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Well She Hit Me With It

P

PGBC

Well-known member
Last night my girlfriend hit me with it...the 'I love you'.

Freaked me out some I'll admit.

We haven't been dating all that long, there is an age gap, some differences between us.

I wasn't sure what to do last night, 7 hours later I'm no more sure.

Am I a horrible person for not quickly throwing back the ' I love you '?

Open to suggestions on where to steer the conversation from here.

She is a wonderful lady, and I care about her a lot.
But she is young, never had a long term serious relationship before.
I bought a bunch of ranch land, have an adult daughter, buried a wife and daughter, hate cities, too old to party like a rockstar any more.
While she is very mature for her age, not a barstar, loves nature like me, my concern is what if she decides that she does still want that in her life, which is a possibility when young.
She goes for a daily run, I would only consider running if I pissed off a grizzly bear.

I'm not a relationship expert, especially nowadays where it seems the rules are much different than 25 years ago.

All reasonable advice appreciated.
 
First let me say, I am happy for you. Many, late in life, never get such an opportunity to enter a new state of Joy and Limerence
That said;

Every relationship, no matter the differences, has three parts.

1)Friendship, The beginning of two souls aligning

2)Comfort of association: Love and affection between those two.

3) A hopeful plan for the future. Becoming one.

It sounds like steps one and two are in the relationship.

She says she loves you? Has she mentioned her thoughts on the future?
Have you?

Perhaps you may have gotten use to being independent and suddenly, a commitment means she must be considered in your future choices. Every decision you make, from this time on, effect's her future and what you are together. Having been previously married you know this well.

It is so easy, when we are young and naive, to let love and limerence steer the relationship. Trust is assumed, automatic, unquestioned. After the experiences of real life, perhaps not so much.

Perhaps, you are letting that get in the way?

Bottom line,,,; LOVE and COMMON SENSE seldom co-exist. Sadly, or gloriously, we must choose one or the other.
 
DD#1 married a guy 20 yrs her senior.
up until the clot shot got him - they marathoned / snow skied / etc. together. there's nothing like an anniversary in Aspen/Swiss Alps/ . . . .
the shot apparently resulted in a fairly severe stroke - he's recovered to 'normal' activities - but busting down a triple diamond probably more than he can manage at the moment . . .

DD#2 married a guy 10 yrs her senior.
he is large scale platform genius - the mega-bucks sought after kind . . .
she develops VR games for big name clients.
they travel, glued to their pc's.....

so - big gaps can work and everyone is happy.
big gaps also create eventual issues, and some very frank discussions need to take place about "when I get old and grey . . ."
which is between the two of them, , , and no one else....

the rules are different now-a-days
and your concern about her 'young & unseasoned' situation is quite valid.
one could consider an extended non-committed relationship, whatever.
the only thing I would advise is: do not shut out your family, but also do not let their 'opinions' affect the present/future/long-term decisions/actions. they be them, you be you, and happiness is where you find it . . .

..... from an old school geezer, married out of school, 53 years and counting . . .
 
FrancSevin said:
First let me say, I am happy for you. Many, late in life, never get such an opportunity to enter a new state of Joy and Limerence
That said;

Every relationship, no matter the differences, has three parts.

1)Friendship, The beginning of two souls aligning

2)Comfort of association: Love and affection between those two.

3) A hopeful plan for the future. Becoming one.

It sounds like steps one and two are in the relationship.

She says she loves you? Has she mentioned her thoughts on the future?
Have you?

Perhaps you may have gotten use to being independent and suddenly, a commitment means she must be considered in your future choices. Every decision you make, from this time on, effect's her future and what you are together. Having been previously married you know this well.

It is so easy, when we are young and naive, to let love and limerence steer the relationship. Trust is assumed, automatic, unquestioned. After the experiences of real life, perhaps not so much.

Perhaps, you are letting that get in the way?

