# Becoming foster parents?



## Melensdad

So the lovely Mrs_Bob and I are having our first interview to see if we can become foster parents.  The interview is an in-house inspection/visit by a state licensed agency and will be happing late this morning.  

I gather this process takes months to complete?  3 to 6 months.  Background checks, dog vaccinations, car registration & proof of insurance, valid driver's licenses, income verification, birth certificate copies, they even want a well water inspection.

We shall see how it goes.  

How many here are familiar with this?  Either as a former foster kid or a foster parent?


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## pirate_girl

Good luck with it Bob.
I was never a foster parent, but was in the big sister program with a young girl many years ago.


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## Melensdad

Preliminary meeting went very well, lasted about 2 hours including the property walk through.  It was not a complete inspection but rather just a walk through to insure we had the facilities we claimed.  So nobody dug into the cabinets to look snoop.  Most of the time was spent talking, asking questions, etc.  

We move forward with background checks and fingerprinting on Saturday.

There will be classes that we take, which, if I understand the schedule, will be completed before Thanksgiving.  We also learn basic first aid, CPR, etc.  

NOT SURE HOW IT WORKS IN OTHER STATES but apparently foster care in Indiana is typically a 3 to 12 month commitment per child.  The child/children come to you, typically after an emergency/tragedy and may arrive any time of the day, including the middle of the night.  You typically have the child/children for about 3 months because that is the basic amount of time the state takes to set up court dates for custody, to find relatives that the child/children can move in with permanently, to do background checks on the relatives, etc.

Many fosters are children of incarcerated criminals, children of accident victims who end up in long term hospital care, orphans due to accidents, etc.  Many are also abuse victims, kids who are raised in drug houses, etc.  

The classes we will be taking include some rudimentary/basic psychological counseling so we can hopefully spot some behavioral cues that might indicate unknown problems, etc.

Anyway we are going to proceed forward to the next steps.


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## NorthernRedneck

Not sure on the process in the states but up here we had to go through a 10 session training thing as well as all of the things you mentioned. 

I will say that you guys better be prepared for anything. It's not as bad if you get a child young enough without medical problems. But a lot of the kids in the foster care system are born addicted to drugs or have fetal alcohol syndrome or other issues. 

Also be prepared for the constant home visits from workers. Bringing kids to appointments. Specialists. Doctors. Optical appointments. Dental appointments. You WILL have workers in your home on a regular basis. More often if they have medical or behavioral issues. If there's biological family still involved, there will be visits that will affect your plans and schedules. There's a lot of frustrations as well even with dealing with the workers. You will have to accept that you are raising a child that isn't yours and most decisions will have to be approved by the agency. Even things like family vacations and travel plans will require more planning as you have to get approval for everything. It takes a lot of patience and understanding. 

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## NorthernRedneck

One more thing, you won't always agree with the agency's decision. You could have a child in your home that you have raised and loved for years and without warning that child be removed from your home and you never see them again. That's been the hardest part of fostering for me. Knowing that we provided the best loving home that we could for a child then losing that child. It's actually worse than mourning the loss of a loved one. When a loved one dies, you know they aren't coming back. When a child leaves your home, you know that they are out there somewhere and you may never see them again. The child will be out there and no matter how much you want to still be involved, you may never have that chance. 

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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> Not sure on the process in the states but up here we had to go through* a 10 session training thing* as well as all of the things you mentioned.
> 
> I will say that you guys better be prepared for anything. It's not as bad if you get a child young enough without medical problems. But a lot of the kids in the foster care system are born addicted to drugs or have fetal alcohol syndrome or other issues.
> 
> Also be prepared for the* constant home visits* from workers.* Bringing kids to appointments. Specialists. Doctors. Optical appointments. Dental appointments.* You WILL have *workers in your home on a regular basis*. More often if they have medical or behavioral issues. If there's biological family still involved, there will be visits that will affect your plans and schedules. *There's a lot of frustrations* as well even with dealing with the workers. You will have to accept that you are raising a child that isn't yours and most decisions will have to be approved by the agency. Even things like family vacations and travel plans will require more planning as *you have to get approval for everything*. It takes a lot of patience and understanding.
> 
> 
> 
> NorthernRedneck said:
> 
> 
> 
> One more thing, you won't always agree with the agency's decision. You could have a child in your home that *you have raised and loved for years* and without warning that child be removed from your home and you never see them again. That's been the hardest part of fostering for me. Knowing that we provided the best loving home that we could for a child then losing that child. It's actually worse than mourning the loss of a loved one. When a loved one dies, you know they aren't coming back. *When a child leaves your home, you know that they are out there somewhere* and you may never see them again. The child will be out there and no matter how much you want to still be involved, you may never have that chance.
Click to expand...


We are going to be going through several, but I'm not sure how many training sessions. 

Here in Indiana, *not even sure how it is in other US states*, let alone Canada, we were told that the length of fostering a child is usually about a year.  Sometimes it can be a couple or even several years but they explained to us it is typically about 1 year.

As for the visits, the agency we are working with is a private non-profit and we are pretty comfortable with them.  They will be making the visits.  They also accompany us to the court hearings, etc.  They also said that within the first 10 days of getting a child we have to schedule doctor and dentist appointments, and those must occur within the first 30 days.  They have other local foster parents, lists of doctors/dentists/specialists etc and claim they will help keep everything on schedule and reasonably streamlined. 

We were told to be prepared for a 3 month minimum stay as it takes that long to get a court date scheduled for initial custody hearings.  As it was explained to us, the State of Indiana apparently is pretty aggressive about tracking down biological relatives and working to transfer the kids to biological family members, even if they are somewhat distant relations.

Clearly we are clueless on all this other than what we were told so the more info you can give the better!


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## NorthernRedneck

That sounds about like what we were told. All the agencies follow similar procedures. I know that up here, the medical and dental stuff gets booked the same as you described. The child is assigned a worker. We have a foster parent worker. And the biological family has a worker. 

They preach up here too that they want bio family to step up and care for the kids. Quite often that just isn't possible. Take for example the girl we are adopting. She has two older sisters also in care. Her aunt and uncle tried caring for them for a few years but had issues of their own which eventually led to them giving up on the girls. They went to live with a neighbor who tried for 8 months  to care for them but couldn't. So they all came into care after 5 years of trying to make the family option work. The girls were fighting like crazy so they were split up. Even now it's nothing but fighting when they get together. The only family member who is still involved is grandpa. And he only has a 3 hour visit every month. 

