Step parent help

[Garysmith]

This may be like a dear Abby question. I need help. I don't have anyone to really talk about this in person so I'm asking all you helpers for advice. My wife and and recently married after dating for years. She has two sons, 11 and 13. I know I truly love her and love being a stepfather. We have many issues between the two of us that cause conflict. She is a jealous person. On a scale of 1-10, she's a 50! I try my best to help her with that and hope she can learn to trust me. I have no inkling to cheat on her or look elsewhere. One issue that I can't influence is parenting. They are her kids and she makes that known. The two boys treat her like their maid and I have tried to change that unsuccessfully. She keeps catering to them which doesn't help. Also it has really began to bother me how they still allow her in the bathroom when they are undressed. The older has started to be in there by himself more now but not all the time. The younger is much worse. He still asks her to bathe him when he gets a bath and does not go get a shower without her. I have tried to express my concern but she breaks down and it starts a fight about me saying she's a bad parent. Things cool off and nothing changes. Does anyone have advice on how I can influence this? I have thought about offering them money for doing it themselves. They are with their dad every othrt week and shower themselves there. But here it's mom do this, mom do that.

 

[ki0ho]

Think on it for a while....decide what you can..and cant acept...then act acordingly.........the sooner you make a decision the better you all will be.....

only an equaly yoked team can pull a plow!

 

[Leni]

A good part of this acting up could be because they are not really accepting you as their stepdad just yet. A good sit down and talk things out might help. Counseling is another option.

 

[waybomb]

There Are so many fish in the sea. I'd go fishing myself and throw away the current catch

 

[Doc]

There Are so many fish in the sea. I'd go fishing myself and throw away the current catch

Tough call but if things did not change I agree with Fred aka waybomb. Jealousy alone is a disease that has ruined many a relationship. She has to trust you or lose you (and that goes both ways, you have to trust her). The kids are another matter. If she won't let you be step dad and have a say in what goes on, you are in for a life of living hell. Seems like first a talk with the wife, ultimatum time. But, before you put an ultimatum out there you have to have your mind made up that you will follow through, otherwise you weaken your position and are doomed IMHO. Good luck.

 

[Galvatron]

Why the hell you got married knowing there are trust issues amazes me,a marriage is based on trust.

Sounds like you married in haste which will soon turn to hate.

 

[JEV]

Yep! Sounds like a Dear Abby question to me. I always marvel at people who marry, knowing there are significant differences between them. Something as obvious as jealousy should have been a HUGE flag. You're either hopelessly in love, or hopelessly blind.

I also marvel at people who post these kinds of scenarios on a snowcat forum instead of someplace that could actually help. Of course, as some of you are guessing, I don't find this thread to real to begin with, but the forum can use any content it can get.

Oh...silly me. Welcome to Forums Forums. Your content is valuable to us...of course, ANY content is valuable to us. Hope to have you as a contributing member for many years to come.

 

[Kane]

Wow. The relationship your wife has with YOUR stepchildren is pretty far out ... so far out that you may not be successful in changing the bizzare behavior on your own. You will be chastised as being too demanding, resulting only in resentment from your wife and kids.

So you need to get a marriage/family counselor involved as a neutral party. Any counselor will tell your wife that her interaction with the children is more than unusual. A counselor - not you - will be telling her how screwy she is. Hopefully she will change her ways without you being the bad guy.

Good luck. Having Stepchildren can be difficult. You're not alone.

 

[EastTexFrank]

You're either hopelessly in love, or hopelessly blind.

Or just hopeless. Sorry to be so uncharitable.

I don't find this thread to be real to begin with.

I have the same suspicions. (But at least it's better than reading some of the Goblin's crap)

 

[Doc]

We've had new members who join and yank our chain with BS fake stories.
My gut tells me this one is true ...time will tell.

Wow. The relationship your wife has with YOUR stepchildren is pretty far out ... so far out that you may not be successful in changing the bizzare behavior on your own.

I'll 2nd that. Kinda reminds me of a sign I saw on a restroom wall. "Remember, no matter how good lookin she is, somebody else could not put up with her shit.".
Another way of saying the craziness you posted about might be the exact things that drove the other guy away. Do what you can to try to save the relationship / marriage but know when to say when for your own sake / sanity.

 

[JEV]

Forums Forums is proud to be an ...

If you are ...

We can certainly help with one of our...

NOTE: Free breast exams done by warm hands with caring hearts. Gynecological exams done in your home by appointment only. Please supply photos of afflicted areas prior to making appointments.

 

[waybomb]

Be careful on the ObGyn thing. A disclaimer of "cleaned and sanitized before visit" should be added.

 

[JEV]

Be careful on the ObGyn thing. A disclaimer of "cleaned and sanitized before visit" should be added.

That's why I own a 2600 psi steam cleaner.