- I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."
- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor. She only had $1.20 in her purse.
- My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
- Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine
until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Should I change dentists?
- A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back." He says, " What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
- I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
- There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've
been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
- A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."
- Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 dumb-ass Muslims had added me as a friend.
- Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard."
- The Red Cross had just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
- I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice. At least I presume she was poor. She only had $1.20 in her purse.
- My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
- Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine
until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Should I change dentists?
- A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back." He says, " What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
- I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
- The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
- There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've
been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
- A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."
- Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 dumb-ass Muslims had added me as a friend.
- Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard."
- The Red Cross had just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