How it works up here is that when a child comes into care, the agency works with the biological family to attempt to identify a suitable caregiver. Meanwhile all the court proceedings are taking place and after one year, the child is deemed a ward of the state(crown ward up here).  Once that happens, the child is typically in the system until they are 18 years old. And any biological family then has to prepare a plan and go before a judge to get the kids back in their care. This doesn't happen often. And if the child has medical or behavioral problems, they just get bounced around from home to home. Some ends up in group homes when they have exhausted all options for a foster home. 

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## Melensdad

Thanks!

Keep the info coming.

Went today to get our fingerprints taken and submitted.  Same place I had my prints taken for my TSA Pre-check.  Same place that takes prints for concealed carry licenses too.  Not sure why they don't already have multiple sets of mine on file?


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## Big Dog

I couldn’t handle the bureaucracy ......... God Bless you Bob!


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## NorthernRedneck

It is a lot of bureaucracy but the big picture is those kids who are left to fend for themselves and grow up in the system bounced around from home to home and school to school because their parents made poor choices. They act like idiots and it's the kids who suffer. 

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## Bamby

Big Dog said:


> I couldn’t handle the bureaucracy ......... God Bless you Bob!



Exactly and they are likely missing out on a lot of otherwise fine responsible people because of it.


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## NorthernRedneck

I understand the bureaucracy part of it being a deterrent but for years prior when there was less bureaucracy and just about anyone could become foster parents, there were a lot more gaps in the level of care these kids received. Lots of mistakes made. People who shouldn't have kids to begin with allowed to care for a stranger's child and quite often the foster parents didn't receive the proper training and couldn't handle the various situations that they encountered with the kids resulting in further abuse to the children. So today because of this, there are many more rules and standards the foster parents have to follow. 

Gone are the days when just anyone could walk in and get a foster child. Or walk into an orphanage and point to a kid saying "I want that one" then walking out with a child and never hearing anything from the orphanage again. 

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## Big Dog

NorthernRedneck said:


> I understand the bureaucracy part of it being a deterrent but for years prior when there was less bureaucracy and just about anyone could become foster parents, there were a lot more gaps in the level of care these kids received. Lots of mistakes made. People who shouldn't have kids to begin with allowed to care for a stranger's child and quite often the foster parents didn't receive the proper training and couldn't handle the various situations that they encountered with the kids resulting in further abuse to the children. So today because of this, there are many more rules and standards the foster parents have to follow.
> 
> Gone are the days when just anyone could walk in and get a foster child. Or walk into an orphanage and point to a kid saying "I want that one" then walking out with a child and never hearing anything from the orphanage again.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U1 using Tapatalk




I don't disagree but the level to which it is now is ridiculous.... and you won't change my opinion.


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## NorthernRedneck

It's like everything else. Overregulation. Cover your butt so mistakes of the past don't reoccur. 

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## Melensdad

We are going to our first class in a couple of hours.

I'm assuming it will be a major reality check?  Supposed to last 3 hours.  I hope they have donuts and coffee.


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## NorthernRedneck

Good luck. The training is eye opening. Most of it is common sense though. We had a mixture of people when we did ours. It's designed to cover a broad range of scenarios.  Some couples were fostering. Some were becoming a kinship home. Meaning that the kids are in care but going to stay with family members. But the family members follow the same rules and guidelines as foster parents. And there was a couple that was adopting from a foreign country. As well as a few couples who were adopting locally. 

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## NorthernRedneck

How's the training going? 

I just came across this video from the agency I worked for. I worked with some of the foster parents in it as well as some of the workers. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=XgqVt6VNSzQ#menu

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## Melensdad

So last night we both passed our CPR and basic lifesaving class.  Another foster parent requirement checked off the list.

It covered infant, child and adult CPR.  Also the use of a defibulator machine, tourniquet use, hypoglycemia care, siezure care, etc.  

Not sure it covered most of those things in depth, it was a basic course.  I'd have liked a lot more information on some of the topics.  A lot more.  

But in any case it is one more step to becoming certified as a foster parent.  Today I have a doctor's appointment to see if I am physically and mentally fit to become a foster parent.  Basic form a doctor fills out.  Can't imagine I can fail.  I have a have a pulse, I don't drool on myself (_too often_) and generally I can contain my sarcasm when kids are present.

Over the past couple of weeks we have had several meetings, home inspections, interviews, etc.  I've updated all my fire extinguishers, tested the CO and Smoke alarms, even updated a couple of alarms.  Installed some child resistant locks too.  We are making progress.  Should be ready by Feb 1.


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## Melensdad

Yesterday we signed the foster parent contract with the non-profit fostering agency.

It is the final step we take prior to getting a state license, and then a kid or two.

Our timeline to get this done was a litter longer than it should have been, with the holidays and moving Melen from California back to her law school apartment in southern Indiana we had some delays.  So no bias against the system, the delays were our own.  

So now we wait for the gubmint to approve us.  We were told it can be as quick as a couple of days or as long as a few weeks.  Just depends upon how busy the clerks who process this stuff are at the child services office in the state capital.

As we understand it, the demand for foster parents is very high so ASSUMING we get approved, we could be getting a child or two very quickly.


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## Bamby

Since the kids are likely to be a bit older I'm assuming early teens, do they attempt to do any kind of profiling in a attempt to place the kids in homes that may share many common interests or values. 

There was a time I'd have loved to shared my my time in the woods, streams and creeks with a kid who could also learn to and admire in the beauty of nature. Vrs maybe a kid who only love was sports and lived in front of a TV following his favorite teems.


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## NorthernRedneck

Good stuff. Being a foster parent can be very rewarding but also very challenging when dealing with the child's individual problems. Remember that most of these children have abandonment and trust issues and can be very difficult to deal with. Many have medical and psychological problems that will affect them the rest of their lives.


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## Bannedjoe

I also salute you and your wife.
This is a large undertaking that may involve great rewards, as well as potential heartbreak.
I'm fairly sure many of these kids will come to you well on the path of being broken people.
I'm sure your goal has to be to upright their ships, and get them sailing on a proper course.

I truly commend you, for I was a complete failure with my own kids.


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## pirate_girl

I could NEVER do this.
Ever.
It's the unknown that would frighten me, no matter how much red tape, training, information is out there it's the idea of a kid with a past that now becomes your present to deal with.
Long term.
Your responsibility.
Nope, no way.
I do admire folks who can do this though.
If their hearts are in it 1,000% for all the right reasons.


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## NorthernRedneck

During my time as a worker working with both foster kids and parents, I've seen all kinds of kids and also foster parents. Some of the parents genuinely care while others are just in it for the money. We rarely submit receipts for anything. I know some foster parents who keep track of every mile they drive with the kid in the vehicle and submit mileage claims to the agency. 

