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Women rule, PERIOD

FrancSevin

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor

"We're getting granite counter tops."
 
Judy is bored with driving her Jeep. It lacks individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office has one. She fancies something a bit more individual, perhaps an F150. So she goes to a local car dealer and spies a great Ford Raptor . It's wonderful has all the options and great wheels and she just loves its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she's tearing down the Tree lined dirt road enjoying her New 4X4. Her long hair flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?

At that thought there's a splutter from the engine and the 4X4 slowly coasts to a stop. She gets out and lifts the hood and concludes after a few minutes that she doesn't have a clue of what's wrong. Luckily she has her mobile phone with Sinc and a quick phone call to the Auto Club and a short wait She sees a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a terrific Raptor there," says the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?
Judy replies, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
"Let me have look." He set to work, does an Obd test and
ten minutes later the engine was purring like a kitten again.
"Thank goodness," she says, "What was the matter?"
"Simple really, just crap in the intake air filter," he replies.
Looking shocked The Blond asks, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?"
 
A BLONDS DILEMMA

I'm left watching as everyone else around me seems to have it figured out. With each passing year, it gets harder and harder, lonelier and lonelier. I must be doing something wrong. There must be some fundamental part of me that IS wrong because everyone else is having sex. Animals do it. Most of the population does it. Hell, the kids I used to babysit are closer to having sex than I am at this point. What is it about me that is so unappealing to the opposite sex? Surely, there are plenty of people who are more insecure than me, shyer than me, and weigh more/less than me that are having sex. With each passing year, I stack more and more things on that list of what I must be doing wrong. And it must be me, right? After so many years, I can't tell anymore if my insecurities and uncertainties are a direct result of being a virgin or vice-versa. They're all so tangled I can't tell where one ends and the other begins. But having gone my entire adult life without someone wanting me? Desiring me? Needing me? It's damn near paralyzing some days.
Why should it be so difficult for a 32 year old Virgin? Why all the insecurity and frustration of loneliness? I don't lay there at night thinking why can't I get fulfilling sex, a great relationship with him and a marriage / family + future. What's wrong with me?
 
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Lil Johnny says, "Dad I made a girl cry today but I didn't mean to"
"What happened this time." "This Stuff Happens"
"Well she said she likes me a lot",
and then I said, " that's nice" and
then she said "don't you like me?"
"Then I Thought a Bit, thinking about what you said to Mom."
So then i said, " listen your like one of those floating turds
that no matter how many times I flush you just wont go away"
 

The Lady goes into Dr. Lil Johnnys office for a checkup.​

As she takes off her blouse, and Dr. Lill Johnny notices a red 'H' on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks Lil Johnny.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he
never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup.
As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" Dr. Lil Johnny asks.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that
he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,"
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup.
As she takes off her blouse, Dr. lil Johnny notices a green 'M' on her chest.
"Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?"
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"
 
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