Moving

[Deadly Sushi]

My dad said that he will kick the shit out of my cat if he makes noise at night. This situation is going from horrible to extremely seriously bad. He was here with my aunt and he was saying what a mess the place was amoung other things. I had to leave my OWN apartment to go out to the stairwell and cry. later he spent 15 minutes saying that my fake trees I have in my place need to go in the garbage because he isnt moving them and they look like shit and I couldnt get 10 cents for them. Then he threw a box across the apartment saying that things were disorganized. THEN he said he needs to be here at my apartment every day because I cant handle anything and that Im worthless and a ****ing idiot. This is over a 3 hour period.

I already threw up because of my nerves. If he touches my cats I cant tell what I would do to him. Im balling my eeyes out right now. I cant take this. Between the DUI, then not being able to drive, then not only moving, but losing my freedom, to moving in with someone that has verbally and sometimes physically abused me as a child, and still verbally puts me and everything I do down. Then goes from his bi-polar happiness to raging lunatic. This is far worse than I was thinking. If Im not at the apartment because I have a job or something, and he abuses my cats..... God forbid. Thing is I CANT stay where Im at. Its too expensive unless I get a job ASAP and that doesnt look likeit will happen PLUS how could I get there? Public transportation only goes so far. I dont mind walking a few miles either. Heck I will lose even MORE weight. Them I was thinking I could get a job in Chicago (downtown). The train runs there. Plus theres a subway system. OF course my father said if I take the subway I'll end up dead or get my teeth knocked out again. To move in with him is the biggest mistake I could make. But its the ONLY thing I can do. I know my father loves me, but his mental illness is something no one can tollerate. My aunt (his sister) said maybe I can help him. And I know I CANT help him!!! Drugs might help him. A mental hospital might help him. But Im in NO condition to help. Now the ****ing son of a bitch is saying he will do something to my cats!!!!!! I cant stop crying here.

 

[pirate_girl]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Want me to call you?

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Want me to call you?

sure

 

[Gatorboy]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

You're not a little boy anymore. Stand up for yourself -- don't just let him do all the talking/yelling. Quit complaining to us, and start barking back at him.

 

[Doc]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

I was surprised you even considered moving in with him after some of the stories you shared on here. I know, I know, your options were limited, still I was surprised.

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

You're not a little boy anymore. Stand up for yourself -- don't just let him do all the talking/yelling. Quit complaining to us, and start barking back at him.

Thats what Im afraid of Gator. If he hurts my cat I dont know WHAT would happen. But I DO tell him off right back. He doesnt care. Its almost like he WANTS to argue. Its like he lives to get in a fight and argue. He has told me about the physical fights he has gotten into in the last 4 years. Broken bottles (yes BOTTLES) over a guys head. Pushed down and kicked someone in the teeth. The guy is nuts. Im surprised HE hasnt been hauled off into prison or even sued before. Maybe he has and I didnt know it. Maybe he is making it all up. I just dont know. But if I decide to get into a full scale arguement with him then he could even kick me out and then do God knows what to my cats. This is a man that told me he hopes "your stupid **** bitch mother is in hell" out of rage. I fully understand this sounds insane. Only because it IS insane.
After thinking about this for awhile, Im going to talk to his shrink with him. I dont even know if thats possible. But I'll try. Right now Im drained. Im emotional and mentaly exhaused with all of this.

A few days after I move I have to go to court and it might go to trial.
Im sure my court fees are going to be huge. I cant even get some quality time with the public defender because the guy is so damn busy! He hasnt even looked at the video from the arrest yet! I NEVER EVER in a MILLLLLION years would I have thought THIS is the state of my life. Some ****ed up Jerry Springer bull shit. I just want to get a good job and make money and live my life!!!!!!!!!!!

I was surprised you even considered moving in with him after some of the stories you shared on here. I know, I know, your options were limited, still I was surprised.

I dont have an option really. I dont have enough money to stay where I am AND pay the court fines AND goto their court mandated classes. (I pay $850 plus $30 water bill per month) I need a job that pays enough ASAP. That is VERRRRRY unlikely. Now I cant even go back to outside sales because they couldnt insure me when Im on the clock driving to a client. Getting a job close enough to public transportation is hard enough. If someone has an idea how I could stay in my place or even at my ex-girlfriends for $400 a month then let me know. Im VERY open to suggestions. I just cant believe any of this. I destroyed my life.

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Just got off the phone with my dad and he was very nice. Talked about where everything is going to go (furniture) and that his neighbors are looking forward to meeting me.

