• Please be sure to read the rules and adhere to them. Some banned members have complained that they are not spammers. But they spammed us. Some even tried to redirect our members to other forums. Duh. Be smart. Read the rules and adhere to them and we will all get along just fine. Cheers. :beer: Link to the rules: https://www.forumsforums.com/threads/forum-rules-info.2974/

materalism

mak2

mak2

Active member
We had a fine happy Christmas again this year. It is all over now and I am trying to digest everything I have eaten today.
Except:
At some point during the day today my wife made a very inappropriate crack at my Mom. Which I planned to handle later tonight. I have not brought it up yet.

It was about my cousin, who my Mom was blathering on about how big his house is and how far off the road it sits and on and on. I was raised with my Mom's side of the family only being concerned with what everyone thought of them, size of house, is theirs nicer than ours and on and on. I pretty much dont pay any attention to her I just refer to it as the hillbilly made good syndrome. Moms side of the family moved up here after WW II, bought or built houses when they were very cheap, got good union jobs and did very well for at most graduating from high school.

My Dad died a couple of years ago, but he always told me as I was growing up if someone else is not paying for your stuff it is none of their buisness about your house, car etc. I rarely see my Mom and sister even though they only live a few miles away, since Dad died I just dont have much to do with them. Mom does come over and get my sons who are age 12-14 a couple of times a month adn takes them down to Hardee's. this being around Christmas she picked them up last night and took them out to the "Big House" I was discussing eairler. At dinner tonight my 14 year old was talking about a 5 star house, how it was worth a half million dollars, how it was bigger than every one elses around etc. He never heard anyone here say anything about a 5 star house here, not every. Maybe motel but not house. Anyway it was Mom attempting to get my sons to see they should not be happy with what they have but lust after others material possessions. I am sure my son told (his Mom) my wife about it last night.

I really truly just dont care what people think, I have ambition, but I do not care who has a nicer car, or bigger house etc. I just do not care. So I have a hard time understanding the whole thoght process. I rarely think about it but I am not sensitive about it because we are poor. We are actually pretty well off, even by forums fourms standards.

Perhaps I am just overly sensitive because I hate the comercialism of Christmas. But I am sure that is what brought on the smart crack at my mom. Are most other people so concerned about what others think of them, whose house is bigger? Should I just give my wife a pass on this one? What do you guys think?
 
Give her a pass, it strikes me that you mom may have been the one who made the mistake by emphesising the house size, etc. We all have our own issues, but materialism at Christmas often brings out the green eyes of envy and it seems (I may be reading to much into what you wrote) that your mom is trying to teach your kids to envy the material possessions others have. It might be a good time to discuss mortgage payments, living within their means, working toward a goal, etc with your kids? Not trying to offend your mom, but I think your wife may have simply tried to divert the conversation into something more sane???
 
Giver her a pass on this one. Obviously your mom is not teaching you children the values you and your wife are and your wife probably took offense to you mother trying to "overhaul" their values behind your back.
 
It sounds like your wife's comment didn't bring Christmas to a standstill, so I wouldn't even mention it.

There's nothing to resolve here, aside from your own internal contradiction over your own raised values/adult values. It's pointless to share that conflict with either of these women if it's going to make either uncomfortable.

You and your wife will probably have a good laugh over this some day when you've cooled of. I don't think you have a responsibility to defend your mother from her own foolishness if that means going against your wife. Just let both of them be who they are, you can't change it.


Your post made me smile. My own mother was born in 1910 (yep, she's 97). At Christmas Eve dinner last night she was going on about an ancestor she remembered who had been an assistant to General MacArthur 1 in the Philippines after the Spanish American War (1897). Somebody tried to change the subject and the talk shifted to Texas and California being ripped away from Mexico by Americans. Mom was doing all the talking, everybody but me was afraid to break into her monologue. She mentioned "I remember when General Vallejo...[Mexico's last governor of California, 1846] ..."

I broke in "You remember General Vallejo???" Mom looked up, laughed, and said she does tend to go on about the past because nothing interesting has happened in her life in the last 20 years.

She wasn't offended, she recognized that she often tells us to speak up if she's repeating herself.

However after I got tired of listening and started to clear the table she started embarrassing my early-twenties daughters by going on about her own amazing virtue when she was that age - apparently with so much detail that I suddenly overheard my older daughter tell her she didn't want to hear any more. Both daughters fled to the kitchen. My wife, a saint, somehow got 'Grandma' to talk about her iris garden or something before our daughters would come back in. I just washed all the dishes - I respect that I have a tremendous responsibility to keep Mom's life going smoothly (presently by engaging a full time caregiver) but I'm just not enough of a saint to listen to every little thought she shares.

Usually Mom is overshadowed by my brother in law, a brain-damaged Veteran. He is constantly embarrassing everybody with his loud crude jokes and insensitive personal questions all through holiday meals. He had to leave dinner early for choir at the early Christmas Eve services. I think we all wished he had stayed to hold down center stage.

