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Just Wondering

T

Trakternut

Active member
How many of us have someone, other than a spouse or significant other, who is there for us at any time, no ifs, ands, or buts? Someone we could call a true friend.
Someone who, when we need a good ear, knows how to just shut up and listen.
I will expand the question to include people we know online as well.

Second part: How many of us can truly say that our spouse or significant other could do the same for us?

It seems that in this day and age, relationships are treated so casually that many folks find that they're lonely, even if they have lots of friends.

So, I'm just wondering.
 
Monte, I have come to realize that I can rely more on close friends I've had for years, over family even. Right now, my relationship with my sister is pretty much dead.
I could go on and on in detail about that, but it's been said before.
There is no way I'd have any peace of mind if it weren't for 2 of my best girl friends..Cathy and Roxanne. Also got a good male friend Chuck, who is gay and the best girlfriend one could hope for.
They are all good listeners and know me better than anyone on the planet.

-pt 2--Ex husband was more of a talker, a demander.. distant when he wanted to be.
Steven was right in tune with me, solid.. for as long as that beautiful man was allowed to be mine.. which was all too short a time.

I feel lonely sometimes too Monte, when I sit and think about things too much, or should I say dwell.. but it never lasts for long.
 
This will problly come as no big surprise but I really have no friends or familly other then my wife I can count on & its an equal effort on both our parts . If I need an extra hand ( which is very seldom ) & my wifes not here I hire one as needed .

The few people that I am in contact with are ussually just buisness related , Other then that the internet is my only connection to the outside world as I dont like talking on the phone either .:w00t2:

I,ve had a lot of acquaintances in my life but no one I ever considered a true friend in the last 20 years , all only seemed to care about theirselfs . The ones I have had in the past either moved away or passed away . :sad:

My wifes the best & only friend I need these days & we make it a point to show it to each other several times a day & never take each other for granted . Luckilly we both learned from our past mistakes . :biggrin:
 
part one: yes i do. a good friend i call my sissy-poo. she's the only one. for a while i thought i had several people like that. i was mistaken.

part two: yes i can. Lith is there when i really need her, and i am vice versa.
 
My wife.
She also has the power to pull the plug.
I think I should be nice to her.
There are only two people you can trust:
Your cook and the payroll girl.
 
I took it as a given that many folks would count a spouse or significant other as one they could count on. I was, mostly, looking for answers outside of the relationship with them.

Funny how most of us have answered pretty much negative. Kinda sad, really.
 
Well to expand on those we know online as well, I'd have to say many, MANY have gotten to know and support a lot of people during trying times, or being that ear when it was needed.

God knows I have both given and received in that area, and am very thankful for it.
It's nice to actually hear the person you've been net talking to for a while and realize they can back up those words with actual emotion and outright comfort/advice when it's needed most.

Monte, is this about having a person other than your spouse (same sex) who you feel you can trust and turn to?
 
pirate_girl said:
Monte, is this about having a person other than your spouse (same sex) who you feel you can trust and turn to?
Click to expand...

It's not so much about the gender, Lollie, it's the quality of the friend. I have attempted to, many times, try to talk to folks. I have found that so few have really learned how to listen. So many times, it's not long before I'm sitting there listening to them telling me about themselves. After the conversation is over, I just walk away shaking my head. I didn't get what I needed from that person.

Pretty soon, one gives up and just keeps it inside.

It even happens between happily married couples, I'm afraid.
 
Trakternut said:
It's not so much about the gender, Lollie, it's the quality of the friend. I have attempted to, many times, try to talk to folks. I have found that so few have really learned how to listen. So many times, it's not long before I'm sitting there listening to them telling me about themselves. After the conversation is over, I just walk away shaking my head. I didn't get what I needed from that person.

Pretty soon, one gives up and just keeps it inside.