Why cant he just stay THAT way!?!?

 

[bczoom]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

DS. Sorry to hear about the roller-coaster ride you're probably getting on.

Why cant he just stay THAT way!?!?

Do yourself a favor and pay CLOSE attention to his attitude. What keeps him upbeat? What brings him down? What makes him violent? What brings him back to upbeat (or at least even keel)? You get the idea. Make it a point to figure this out, recognize it and then position yourself to see if you can influence a mood change. If he's up, keep him up. If he's down or violent, know what it takes to cool him off and bring him up and do what you can to make it so.

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

BCZ thats a great idea. I dont think there is a trigger for bi-polar folks but now Im going read up on it more. Maybe there is and that might control things better. I hope. Anything suggestion is great.

 

[pirate_girl]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Just got off the phone with my dad and he was very nice. Talked about where everything is going to go (furniture) and that his neighbors are looking forward to meeting me.

Why cant he just stay THAT way!?!?

That's encouraging to hear, and I think what Brian said makes a lot of sense, Paul.

 

[Gus]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

BCZ thats a great idea. I dont think there is a trigger for bi-polar folks but now Im going read up on it more. Maybe there is and that might control things better. I hope. Anything suggestion is great.

Unfortunately there isn't a trigger for bi-polar people. My husband is bipolar and I went thru hell before he finally got on meds and found the right meds for him. I have learned to watch the signs of him going manic and I'm grateful that he is able and willing to sit and discuss the symptoms so he can discuss them with his doctor. Mostly the manic symptons are brought on by stress so I do what I can to not be what some refer to as the "typical" bitchy wife.

I feel for you, Sushi - just from reading this thread. I'm guessing my Father was bipolar as well, but back then, no one had ever heard of that. He was so verbally and physically abusive to me and my Mother when I was young. Mom went thru menopause and I think she lost her mind one day and just started fighting back and "ran away from home" for a few weeks and it scared him into calming down some. Funny thing is, as much as I could never do anything right in his eyes, my Mother told me years later that my Father always told his friends how proud he was of me. I just wished he could have told me that. I thre myself into the gutter so many times, it was almost like I tried to destroy my life just because he always told me how worthless I was. But then, don't know why or how it happened, I decided to be successful and to hell with what he thought or said. He's been dead for several months and as horrible as this sounds, I don't miss him even tho' it was hard to watch him deteriorate into a helpless old man when he got sick. I just hope he's in a place now where he has found peace and happiness.

I don't know how old you are, but there are ways to overcome what you're going thru. You could rent a room somewhere - in a place owned by an old lady who loves cats. You can work 2 or 3 jobs to save, save, save. It's not how much you make but how you manage your money that's important. And above all, be happy - life is just too damn short not to be.

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Thanks Gus! Welcome to FF too. What were the signs of him going manic?

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

My aunt said that if my father has one more psychotic outburst she will commit him. We are having a lot of fun down here! And I havent even moved yet. He is having huge moods swings in the last week, and when he gets mean.... he is evil. Folks, if I could leave and never see him again, I would be happy. The is a ****ing evil insane son of a bitch. 25% of the time he is like that and the rest he is fun and loving.
Im not kidding when I say that moving with him is (and Im not kidding) 10 times worse than getting arrested for a DUI. If it werent for my cats I am actually considering that time in the county jail would be better for me. Im going nuts and I havent even moved there. Tonight was a real "special" conversation with him as he tells me he should have punched my mother in the stomach when he found out she was pregnant. Then at the end of the phone conversation he was making small talk with me and asked who was that chick with Paris Hilton on a reality show. I got off the phone and crid my eyes out for 10 minutes.

But it WAS nice a few days ago when he gave me his egg roll.

I think I should start a diary/blog about this whole experience. lol!

 

[pirate_girl]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

My aunt said that if my father has one more psychotic outburst she will commit him. We are having a lot of fun down here! And I havent even moved yet. He is having huge moods swings in the last week, and when he gets mean.... he is evil. Folks, if I could leave and never see him again, I would be happy. The is a ****ing evil insane son of a bitch. 25% of the time he is like that and the rest he is fun and loving.
Im not kidding when I say that moving with him is (and Im not kidding) 10 times worse than getting arrested for a DUI. If it werent for my cats I am actually considering that time in the county jail would be better for me. Im going nuts and I havent even moved there. Tonight was a real "special" conversation with him as he tells me he should have punched my mother in the stomach when he found out she was pregnant. Then at the end of the phone conversation he was making small talk with me and asked who was that chick with Paris Hilton on a reality show. I got off the phone and crid my eyes out for 10 minutes.

