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Watching for signs of a person in need of help

DaveNay

DaveNay

Klaatu barada nikto
In 1988 my buddy Colin and I took a carpool road trip up to Minneapolis to sell his car to his 16 year old cousin. Before we had even made it back to Chicago Colin's cousin had pulled the car into the garage, shut the door and committed suicide. In the following months and years the family learned all of the warning signs of a person contemplating suicide. Giving away personal property, etc.

PLEASE! Educate yourself on the warning signs of suicide. You could easily be in a position to save the life of a loved one.

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-recognizing-signs-of-suicide

In 1999 I was doing some side work for Larry, a close friend of my family. After working for a couple hours in his shop, we closed up early because Larry was not feeling well. He had a shortness of breath and was sweating. He was running a slight fever too so we figured he had the flu. Being a typical Slovak, Larry invited me out for some Cognacs at the local bar. After a couple drinks, I headed home and Larry went back to his shop to clean up. At 5am, I received a phone call from Larry's wife. He was not home yet. He died of a massive heart attack in the vestibule of his shop. He was dead before I was even on the expressway.


PLEASE! Educate yourself on the warning signs of heart attack. If I have been more aware of Larry's condition, I could have taken him to the ER and saved his life that night. You could easily be in a position to save the life of a loved one.

http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=4595
 
I understand that a person has to try......but some times if a person is determand there is almost nothing you can do to stop them from ending their life.........case in point.....several years ago we were friends with a family. he worked in the medical field, very well respected....well liked in the comunity......fantastic wife and kids....one day the wife said she was worried about him and ask if I would talk to him.........spent hours listening to him and it became clear that things were not right with him.....got pros involved....and in about 6 months it seemed that all was well....then he got an offer of a great job in another state....more mony status ect......He went to the job....in a few days called his wife and said it was great......would look for a house, for the family to move to.........he then called me and thanked us for careing enough to try and help.......then he ask me if I would call his wife when it was over......I said well sure but what is it you want me to call her for? .......that is when I heard the gun go off.............The thing I remember the most is I couldnt get the Phone to hang up...couldnot get a dial tone......long before the days of cell phones......had to go out to the truck and use the old mobile phone and call the minester to meet me at their house.........it was not a fun morning that day...........Guess my point in telling this is ya have to try but some times there is not a thing that can be done.......after all these years it still brings me to tears when I think of it.....
 
A couple years ago, I was outside in the yard when I heard what sounded like 3 gunshots from not too far away. At the time, I thought someone might be trying to scare away a bear or something since they tend to come into town to look for food in the spring. A while later, my buddy comes over with tears in his eyes. I could tell that something was wrong. He sits me down and informs me that our other friend, who only lived a block away from me, took his rifle, shot each of his dogs, then put the gun to his head. He was paranoid schyzophrenic and thought that there was a big conspiracy and everyone was out to get him. The reason my other buddy found out so quick was that the one who committed suicide had a girlfriend who was over at my other friends house visiting with his girlfriend. We were a tight group always hanging around at each others homes. To make matters worse, my buddy's girlfriend was a paramedic and was oncall that evening. She got the call and had to go into the house to find our friend lying there. That was tough. It happened about 6 yrs ago now and I still think to myself if there was anything I could have done to stop it from happening.

Without getting into specifics, I have been working with a teenager for the past year who has made several attempts at suicide. It's not a pleasant thing to go through. I'm always alert and walking on eggshells so to speak. I've learned quick what signs to look out for.
 
Someone whom I loved dearly decided to check out of this world.
It's sometimes said that those who threaten to take their own lives won't act on it.
That's not true.

Looking back, all the signs were there, if vague.. yet they were there.
It's a sad thing to think that one can actually get to a point in their life when they think they are no longer loved, or needed.
Suicide is looked upon as a selfish act by those left behind who have to deal with it.
I suppose that's true.

When children take their own life, that's another thing entirely, but there is something about an adult doing it that makes me feel they've gone back into their childhood and found something there that made them do what they've done, if that makes any sense at all.
 
It all boils down to everyone having skeletons in their closet, so to speak. Things from their past that they just can't deal with. That is what makes my job so important. As I've said before, I work with foster children who come from allot of broken homes. Some of them were abused. Some were neglected. Some were exposed to allot of family violence. Some were just abandoned by their parents. Allot of them were not being cared for due to alcohol and drug addictions including prescription drugs. Imagine the amount of baggage these children carry with them. It's part of my job to make sure they get all the help they need to help them deal with the pain they have endured. Whether it be just spending time with them talking to them and listening or getting them help by specialized counselling. It's what I do every day along with a pile of paperwork and a bunch of other things.
 
This is a very important thread,so many of us are touched with suicide yet speak so little and understandably due to the raw pain and emotions the subject brings.

It must be around 10 years since my encounter with this life changing advent to which if i am honest i try to block with all my strength the sad memories....my Nephew was failed by his parents and at the age of 16 was out on the streets on his own carrying the burden of learning difficulties,his cries for help were ignored and i hold up my hands to being one of many that failed to hear them to which haunts me to this day.....Paul at the tender age of 16 slung himself under a recovery truck and died instantly.

His Father that is my Brother i am ashamed to say put his own son on this path but as extended family i should have done more.....it crossed my mind many times would he attempt such a thing yet i never took the time to intervene,i guess in my mind i just prayed he would find his calling and that was far from what i should have had faith in,i should have stepped in and made more effort to try help ease his pain of neglect from his own mother and father.

The fact this kid always joked and called me Dad and laughed saying "there was a mix up at the hospital on who my father was" humbles me yet haunts me to this day.

So yes anyone that pops in read the links and make note.....as i would not wish this on anyone in any way or form.

Paul your in my heart and i am sorry.
 
I'm sure we all have some form of experience in our pasts with someone who committed suicide. About 5 yrs ago, my former SIL hung herself. She had a longtime history with depression and had made attempts in the past. She and my bro had divorced and went their separate ways. She remarried and within two months, was fighting with her new husband. He left her behind at home for the weekend after they had gotten into a fight. She went downstairs and threw a rope over a support beam for the house and hung herself. I'm only glad that she locked the doors to the house before she did it as my 9 yr old neice went over there to get something during the day but couldn't get in. I'm glad she didn't walk in and see that. It's still tough for the girls to go through though.
 
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