# Considering adopting



## NorthernRedneck

The missus and I have 4 children combined.  Yet, we are preparred to open our home to another 1-2 children.  Our thoughts are to become foster parents with the option of adopting.  We are just in the beginning stages at this point.


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## Snowtrac Nome

you give Big Al a bad time about owning krustys . but with that many kids under one roof you are looking for an early committal to the funny farm. that said congrats to giving a kid in need a home.


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## NorthernRedneck

After two kids, the rest is just bonus.  They all keep themselves occupied for the mostpart.  The younger two play upstairs.  Older two downstairs.  Works good.


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## Doc

Good luck with that.   I hope it works out for the better for you guys.


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## luvs

awesome, & congrats! my friend's fostering-to-adopt, too- thier biological toddler & their new kiddo should soon be siblings.


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## NorthernRedneck

Just a little update.  We started our course which prepares us to become foster parents.  Everyone up here has to go through the same ten week course whether they are planning on adopting or just fostering.  It's a lengthy process.  

I'm not worried though about the training.  So far, from what I can tell, I could teach the course.  I do work in the field after all.  It is interesting though being on the other side of the coin for a change.  It would be akin to a doctor going to see another doctor for a medical condition.

How the process for us works is that I can't become a foster parent for the agency I work for since it would be a conflict of interest.  I work for one of the Aboriginal Children's Aide Societies up here.(there are two)  There's also the regular CAS.  We can foster for the other aboriginal society or the regular one but not for the one I work for.  So it leaves options.


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## squerly

Very cool!  You da man Groomer!!!


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## NorthernRedneck

Time for another update.  We completed the training back in June but told the agency we were not prepared yet to take on any other children over the summer since we were preparing for our wedding in august.  Fast forward to this past weekend.  We got our first two foster children for a weekend visit to give their mother a break.  The kids were great!  We ended up having a joint birthday swimming party for out two oldest children at a local pool.  Made for a good activity to include the foster children.  They had a great time.  If all works out, we will be having these two children come to spend one weekend a month with us.  I think that's a good start to get our feet wet as foster parents.


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## NorthernRedneck

Here's another thing my accident affected. We had to take a break from fostering for a while but are back at er now. We have a new temporary addition to our family effective today. We were contacted at noon and had a 6 yr old girl brought to us for a semi permanent placement. It's too soon to tell but she'll be with us for at least a month. maybe longer. Our daughter is thrilled to have another girl to play with. 

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## Galvatron

Thank you Brian for fostering these young souls....another reason for me to admire you.

You make the world a better place hence your time was not up


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## NorthernRedneck

It's a pleasure to be able to do this. Our kids are great with it too. So we have our new addition now and she's settled in nicely. We have a few issues to work on and things to watch out for over the next week or so. Breaks my heart to see what some people expose their children to. 

Oh yes.......we also have another addition to our house.  Before we found out about this child we have  now we had agreed to another child coming to stay with us every second weekend. She also came today.


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## NorthernRedneck

So we now have two little girls staying with us.  One comes to us every second weekend and returns home on sundays.  The second little girl is a different story.  At first all they could tell us is that she would be with us for at least a month.  Now, it's looking more like a minimum six months and most likely longer.  We are very happy to have her with us.  It's sad hearing what she has been through so far but also rewarding to see her settle in and be a kid again.  It's a great feeling to be able to provide a loving stable home for this girl.  Just today, we got a little info on one incident that happened a while back when she had to call 911 because her mother was basically comatose from a drug overdose.  Very sad.  So unless mom gets her shit together in short order and turns her life around, there is a possibility that this little girl could be here for the long haul.

I know how the system works as it's what I do.  When a child comes into care the worker meets with the parents and has them sign what is called a "temporary care agreement" or "TCA".  That agreement basically says that they will do this, that, and etc.... in order to have their child returned to them.  Once that period of time is up, they have the option of either challenging it in court or signing another agreement with the agency.  These agreements can go on for up to a year.  After that, the agency can apply to the courts to have the child become a ward of the crown or "crown ward".  Once the child becomes a crown ward, he or she has a strong likelyhood of becoming adoptable.  

Now, aboriginal agencies like I work for have another option.  They can choose to enter into a "Customary care agreement" or "CCA" which can either be short term or long term.  This keeps the case out of the court system and basically stops the clock allowing the parents more time to do what they have to do to get the kids back.  If they choose to challenge this then the agency simply brings it to court and the child becomes a crown ward.  Both the CCA and crown ward order last until the child reaches the age of 18 at which time they are considered an adult.  Both ways have their pluses and minuses.  Being a crown ward means the child has the chance at permanency.  However, being a CCA allows the possibility of the family to be reunited down the road.

