Last night I killed a Hare, and I am so disorientated over it...

[Lia]

Last night, around midnight, and coming home from town, I had the most awful experience imaginable; at least it was for me in any event. I know the guys won’t understand this (or perhaps I malign them, in which case I apologize), but I want to tell about it anyway. On an A road I came up over the brow of a hill, and caught in the glare of the headlights a young buck. I could do nothing, even tho there was no-one else on the road in either direction, I couldn’t swerve in time, and in the split second that I came upon it I knew it was gonna get hit. It was almost as if I had realized this in a sort of time capsule. Kinda as if all time was non-linear.

Also, in that weird time capsule the Hare, which was young and a beautiful color (it kinda looked ethereal just for that moment), hesitated, caught in the glare, and had almost reached the central reservation before becoming confused, and for some terribly nexplicable reason, turned back on itself and started to prepare for a run back. I can't get over how surreal and perfectly formed and vital it looked. So young and healthy, yet so terribly frightened.

I felt the hit, it seemed to reverberate for ages, the sound of it was frightful, and I knew the poor thing had broken every bone single in its small body. I tried not to identify (impossible for me), and immediately thought of one of my dogs, and visualized the same scene but with her. I felt sick, literally, and a lump came to my throat. I wanted to stop, but what would have been the point? There was no way that the buck had survived a direct hit head on, at my speed of around 60.

I actually felt ill and disorientated for the rest of the way home, and afterward. I couldn’t even have a hot drink, I felt that I would have thrown it back. How is it that we hold life and the pain of others so dear, and feel it so deeply, even with animals, that it can physically make some ill? What is it about the life of even a wild animal that make us feel so deeply affected by their pain and death? I felt feverish, headachey and quite lethargic when I got home. I guess I must have been in shock. Just thinking about it now makes me well up. I called a friend, in tears, and kept repeating rather pointlessly, and no doubt plaintively, I killed a Hare, I can’t believe I killed a Hare. I know I broke every bone in its body.”

I’m afraid to look under the car today, but I have to have it cleaned underneath, otherwise I won’t be able to lay this thing to rest. I know it’s silly, but I can’t help it. I was almost as bad when I hit a Badger late one nigh,t on a country lane, altho I knew I hadn’t killed it that time. But again, I felt so ill that it was days before I could eat or focus attention on something constructive.

 

[Doc]

Hare = Rabbit, right? We normally do not call them Bucks, we call male Deers bucks; but of course they are much bigger than rabbits.

It's tough, I understand, but don't beat yourself up so bad over it. My wife does the same thing. You do you best to miss them but when they do that about face and run right in front of you there is nothing you can do.

I suspect there is not much of a mess under your car, if any sign at all of the mishap.

Try to move forward Lia, don't dwell on it, it does absolutely no good for you or the poor hare.

 

[fogtender]

No animal in the real world dies in their sleep like our pets might. In Nature something the next step up the food chain will kill and eat it as has been done since the dawn of time.

The fact that this one animal died a quick death may not be a comfort, but it is by far better than to let Nature take it out through preditation!

People want to protect the wolves here in Alaska, they are a predator, when they take down prey it isn't something for the faint of heart to watch. A simple field mouse will end up in the talons of a hawk.

But life comes and goes, but rarely is death quick!

Not that it may make you feel better about it, but you were more humane than Nature is by a long shot. It wasn't your fault, it was just what happens.

 

[Lia]

Hare = Rabbit, right? We normally do not call them Bucks, we call male Deers bucks; but of course they are much bigger than rabbits.

It's tough, I understand, but don't beat yourself up so bad over it. My wife does the same thing. You do you best to miss them but when they do that about face and run right in front of you there is nothing you can do.

I suspect there is not much of a mess under your car, if any sign at all of the mishap.

Try to move forward Lia, don't dwell on it, it does absolutely no good for you or the poor hare.

Thank you Doc, for your kind words of encouragement. I know, in the cold light of day, that you are right, and I should move on; and indeed I will; I don't know, perhaps its a female thing, but it takes us a while.

The difference between a Hare and a Rabbit is comparable to the difference between a Horse and a Donkey.

 

[Lia]

No animal in the real world dies in their sleep like our pets might. In Nature something the next step up the food chain will kill and eat it as has been done since the dawn of time.

The fact that this one animal died a quick death may not be a comfort, but it is by far better than to let Nature take it out through preditation!