Some of the kids are on a good path while others, as soon as they hit the teenage years, are skipping school, turning to drugs and drinking, shoplifting, joining gangs etc.


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## NorthernRedneck

The following is a story I came across about one foster parents experience with a child...



This is a MUST read. My cousin is a foster parent with five children. She and her husband recently adopted four out of the five siblings! It has been a joy to watch her in this journey—just like it was a joy watching her grow up. I love how she "keeps it real" when it comes to living the life of fostering and adoption. She shared this on her personal page and I reached out to her to share it here because it is just that good and so very relevant.

Edited for privacy:

"Tonight, after 2.5 years of living here, my oldest son sat down at the table with this. He was about to chow down when I stopped him and asked what in the world he was doing.

He said, “I made myself dinner.”

“But it isn’t cooked. I can cook that you know.” (she said)

“Well, I wanted to eat something I used to eat a lot with my old family.”

So we sat down, and I asked him to tell me about it. He said that they wouldn’t feed him due to being passed out (you can guess why) and he would have to make dinner for himself and his brothers (two years old and four months old when they came to us). He said that all the money they had would be spent on cigarettes and other fun things ([emoji51]) and so he would find change in their van and would buy Ramen packets at the store down the street (at age six!!!!).

He said he didn’t know how to boil water, so he would eat it like this. And, he actually grew to like it. So, he would break it up for his sibling, and would try to make bottles for the baby (at age six!!!!!!).

Guys. I asked him to make me some. And, I sat there beside him and crunched it down with lots of water because it’s not great—and he just started talking about how the first time I made them Ramen, he wouldn’t eat it, and I told him I remembered. He said it’s because it reminded him of his Ramen packets and he didn’t trust me (big thoughts for nine!).

He said he isn’t sad he’s not with his “old family” (his words) anymore, but that sometimes HE LIKES TO REMEMBER HOW STRONG HE HAD TO BE.

I write this so everyone knows, trauma isn’t healed quickly (sometimes never), an adoption doesn’t erase the past or the memories, kids can change, they will change with love, and to never give up on a kid because “they are hard”.

And then, I walked away in shock, in sadness, and so, so, so proud of how strong my baby is. He’s so wonderful. And, we love him so much."

Friends, THIS is the life experience of kids who come from hard places. THIS is living a trauma-informed life. We can't imagine what kids from hard places have lived through. It is not just about one act of abuse or neglect, it is about living in survival mode and doing it day in and day out. It is about making sure younger siblings are also surviving, even at the expense of childhood.

Trauma infuses itself into every pore. Kids just don't forget it. Their brains and bodies won't let them. Those of us privileged enough (yes, I said privileged) to enter into the lives of children with hard life experiences must be willing to sit down, eat uncooked Ramen noodles and listen. We must not give up.

Our kids didn't.

*via Barren to Blessed


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## pirate_girl

That's heartbreaking.


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## NorthernRedneck

I know. I've seen some sad scenarios. On one occasion, the children were returned to their parents who were known drug users who would do anything to get their drugs. 

The agency would help by providing groceries for the family. What would happen was the worker would take them to the grocery store and buy $200 worth of food. After dropping the parents off at their home with the groceries, the worker would leave. Another vehicle would show up and they would load up the groceries into that car in exchange for oxycontin. The people would provide empty boxes and packaging for the parents to put in the cupboard. Upon returning later in the week to check on them, the worker would look in the cupboards and see what appeared to be stocked with food. What the worker didn't realize was that all the boxes were empty and the kids were starving. 

The parents would of course go on social media with pictures of their supposedly stocked cupboards saying the agency was being mean to them and rallied up a bunch of support for them and smeared the agency meanwhile they were in fact getting the agency to buy groceries which they then exchanged for drugs. And the agency would be the nasty ones while the parents came out looking good.


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## Melensdad

I don’t even have words


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## NorthernRedneck

I know. Like I said. I've seen some sad situations. But in the eye of the public, the child welfare agency comes out as the bad guy in a lot of cases.


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## NorthernRedneck

How's this whole coronavirus thing affecting your application process for becoming foster parents? 

Our workers are still working but from home. We actually got a call a couple weeks ago to take in an 8 year old girl from another foster home as a respite. Well, long story short is that she is now placed with us permanently. Been in care since she was 3. She's 8 now and is projected to be in care till she's 18.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> How's this whole coronavirus thing affecting your application process for becoming foster parents?
> 
> Our workers are still working but from home. We actually got a call a couple weeks ago to take in an 8 year old girl from another foster home as a respite. Well, long story short is that she is now placed with us permanently. Been in care since she was 3. She's 8 now and is projected to be in care till she's 18.



So we have 4 people in our household.  S-I-L is an extreme high risk, she lives in the guest house but has full access to the main house.  Daughter is an high risk, she is diabetic, lives in the house currently.  I am a high risk.  My wife is a normal risk person.  

With that said, we got a call today and they found a 12 year old girl for us.  We declined and gave our reasons.  The foster agency decided that it would be best if we were simply removed from their program.  So our chances of becoming foster parents are now ZERO.  We said we'd do it as soon as the Covid situation was resolved, which may be a year away due to vaccines.  They took us off the list.


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## Doc

Smart move Bob.  The timing simply sucked.


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## NorthernRedneck

I understand.  You have to do what's best for your family first. We had decided that 5 kids was  enough and that we'd only be doing weekend respites occasionally. 

This 8 year old girl was in her previous home for 4 years. Her foster mother decided to get out of fostering so she could travel. The agency originally called us just as a temporary home until they found a permanent home for her. One thing led to another and after individual discussions with all our children, we decided to keep her long term.


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## NorthernRedneck

Just a bit of insight into what the kids go through in foster care. Our newest foster daughter, who is 8 and will most likely be with us in to adulthood, came to us over a month ago with nothing more than a few changes of clothes. She had been in her previous home for 4 years. And had moved 8 times since she was 3. 

She's a good kid. No problem with her at all. Here's the part that pisses me off. As I said, 4 years in the same home. You'd think she might have a few things. We finally got the rest of her stuff today. Pathetic. A duffle bag of clothes. Ok. And a doll. All she had was a doll. Blows my mind how anyone could say they loved a child and cared for them for that long and all they had was one toy to play with. And foster parents take in close to $1100 per month per child.


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## Melensdad

*I should have updated yesterday.*

The agency called us yesterday and the guy was much nicer this time.  First, our state license was approved.  So we have the state's approval.  The agency, which administers the license, reinstated us and talked to the lovely Mrs_Bob at great length yesterday about some older kids (_12+ years old_) that will be coming out of a state home in a few months.  