But it WAS nice a few days ago when he gave me his egg roll.

I think I should start a diary/blog about this whole experience. lol!

By the time you find yourself settled and happy, you'll have driven me insane, you know that don't you?

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

By the time you find yourself settled and happy, you'll have driven me insane, you know that don't you?

You should see the 90% of the things I DONT write about. Anyhow, he just called me 5 minutes ago and again tried to make small talk. His way of saying he is sorry.

On the plus side I took apart my huge Steelcase desk my computer was on. The thing has to weigh over 300 lbs!! Easily. Thing is built like a tank. Anyhew, I set up the computer on my coffee table. Aint good for the back and neck but its just for a few days.

 

[pirate_girl]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

You should see the 90% of the things I DONT write about. Anyhow, he just called me 5 minutes ago and again tried to make small talk. His way of saying he is sorry.

On the plus side I took apart my huge Steelcase desk my computer was on. The thing has to weigh over 300 lbs!! Easily. Thing is built like a tank. Anyhew, I set up the computer on my coffee table. Aint good for the back and neck but its just for a few days.

So you're a few days from moving, eh?
You don't have to share the 90% on this forum, you've told me enough over the phone about him and the entire situation.
Best to keep most of that under wraps anyway.

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Yeppers! I only post that stuff when Im in tears and at the end of my rope. It feels somewhat better to at least write about it.

 

[pirate_girl]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Yeppers! I only post that stuff when Im in tears and at the end of my rope. It feels somewhat better to at least write about it.

Thanks, I had a massive phone bill

 

[ncroamer65]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Sushi
I've delt with bi-polar people thur my life. If they get on medicine, they don't stay on them due to the illusion that they don't need them.
And they are right back were they started. It's never ending. Trying to figure them out will drive you NUTS.
From your description of your fathers moods it sounds as if he's not
on med's. And he can get violent and could hurt someone even you.
Sushi I'm trying to give you a fore warning of whats to come. Check
with the police as to what you need to do, also mental health in the
area. Please don't wait til someone gets hurt at that point it's to
late.

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Sushi
I've delt with bi-polar people thur my life. If they get on medicine, they don't stay on them due to the illusion that they don't need them.
And they are right back were they started. It's never ending. Trying to figure them out will drive you NUTS.
From your description of your fathers moods it sounds as if he's not
on med's. And he can get violent and could hurt someone even you.
Sushi I'm trying to give you a fore warning of whats to come. Check
with the police as to what you need to do, also mental health in the
area. Please don't wait til someone gets hurt at that point it's to
late.

You are 110% right. I have already spoke with the county health department. Im not going to contact the cops though. He is seeing a therapist but I dont think he is taking his meds. In fact its exactly like you said. On occasion he will say what he was diagnosed with and then later he will never admit he has a problem.
I dont think he will hurt me though. If he hurts my cats..... I dont know what I would do. I rather not think about it. I love him but this whole situation is bad.

 

[nixon]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Well Paul , We've heard Your story many times . And , it's very sad . Is there a chance that Your Dad could post His story on FF ?
You paint Him as a dark ,uncaring type , yet He is willing to take You and Your cats in .He can't be as bad as You describe . So I'd like to Hear His side of this .
Obviously that's not about to happen . But, If it did , I bet the picture of You and your relationship with Him would change a bit .
Having said that , why not ask Your Aunt(s) if You can Move in with them and avoid any problems ?

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Well Paul , We've heard Your story many times . And , it's very sad . Is there a chance that Your Dad could post His story on FF ?
You paint Him as a dark ,uncaring type , yet He is willing to take You and Your cats in .He can't be as bad as You describe . So I'd like to Hear His side of this .
Obviously that's not about to happen . But, If it did , I bet the picture of You and your relationship with Him would change a bit .
Having said that , why not ask Your Aunt(s) if You can Move in with them and avoid any problems ?

I "paint him" as the dark uncaring type? I paint him as that, huh? And you think there is ANOTHER side to this? nixon youve been leaving me posts that say:

Fair enough , I'll give it a rest . I guess I'm obsessing about this much in the same way that You obsess about needing pity ,and being victimized by life .
I guess that We all have Our faults .

Now, even after I have sent you PMs that tell you 'thanks for whatever youre trying to do but Im getting tired of it. Please stop.', you CONTINUE this shit. Its like you DONT READ WHAT IM WRITING.
To you there MUST BE SOME OTHER EXPLAINATION.
Sushi must not BE TELLING US EVERYTHING.