People want to protect the wolves here in Alaska, they are a predator, when they take down prey it isn't something for the faint of heart to watch. A simple field mouse will end up in the talons of a hawk.

But life comes and goes, but rarely is death quick!

Not that it may make you feel better about it, but you were more humane than Nature is by a long shot. It wasn't your fault, it was just what happens.

You know Foggy, you're absolutely right. I perfectly understand the practicalities and the necessity for hunting, culling, and killing for food. I don't have a problem there. Those who do simply don't have the first clue about living off the land, or out in the sticks. They have no idea of how sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind. I do...

But, because it was actually me who killed the animal, thats a whole new ballgame. Thats what I can't feel good about. I wasn't driving above the speed limit, nor was I not paying attention. I was doing everything right, but it doesn't help, knowing that it was my own actions that killed it needlessly. I think, for me, the worst thing was hearing and feeling the hit.

Had someone else run over it I would probably have reacted in a reasonable and pragmatic manner, but because it was done when I had control of the car, and perhaps might have been able to swerve if I had acted a second sooner makes me wonder about life and how easy it is to just snuff it out.

Thanks for the kind words. They do help.

 

[fogtender]

Swerving to miss a small animal can cause you to lose control and hurt yourself or other people. You did the right thing under the circumstances!

When you have a 1,200 lb moose standing on the road, then swerving may be an entirely different matter! They can crush a car and kill a number of people a year in Alaska alone.

So sometimes as scary of a thought as it is, when a small critter jumps out into the road and you can't stop in time, swerving isn't a good move!

You did good!

 

[Cowboy]

Sorry to here Lia , but like Doc and Foggy have said those things happen and of no ones fault in your case. Its a good thing it has some effect on you rather then not but dont let it eat on you.

When I used to drive I have seen many times people go out of there way to hit many different types of animals including cats and dogs. Some folks just dont appreciate life at all and have absolutly no feelings unless its their own animal. Which is also why the world is in the shape it is today I am afraid.

 

[Melensdad]

Lia, many of us folks here intentionally go out and kill animals, either for food or for pest control. But people who go out to intentionally kill an animal have a reason to do so that is based on some logic. What you have experienced is not something that can be described in logic, but rather in emotion. Its a visceral feeling and none of us like it and many of us have become wobbly over having similar experiences. I've spent many seasons in the hunting fields of southern Indiana, dispatched many small game and pest animals on my own property as well.

But I vividly remember hitting 2 animals with a car. One a beautiful dog, the other a large buck (male whitetail deer). Its been 3 DECADES since I hit that dog, it wasn't my fault, but I still vividly remember it. The deer was perhaps only a half dozen years ago.

What you feel now will pass, but you will always remember. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that the animal died swiftly without suffering. The lights confused him, the impact would have been instant death. There was no suffering.

 

[Lia]

Sorry to here Lia , but like Doc and Foggy have said those things happen and of no ones fault in your case. Its a good thing it has some effect on you rather then not but dont let it eat on you.

When I used to drive I have seen many times people go out of there way to hit many different types of animals including cats and dogs. Some folks just dont appreciate life at all and have absolutly no feelings unless its their own animal. Which is also why the world is in the shape it is today I am afraid.

Lia, many of us folks here intentionally go out and kill animals, either for food or for pest control. But people who go out to intentionally kill an animal have a reason to do so that is based on some logic. What you have experienced is not something that can be described in logic, but rather in emotion. Its a visceral feeling and none of us like it and many of us have become wobbly over having similar experiences. I've spent many seasons in the hunting fields of southern Indiana, dispatched many small game and pest animals on my own property as well.

But I vividly remember hitting 2 animals with a car. One a beautiful dog, the other a large buck (male whitetail deer). Its been 3 DECADES since I hit that dog, it wasn't my fault, but I still vividly remember it. The deer was perhaps only a half dozen years ago.

What you feel now will pass, but you will always remember. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that the animal died swiftly without suffering. The lights confused him, the impact would have been instant death. There was no suffering.

Thank you, you all make good sense out of what you melensdad, quite rightly describe as an emotional backlash. Thats what it is, I know that. I guess I just needed to get it out in type, and try to 'absolve' myself of the karma of it. You're all so level-headed about this. I can't tell you how much you've all helped me to see this as it should be seen.

Thank you!!! All of you.

 

[NorthernRedneck]

Hmmm....I can understand how you must be feeling. I wouldn't want to kill any animal unless I intended to bring it home for supper.