They want us to consider one or two of those kids, when the time is right.  They even suggested a trial run.

So we are back in the game ...* when the time works for us.*


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## NorthernRedneck

You'll know when it's the right fit. The boy we had a couple of years ago was definitely not. He'd get home from school and within 10 minutes was having a full out tantrum throwing things and yelling. Not good for our other children.


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## Jim_S RIP

Melensdad said:


> *I should have updated yesterday.*
> 
> The agency called us yesterday and the guy was much nicer this time.  First, our state license was approved.  So we have the state's approval.  The agency, which administers the license, reinstated us and talked to the lovely Mrs_Bob at great length yesterday about some older kids (_12+ years old_) that will be coming out of a state home in a few months.
> 
> They want us to consider one or two of those kids, when the time is right.  They even suggested a trial run.
> 
> So we are back in the game ...* when the time works for us.*



Great news!


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## Melensdad

Looks like we are getting an 8 month old baby today

Details to follow!


BTW, what types of yard work and house repairs are suitable for an 8 month old to accomplish?


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## pirate_girl

Melensdad said:


> Looks like we are getting an 8 month old baby today
> 
> Details to follow!
> 
> 
> BTW, what types of yard work and house repairs are suitable for an 8 month old to accomplish?



A baby??!!
Like one that needs diapers etc???
Lol


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## NorthernRedneck

My wife keeps asking if we can take a baby. I keep saying no. If they aren't in school or can't go to daycare they aren't for me. Lol. When she goes back to work, that leaves me caring for it. 

Kudos to you guys if you think you can handle starting over on diaper duty.


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## Jim_S RIP

pirate_girl said:


> A baby??!!
> Like one that needs diapers etc???
> Lol



:th_lmao:


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## m1west

Melensdad said:


> Looks like we are getting an 8 month old baby today
> 
> Details to follow!
> 
> 
> BTW, what types of yard work and house repairs are suitable for an 8 month old to accomplish?



Hats off to you and your wife, that is quite an un selfish act taking on that responsibility. Good luck to you, your wife and new addition to you're family.


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## Melensdad

*Emotional day, and NO baby showed up.  

Turned out, last minute, one of the relatives passed a background check, stepped up, and agreed to take care of the child.* 

Probably the best case scenario.  There were 6 kids.  14 years down to 8 months.  We were supposed to get the baby.  Another family was taking the 4 middle children and the 14 year old was going to a 3rd foster family.  This way the kids stay together.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's the tough part of being a foster parent. Lots of emotional highs and lows. 

Prepare yourselves for when you finally do get a placement. Now just imagine that you've taken in a child and cared for them for years and become very attached. Then one day after you've already sent them off to school, you get a call from the agency telling you that circumstances have changed and the child is either returning home or going to live with relatives and you will most likely never see them again. 

It doesn't happen often but it does happen. I have seen it. I've had to go pick kids up from school and return them home as a worker. We've had that happen as foster parents where we cared for a girl for 6 months and became very attached. With less than 24 hours notice, we had to say goodbye and never saw her again. That's a feeling that never gets easier. 

We had a little girl for over a year living with us. I would have gladly kept her until she aged out. But without much notice, we loaded her up in a worker's vehicle in the morning with all her things and said our goodbyes, hugged, then watched her drive off. Nobody can ever prepare you for that. 

There's specialized counseling available for the children as it's also hard on them going through the motions of a. Losing the foster parents and family they're attached to and b. Dealing with the excitement of going home. But there's really not much support for the foster parents once the child is gone. 

It's also very hard on the kids as on one hand, they are going home but on the other hand, they are losing their whole life with you including their friends at school, new school and just the whole change in routine. 

But quite often, once they are gone, for the foster parents, that's it. You say your goodbyes, send them off, gather yourself up emotionally and keep plugging away as best as you can knowing that somewhere out there, there's a child who you cared for and loved that you may never see again. All you can do is hope and pray that somewhere out there, there's a child who you you loved and will never see again and hope they're doing alright. 

I still struggle even months later with losing our foster daughter. We had her for a year and a half and new for weeks that she was going home. But when that day finally came, I  remember loading up her things in the vehicle, giving her a hug and walking away before bursting into tears. Then having to gather myself up to go back in the house and take care of the other kids.  Her name is Cheyne (pronounced shine).  Even now, every time a commercial comes on tv with the song "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine", I get choked up for a few seconds as I used to sing that to her.


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## Melensdad

So the agency called us yesterday.

There is a foster home that is closing.  The kids need to be rehomed.  They want us to take a 9 year old boy.  He is up for adoption, parents have given up their rights.  This kid has been in the system for a few years.  Ideally they want to find a home that is willing to adopt.  That is not our house.  

So we MAY or MAY NOT be getting this boy.  Obviously if they find a house willing to adopt him then he will go there.  But for now we are on the list for this kid.


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## Melensdad

Another update.

The state called us.  We are arranging for a meeting with the 9 year old who needs fostering.  Apparently that is the normal pattern if someone needs to be moved from one foster home to another in a non-emergency situation.  They set up meetings to see if the foster parents/kids are compatible enough, then they move the kid.  Process is supposed to take a few weeks.  So we may have a 9 year old in our home sometime in June.

End of July and early August could see a very full house here.  We still have Melen, who will be living here likely into October or beyond because the Illinois Bar Exam has been delayed into September, and may be delayed after that?  We will have Dasha back living with us, probably for a week or two, as she will be coming back here to stay with us for a bit before we move her into her dorm at Notre Dame.  And will may have a 9 year old boy.  

If any of you have a guest room, perhaps you could find a place for me to hide for a couple weeks?


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## NorthernRedneck

That's usually how they like to do it up here too when there's not an urgency to move the child. It often starts with a visit followed by an overnight  then if all goes well, they do the move.


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## Melensdad

We have a 2 month old baby.  

They needed an emergency placement.  Father died suddenly.  Mom is absent.  State is doing background checks of the grandmother and other family members.  Likely we will have him short term.  His name is Kobe.  He is smaller than Walter.


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## pirate_girl

God bless you guys Bob.
You have a little one in your care.
If you get attached, then have to give Kobe up it may hurt real bad.
He's a cutie!


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## Melensdad

pirate_girl said:


> God bless you guys Bob.
> You have a little one in your care.
> If you get attached, *then have to give Kobe up *it may hurt real bad.
> He's a cutie!



We are not a pre-adoptive home, meaning we are not looking to or considering adopting.  We are a layover.  And even then we will get attached and it will hurt.