With all that being said, this little girl placed with us could end up being adoptable down the road.  We'll see what happens.  But for now, we are just enjoying being able to open our home to a child in need.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's her beside our youngest. Would you believe that they are only months apart in age. She's a sweetheart. She fit in perfectly at our house. You can tell the kind of upbringing she's had though as at 6 years old she often acts more like a twelve year old and is always looking out for others. I guess that's what happens when your mother is addicted to Crack cocaine. So far we haven'tseen any physical effects from the exposure to the stuff. 






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## pirate_girl

Brian, you and your wife and children are very special people to open your
lives to someone so in need of love and care.

God bless you.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. We like to do what we can to help others

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## NorthernRedneck

So a little update. The girl we have full time is working out great. The temp girl we have on every second weekend is quite a different story. We feel sorry for her.  She is very very attached to her mother and does nothing but cry for her the whole time. There's 5 kids but she's the only one removed every second weekend. At 5 years old she basically walks all over her mother all of the time. I can't blame her though. Her mother lets her get away with it. We don't put up with the constant whining and crying here. She just needs stability and consistency. 

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## Dolores Gutierrez

That's really sad. Maybe the girl can still change? I mean, she's just 5 years old. I'm not sure how though if her mother lets her get away with everything. But God Bless you and your family for being a blessing to these kids. I hope there are others like you.


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## NorthernRedneck

Looks like we were right about the part time girl we had coming to the house every second weekend. The parents are finally realizing the damage they are doing to her and are reevaluating their request to place her into care every second weekend. I  mean. How can a mother line up her children and point to the 5 year old girl and say "I can't handle you so you're going somewhere else for the weekend. This girl is the perfect example of poor parenting. She's good when she comes here and listens well. 

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## NorthernRedneck

Here we are almost six and a half months after getting our first full time foster child.  She may be returning to her dad very soon.  Mom and dad aren't officially together and he has his poop in a group so to speak.  She was previously living with her mother before coming to us.  So all the focus has been on getting her to go to her dad's care.  This may happen as soon as tomorrow or friday.

What can I say about our experience thusfar?  It has been an absolute joy to have her here with us.  She took to calling us mom and dad.  We had the talk with her and explained that she is right in a way.  To her, we are foster mom and foster dad.  To my wife's children I am step dad.  To my son she is step mom.  So mom and dad can mean different things to different people.  

She has fit in perfectly with our family.  We've made a big impact in her life.  We are going to miss her when she goes.

Looking forward, since we originally got into this to hopefully have a child which is adoptable.  All everyone keeps saying is that there are so many kids out there looking for their forever home and a family who will love them.  This may be partially true but from what I can tell many are trapped in a system which can often hold them back for years from finding permanency.  With that said, we spoke to our worker at the agency and even she said that it doesn't actually happen too often when a child comes in that is adoptable.

So with all that being said, my wife and I agreed to start searching other sources and speaking with actual adoption agencies that specialize in adoption.  We have a meeting with one this week regarding a potential adoptable little girl.  At this point it's just gathering information.  We shall see.

To those who think we a crazy because we already have four children, I tell them that after 2 children, it's just another potato in the pot at supper.  We already have 4 children.  One more is not much more work.  It takes a great deal of commitment combined with a lot of structure and routine in the home. Because our daughter has severe adhd, we have a set routine for her in order to allow her to reach her full potential.  All of the other children benefit from this.


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## squerly

Damn it Brian, now I can't see the screen.


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## Galvatron

Brian you and your family are outstanding,i am so proud of you all and wish i was closer to shake your hand.

I am really lost for words knowing you have been through so much yet you give way much more than most.

Thanks Brian you make mankind worth fighting for.

I do not say this lightly ...our dear friend Big Al will be looking down and smiling ...he was just like you and gave so much with no interest in personal reward ,maybe he is your guiding Angel i would like to think so as i know he for sure he still guides me in his posts and legacy he left behind,i really do miss him,this thread is in the perfect place.


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## Jim_S RIP

Galvatron said:


> Brian you and your family are outstanding,i am so proud of you all and wish i was closer to shake your hand.
> 
> I am really lost for words knowing you have been through so much yet you give way much more than most.
> 
> Thanks Brian you make mankind worth fighting for.
> 
> I do not say this lightly ...our dear friend Big Al will be looking down and smiling ...he was just like you and gave so much with no interest in personal reward ,maybe he is your guiding Angel i would like to think so as i know he for sure he still guides me in his posts and legacy he left behind,i really do miss him,this thread is in the perfect place.


Couldn't have said it any better myself.

Brian, thanks to you and your family!

Jim


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## NorthernRedneck

We just figured that we would do our part to make a difference even if it's just giving one child a chance who would otherwise not have someone to turn to. 

Really though. This sort of stems from a selfish reason if you would like to know. Since I had the ole snip job a few years ago and my wife is also fixed we can't have children of our own. So the next best thing for us is to offer a home to another child in need. 

