A Scotsman spied a man drinking from a pool of water with his hand. "Awa' ya feel hoor!" he shouts. "That's fu' of coos' sharn!" (Rough translation: "Don't drink that water! It's full of cow manure!") The man yelled back at him, "What in heaven's name are you talking about, you ridiculous little man? I am British. Please speak proper English!" The Scotsman replied, "Use both hands!"