On the other hand, hunting season opens today for small game where I live.....

 

[luv2weld]

There are other things to think about too.
First, you did not cause this death. The hare was confused and scared, and
probably blinded. His reaction is what caused his death.
Second, he will not go to waste. The ravens, coyotes and who knows what
else will be able to eat and survive another day. Not a small thing in the world
of survival.
Yes, you were there and witnessed a death. But you didn't cause it and my
own point of view is you didn't participate in it. Some things are beyond your
control. Such as the hares reaction.
I know you think right now that the hares death was tragic. But, the most
important thing is you are not dead too. If you had swerved, locked up the brakes,
etc., you might not be here now. So you made all the right decisions and moves.
Let's see----hit the rabbit or wreck my car and kill myself??? Not even a choice.
OK, it's all hindsight now. Yeah you could have driven home at 10 miles an hour,
but who knows, the hare may have still reacted the same way.

Grieve, and heal. Remember that there cannot be life without death. It's a cycle.
No way we can stop it.

Ralph

 

[Lia]

Hmmm....I can understand how you must be feeling. I wouldn't want to kill any animal unless I intended to bring it home for supper.

On the other hand, hunting season opens today for small game where I live.....

Yes, I appreciate the hunting seasons and other area's of necessary animal culling, but thats a quick, clean shot, to the head or heart, and nothing compared to perhaps an animal lying hurt, injured and/or dying in extreme agony. But, as I said, I do appreciate your points.

There are other things to think about too.
First, you did not cause this death. The hare was confused and scared, and
probably blinded. His reaction is what caused his death.
Second, he will not go to waste. The ravens, coyotes and who knows what
else will be able to eat and survive another day. Not a small thing in the world
of survival.
Yes, you were there and witnessed a death. But you didn't cause it and my
own point of view is you didn't participate in it. Some things are beyond your
control. Such as the hares reaction.
I know you think right now that the hares death was tragic. But, the most
important thing is you are not dead too. If you had swerved, locked up the brakes,
etc., you might not be here now. So you made all the right decisions and moves.
Let's see----hit the rabbit or wreck my car and kill myself??? Not even a choice.
OK, it's all hindsight now. Yeah you could have driven home at 10 miles an hour,
but who knows, the hare may have still reacted the same way.

Grieve, and heal. Remember that there cannot be life without death. It's a cycle.
No way we can stop it.

Ralph

Ralph, some very good points there. Thank you. In fact, my Uncle echoed your points about the cycle of life and survival in the animal world. Great minds...

 

[bczoom]

Also, in that weird time capsule the Hare, which was young and a beautiful color (it kinda looked ethereal just for that moment), hesitated, caught in the glare, and had almost reached the central reservation before becoming confused, and for some terribly nexplicable reason, turned back on itself and started to prepare for a run back. I can't get over how surreal and perfectly formed and vital it looked. So young and healthy, yet so terribly frightened.

If I understand this correctly, when you say "central reservation", is that the double-yellow line in the center of the road denoting not to cross it?

If that's the case, it seems obvious the hare reached that point but realized crossing it would break the law. It was confused as to whether or not it's allowed to cross that point when in danger. Being frightened by the thought of getting caught breaking the law, it backtracked. Not your fault at all. The government needs to either train or put out pamphlets for the hares to fully understand the law. "Hare Crossing" signs with special road markings denoting such crossing points may be in order.

On a side note, it's common around here to aim for and hit pest animals. Primarily raccoons, opossum and chipmunks.

 

[Lia]

If I understand this correctly, when you say "central reservation", is that the double-yellow line in the center of the road denoting not to cross it?

If that's the case, it seems obvious the hare reached that point but realized crossing it would break the law. It was confused as to whether or not it's allowed to cross that point when in danger. Being frightened by the thought of getting caught breaking the law, it backtracked. Not your fault at all. The government needs to either train or put out pamphlets for the hares to fully understand the law. "Hare Crossing" signs with special road markings denoting such crossing points may be in order.

On a side note, it's common around here to aim for and hit pest animals. Primarily raccoons, opossum and chipmunks.

lol. You are incorrigible, but so funny that I simply had to laugh, which made me feel even guiltier.

*wags a stern finger*

 

[bczoom]

lol. You are incorrigible, but so funny that I simply had to laugh, which made me feel even guiltier.

*wags a stern finger*

As noted in my post, it's not your fault. Quit feeling guilty.

*wags a stern finger* (back at you...)