4 years since my accident. Surgeries. Traveling to see specialists. Daily pain. Giving up on many things I used to be able to do. It is what it is. For the mostpart I've been accepting things as they are. That's not to say I don't have good days and bad days. One thing we did was get a good lawyer as soon as I got out of the hospital the first time. 

That being said, tomorrow is the big day. We are going to be spending the day with my lawyer going back and forth with 3 lawyers on the other side trying to figure out some sort of a settlement. We're talking about some rather large numbers which I don't want to disclose right now. Let's just say it's enough to live comfortably the rest of my life. I'm a bit of a wreck now with the unknown. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## pirate_girl

After the guy ran the stop sign way back when Ty and I were in the bad crash, we got a very nice out of court settlement.

You're going to be ok Brian.
Feel it in my bones.


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## Jim_S RIP

pirate_girl said:


> You're going to be ok Brian.
> Feel it in my bones.



 

Whatever the amount it’s not enough. 

Jim


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks guys. There's some big numbers being thrown around. Hopefully it settles. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## pirate_girl

NorthernRedneck said:


> Thanks guys. There's some big numbers being thrown around. Hopefully it settles.
> 
> Canadian eh!!!



No amount of money is going to take away the pain you're enduring on an almost daily basis, but by God you deserve to live a comfortable life for all you've been through.


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## NorthernRedneck

Yep. I'd give anything to live without pain. Can't sit for long. Can't stand for long. When my back is flared, I lose feeling in my legs. I make the best of it though and try not to just roll over and play dead.  I also try not to complain too much as it serves no purpose. Sometimes I push too hard and don't know when to quit. I never thought that my two years of college and 7 years working with people with disabilities would be preparation for taking care of myself. Many others would just give up and stop living. I figure I owe it to my wife and kids to keep pushing forward. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## NorthernRedneck

What a long day full of emotional highs and lows. For a while it seemed that things stalled and we were going to court. But that would drag things out for a year or more with no guarantee of anything. All things considered, we walked out with a settlement and without getting into details, we're now millionaires. We had to give up a lot on our side from our original proposal but got them to up their offer quite a bit. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## Doc

Sounds like Congrats are in order.   Congrats!!!!!!!!


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## Jim_S RIP

CONGRATULATIONS!


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## pirate_girl

NorthernRedneck said:


> What a long day full of emotional highs and lows. For a while it seemed that things stalled and we were going to court. But that would drag things out for a year or more with no guarantee of anything. All things considered, we walked out with a settlement and without getting into details, we're now millionaires. We had to give up a lot on our side from our original proposal but got them to up their offer quite a bit.
> 
> Canadian eh!!!


Wooohoooooo!!
I'm very happy for you and your family, Brian.
The future is going to be brighter in so many ways, just wish the pain could be wiped away.
Awesome.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks guys. I'm just beat. It hasn't fully sunk in yet. I was actually in good shape financially before today. Government disability coupled with my long term benefits from work. So what we got today isn't going towards income.  We already have a financial planner who will help us live off the interest. 

Funny thing is that I always used to joke about retiring at age 40. That was before my accident. Now that it happened, it's bitter sweet. I'd give it all back to go back to before that day. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## NorthernRedneck

Not frustrated. But thinking about someone in a crisis situation. The first responders get there and take care of you. They do everything to keep you alive. They get you to the hospital and hand you off. Then go on about their day.

I've shared in the past how we made it a tradition to bring a plate of cookies to the fire hall at Christmas as a way of saying thank you. But what about the 911 operators? They take the call and make sure that all necessary life saving measures are in place to help you then pass you on. 

We recently went to make a bigger furniture purchase. The salesperson who we dealt with talked to her sister about me and what happened. Her sister, as it turns out, happened to be the 911 operator who took the call when I had my accident. In a city of 115000 people, I managed to reconnect with some of the firemen who were first on scene and kept me alive till paramedics arrived and got me to the hospital. Now, I was able to indirectly connect with the 911 operator who played a part in saving my life. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## greatdiscovery

I just read a lot of this thread and it has kept me rapt. I appreciate all your sharing and honesty OP, and thanks for letting everyone know how it worked out. Bitter sweet indeed, but horrible life events are survivable, and one can even flourish again.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. It's been quite a journey and life changing experience for sure. At least I'm still here. 

Sent from my SM-G965U1 using Tapatalk


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## NorthernRedneck

So the crps flare ups I was having in my foot have a habit of subsiding during the summer months when I rarely get a flare. The past few weeks have been hell in the evening. Not the foot so much but every evening around 8pm, both legs tense up so much that it stops me dead in my tracks. Literally. I have to call to my wife to help and get my cane or Walker. Even at that it's a 10 minute walk to make it across the room to sit down. Both thighs tense up like the pictures of my feet. Like the worst Charlie horse ever. If it keeps up, I'll have to bring in the wheelchair I have out in the garage. I've been fine during the day and can almost move normally without a cane. But in the evening, it's like walking across a room perfectly fine and someone shuts off the switch and says "That's it!  No more walking for you"  

I still go to physio once a week for a suction cup treatment on my back. He coats my whole back with ultrasound jelly then attaches 2 suction cups and moves them around. They help to loosen the muscles. Hurts like a sob at the time but helps to loosen things for days. 

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