Bottom line,,,; LOVE and COMMON SENSE seldom co-exist. Sadly, or gloriously, we must choose one or the other.
Click to expand...


Thanks Franc, all sound advice.
Maybe I am just panicking about nothing.

Also sort of thought that I would never marry again...not tha marriage has been discussed.

But someone who is only 27, and never been married, may want that a lot.

I need to grow a set of balls, and just have a deep discussion with her.
 
chowderman said:
DD#1 married a guy 20 yrs her senior.
up until the clot shot got him - they marathoned / snow skied / etc. together. there's nothing like an anniversary in Aspen/Swiss Alps/ . . . .
the shot apparently resulted in a fairly severe stroke - he's recovered to 'normal' activities - but busting down a triple diamond probably more than he can manage at the moment . . .

DD#2 married a guy 10 yrs her senior.
he is large scale platform genius - the mega-bucks sought after kind . . .
she develops VR games for big name clients.
they travel, glued to their pc's.....

so - big gaps can work and everyone is happy.
big gaps also create eventual issues, and some very frank discussions need to take place about "when I get old and grey . . ."
which is between the two of them, , , and no one else....

the rules are different now-a-days
and your concern about her 'young & unseasoned' situation is quite valid.
one could consider an extended non-committed relationship, whatever.
the only thing I would advise is: do not shut out your family, but also do not let their 'opinions' affect the present/future/long-term decisions/actions. they be them, you be you, and happiness is where you find it . . .

..... from an old school geezer, married out of school, 53 years and counting . . .
Click to expand...


Thanks Chowder, words of wisdom there.

We are 19 years apart, she is 27, to my 46.

Although if you were to ask some people who see us together, they would tell you that she is the more mature one in some ways.
 
Last edited:
Something I might mention. There is a difference between loving you and being "In Love" with you. That she loves you is not the same as being in love with you. Friends, good friends, can love each other but being in love is, shall we say, special. Hopefully that is the situation which means happiness and joy are in your future as you each become concerned about the other's happiness.

If that is her concern, her state of mind, is it yours? You may find such together, you may not but one must ask,,,; what do you have if you don't move forward to that end?

The joy of life is best experienced by diving in and living it. Sharing time with another person is the best use of your time here on earth.

I suggest you don't over think it.

Age is seldom a component in the success of a relationship.

For the record, I have known several May/September couples. They all seemed to have a special bond that was, amazing. One is my neighbor of 25 years or so. He is my age, 76. She is 19 years his junior. They had two lovely children who brought 4 grand kids into the world. I do not know a happier couple.
 
I can't really offer much here.

Dasha was not really raised by us, we got her at age 15. She can barely say the "L" word. Has only spoken it to me a couple times. Yet my wife and I exchange it freely, as do Kobe and I, and as do Melen and I.

Seems like upbringing and culture have a lot to do with who, when, where and how the "L" word is exchanged. There is definitely a situational component to it too.

Best I can say is GOOD LUCK
 
Well she drove out to the farm after getting done at work today. I was just about to head out in the tractor for evening chores when she arrived, so she climbed up into the cab with me, and it gave us a good chance to talk.

She said that yes she is definitely in love with me, and dreams of spending the rest of her life with me.
Even gave me a verbal list of the reasons why she loves me.
We had a good talk, and I expressed my concerns with her.
We are going to see what happens in the future, and take it day by day, week by week, for now.
She is a kind, happy, loving, smart, and caring person.
 
Thank you very much guys.

I do over think some things.

The last girlfriend was a liar, so that is something that also worries me, and no I shouldn't reflect that onto Becky, but it is hard not to.

She has 4 days off in a row, spent last night, and plans to spend the 4 days here on the farm. She was outside with me at 6am letting the chickens and goats out, and after breakfast is going to saddle up a horse for herself, and ride down to where the cattle are grassing with me.
This afternoon I have to load up a semi, strap the hay down, and deliver it to a horse boarding/training facility, and being who she is said " That sounds exciting, can i help you, and come along please ".

