# Tidbits and Groaners Part 2, 2021, 22 ...



## Doc

This was the first year we didn't spend the holidays in Hawaii because of Covid. Normally, we don't spend the holidays in Hawaii because we can't afford it!

Check out original Tidbits thread for more chuckles:  https://www.forumsforums.com/threads/tidbits-aka-groaners.72687/page-39


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## pirate_girl




----------



## NorthernRedneck

If you ever date a dominatrix, don't, I repeat, DON'T ever tell her it's time to hit the sack.


----------



## EastTexFrank

NorthernRedneck said:


> If you ever date a dominatrix, don't, I repeat, DON'T ever tell her it's time to hit the sack.


Oh Lord.  That brought a tear to to my eye and a lump to my throat.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

I lost my pizza cutter so I used an old Bryan Adams cd. 

It cuts like a knife.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

A new Lego store is opening in my town. People are lined up for blocks.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## XeVfTEUtaAqJHTqq




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## Echtwelniet

Mzzls


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## Doc




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

I damn near had a threesome last night. 

All I needed was 2 other willing participants.


----------



## Melensdad




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## pirate_girl




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## pirate_girl




----------



## NorthernRedneck

*I had a wet dream last night about my ex. 

It was more along the lines of me dreaming she fell off a cliff and I pissed my pants laughing so hard, but you get the point. *


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## pirate_girl




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

I wanna join a movement, you know to get more involved, but there's so many, BLM movement,  climate movement,  free Britney movement.  Maybe just stick with a bowel movement for now


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

Saw the northern lights last night.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

Every mechanic can relate to this one.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

It was so windy yesterday there were whitecaps in my toilet bowl.


----------



## EastTexFrank

NorthernRedneck said:


> It was so windy yesterday there were whitecaps in my toilet bowl.



Many years ago that is exactly what I told my supervisor when I was on a platform in the Gulf with a hurricane bearing down on us and he asked, "What's it like out there?"


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## EastTexFrank

NorthernRedneck said:


> View attachment 136394



You still tha' man


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## Roofgardener

pirate_girl said:


> View attachment 135349


Umm.. but that key signature is more like A Major ?


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## pirate_girl




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## Doc




----------



## Doc




----------



## Doc




----------



## pirate_girl




----------



## Doc




----------



## EastTexFrank

Doc said:


> View attachment 139031



Oh Doc, I don't know what to say.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong.


----------



## Doc

Did you know ......
It would take you more than 400 years to spend a night in all of Las Vegas's hotel rooms.


----------



## Doc

_Did You Know: 
More people live in New York City than in 40 of the 50 states.



_


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

This place has a crab infestation.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

If a bear is wearing socks, does it still have bear feet?


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## EastTexFrank

NorthernRedneck said:


> View attachment 142047




You are still the king!!!


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

Today is the 21st day of the 21st year of the 21st century.


----------



## FrancSevin

NorthernRedneck said:


> Today is the 21st day of the 21st year of the 21st century.


Tonight, at exactly 9:00 PM. it will be the 21st hour, of the 21st day, of the 21st year, of the 21st century.

I bought champagne...;


----------



## bczoom

Ummm, isn't today the 22nd?


----------



## FrancSevin

bczoom said:


> Ummm, isn't today the 22nd?


Yeah,  Crap I missed it!  Seems these days, I'm always running late.  I miss everything.


----------



## FrancSevin

*I'm an older guy, but I try to stay in shape by going to the gym.


I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in...


I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"


The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

*


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

We bought a new vacuum cleaner today. 

It really sucks.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## PGBC

This is on my want list.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches. 

All it does is shit on the floor.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## john-in-ga




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

Due to inflation, a 69 will now be known as a 96. 

The cost of eating out has gone up.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

Nothing, he was gladiator.


----------



## Lenny

Someone ripped the 5th month out my new 2022 calendar.
I'm dismayed.


----------



## PGBC

Trees are in bud already.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

My wife gave birth to a Baby boy in the back seat of our car. I named him “ Carson”.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## Doc




----------



## NorthernRedneck

I was looking at watches on ebay. 

I didn't have enough time to decide what I wanted so I added several to my watchlist.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## FrancSevin

NorthernRedneck said:


> View attachment 145553



Bring your tuo tuo's to work
It's a two two day


----------



## waybomb

FrancSevin said:


> Bring your tuo tuo's to work
> It's a two two day


Not sure what a Tuo Tuo is, but I dare you. No, I double dare you.


----------



## echo

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue.
I'm f.ing bored
Ground Traffic Control
Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
Unknown aircraft
I said i was f.ing bored,
not f.ing stupid.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## echo

O'Hare:
United 329 heavy traffic, your traffic is  a Fokker one o'clock, three miles, eastbound.
United: 
approach, I'v always wanted to say this................
I'v got the little Fokker in sight


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## Ironman




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

Never argue with left handed people.
They're not right.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

I once was a man trapped in a woman's body. 












Then I was born.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

I filled up a full tank of gas for $27 today. 










(It was for a weed Wacker but I'm trying to stay positive)


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## Ironman

I got an email today asking $19.95 to teach me how to read maps backwards.  It turned out to be spam.


----------



## echo

Ironman said:


> I got an email today asking $19.95 to teach me how to read maps backwards.  It turned out to be spam.


Whoever started that will be rich by Friday.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

I was tired yesterday. Today I'm tired again. 

Does that make me retired?


----------



## Melensdad




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

A truck loaded with Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway. Surprisingly, there was No congestion for 8 hours.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

What do you call dental x-rays? 

TOOTH PICS


----------



## NorthernRedneck

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I don't know if I can get hard. I just got laid this morning.


----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck




----------



## NorthernRedneck

How does a deaf gynecologist accomplish his job???

He reads lips


----------



## NorthernRedneck

Interesting article I stumbled upon.


----------



## NorthernRedneck

Dolly Parton has had so much plastic surgery that if she started out as a tree stump, she'd now be a totem pole.


----------



## Doc




----------