It even happens between happily married couples, I'm afraid.
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That is the really sad part IMO , I think most people these days are rapped up in there own world they forget how TO listen . I,ve ran into the same thing with 2 people of what I thought were good friends in the last few years , But no sooner could I finish a sentence or a thought I had to here about their problem , never even being able to get my thoughts off my chest .

Forums friends are the same way for the most part usually IMO . But I have found this site & several folks here to be quite different when one is asking for ideas , sharing thoughts or just wanting to blow off steam . Its a shame when people that have never met can be more thoughtfull in a time of need then people you know in person . That goes for familly as well I,m afraid , at least in my case . :sad:
 
Interesting questions Monte.
I am very lucky, I can answer yes to both.

I have a feeling we've all been in that type of conversation, I guess that is how you find out who is and isn't a true close friend. If they can't listen they can't be much of a friend.

Since starting these forums I feel a have a huge pool of folks that given the opportunity they would do what they could for me at the drop of a hat, and I for them. Very special internet relationships for sure.
 
If you go back and read my original question and the first few subsequent responses, carefully, you will see an example of exactly the problem when we "listen" to each other! I'm not picking on anybody, I just found it a bit amusing.

Yeah, Lollie, our talk helped a bit.

And, Doc, the discussion of internet friendships has occured on FF in the past. Some don't quite see how they're "real" and otheres of us don't question if they are or not. We have found them to be very real.
 
Trakternut said:
If you go back and read my original question and the first few subsequent responses, carefully, you will see an example of exactly the problem when we "listen" to each other! I'm not picking on anybody, I just found it a bit amusing.

Yeah, Lollie, our talk helped a bit.

And, Doc, the discussion of internet friendships has occured on FF in the past. Some don't quite see how they're "real" and otheres of us don't question if they are or not. We have found them to be very real.
Click to expand...

So what sort of replies are you looking for? Maybe you should clarify why you started this thread in the first place?

I'm glad it helped a bit.
 
Trakternut said:
If you go back and read my original question and the first few subsequent responses, carefully, you will see an example of exactly the problem when we "listen" to each other! I'm not picking on anybody, I just found it a bit amusing.

Yeah, Lollie, our talk helped a bit.

And, Doc, the discussion of internet friendships has occured on FF in the past. Some don't quite see how they're "real" and otheres of us don't question if they are or not. We have found them to be very real.
Click to expand...


I allmost didn,t reply because it was in the serious speaking forum , but I replyed in the best way I know how to , for the questions you asked . If it wasn,t the right reply sorry , I sure didn,t mean to I wasn,t trying to highjack the thread , just giving my opinion from my perspective which is quite different then most I,m sure . but it was well meant & something I very much can relate to .

I still find the topic interesting I guess I just misunderstood the post :wink:
 
pirate_girl said:
So what sort of replies are you looking for? Maybe you should clarify why you started this thread in the first place?

I'm glad it helped a bit.
Click to expand...

I guess I just wanted folks to think for a bit, if they have, or, are, a real friend.

Cowboy said:
I allmost didn,t reply because it was in the serious speaking forum , but I replyed in the best way I know how to , for the questions you asked . If it wasn,t the right reply sorry , I sure didn,t mean to I wasn,t trying to highjack the thread , just giving my opinion from my perspective which is quite different then most I,m sure . but it was well meant & something I very much can relate to .

I still find the topic interesting I guess I just misunderstood the post :wink:
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Not a problem, Cowboy.

JEV said:
I find that many people in my age group (60 +/-) have few, if any true friends that they can really depend on if the shit hits the fan (Wives & SO's not included). I have three living brothers, including an identical twin (save the jokes, I've heard them all), and all three are wrapped up in their own worlds, with little or no time for the brother who "marches to the beat of a different drummer." No time, that is, unless THEY need something. I accepted this long ago for what it is, and just take the higher road and help them anytime I'm asked. It's always something construction related, and that's my business, and I have no qualms about taking their money when offered. I NEVER put a price on my work, and just let them pay whatever thay feel it's worth. One brother calls outside contractors for work rather than calling me, so you know what I live with. I think he's pissed about something, but he's the type of guy who will just ignore you rather than address the problem and get it out into the open.