In the case of Kobe, he has a grandmother on mom's side of the family who also has a husband and they have a child.  If they pass the background check then he goes to them.  She was already deeply involved in taking care of him.  If that doesn't pan out then there are a few relatives on dad's side of the family.

He is considered a short term placement.  Very probably a few months, certainly could be longer.  But since he has family he will very likely never go into the adoption system.


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## Melensdad

I survived the night.

Mitty the Australian Shepard is afraid of the baby, he prefers dog friends or to hang with me.
Walter the Walter Terrier is sniffs, licks, and lays with the baby.
Nelson the Corgi is curious and gentle but generally prefers dog friends.
Georgie the mixed terrier sniffs and and is gentle.

Baby Kobe needs to be held. all. the. time.  The lovely Mrs_Bob was up most of the night.  Never. put. the. baby. down!   Crying starts immediately and continues for long periods of time.


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## pirate_girl

He knows he's not with his usual "family".
Good Luck.


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## NorthernRedneck

Wow. Awesome. I couldn't do a younger child like that. You will become attached and it will be hard to see him go. Even the short term ones hurt when they leave. 

We had a 6 year old boy on a short term placement. I dropped him off at school in the morning fully expecting to see him after school. During the day, a family member was identified and the agency picked him up from school and brought him there. We never saw him again.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> Wow. Awesome. I couldn't do a younger child like that. You will become attached and it will be hard to see him go. Even the short term ones hurt when they leave.
> 
> We had a 6 year old boy on a short term placement....



We obviously won't have a school drop off issue with Kobe like you had with your 6y/o . . .  we were told this will be a month to 2 years.  If the family quickly clears background it will be 30-90 days.  If not there are several other family members to look towards.  If none accept him, or can't clear background checks, then he goes thru adoption, which would still likely be within 2 years.

And yes it will hurt to give him back.


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## Melensdad

Spent some time at the HOSPITAL with Kobe today 


He was an emergency drop off, he was taken from his grandmother by the sheriff's swat team and a social worker, there is a history of cocaine use by his mom.  His dad was 65, mom is 49.  Dad was holding Kobe and had a massive heart attack, fell over and hit the floor with Kobe in his arms.  Mom is absent, in and out of programs.  Dad has by all accounts been a good parent.  Grandmother has been supportive and a treated Kobe well, tended to him responsibly, but there are issues that may prevent her (_and other members in her immediate home_) from passing a background check.

We found a large 'bruise' on his upper buttocks/lower back.

Long story short.  NOT a bruise.  NOT abuse.  NOT an issue.  Turns out its a birthmark so we rushed a kid to the emergency room for no good reason whatsoever  

Turns out that he is 1/2 Black & 1/2 Hispanic.  That is relevant because many Hispanics apparently have large birthmarks that fade in time and often vanish by the time they are 5 or 6 years old.  Of course we had no clue.  While we are well traveled we never explored the birthmarks of the children of foreign cultures.  

So pretty much we are just idiots.  Over protective idiots.


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## Jim_S RIP

> So pretty much we are just idiots. Over protective idiots.



No you’re not idiots. You are careful loving people. 

Jim


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## Melensdad

So we've nicknamed him Felix.  Dates back to the Roman era, in Latin it translates to Lucky.  We liked it because he is bi-racial and being raised by yet another race.  Romans were known to assimilate and adopt in the best of all cultures spanning north to England, south to Africa and all points in between.

He's a good baby.  Close to sleeping through the night!  That is a bonus.  

The state was pressuring us to take in another child.  They wanted to bring us a 9 year old yesterday.  We even talked to the boy.  Sorry but just too much change to soon.  Originally we were thinking we'd bring another child into our home no early than July.  Maybe.  But the state needs to move a kid and we talked to them, the foster mom, and the kid.  Date kept getting changed and pushed forward.  

We still have our own daughter and her apartment to worry about, as well as other obligations, plus we have to move Dasha back here and then get her moved into her college dorm at Notre Dame.  I finally put my foot down and just said no.  I'm certainly open to another kid, at some point.  But we need to settle this one in before we take on another. 

Photo below is happy face when he poops his diaper while bouncing on my lap


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## NorthernRedneck

I told my wife about you guys taking a baby. Though she's hinted at wanting one, she realized that our kids are almost at the age where we can get out and do things alone as a couple. She's liking that. Lol. Kudos to you though.

We did take in an 8 year old girl in March. It's looking like she's with us long term. Mom is mia. Dad died. Older sisters are into drugs and prostitution. Sad for her but all we can do is give her a stable loving home.


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## Melensdad

Well we had never considered ADOPTING when we started the journey of becoming foster parents but that is now on the table of things we are considering.

I think its hard not to fall in love with a baby.  At 59 years old we know we are old and would be very old parents but why not?  I'm sort of in shock, but the lovely Mrs_Bob is all in favor and I guess I have no reason why not.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's awesome. Whatever happens your heart is in the right place. We're still one court date away from finalizing our adoption. Worked on it for nearly 2 years and were set to go to court March 17th for the judge to stamp the final papers. Covid hit and shut everything down March 16th including court proceedings and they won't do family court via video conferencing so we wait.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> That's awesome. Whatever happens your heart is in the right place. We're still one court date away from finalizing our adoption. Worked on it for nearly 2 years and were set to go to court March 17th for the judge to stamp the final papers. Covid hit and shut everything down March 16th including court proceedings and they won't do family court via video conferencing so we wait.



We already have our first hiccup while looking at the possibility of adoption.

The mother, who is a drug addict, decided she wanted to fight for custody and is entering residential rehab.  

Earlier this week 2 case workers, from 2 different agencies, assured us that the mother is absent, has no interest in the child will not make her court appearance.  Case workers were wrong.  Mom wants the child. Attended the court appearance with a lawyer.  Had a plan to regain custody.  Much as we've bonded with him it just makes sense to favor the natural mother.  

We now know that we have custody until the next court date, which is set for Sept 30 of this year.  At least we now know some sort of timeline.  Up until not we didn't know if we would have him for a couple weeks, couple months or a couple years.  While we know for fact that we have him into the fall of this year, we PROBABLY will have him for more like 18 months (_give or take 6 months_) based on the average time to complete the process of reclaiming custody.


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## NorthernRedneck

That's the frustrating thing about child welfare. There's no telling sometimes what will happen and things come out of left field without warning. 

As a worker, sometimes I would work for weeks or months on a plan for a child and have everything in place then something totally unexpected would happen and I'd have to scramble with only a couple hours to go before a significant life event occurred that changed all my planning.


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## Melensdad

So it looks like we are going to be losing our little baby Felix (Kobe) very soon.