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## NorthernRedneck

We got the official word that our foster daughter will be returning home in the morning. This is the hard part. We knew that this day would come but it doesn't make it any easier. In the six months that she's been with us we have all become very attached. She has become a good friend to our children. It's difficult knowing that tomorrow morning  may be the last time we see her. I never imagined this being so hard. Now I can truly understand what the foster children and foster parents go through that I have worked with over the years. 

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## Galvatron

NorthernRedneck said:


> We got the official word that our foster daughter will be returning home in the morning. This is the hard part. We knew that this day would come but it doesn't make it any easier. In the six months that she's been with us we have all become very attached. She has become a good friend to our children. It's difficult knowing that tomorrow morning  may be the last time we see her. I never imagined this being so hard. Now I can truly understand what the foster children and foster parents go through that I have worked with over the years.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk



You just made me and my wife cry ....thanks for cocking up our evening (we were acting stupid due to being alone lol).....we as a family send our love and best wishes for the childs future and thanks to your family for the support you have given the child.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. I know that it will be hard seeing her off tomorrow. We have truly become attached and consider her a part of the family. This week was especially difficult. We knew that there was the possibility that she'd be going back for some time but couldn't say anything to her about it. Which is why we made the effort to take the kids to the waterfront for a supper picnic. Every Wednesday there's live entertainment there throughout the summer. It's free. So why not. The kids had fun playing on the playground, listening to music, having ice cream, and running around in the splash pad. We just wanted to make her last few days with us special. 











As they say though. One door closes and another one opens. Tomorrow afternoon my wife and I are having a telephone conference with an adoption agency regarding a potential adoptable 9 year old girl who sounds very similar to our daughter. We'll see how it goes. 

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## NorthernRedneck

My wife was at work so I had to send her off by myself this morning. It was hard to say the least knowing that we may never see her again. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	







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## NorthernRedneck

Believe it or not she's (middle girl) only 3 months older than our six year old son. Our daughter is 9 and was just starting to get her hand me down clothes. 

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## Galvatron

The difficult day you have had Brian as made me question the choices i make in life and thanks for that as i really did need a wake up call.

The impact you had on that young life will never be forgot,i will always carry it with it.

Thank you to you and your family.


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## NorthernRedneck

This is the tough part sitting at home and always wondering how she's doing. Whether she's being fed. Put to bed at a decent time. Etc. When she came to us the school reported frequently that she would be falling asleep in class from staying up way late (3am) taking care of her mother who was stoned on crack.  At least she's not with her mother now. Hopefully her dad steps up and continues to take responsibility. 

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## NorthernRedneck

Things have been slow with the agency we were signed up with which is a good thing. So we got the idea that since its looking less likely every day that I'll ever be able to return to work there even on modified duties, my wife contacted them and explained the situation that we are trained foster parents. Normally you can't foster for them if you work there. Considering the situation they bent some rules and have allowed us to become foster parents for their agency. It was a little odd having one of my coworkers come by today to give us a run through on some paperwork required. At least I'll still be doing my part to help a couple kids who need the help.


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## Glenn9643

You are about to undertake a great journey.  No doubt it is a good and decent thing to do.  Before you commit look at the genetics involved if at all possible..  I have relatives who have adopted and raised marvelous children with very little problems.
I also have relatives who adopted two kids and both were disasters for the family, themselves, and the community.  Genetics makes a difference, whether it's corn, dogs, or people.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. I'm fully aware of the issues some of these kids have. For the mostpart they are just kids. Brown or white. Doesn't matter. Kids are kids. There are some pretty messed up white kids out there too.


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## Glenn9643

I wasn't referring to race at all.  If you can learn something of the children's family history and general traits it can often be revealing.


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## NorthernRedneck

Wouldn't you know it. We went six months without a call from the original agency we signed up with then as soon as we are nearly done the process of signing on with the agency I worked for prior to the accident and we start getting calls. The first two weren't a good fit for our family. Last week we got the call we have been waiting for. 
We had a 10 yr old girl come for a visit on Tuesday. She is moving in tomorrow. This will most likely be a long term placement as she's been involved with the system for a number of years already. All family has been explored and her parents are not in the picture. She has 2 older sisters as well. It's sad we can't take all 3 but we're already working on ways to get them together as much as possible. 

Looking down the road at a crystal ball, if things fall as they probably will, there's a good chance that the two younger sisters will be adoptable. No matter what happens she will be welcomed into our home and treated no different than our own children for however long she is with us.

We are still completing the process of signing on with the other agency as we still have room for one boy.


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## NorthernRedneck

This is our new addition to the family. She'll be with us long term.


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## NorthernRedneck

Kids had fun dying easter eggs.


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## NorthernRedneck

We now have 6, count em, 6 children living in our home. We took in a 7 year old boy yesterday. After 3 it's basically another plate on the table. Lol. Not much more work.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> We now have 6, count em, 6 children living in our home. We took in a 7 year old boy yesterday. After 3 it's basically another plate on the table. Lol. Not much more work.