Up until I was about 40 , I had been disappointed more than a few times with "friends" who turn out to be your friend only so they can tap into what you can do for them, but have all the excuses in the book why they can't be there when you need an ear to listen or a hand to help with a project. So, I made a conscious decision at that time to never let anyone get close enough to ever disappoint me again. If my wife cannot fulfill the need I have, then I just suck-it-up and move on. If I really need help, like some others here, I hire someone to help.

Now, don't think I walk around with a shit load of pent-up anger over this situation. I accept it for what it is, and channel my energy to making my customers feel like they are the most special people on the planet, especially the seniors who cannot do for themselves anymore. Oh, and I spend as much time as necessary if they want to talk. You can't image how lonesome some old people are, even when their families live nearby.

Oh, and mea culpa if this is the wrong answer to the original question.
Click to expand...

You're fine, JEV.
 
Trakternut said:
I guess I just wanted folks to think for a bit, if they have, or, are, a real friend.
Click to expand...
If this boils down to 'online' friendships only, that's a tough one.
Sometimes there is far too much bullshit to try and work through, depending on the friend, what they've said at any given time.
Also depends on your current state of mind and things that might not be mentioned out in the open.
I trust hardly anyone unless I feel I have reached a comfortable level and that takes a whole lotta doing for me, personally.
As for this forum.. right now.. no one is considered a non-friend.. but again.. there are many different levels to those friendships.
 
I was thinking in terms of "real life" friendships, but expanded into the online realm because of the real possibility of solid friendships built with those whose faces we never have seen! Especially Bobcats! :whistling:
 
Trakternut said:
I was thinking in terms of "real life" friendships, but expanded into the online realm because of the real possibility of solid friendships built with those whose faces we never have seen! Especially Bobcats! :whistling:
Click to expand...
That's one face I'd love to see.:shifty:
 
My brother, and Mr. Tink. I can tell him anything, and he'll kiss me on the cheek. I can be sad or glad, and he'll sit beside me. He would gladly die to defend me, yet wants me to save him from squirrels. My dog is really a good friend.
 
First and foremost is my always wonderful Dragonfly Lady. If she is not available for some reason, I can call my best friend Barb, an RN with enough listening and empathy capacity for three people. And of course, I can always talk with Tailor Blue. Okay, he's a cat but he understands me and is always ready to help. Really.

 
Trakternut said:
How many of us have someone, other than a spouse or significant other, who is there for us at any time, no ifs, ands, or buts? Someone we could call a true friend.
Someone who, when we need a good ear, knows how to just shut up and listen..
Click to expand...
I feel very blessed in this area, having served in the A.F for 20 years and not staying in one place for very long, it has been hard to cultivate lasting friendships. But I do have 2 long distance FRIENDS one lives in Georgia, and the other in Alabama both of whom I believe would give me the shirt of their back if need be. I also have 2 friends here in West Sunbury that I can count on.

Trakternut said:
I will expand the question to include people we know online as well. .
Click to expand...
I think if push came to shove there are several people that I have met on this forum that would help me if I asked.

Trakternut said:
Second part: How many of us can truly say that our spouse or significant other could do the same for us?
Click to expand...
I am blessed here also. Nixon can be a pain in the butt.:brows: BUt he is my BEST FRIEND

Trakternut said:
It seems that in this day and age, relationships are treated so casually that many folks find that they're lonely, even if they have lots of friends.

So, I'm just wondering.
Click to expand...
 
Thanks, Janelle!
Long distance friendships, though harder to maintain, can be very rewarding.
It's much easier now that cell phone plans have free long distance etc.
Snap a picture and mms to your friend a dozen states away and they can see your kids, new puppy, whatever.
 
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