The state wants to strip custody from the mom and put him into a 'pre-adoptive' home.  At a few months shy of 60 years old I'm too old to adopt him.  I'd be pushing 80 when he enters college.  And while I have no plans/desires to die soon, the reality is that if we adopt this beautiful baby boy we could also end up orphaning him and throwing him into the adoption cycle again in the future.  Or, conversely we'd be turning our currently 25 year old daughter into a mother.

Somehow none of that seems fair to him (or to Melen).

Just seems like the right choice is to move him into a home where he can be adopted and live with a forever family.  Not sure how quickly he will be moved out of our home, but I'd guess pretty quickly


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## NorthernRedneck

That's the tough thing about fostering. When the child is gone, there's a feeling of loss similar to when someone dies only worse because they are still very much alive but you struggle with the fact that you likely will never see them again. 

But we pull up our big boy panties and keep plugging forward awaiting the next child who will come into your life and steal your heart. It never gets easier.


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## Melensdad

Well we have not notified anyone we won't keep him and adopt him.  We basically have remained silent at this point.  This is really tough.


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## NorthernRedneck

I know what you mean. It is tough.


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## pirate_girl

I'd be bawling my eyes out if I had to say goodbye to a beautiful little baby.
You all did well Bob in giving him the love and care you have.


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## Melensdad

Well the lovely Mrs_Bob is wrestling with all this.  

Meanwhile there is a beautiful baby boy asleep on the couch next to me (_and also next to Walter the female rescue dog_) while the morning WGN9 news plays in the background.


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## Melensdad

So we had a meeting with the state child/family services lady who is in charge of the case of our little Kobe (Felix).  

Looks like they will NOT be moving him out of our house anytime soon.  A bit over a week ago we were told that they wanted to move him to a "pre-adoptive" home.  BUT, apparently the natural mother, who is a drug addict, is playing some games, and the state feels it is not in the best interest of the baby to move him out of our home.  All the medical reports and the agency reports show that he is thriving in our home.  The want to keep him thriving and feel he is best off here, at least for the near future.

We had the heart-to-heart conversation with her about the realities of our age, our concerns and what is best for him.  Actually the lovely Mrs_Bob did 90% of the talking, which I think was good.  She verbalized all the downsides, I think she is coming to grips with the fact that we really are too old to be adopting an infant.

She told us that ultimately he will be moved, but it is likely at least 6 months away, possibly 18 months away.  

I think it took away some of our fear that he'd be gone soon.  We now have a bit of a timeline and it looks very likely we will have him through the end of the calendar year and possibly quite a bit longer.  In some ways that will make things harder when its time to give him up, but it also takes away our immediate fear that we will get a phone call saying they are coming to pick him up.


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## NorthernRedneck

Good stuff. That's the thing about fostering. The child could be gone tomorrow. You just don't know. You get attached to them but the reality is that you know in the back of your mind that you could get a call tomorrow telling you to pack up his things and they'll be there to pick him up in a few hours.


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## Melensdad

Had another meeting with our social worker for Kobe.  Looks like we will be losing Kobe in February.  

We know we will have him at least thru a late January court date, so we have him for the holidays and can plan for having him through January, but not much longer.

The state will be asking for his mother's rights to be revoked at the next hearing, which will be in late January.  So shortly thereafter it is likely that Kobe will move to a family that will become his adoptive parents.   The lovely Mrs_Bob will be heartbroken but I'm glad we found out today, it will give us time to adjust to the reality that we know he is going to be moving and that we have a timeline.  

One thing we have always had is uncertainty.  This seems to take that away.  

Our case worker was pretty sure it will be pretty quick after the January court date.


***  _His mother is not complying with anything at this point, other than she asked to regain custody at the initial hearing she has done absolutely nothing to try to regain her rights.  So UNLESS THAT CHANGES DRAMATICALLY there is no chance she will regain custody rights._


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## NorthernRedneck

That's the tough part of fostering. Glad he will have a sense of permanency though. 

I talk to myself to get an expert opinion.


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## Melensdad

My cousin's daughter wants to adopt.  She & her husband are already foster parents and approved for adoption.


We are making a trip to Columbus, OH with Kobe on Monday to have them meet our boy.  We've had extensive talks with her.  
Our case worker in IN for Kobe is in favor of transferring Kobe to them for the purposes of adoption.  
The state has NOT yet taken away the mother's rights to Kobe, but intends to start the formal process at our next court hearing in January.
Kobe's mother reportedly has not responded to the court orders for rehabilitation, job searching, etc.
Between now and that court hearing we plan to have a couple trips to Columbus.
She & her 2 sons will probably come here a couple times.  Her husband is being deployed on Wednesday so he will not be coming here.  Because he is being deployed this may be the only time he gets to see Kobe until he is transferred to their home, which could happen as early as February.
She has family that is still local to me and comes to this area of IN a few times a year.

For us this would be a huge win as we would get to remain, at least partially, in his life when he ultimately gets adopted.  We are very hopeful that all this will work out for all of us.


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## EastTexFrank

Got my fingers crossed for y'all.


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## Melensdad

EastTexFrank said:


> Got my fingers crossed for y'all.



Thanks Frank

We were in contact with my "niece" (_not sure what she is, as she is my 1st cousin's daughter ... is that a niece, or a 1st cousin once removed???_) shortly after we got him.  We had some discussions but didn't know how to work the cross-state line issue, and at that point it was pre-mature to even consider it because Kobe's mother, in the 1 and only court appearance she showed up for, said she wanted to regain custody.

Everything has been moving toward the state removing custody.  Now is the time to act and doing this now would keep us in his life.  If we didn't have them, we'd lose him as he moved back into the "system".


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## Doc

EastTexFrank said:


> Got my fingers crossed for y'all.


Same here Bob.   Good luck.


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## jillcrate

Good luck Bob,

Not easy to become foster parents....... I hope it all goes well..... I will say a prayer for you!


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## Melensdad

Bob the Builder?

And yes he is sitting in a dig bed, it is softer than the tile floor.


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## pirate_girl

Melensdad said:


> Bob the Builder?
> 
> And yes he is sitting in a dig bed, it is softer than the tile floor.


Awww!
He likes the power tools.
❤?


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## Melensdad

Things are progressing but there has been a new development.  

Kobe's 40 year old 1/2 sister has now had contact with him.  She had 1 supervised visit at a counseling center last month.  Today there will be another supervised visit.  She consistently says she has no ability or desire to adopt him but she does want to make sure he is well taken care of and in a good home.  She has also had a conversation with the lovely Mrs_Bob and it seems that she believes we are good foster parents.  She is also aware of the fact that my cousin's daughter's family is working to adopt him and she was comforted by the fact that they are Baptists and involved in their church as she has been praying for guidance and is very religious too.