You are way better than me.  I don't think I could do it.  But I applaud you for your charity, which obviously begins at home.  You are making a difference in the lives of these kids and potentially saving them from a bad childhood while at the same time giving them a direction for their futures.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's what it's about. I loved my job. Was very pationate about helping foster kids. Since my accident it's become apparent that I may never be able to work in that field again so what better way to still be involved than to open our home to kids who need a safe place to lay their head.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> That's what it's about. I loved my job. Was very pationate about helping foster kids. Since my accident it's become apparent that I may never be able to work in that field again so what better way to still be involved than to open our home to kids who need a safe place to lay their head.



I, again, applaud you for your efforts


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## NorthernRedneck

Update time. We still have the girl we took in last march. She'll likely be with us till she's 18 at least. We also began fostering for the agency I worked for(they normally wouldn't allow an employee to foster but since I'm not likely to ever return to work they allowed it).  We took in a 7 yr old boy in October from that agency. He has 3 sisters. We had always said 6 would be our max(our 4 plus 2 fosters).  Call us crazy but we're considering the possibility of adding a 7th child. The younger sister of our foster son is in need of a home. We believe that as f'd up the parents are, the children shouldn't have to suffer and should be together at all costs whenever possible. We're trying to figure out how to shoehorn another bed in here.


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## Jim_S RIP

NorthernRedneck said:


> Update time. We still have the girl we took in last march. She'll likely be with us till she's 18 at least. We also began fostering for the agency I worked for(they normally wouldn't allow an employee to foster but since I'm not likely to ever return to work they allowed it).  We took in a 7 yr old boy in October from that agency. He has 3 sisters. We had always said 6 would be our max(our 4 plus 2 fosters).  Call us crazy but we're considering the possibility of adding a 7th child. The younger sister of our foster son is in need of a home. We believe that as f'd up the parents are, the children shouldn't have to suffer and should be together at all costs whenever possible. We're trying to figure out how to shoehorn another bed in here.



Brian, you and your wife are two of the most generous and caring people I know.


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## NorthernRedneck

jim slagle said:


> Brian, you and your wife are two of the most generous and caring people I know.


Thanks. We're just trying to do our part to help those less fortunate. Children shouldn't have to worry about being separated from their siblings. They shouldn't have to worry about where they will get their next meal and where they will sleep at night. 

Oh.....we also have a sponsor child over in Africa. We get updates letters pictures etc.


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## pirate_girl

NorthernRedneck said:


> Update time. We still have the girl we took in last march. She'll likely be with us till she's 18 at least. We also began fostering for the agency I worked for(they normally wouldn't allow an employee to foster but since I'm not likely to ever return to work they allowed it).  We took in a 7 yr old boy in October from that agency. He has 3 sisters. We had always said 6 would be our max(our 4 plus 2 fosters).  Call us crazy but we're considering the possibility of adding a 7th child. The younger sister of our foster son is in need of a home. We believe that as f'd up the parents are, the children shouldn't have to suffer and should be together at all costs whenever possible. We're trying to figure out how to shoehorn another bed in here.



God you and your wife are the best!
You have lots of room in your heart.
You'll figure out where to put another bed.


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## NorthernRedneck

Update 

We still have 3 foster children along with our 4 children. It's looking like our oldest foster daughter will be with us for a long time. The younger two have been going for weekends with their aunt and uncle. It's likely they will be moving there at some point. 

Back to the oldest. The agency is currently discussing permanency and what that would look like. We may be starting the process to adopt her.


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## NorthernRedneck

Time for another bitter sweet update. First, our oldest foster daughter. We started the process of adopting her back a few months ago. It's a lot more involved than what you see on "stuart little". There's police records checking. 4 references each. Meetings. Interviews. Legal proceedings. A 6 month minimum probation period. Among other things. 

Now the bitter part. We had taken in an 8 year old boy in October 2017. In April 2018,  his 6 year old sister came to live with us. Putting us up to 7 kids in the house. We've managed alright but lately, it's been hard on our children due to behavioral problems the boy was presenting.  We recognized this and had to consider what's best for everyone. Sadly, we had to choose between our children and having him in the house. For the mostpart he has been alright but also has explosive outbursts where he starts destroying things and saying very hurtful things about our family. Really, he needs a family who can devote more attention to him than we can. So back in December we requested that he be moved to a different home. We actually requested that his sister go with him so they can at least be together. The agency was unable to find a suitable home for both of them. So she will be staying with us for now and he will be moving tomorrow. 

It's very emotional and heartbreaking but it's what's best for everyone. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## Doc

It's tough being an adult and having to make the tough calls, but sounds like you did the right thing for your household.  Best wishes.


