1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
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3- Half the people you know are below average.
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4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
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9- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
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10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
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11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
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12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
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14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously over-
looked something.
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15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
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2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
=================================================
3- Half the people you know are below average.
=================================================
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
=================================================
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
=================================================
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
=================================================
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
=================================================
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
=================================================
9- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
=================================================
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
=================================================
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
=================================================
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
=================================================
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
=================================================
14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously over-
looked something.
=================================================
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
=================================================
16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
=================================================
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.