While it is work, and not exciting, Becky finds it exciting.
Not a high maintenance diva by any means.
 
PGBC said:
Thank you very much guys.

I do over think some things.

The last girlfriend was a liar, so that is something that also worries me, and no I shouldn't reflect that onto Becky, but it is hard not to.

She has 4 days off in a row, spent last night, and plans to spend the 4 days here on the farm. She was outside with me at 6am letting the chickens and goats out, and after breakfast is going to saddle up a horse for herself, and ride down to where the cattle are grassing with me.
This afternoon I have to load up a semi, strap the hay down, and deliver it to a horse boarding/training facility, and being who she is said " That sounds exciting, can i help you, and come along please ".

While it is work, and not exciting, Becky finds it exciting.
Not a high maintenance diva by any means.
Click to expand...
A life together is best when you share interests.

More so if it is doing work you both enjoy.

You are blessed.

Enjoy!
 
PGBC said:
Thank you very much guys.

I do over think some things.

The last girlfriend was a liar, so that is something that also worries me, and no I shouldn't reflect that onto Becky, but it is hard not to.

She has 4 days off in a row, spent last night, and plans to spend the 4 days here on the farm. She was outside with me at 6am letting the chickens and goats out, and after breakfast is going to saddle up a horse for herself, and ride down to where the cattle are grassing with me.
This afternoon I have to load up a semi, strap the hay down, and deliver it to a horse boarding/training facility, and being who she is said " That sounds exciting, can i help you, and come along please ".

While it is work, and not exciting, Becky finds it exciting.
Not a high maintenance diva by any means.
Click to expand...
Has she got a sister? :whistling:
Not for me but my brother. He lost his wife last November.

I think you might just have a keeper. Especially after a full year of each of the seasons. I wish you the very best of luck.
 
PGBC said:
Thanks Franc, all sound advice.
Maybe I am just panicking about nothing.

Also sort of thought that I would never marry again...not tha marriage has been discussed.

But someone who is only 27, and never been married, may want that a lot.

I need to grow a set of balls, and just have a deep discussion with her.
Click to expand...
I lived with a woman for 6 years who is 15 years younger than me, and one who was 23 at the time and I was 46......yep, I was twice her age....she liked a father figure. Maybe she like the father figure. How old are you?
 
PGBC said:
Thank you very much guys.

I do over think some things.

The last girlfriend was a liar, so that is something that also worries me, and no I shouldn't reflect that onto Becky, but it is hard not to.

She has 4 days off in a row, spent last night, and plans to spend the 4 days here on the farm. She was outside with me at 6am letting the chickens and goats out, and after breakfast is going to saddle up a horse for herself, and ride down to where the cattle are grassing with me.
This afternoon I have to load up a semi, strap the hay down, and deliver it to a horse boarding/training facility, and being who she is said " That sounds exciting, can i help you, and come along please ".

While it is work, and not exciting, Becky finds it exciting.
Not a high maintenance diva by any means.
Click to expand...
Just make sure you do a prenuptial agreement when you hit that patch of weakness and buy the cow. Love can be blind but doesn't have to be stupid.
 
Lenny said:
I lived with a woman for 6 years who is 15 years younger than me, and one who was 23 at the time and I was 46......yep, I was twice her age....she liked a father figure. Maybe she like the father figure. How old are you?
Click to expand...

I am 46.
 
I dated a young woman when I was 48-50 she was 26, we dated on and off for a couple years. She was non committal in the relationship and I was too. It was fun but unrealistic for me especially when my daughter moved in with me and there age was very close. It was awkward when they met for the first time. We just kinda stopped hanging out and lost touch. About 3 years ago she called me after not hearing from her for more than 10 years to just see what I was doing. Ive been married for a long time so I had to tell her I'm not interested anymore. Timing is everything.
 
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