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## NorthernRedneck

I'm just frustrated with the agency right now. They had months to plan and find a place instead they have been sitting on their butts doing nothing. And because of it, his behavior has been escalating to the point where we are always on edge waiting for the next blow up.  I was the one doing the planning for the kids on my caseload and I knew what was going on days if not weeks in advance. This worker for the kids has about as much common sense as my left nut. Absolutely no communication skills. As a worker, I was obligated to be in the foster home at least every 45 days. She's been their worker since September and hasn't been any further than the driveway to pick them up. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## pirate_girl

I thought part of their service was to ensure that kids are placed in an environment where they are going to thrive and get along with others.
It's for the best.
First and foremost are your kids.
Good luck with it Brian.
I'd never be able to be a foster parent.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's supposed to be the plan but when you have 600+ kids in care, that's a lot of foster homes they have to find in a city of 100000 people. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## EastTexFrank

Brian, I know that it's tough but I think that you are doing the right thing.

Many years ago relatives of mine adopted an 8-year old mixed race girl.  They already had three kids of their own.  That child tore that family apart.  I won't go into all the crap that child got into and got the whole family into but when she left 10-years later to go God only knows where, she left behind a totally dysfunctional family.


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## NorthernRedneck

Yep. It's a sad scenario with no easy answer. We did the best we could but in the end we have to look at what's best for everyone. 

It's looking like we'll still involved with him at some capacity for a while. Now we are told he will be going next week. But we will still pick him up for scouts on Mondays and he'll see his sister weekly. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## Imold

Adoption and Foster Care are hard to do. Kudos to you and your wife.
We Adopted our two youngest at birth and now they are 20 years old and 17 years old, if the wife and I were younger we would do it again. We have two of our own biological children who are in their mid 30’s now and out of our 4 children you can see the difference in the adopted over the biological, definitely a personality difference in each of the adopted over our biological children. It really makes a person think.


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## luvs

i've family that have gotten kiddos via adoption, then got pregnant as soon as they put in 4 adoption;-- & a pal fosters-to-adopt, so she has her baby that is hers & tots that she took on via fostering/adoption- she, i hear loves them all as a Mom should-- they have done well~~


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## NorthernRedneck

Imold said:


> Adoption and Foster Care are hard to do. Kudos to you and your wife.
> We Adopted our two youngest at birth and now they are 20 years old and 17 years old, if the wife and I were younger we would do it again. We have two of our own biological children who are in their mid 30’s now and out of our 4 children you can see the difference in the adopted over the biological, definitely a personality difference in each of the adopted over our biological children. It really makes a person think.


That's cool. We would have liked to have our own but since both of us are fixed, that wasn't happening. 

We had to make the decision to ask for our foster son to move to a new home. He's leaving today. His tantrums and screaming were becoming too much for our kids to handle. We'll still be involved with him though as we have his sister living with us. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## Imold

I’ll need to elaborate a bit here, my oldest two were from my 1st marriage of 13 years and I ended up remarried to a wonderful gal I should of met 14 years earlier but anyway she was not able to have children due to a medical issue when she was a young teen, we wanted to have our own children and I also had a vasectomy so our option was adoption(we thought about being foster parents)and my biological children were fine or should I say happy that they would have a younger sister or brother, one adoption turned into two adoptions and we would of adopted again but we decided due to our age it would be best to just be happy with our 4 children.
When we signed up for adoption the 1st thing we said was we didn’t care anything about the health or gender of the child, we just wanted to Adopt. Our 17 year old was born on my birthday and was a born early so the 1st week and a half I spent it in the children’s ICU until he was a certain weight to allow him to come home with us.
We were lucky adopting two children in 3 years, some folks it takes up to 5 years or more because they set certain standards which set them up for disappointment and blame the system, we didn’t care if the child had twelve toes six fingers and 3 eyes we just wanted to adopt and grow our family.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's awesome. Very similar story to us. She had 3. I had 1. We couldn't have one together for the same reason. So adopting was the alternative. It was taking a while to find a child suitable for adoption so we decided to foster while we waited. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## NorthernRedneck

Our foster son has been gone since weds. We still have his sister for now. I will say that I can sense a more relaxed atmosphere at home without him here. We just couldn't do it anymore. I was at the point where I just didn't care anymore if he was throwing a fit. 

On the adoption front, we met with the adoption worker yesterday. It's almost to the point where it's a done deal. They have to serve a notice to all her relevant family members who haven't already been identified in the original court papers just to notify of the intent to adopt. Her sisters are the only ones who can challenge it now and even then, they can only apply with a lawyer to have specific details regarding access specified in the final paperwork. They have 30 days to do that then we go through a minimum 6 month probation period before its finalized. 

Just a wee bit more involved process than the movie "stuart little". It's not a simple case of just going to an orphanage and pointing to one kid and saying "I want that one". 

Canadian eh!!!


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## Imold

Adoption is a very interesting procedure that’s for sure and experience I’ll never forget.


