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More "That's when the fight started..."

[FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I got back home one Saturday morning from [FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]running some quick errands, and was met at the door by the wife dressed in a [FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]pretty hot bit of lingerie. She says "Tie me up and you can do anything you want." So I tied her up and got ready to go golfing.

That's when the fight started....

* * * * *
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[/FONT][FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif][FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]The wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when I came into the kitchen.

"Careful," I said, "BE CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my God, you're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM! You need more butter! Jayzus, when are you going to add MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Watch them. WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING!! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking. NEVER! Turn them NOW! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?? Have you lost your mind?? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife just stared at me. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
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[FONT=Default Sans Serif,Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]I replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

And that's when the fight started....

* * * * *
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The wife and I were sharing a bottle of wine one evening, and I had a great idea. "Hey, Babe, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time." Wife thinks for a few minutes and then says, "Your penis is bigger than your friend's."

And that's when the fight started....

* * * * *
We were getting ready to go out one night. The wife had her clothes on and asked, "Does this dress make my butt look big?" I said, "Not as big as the pants you wore yesterday."

And that's when the fight started.

* * * * *
We were driving down the road out in the country, trying not to talk because it usually doesn't go very well when we do. We drove past a little place that had a few mules and pigs out front, and I asked the wife, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yeah," she said, "I married into the family."

And that's why we try to not talk to each other....

* * * * *
We were sitting on the couch, having a look at the Sunday paper with coffee. The wife said, "I wish I were a newspaper, so I could be held by you while you look at me closely." I said, "I wish you were a newspaper too, so I could have a new one every day."

And that's how Sunday's fight got started....

* * * * *
I knew she was trying to start something when she said, "I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are." So I said, "You should have known it from the second I asked you to marry me."

And that's how THAT fight got started....

* * * * *
Last week the wife came home, screeching her car into the driveway. She came running into the house, slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags! I won the Lottery!"

I said, "Fantastic, Babe! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."

And that's when the fighting started again....
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DiNCA
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