As for his health and growth he is doing GREAT, picking up weight and size each time we take him for his monthly physicals.  He is now officially crawling, rather than simply dragging or scooting himself a couple feet, he now actively explores the room when we allow it.  He is able to mimic, clap, smile and reach out, he has figured out how to throw toys _(but we've not been allowing that with food)._ 

He's probably the happiest baby I've ever seen but since he gets 24/7 active care by 2 old people who have nothing better to do than spoil him I suppose that is expected.


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## jillcrate

Ahhhhhhh im so happy things are going so well 

Thanx for letting us know!!


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## Melensdad

My cousin's daughter is coming over to our home today with her boys.  They are traveling in from Ohio and will be here for 2 days.  Together we are working with our state case worker to try to work out a favorable arrangement for our little Kobe.  At the end of this month the state is planning to change his status to "pre-adoptive" and shortly after that point we will be losing him to a family that is looking to adopt.  My cousin is already a licensed foster parent and is considered "pre-adoptive" plus, she has already established a bit of a relationship with Kobe through personal meetings.  So their visit is just to reinforce that relationship and hopefully get some more bonding time with Kobe.  

Officially our case worker cannot help, advise, etc and she is doing a good job of staying neutral.  But the reality is that nobody else who is related to Kobe is actually stepping up and doing the right things or qualified.  So the betting odds work in favor of my cousin, which is what we are hoping for too!  And this is just one more step in a process that will probably take 9 months to 1 year to finish.


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## NorthernRedneck

Sounds like the best situation for him.


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## Melensdad

NorthernRedneck said:


> Sounds like the best situation for him.


Emotionally its tough to give him up.

Realistically and logically it seems to be the best situation.

Our case worker & her supervisor have had discussions with the various legal departments involved as my cousin's daughter is from Ohio and that complicates things but the state advocate's legal team said that what is best for the baby is what they will support and they see no barrier to moving him out of state.  Its been done before so it is not unprecedented but it is not typically done.  So that barrier seems to be a minor issue.  

We just have to keep hoping that nobody crawls out of the woodwork that has a legitimate right to adopt him.  He does have a 3 year old sister who was adopted.  His parents are looking to adopt him, but they seem to be less desirable in the eyes of the family services people.  There is a kinship issue but apparently it is a weak issue and they had previously said they had zero interest.  Their interest is new, the wife wants it, the husband apparently is less than thrilled???  They have zero contact and so no relationship or bonding.  The judge might rule for them but it would likely be a ruling in opposition to recommendations.  And we have been told the judges almost always (98%+) follow the recommendations.


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## NorthernRedneck

I know it's a stressful nail biting experience as all we want is what's best for the child. 

Prior to us adopting Hollie, she had been living with her biological aunt along with her second oldest sister (there are 3 girls) for 4 years until she had a mental breakdown after her biological daughter committed suicide. So she made an arrangement with the neighbor to care for the girls. That only lasted 8 months then the agency became involved and had to find homes for all 3 girls. Even up until the day of the finalizing of the adoption in court, the aunt was coming across with the mindset of "I don't want the girls but I don't want anyone else to care for them".  She was against the adoption and our fear was that she would show up in court, give a big sob story, and the judge would take pity and not proceed with the adoption. 

So back this up to last March. We had a March 17th court date to finalize everything. Auntie is calling the agency contesting the adoption. We're all on edge including Hollie as she's old enough to know what's going on. Then we get a phone call from the courts on March 16th. Everything is postponed because of covid. That meant anxiously waiting for an undetermined amount of time for a court date. 

Over the next few months things start to reopen virtually with the courts so we wait. And wait. Then wait some more as the courts are only doing serious criminal proceedings virtually and keep saying that they will only resume adoption proceedings when they can do it in person. Oh great!  This will just give nutjob auntie more time to try and turn things around. Sorry but in her mind, she wanted the girls to grow up in foster care and she could see them whenever she wants but put them back on a shelf until the next time she wanta to play with them.

Finally in July the courts announced that they would start doing family court virtually and notified us that our case would be the very first virtual adoption in the whole province. Great!  But there's still a chance that Auntie will try to interfere. She didn't and even though we were fully prepared to work with her to ensure full access to Hollie, she refused to even communicate with us and essentially started punishing Hollie for it by ignoring her phone calls and not allowing any contact to take place. 

Fast forward to Christmas. Auntie starts up contact with Hollie again. Makes a bunch of promises, then doesn't follow through and stops all contact again.


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## Melensdad

I think the uncertainty part is the worst part.  

If we were younger we would adopt him and the state would very likely back that adoption based on the available options ... at this point.  But as you point out that is subject to change.  Right now the likelihood of my cousins getting him placed into their home is probably about 70%, maybe a bit higher.  If they do get him, then they only need to worry about family wanting to take him away and so far that is less of an issue.  We beleive there is perhaps a 30% chance that the adoptive parents of his 3 year old sibling could get him, but our case work and a couple others in the department seem to be opposed to that transfer.  

If the adoptive sibling's parents are denied foster custody they will pretty much have an expensive legal battle to adopt him.  And as they have money issues, which they outright told the social worker, then that would take them out of the picture.


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## Melensdad

We are in Columbus until Tuesday afternoon visiting with my cousins family that is trying to adopt Kobe.  Things are looking good, Kobe appears to be bonding with Denise.  Napping in her arms, feeding, playing and diaper changes are non issues.  It’s comforting for us to watch.  We just need the judge to agree.


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## Melensdad

Kobe got an ambulance ride yesterday.

He has had a couple of head colds with runny noses over the past year.  Starting Wednesday he got another runny nose.  Ditto Thursday and Friday.  Acted fine, slept well, ate well, etc.  Saturday he didn't eat or drink too much.  Saturday evening he was 'stuffier' and did not sleep very well.  Sunday morning we decided to take him to the local hospital. 

Lots of tests, some X-rays, all the tests came back NEGATIVE but the x-ray showed he had bronchitis.  Bronchitis is a virus, usually pretty mild.  But they wanted to continue to observe him.  Said it usually "peaks" in severity on day 4 with infants.  Said he probably should stay in the hospital for observation.  

BUT, the local hospital closed its PEDIATRIC floor due to covid.  It was the only hospital in the area to have a dedicated pediatric floor???  No other local hospital _(there are at least 4 other hospitals in this county that have 300+ beds) _has a pediatric ward.  They said he needed to be sent by ambulance to a dedicated children's hospital.  WTF?  Chicago, 50 miles away.  South Bend, 90 miles away. Or Indianapolis, 150 miles away.