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## NorthernRedneck

So today was quite the emotional roller coaster. We had a "family meeting " at the children's aide society with our foster daughter's biological family to hash out what access will look like. It's been a long emotional process to say the least but we signed papers to officially begin the adoption probation which is a minimum of 6 months before filing everything with the courts to make it official. We were supposed to enter adoption probation at the beginning of March but ran into a few problems with bio family. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## pirate_girl

Good luck with all that, Brian.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. Because she is now officially on adoption probation, we can get her baptized (she's never been). So this weekend, we are able to get her baptized under her new name. Her first name will stay the same.  Hollie May Hope Davis.  As will one of her middle names. After baptism, she will be taking her first communion. This is all her choice and something she wants to do as she wants to be a server at church. Part of the requirements is that you're baptized. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## pirate_girl

NorthernRedneck said:


> Thanks. Because she is now officially on adoption probation, we can get her baptized (she's never been). So this weekend, we are able to get her baptized under her new name. Her first name will stay the same.  Hollie May Hope Davis.  As will one of her middle names. After baptism, she will be taking her first communion. This is all her choice and something she wants to do as she wants to be a server at church. Part of the requirements is that you're baptized.
> 
> Canadian eh!!!


Aww! That's wonderful!


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## NorthernRedneck

Today is Hollie's baptism. We re doing it at the regular 10am service. Afterwards, we are doing a family luncheon. Hollie is holding a baby who is also being baptized this morning.

Some of her biological family and friends will also be there.





Canadian eh!!!


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## Melensdad

Awesome!


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## Melensdad

I keep watching this thread because the lovely Mrs_Bob keeps talking about 'fostering' a kid.  I'm not really pro-or-opposed to the idea.  We sort of did a fostering of Dasha without ever planning to do so.  We lose her on June 1 when I put her on an airplane to move her to Boston.  

Real fostering would change our lives pretty dramatically.  Not sure I want to take that step, but I do know that the work I have done with several of my fencing students proves that I can care deeply about kids that are not my own and I know my wife can do the same and is obviously more than willing to do so.

I applaud anyone and everyone who adopts!


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## NorthernRedneck

One thing you have to remember is that most of these kids carry a lot of emotional trauma from being abandoned and having to fend for themselves. So they are emotionally closed off and guarded and have a hard time trusting adults. But with time and patience, they eventually come around to opening up. 

Canadian eh!!!


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## NorthernRedneck

We're on track to have the adoption process completed hopefully by Christmas for our 12 year old. Her last name will officially be the same as mine. 

On another note, we've had a 7 year old girl staying with us since April 2018. She's been the sweetest girl. Always happy. No behavioral issues. No health concerns. Mom has 5 kids and no home. The agency has been working with her to find suitable housing. It looks like that finally happened so when she gets set up this month, our foster daughter will be going home. It's actually kinda sad as we realize that her mother will never be able to give her the life that we did. But she's still mom. We had her older brother as well until his outbursts and tantrums became too much. As much as we wanted to help him, we had to consider our own family. 








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## NorthernRedneck

[emoji26]

It's going to be a happy time and sad time this weekend. We got word today that our little 7 year old is being discharged on Monday. She'll be picked up for school then we most likely won't see her again after having her with us for the past 16 months. It's  going to be different without her here. 

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## NorthernRedneck

Reality is setting in that our precious 7 year old is leaving in the morning and its highly unlikely that we'll see her again. She was always happy.  This is the crappy part of being a foster parent. 

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## NorthernRedneck

So it's been 3 years since our family welcomed a girl into our home. First as a foster placement but when we heard that she was going to be adoptable we jumped at the opportunity. Adoption probation began in March 2019 for a 6 month period. Followed by the children's aide society filling out a bunch of papers and submitting them to the ministry of children services for approval. Then an application of adoption was filed with the provincial courts. We got a court date of March 17th to go before a judge to have it finalized. I just saw that the courts have postponed all non emergency court proceedings for 6-8 weeks due to the coronavirus scare.


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## NorthernRedneck

We took in a sweet 8 yr old girl in April during the covid pandemic. She fit in perfectly with our big blended family. 

Seriously though it's getting hard to keep track of the family dynamics. We have no children together. The oldest boy 16 is mine from a previous marriage. The next three are hers 15b, 13g, 10b. We're one court date away from adopting a 13 year old girl. Now we added an 8 yr old. That's 6 kids full time. 

Where am I going with this?  We are foster parents. We have the space. We have the time. We were set at 6. No more kids. Well at 6pm this evening, we got a call from the agency I worked for. "Hello, we have a 9 year old girl who needs a home today. Can you please help us?"  Well, 20 minutes later the agency worker showed up with her. All she had was a small bag with a change of clothes she had grabbed quickly. Tears running down her cheeks. 

We weren't told much and what happened and were told not to ask her. Just keep it low key so we did this evening and just included her into our regular activities. We'll see in the morning what happens. We had to use a camper j-cube mattress on the floor for her to sleep on. 

Sometimes that's how much notice you get as a foster parent.


