One good one and two quickies

[RoadKing]

A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat; you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was disconcerting, and he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the water, and threw the bronze rat as far out into the bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the bay after it. They all drowned. The man raced back to the curio shop as fast as he could. "Ah ha," said the owner, "I'll bet you have come back for the story, haven't you?" "No," said the man. "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat."

Okeedon, feel free to alter this as you see fit.

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals


Huricanes are usually named after women because they come in wild & wet and when they leave they take your house and car with them