Laws of Merry ole England
- Under the reign of Elizabeth I, any person
found guilty of "harboring a Catholic priest"
would be tortured or even hanged. Any priest
of the Catholic faith that was caught would
be hanged, drawn, and quartered.
- With the exception of carrots, most goods may
not be sold on Sunday.
- All English males over the age 14 are to carry
out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week
supervised by the local clergy.
Explanation: This law dates from the middle
ages when there was no standing army, so in
times of war each gentry was required to
produce a quota (depending on its size) of
knights, archers, infantry, etc. As the church
was the only centralized instrument of beaura-
cracy (the lords were independent for the most
part), they were used for such tasks.
- London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must
carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.
Explanation: The London Hackney Carriage Laws
covers hackneys in other towns too and have
remained unaltered for over 100 years. Firms
have been known to manufacture very small
bales of hay to carry in a taxi during disp-
utes during local councils (who license the
hackneys everywhere except London). Also the
vehicle has to be tethered at a taxi rank,
and the council have to supply a water trough
at said ranks (that could be fun on a Saturday
night!). The one about urinating against the
back wheel is a Hackney Carriage Law too, and
has also been done, on mass, during taxi/
council disputes (allegedly).
- The severest Penaltys will be suffered by any
commoner who doth permit his animal to have
carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House
(enacted by George I)
- It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises
(in a pub or bar).
- It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in
the same house as a third person.
Explanation: Introduced to outlaw "molly houses"
which began to appear in the big cities of
England in the late 16th Century. In these
bordellos, homosexuals engaged in sex, sado
masochism, transvestitism etc., and they were
perceived as a threat to public morality, and
so outlawed.
- Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the
sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the
village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
- It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards
of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks
(enacted by Edward VI)
- Chelsea Pensioners may not be impersonated.
Explanation: Chelsea Pensiors are entitled to
enhanced state benefits and subsidized accomm-
odation, so pretending to be one is simply
fraud!
- A bed may not be hung out of a window.
- It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on
a public conveyance.
- Mince pies can not be eaten on Christmas day.
Explanation: Ingredients of mince pies and
plum puddings were pagan in origin, and their
consumption part of ancient fertility rituals.
The law dates from the puritan era, the same
time that dancing in church, maypoles, and
holly and ivy decorations were outlawed. The
laws were never officially repealed because
upon the restoration of the monarchy, (in
the form of Charles II) all laws formed under
the protectorate were ignored as invalid.
- Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a
naked manequin.
- Under the reign of Elizabeth I, any person
found guilty of "harboring a Catholic priest"
would be tortured or even hanged. Any priest
of the Catholic faith that was caught would
be hanged, drawn, and quartered.
- With the exception of carrots, most goods may
not be sold on Sunday.
- All English males over the age 14 are to carry
out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week
supervised by the local clergy.
Explanation: This law dates from the middle
ages when there was no standing army, so in
times of war each gentry was required to
produce a quota (depending on its size) of
knights, archers, infantry, etc. As the church
was the only centralized instrument of beaura-
cracy (the lords were independent for the most
part), they were used for such tasks.
- London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must
carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.
Explanation: The London Hackney Carriage Laws
covers hackneys in other towns too and have
remained unaltered for over 100 years. Firms
have been known to manufacture very small
bales of hay to carry in a taxi during disp-
utes during local councils (who license the
hackneys everywhere except London). Also the
vehicle has to be tethered at a taxi rank,
and the council have to supply a water trough
at said ranks (that could be fun on a Saturday
night!). The one about urinating against the
back wheel is a Hackney Carriage Law too, and
has also been done, on mass, during taxi/
council disputes (allegedly).
- The severest Penaltys will be suffered by any
commoner who doth permit his animal to have
carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House
(enacted by George I)
- It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises
(in a pub or bar).
- It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in
the same house as a third person.
Explanation: Introduced to outlaw "molly houses"
which began to appear in the big cities of
England in the late 16th Century. In these
bordellos, homosexuals engaged in sex, sado
masochism, transvestitism etc., and they were
perceived as a threat to public morality, and
so outlawed.
- Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the
sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the
village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
- It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards
of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks
(enacted by Edward VI)
- Chelsea Pensioners may not be impersonated.
Explanation: Chelsea Pensiors are entitled to
enhanced state benefits and subsidized accomm-
odation, so pretending to be one is simply
fraud!
- A bed may not be hung out of a window.
- It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on
a public conveyance.
- Mince pies can not be eaten on Christmas day.
Explanation: Ingredients of mince pies and
plum puddings were pagan in origin, and their
consumption part of ancient fertility rituals.
The law dates from the puritan era, the same
time that dancing in church, maypoles, and
holly and ivy decorations were outlawed. The
laws were never officially repealed because
upon the restoration of the monarchy, (in
the form of Charles II) all laws formed under
the protectorate were ignored as invalid.
- Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a
naked manequin.