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## Bannedjoe

NorthernRedneck said:


> We took in a sweet 8 yr old girl in April during the covid pandemic. She fit in perfectly with our big blended family.
> 
> Seriously though it's getting hard to keep track of the family dynamics. We have no children together. The oldest boy 16 is mine from a previous marriage. The next three are hers 15b, 13g, 10b. We're one court date away from adopting a 13 year old girl. Now we added an 8 yr old. That's 6 kids full time.
> 
> Where am I going with this?  We are foster parents. We have the space. We have the time. We were set at 6. No more kids. Well at 6pm this evening, we got a call from the agency I worked for. "Hello, we have a 9 year old girl who needs a home today. Can you please help us?"  Well, 20 minutes later the agency worker showed up with her. All she had was a small bag with a change of clothes she had grabbed quickly. Tears running down her cheeks.
> 
> We weren't told much and what happened and were told not to ask her. Just keep it low key so we did this evening and just included her into our regular activities. We'll see in the morning what happens. We had to use a camper j-cube mattress on the floor for her to sleep on.
> 
> Sometimes that's how much notice you get as a foster parent.



Amazing!
Are you trying for sainthood?


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## NorthernRedneck

Lol. Nope. 

In a previous life before my near fatal motorcycle accident 5 years ago, I was a social worker working with foster children after they were placed in foster homes. I often had a caseload of 17 or more kids all placed in different homes aging from 0-18. 

Since I can't work anymore, I have a lot of free time I can devote to helping others.


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## NorthernRedneck

Update. She's gone. Last night was ok. This morning and afternoon was ok. Then she snapped. Trying to hurt herself so she could blame us. Running away. My wife followed her on foot for about a mile. She was in her socks. My wife called the cops. Cops called the agency.

Apparently we weren't told why they came into care. How does a 9 year old get pot and smoke up at home?  There were other things too. She was in another home two nights ago and grabbed a knife threatening to kill herself. I put my foot down and told the agency to get her out of here as we have 6 other kids who were hiding downstairs shaking with her screaming.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> Update. She's gone. Last night was ok. This morning and afternoon was ok. Then she snapped. Trying to hurt herself so she could blame us. Running away. My wife followed her on foot for about a mile. She was in her socks. My wife called the cops. Cops called the agency.



This is why a 3 month old is easier.  He can't stand yet.

But seriously, this has to be really tough to live through, trying to help and seeing your efforts thrown away.  The emotional ties are hard to cut, you feel for them and then they are gone because, despite everything you did, it just didn't work.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's the hard part of fostering. You can't save them all. Some kids require more than what a regular foster home can offer. It's sad. 

What started out as a good day turned bad quickly when we told her to take a break from her phone for a bit. Seriously? Why the f does a 9 yr old need an iPhone 10?  Our 15 year old doesn't have a phone. We told our kids that if they wanted a cell phone they can get a job and pay for it themselves. 

What happened was that we simply questioned an app she had on the phone that basically tracked her whole family and where they are including her. Like I really want some stranger showing up wherever I am in town and causing a big stink. Then we suggested that she take a break from it


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## NorthernRedneck

Melensdad said:


> This is why a 3 month old is easier.  He can't stand yet.
> 
> 
> 
> But seriously, this has to be really tough to live through, trying to help and seeing your efforts thrown away.  The emotional ties are hard to cut, you feel for them and then they are gone because, despite everything you did, it just didn't work.


We're still dealing with the aftermath of having that girl with us for a night. So our girls informed us that she was going around the house taking pictures with her cell phone and sending them to her friends so they can come and try to break in to steal things. 

We contacted the agency and their suggestion was to remove the house number out by the road so they can't find the house. 

The after hours workers that came when she flipped out were defending her right to have a cell phone at age 9 so she could call her mom whenever she wanted. Hello?  You just took her away from her mom because she wasn't providing proper care and now you say it's ok for her to have unrestricted unsupervised access to mom???  Makes sense to me. This is exactly why I don't see any reason for a child under the age of 16 to have unrestricted access to social media.


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## NorthernRedneck

Here's a picture of my lovely wife and our foster daughter Eliana. She will most likely be with us into adulthood as she's been in the system since age 3. Dad is dead. Mom is MIA. And no other family members have stepped up to take her. She has a couple of older siblings who are into drugs and prostitution. Her last placement had her for 4 years until they decided that they no longer wanted to foster. 

She is generally happy and has a smile all the time. She fits in perfectly with the other kids. She loves being outside and going for bike rides with her older foster sister Hollie (who we're adopting).  Hollie is the blonde with the black hat. She has 2 older biological sisters. We're one court date away from finalization of the adoption. That was supposed to happen on march 17th but covid shut everything down on the 16th including family court. 

My wife is standing by our second oldest son Alex who is 15.


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## NorthernRedneck

We have an official adoption date. August 25th we will officially welcome Hollie as part of our family. She will be ours. This will also be the first zoom adoption in our city.