Nixon..... read closely. I love my father, he loves me. But he HAS A FEW DIFFERENT MENTAL ILLNESSES THAT MAKE HIM SAY THINGS AND DO THINGS THAT ARE ERRATIC, HURTFUL AND SOMETIMES HARMFUL TO HIMSELF AND OTHERS. HE IS A MENTALLY ILL MAN.
HIS MENTAL ILLNESS AFFECTS ME IN A VERY NEGATIVE WAY.

IF YOU READ AND RETAIN WHAT I WROTE, YOU SHOULD KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THAT.

If you think Im out for attention and pity, PLEASE invest time in reading my posts relating to the related topic. Take a course online or something regarding psycology and mental illness. JUST because someone posts about their life, positive or negative on a forum doesnt mean what you THINK it means. To me, posting about certain things in my life, releave stress and its a chance for me to look at the situation and maybe even find some good advice whatever that situation is. Maybe I could help OTHER people that are in the SAME or similar situations.

THAT said.... I cant live with my aunts because they have their OWN kids and their OWN problems and lives. They take care of their own kids. Im not the only one in a large Italian and Polish family that has major problems and their world doesnt revolve around Sushi. My cousins are like anyone else in America. They got problems too.

 

[Spiffy1]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Italian AND Polish??? Are you sure the bi-polar is a clinical issue?

Sorry Sushi, just trying to interject some levity this serious sitiation, and I know I'm bending, if not breaking, the rules of this subforum doing it, so if you request my post deleted no offense taken.

 

[Doc]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Sushi, I'm worried for you moving in with your dad. From what I've read this cannot turn out good. It is just a matter of time, and I think you know that.
There has to be other alternatives. Put out an ad for a roommate. Sell all your furnishings and move. Stay at the Y until you get on your feet. etc...
A fellow here at my work just rented a 1400 sq foot house for $475 per month, water and cable tv included. Working anyplace McDonald's or AutoZone you can pay that kind of rent.
Again, I'm just offering suggestions to keep you from the nightmare you are going into. I guess you are doing it for the cats but (and I know this would be hard) perhaps you need to find them another home and free yourself up to move on and get out of there. If the cats or you end up getting hurt in a fit of rage, well, you'll never forgive yourself.

 

[Spiffy1]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Back to the serious side: Sushi, I have no idea whether Nixon has much knowledge regarding your father's illness, or it's affects on others; nor do I have, or want to have, any knowledge of, your correspondence with Nixon.

However, if for no other reason than your own sanity, may I recommend avoiding the defensive approach, even if you strongly disagree with someone elses interpretation of the situation? Also, brainstorming can be a good thing even [maybe especially] in the worst of situations.

 

[Spiffy1]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

While I'm typing about brainstorming, Doc throws out those options and well tops my mere suggestion of it!

I know it's been discussed before, and quite hypocritical from someone who does seem to have grown roots, but what about hightailing out of Chicago all together?

Also, it wouldn't do you much good in the next few months, but while I was researching claims of SD teacher salaries being #50 in the nation, I stumbled across Chicago supposedly having a high demand and paying well. Perhaps you could use your technical background as an in to that profession for a while.

Edit; around here it barely pays the fuel into town; however, for short term income, substitute teachers are often in demand, and if it's rotating [rather than several days or more; or for some crazy reason you happen to have a passion for the topics at hand ], you're essentially a glorified baby-sitter.

 

[Deadly Sushi]

Re: Dad said will hurt cat

Well, Doc and Spiffy, Ive been thinking about a fallback position. And I think it would entail a lot of what you said Doc. Chicago is great for getting around with not having a car. If things go south at where Im going to then getting a place in downtown with a joint that is looking for a roommate is my best bet. If its around $400-$450 for rent I could manage that given my CURRENT $$$$ situation. Then I could take the Metra and the EL (Elevated Line as seen in movies and ER ). I really dont like the city at all BUT in my position I dont give a shit. It would be a beautiful oasis if things get bad. And on the plus side there are MANY folks there that dont drive and have no car so I could fit in! Plus there are really beautiful women there too. Plus Im 100% sure I can get SOME kind of job there that would support $450 rent plus expenses. But, because ALL of my aunts (9 of em) asked I move in with my dad and my dad asked I move in with him, I will give that a shot 1st. But Darn tootin' I'll move out if things get at a certain level.
Thanks for the advice/input guys!