My family's more nuts than your family! :)
 
The wife gets a pass, it appears she may have been thinking a whole lot more clearly than Mom at the time. The only thing you should do is work on the folk Mom may have impacted and that's the boys. The boys are old enough to learn about household economics and that all seen is not necessarily as it appears.
 
Well you guys are right. She went to bed, I let it go, and I think all is well today. Happy New Years everybody.
 
mak2,

my house is small by my family standards..........1000 sq ft. They have mentioned it was too small to really have a family gathering........BEST NEWS I HEARD, now I have an excuse to NOT have them here! My car is not new, 2001 sport trac ford truck, but in about a year it will be paid for, bought used but for a whole lot less than what most thought........most are whacked for paying what they do for cars. I took 7 months off this year iwth my savings and LOW DEBT to income, we did fine! Most could not be off a week without income. Most of my family could not. I can walk away from work now and find something else and not worry about the interim.

oh yeah in 5.5 years my house will be paid for, most of my family will still be paying more interest than principal per month, not reaching that point where it does make a diff.............

you can have the big house, we make more than most of my family does, my wife and I will keep this one thank you, and if it is not 'good enough' or 5 star then keep your butt on your side of the river. Oh and my Christmas this year.............paid in full, no debt, no bills, no worries, and lots of fun!
 
Around here, we have young families, parents in their 30's, small to high-grade school age kids. New cars, jet skis, quad runners, all the toys. Plus a next-to-new house! I bet the loss of ONE paycheck would put them into a poorer house than the one I live in. Prob'ly never get anything paid off, just get a loan and buy a newer one. Why? They're trying to get to the place that their parents took 40 years to get to. Who wants to go to an event driving a 15-yr old car?? Not them! Wouldn't look good.
I could care less. If it gets me where I'm going without breaking down, it's good enough for me.
My "toys" are old stuff, but I have a lot of fun with them, they're paid for, and I can fix them myself.
So, who's richer??
 
I sat here for awhile wondering what I would say.

I think all of the above some good points about what is a better way to live.

I see it as an American Way. We have the freedom to choose how we live. Weather is all paid off or not. We choose what values to instill in our children. We also control our feelings on how we judge others comments.

This is an interesting thread and it gets me thinking.

Good Stuff!
 
Everyone gets a pass! Except your son. Sort of. Well I think a good heart to heart with him could be great! Tell him that those things are of little concern. Its more important to build the mind with a firm foundation than to care about a grand house that doesnt warm the heart.
 
They'll get it, but they won't let on for several years. My daughters are 10 years older than your kids, and I can see from the choices they've made that they were listening.

But they're just now beginning to make any mention of learning anything at all from us.

Last night Older Daughter was in town and went to a gathering of the half-dozen girls she had grown up with. She phoned over here and asked me to put some photos online to show her friends her travels. When she called back to ask where I put them, somebody in the background said "tell your Dad we want him to take us camping again!"

Now that they're all grown up (~26) I expected they would hardly remember who I was, thinking back to the natural shyness of the 7-17 year olds they were when I knew them. But now they seem to remember our camping adventures as significant events. They were listening after all.
 
i dont care what other people think when it comes to comparing house size ect....i like to weigh up my wealth on how happy me and my family are.

i live in a small 3 bed house and its well furnished and my wife and 3 children have everything they need.we have no debts and a nice family sized car and the children are getting a good honest upbringing and education....so thats pretty wealthy in my opinion.

i the same as you lost my father a few years back and have little to do with my family now and thats because im happier not having them around bickering over non important things.....you like me sound happy with your life so let them rattle around in their big house while you enjoy the more important things that life has to offer......pleased to hear you had a good christmas and may the new year bring more happiness.
 
mak2 I feel your pain. Your mother is the problem, not your wife. Today many people live in a material world, myself included. The only difference is that my extra toys and stuff are all bought used. My 2400 square foot house cost me very little compared to what it is worth. Yup we got that half a million dollar house in a rich little town. But it cost me under $130K to build it over 31 years. We have only owned one new car in 31 years of marriage. I refuse to pay high sales taxes and excise taxes on a new vehicle to be ripped off by the state year after year. My son always wanted the best of the best. My wife always gave in to him. My daughter on the other hand knows the value of the dollar. Peer pressure in this town is really high for kids that do not come from wealthy families. We put up with it for many years while our kids were growing up. No we are not rich by today's standards. I wish the world could go back to the 60-70's era again. Life was so much easier then and you didn't care who had what, who drove what kind of car or how big anyone's house was. I don't care about any of those things either today. I am quite content owning older vehicles and older man toys to play with. One of my brothers asked me once why I didn't buy a new motocycle like his $18K Harley. I told him that I can own a low mileage Goldwing $4500, my used 23 foot boat $3000, my 1988 BMW car $2000, tons of guns $$$$ and a 2000 ATV $500 for what he paid for his Harley. He has never said a word since then about me buying a new bike or anything else new. I did however sense some jealousy after I mentioned all of the things I did buy for $18K. This brother is one of those keep up with the Jones's type. I can't be like that and hope my son someday realizes that he shouldn't be either.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top