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## Jim_S RIP

NorthernRedneck said:


> We have an official adoption date. August 25th we will officially welcome Hollie as part of our family. She will be ours. This will also be the first zoom adoption in our city.



Congratulations!


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## Lenny

NorthernRedneck said:


> We have an official adoption date. August 25th we will officially welcome Hollie as part of our family. She will be ours. This will also be the first zoom adoption in our city.




That's GREAT!


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## EastTexFrank

Congratulations to you all.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. It was supposed to happen march 17th but covid stopped that when they cancelled all non essential court cases on March 16th.


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## NorthernRedneck

It's official. We are now parents to an additional child. May I present to you for the first time ms Hollie May-Hope Davis.

She's been with us for 3 years now but we were finally able to have the adoption finalized with the courts via zoom this morning.


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## Melensdad

Congrats!!!


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## Jim_S RIP

Congratulations!


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks guys. We now officially have 5 children and one foster child who will be with us long term. 

People ask how we manage with 6 kids. I just respond "It's another plate at the table".  Really though. That's how we look at it. When you're buying and cooking for multiples, it's just one more plate. It's one more pair of shoes. One more change of clothes. Etc. Laundry is a never-ending task. But each person has their own basket. Each person is responsible for washing their drying and folding their own clothes. Each person is responsible for washing their own bedding etc. You get a good consistent routine going and it's not that difficult.


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## NorthernRedneck

Yesterday a package arrived in the mail from the agency she was with outlining her entire family history based on what the agency could come up with. 

It's sad to see all the bouncing around from place to place and other crap that they went through since they were born. 

Without getting into details dad was in and out of their lives as they had and on/off relationship.(mom and dad)  Mom was battling with depression and suicidal ideations which caused her to not provide proper care to the girls. When they came into care, they had been with their aunt and uncle for 4 years after the mother basically gave up and left them behind. 

Along with her entire history, there was information on her other family members and their medical history just in case something ever happens to her where she becomes ill.


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## NorthernRedneck

Back to Eliana. She fit in so nicely in our family and we are fully prepared to care for her into adulthood. 

That said, there's a bunch of political agency duristiction BS going on behind the scenes that will affect her and about 300 other kids in care. 

Here's the background info. There are currently 3 foster care agencies in the city. The regular children's aide society that deals with all the non native children. And two agencies dealing with native children. 

How it works with the natives is that they have designated treaty areas and each agency covers a number of different communities in those areas. 

Recently the two native agencies began fighting over jurisdiction and who is actually going to care for the families and children who fall under their umbrella. It ended up in court and the outcome was that approximately 300 children under the agency we foster for have to be transferred to the other agency. 

For us, that means a few different scenarios. 

1.  The other agency comes in and takes her and moves her to one of their homes. (They are short on homes.)

2.  We could sign up to be foster parents with that agency and drop the one we're with. (Apparently they won't take non native foster parents so that's unlikely)

3.  The agency we are with could sign an agreement with the other agency called an interagency service agreement or ISA for short to agree to watch over the other agency's files for them. This is still up in the air as the other agency was willing to do this and then changed their minds. 

So we have a mess. The two agencies are squabbling over duristiction and 300 children are caught in the middle and are at risk of being removed from their current placements just before Christmas and stuck in homes wherever they can find. 

As bad as it is for us, others have it worse. Friends of ours at camp have 4 foster children. 2 from each agency who have been with them for years. They are fully committed to caring for all 4 into adulthood but may be put in a position of having to choose between  which children they want to keep. Imagine being in the position of having to stand your 4 children in a line and picking which two you want to keep. 

I talk to myself to get an expert opinion.


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## NorthernRedneck

Well, it saddens me to say that after 2 years, things didn't work out with elianna and she just wasn't happy and was making life difficult for everyone. We were fully prepared to raise her to adulthood but the stress was becoming more than anyone could handle. So we gave the agency notice and they had ten days to find her a new home. 

We originally began our journey of being foster parents with intent to adopt.  Eventually we had our daughter placed with us and when she became adoptable, we did. We had said that we would only do respite but took in elianna as an emergency. Then we agreed to keep her long-term. Now that she's going, we have decided to take a break from fostering as our children are getting older. Eventually we will have some time to ourselves, something we have never had.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> . . . Now that she's going, we have decided to take a break from fostering as our children are getting older. *Eventually we will have some time to ourselves, something we have never had.*


And you deserve it.


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## NorthernRedneck

Thanks. This wasn't an easy decision. She was moved yesterday. It never gets easy.  We've had a few kids come and go and trust me. It never gets easier to see them leave knowing that someone you loved and cared for as your own is gone and you'll never see them again. How do you grieve the living?


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> ...How do you grieve the living?


You don't, you can't.  This is one of those things where you pray she will find a family that 'fits' her better and that she 'fits' better.  We can love children but maybe we don't fully understand them, or fulfill their needs, or provide for something that is lacking in their heart, even if we love them.  Don't grieve for her, hope she finds what she needs.


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