I'm like can't I just drive him?  It took about 3.5 hours to get him from Crown Point, IN to Chicago by ambulance.  It is about an hour and 15 minute drive by car.  They had to arrange to get a transport ambulance to the hospital.  60 minutes of wasted time.  Then the transport ambulance had to actually drive to the hospital.  Blah blah blah.  Not sure why they wouldn't let me drive him.  

The last time this type of thing happened in our family was with our daughter, they wanted to call the helicopter to fly her to the hospital in Chicago.  I put her in the car and drove her.  Got there quicker than they could have done it in the helicopter.


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## Melensdad

I just got him back home. He was released after 1 night. In the hospital for about 30 total hours.  

Given the crap roads coming south out of Chicago with a major lake effect snowstorm dumping fluffy powder onto the roadway I would have preferred they kept him 1 more night just to avoid the weather but that is not how hospitals work, especially when beds are at a premium. 

They were taking their time so finally at NOON I told the nurse, _after she confirmed he would be released,_ that I wanted to be on the road before 2pm so we could get home before dark_ (yes, I did exaggerate the drive to Indiana). _After that she got us the discharge papers and it still took 2.5 hours to get out of the building.


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## Melensdad

This week has felt like a month.

During the daytime on Tuesday Kobe started getting 'clingy' and the lovely Mrs_Bob thought maybe he was feeling warm.  He had a Tuesday late afternoon/early evening supervised visit with his grandmother at a counseling center.  This is a normal occurrence.  Then Tuesday late evening he is starting to feel warmer.  Wednesday he seemed pretty reasonable during the day but in the middle fo the night a real fever hit.  Off to the emergency room.  ER Doctor suspected Strep + possibly Scarlet Fever, as his cheeks were pink.  Gave him a long acting antibiotic shot.  Told us alternate Tylenol and Advil.

Next day followed up with his regular doc.  She suspected Roseola.  Said the normal treatment is Tylenol and Advil, alternating.  Has to run its course.  As the fever started going down we noticed red spots starting to pop up on his torso.  Fever finally broke, he is acting like a normal active 1 year old, but now we nicknamed him "Spot" and are trying to teach him how to fetch a stick.






While all that was going on our little 13 pound female Terrier, Walter, got very excited and jumped off our bed, over the footboard and landed hard on the floor.  Massive YELP from her in pain.  Immediately her front right leg was sticking out sideways.  Off to the vet with her.  X-rays.  She injured her spine.  Prognosis was "mixed" and the doctor said IF SHE HEALS then she will be pretty much normal.  If not then she could lose use of that 1 leg, or possibly that leg + both back legs.  Got meds.  Got instructions.  

So we sent our other dog, Mitty, to live with his aunt.  Walter is temporarily the sole dog in our home.  She cannot climb stairs.  Cannot jump.  Cannot play with other dogs.  Basically she was prescribed a week of bed rest.  How do you get a high strung terrier to rest???  

The GOOD NEWS is that she is walking on all 4 legs this morning.  Runs on 3 legs.  But walking looks normal.  So she is healing.  Just have to keep this up, which means carrying her everywhere because our house is built on the side of a ridge and has 4 living levels so basically stairs everywhere.  Carrying her outside to the yard for bathroom breaks, etc.  The multitude of BABY GATES come in handy for keeping her reasonably confined.    We are VERY HOPEFUL now that she will recover.


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## Ceee

Poor little Kobe, I hope those spots don't itch.


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## pirate_girl

Goodness gracious he's got it!
Poor baby ❤
Poor doggie too.
Well, you know.. when it rains it pours!


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## NorthernRedneck

Damn. That looks painful.


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## Melensdad

He doesn't itch!  Seems like he's happy again, eating again, temperature normal again, the spots don't seem to bother him at all.


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## Melensdad

I have no clue what he is looking at, but it is my job to look there too.

On a very sad note for us, he may be leaving our family soon.  We got him at 2 months old.  He is now 15 months old.  He knows only us as his parents.  But the court seems to be leaning toward awarding custody of him to his grandmother.  We may find out some additional information as early as next week.  Not really sure what is happening.  But we are getting some subtle cues that make us believe that he will not be with us much longer.


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## NorthernRedneck

I feel for you. We've loved kids and had to say goodbye after having them over a year never to see them again. It's the hardest part of fostering.


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## Melensdad

Got official notice a couple hours ago, Kobe will be leaving us and going to his grandmother, who the court will award permanent custody.  The lovely Mrs_Bob had been in some level of denial before today but today is just heartbroken.  His grandmother will be notified sometime early next week.  A transition period will be worked out to benefit Kobe, we understand it will likely be about 30 days, possibly a bit longer.


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## pirate_girl

Gosh Bob, I've got tears in my eyes.


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## Melensdad

pirate_girl said:


> Gosh Bob, I've got tears in my eyes.


Well its not a great day here.


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## NorthernRedneck

I can totally understand. We've been there. It never gets easier


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## Melensdad

Yesterday Kobe went to the ballgame.  We had seats in the first row, behind home plate.  He had a lot of fun but only lasted 6 innings before he had to go home for bed.

Tonight Kobe is in Indianapolis with the lovely Mrs_Bob.  First thing in the morning tomorrow he has a doctor's appointment with a specialist to see why he has been to the emergency room 3 times with breathing issues.  Trying to figure out if it is an allergy, or an issue with his lungs because he was a premature baby or possibly something else???

If he gets out early enough then he may even get a trip to the Children's Museum in Indianapolis before coming home.  That is just dependent on how smoothly the morning goes and what time they get out of Riley Children's Hospital.


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## NorthernRedneck

Nice. Memories you'll cherish.


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## Melensdad

He doesn't know it yet, but this is Kobe's last nap while he is in our legal custody.  We lose custody of him later this afternoon and his grandmother gains custody.

But there is good news.  We have developed a good relationship with his grandmother.  She was in search of daycare.  We have worked out a daycare arrangement with her.  So every week, on Sunday evening, Kobe will come to our home.  We will keep Kobe until Wednesday late afternoon.  He then goes back to his grandmother for Wednesday through Sunday.  The plan is to continue this schedule long term so we get to stay in his life and he gets to stay in our life.


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## FrancSevin

That is an awesome plan.  Amazing what can be worked out between people if they just recognize who's interests are most important in their decisions.


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## NorthernRedneck

Awesome arrangement for all parties.


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## Melensdad

Kobe is being dropped off now, as I type.  We hope this will all work out as planned.  We believe it will.


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## Melensdad

1 year ago & today


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