Just another reason to kill all the lawyers!

[Melensdad]

I have a law firm in New Jersey that I use for some issues when the situation arises. Seems that they forgot to send me some stuff on Monday. So today I questioned what they heck they were talking about. And I suggested that I should get a discount because they didn't inform me and I even pointed out it was their error.

If it wasn't the truth, I would have posted this in the JOKE forum.


Here is the answer I got:

I'll have to bill you three times -- once for trying to send the e-mail
Monday, once for resending it today, and once for explaining why it has to
be billed twice, er, three times.

Feel free to send further inquiries -- that's how we make our money!
​

 

[Big Dog]

Greedy, crass pigs!

:14_6_12:

 

[Dargo]

Makes me proud to be a law school drop out...

 

[BoneheadNW]

I know that I have used (and abused) this joke, but send Dargo over there. That's how things are done in the Chicago area, isn't that right?
Bonehead

 

[Dargo]

Actually my list is down to one. One BIL. I'm not allowed to be in the same vicinity of him. He has a good one coming and he can't even out run me on foot. There is a line for everything; he has gone so far over the line that no talking is ever going to help. After he gets his, I'm retired.

 

[bczoom]

Actually my list is down to one. One BIL. I'm not allowed to be in the same vicinity of him. He has a good one coming and he can't even out run me on foot. There is a line for everything; he has gone so far over the line that no talking is ever going to help. After he gets his, I'm retired.

Sounds like there's an interesting story in there.
Care you share it with us?

 

[BoneheadNW]

Actually my list is down to one. One BIL. I'm not allowed to be in the same vicinity of him. He has a good one coming and he can't even out run me on foot. There is a line for everything; he has gone so far over the line that no talking is ever going to help. After he gets his, I'm retired.

I think Mike Tyson said the same thing. Do you have a taste for ears?

Bonehead

 

[Junkman]

OK...... I want to know who thinks that they are big enough to take a contract on me???????? I will have you in court so fast that you will think that you are on the express rocket to Mars....

 

[Dargo]

Do you have a taste for ears?

Bonehead

Not really. One of mine is a little squishy from being whacked sorta hard once. Dang if that didn't hurt.

 

[ddrane2115]

Time for new lawyers, and they get their money, dollar at a time....................when they catch me!

scuz buckets!

 

[nixon]

Bob, how long was it before You let them know that their "services " were no longer required ?

 

[Melensdad]

Bob, how long was it before You let them know that their "services " were no longer required ?

What he charges me, and what I actually pay, are not necessarily the same! I once got a bill for a cup of Starbucks coffee that someone picked up while driving to their office. I held up payment for almost 3 months on a mid-4 figure bill until that, and several other things were removed. We go over every bill in detail, and we only pay bills where detail is provided.

Heck this particular law firm caught hell from me for using their 'long form' stationary that lists all the partners and all the offices they have around the country, it takes up 1/2 of a page (seriously). I started giving them crap about the # of trees they cut down just for their stationary when I realized that there was so little room on the page for their message that a simple 5 sentence paragraph rolls onto a second piece of paper. Now when they send me notes, or when they send them to people I am somehow adversarily engaging, they use a short form stationary that only list the founding partners.

Last time I checked, lawyers were hourly workers just like the kids who say "And do you want fries with that?" behind the counter at McDonalds. And just like the kids at McDonalds, they get paid to take your orders and execute them properly.

 

[bczoom]

Last time I checked, lawyers were hourly workers just like the kids who say "And do you want fries with that?" behind the counter at McDonalds. And just like the kids at McDonalds, they get paid to take your orders and execute them properly.

At least with McD's, they don't charge you extra if it took 5 minutes instead of 3 to take/execute your order.

 

[Melensdad]

Brian, don't let them intimidate you. I once sent a lawyer a bill for $1000 for wasting my time at a deposition that she called me to, and that she showed up late for. When she refused to pay me, I turned her over to a collection agency to hound her. When it was all done, I never got paid, but she was released from the service of her firm to explore alternate opportunities.

 

[Doc]

That would be the last straw for me, I would find another firm if that was feasible. What low lifes!!!

 

[BoneheadNW]

I started giving them crap about the # of trees they cut down just for their stationary when I realized that there was so little room on the page for their message that a simple 5 sentence paragraph rolls onto a second piece of paper.

TREE HUGGER! TREE HUGGER! TREE HUGGER!

When you can't trust your own lawyer not to screw you, time for a change.

Bonehead

 

[Melensdad]

TREE HUGGER! TREE HUGGER! TREE HUGGER!

When you can't trust your own lawyer not to screw you, time for a change.

Bonehead

Well I look at things differently. By pointing out the issue of excessive paper, I save money. The side benefit is the earth saves a tree so I can burn it in my fireplace, which again saves me money. Heck, if you think about it, we were given the trees as a resouce to use, if we don't use them up, then it would be an insult, just as if we refused a gift. I just choose to use them up in my fireplace rather than on their excessive stationary.

As for the lawyer screwing issue, I want a dirty nasty mean SOB of a law firm working for me. I can handle their billing because they figure out pretty quick that I may just be a small town boy from Indiana who dresses funny, but they soon realize that I don't play BS games and I demand a lot for the money they charge. I will pay them a fair wage, they learn to treat me fair and to screw the bad guys instead of me. It works out.

 

[Durwood RIP]

I can handle their billing because they figure out pretty quick that I may just be a small town boy from Indiana who dresses funny, .

I sure would like to see a pic of those shirts i have heard so much about.

Dur

 

[Dargo]

Heck this particular law firm caught hell from me for using their 'long form' stationary that lists all the partners and all the offices they have around the country, it takes up 1/2 of a page (seriously).

My "baby" sister is a partner in one of those law firms. I always wondered what they do with all the old stationary when they gain a new partner or lose one.

Just another reason...get 'em you tree hugger!!

 

[Melensdad]

I sure would like to see a pic of those shirts i have heard so much about.

Dur

As luck would have it, I'm feeling good today so here is what I have on right now. Its a Hawaiian Christmas Shirt, the shirt is called Naughty Noel, and if features some sedutively dressed "Mrs Clauses" with palm trees in the background. Today is our company Christmas party, most guys wear Christmas ties. Not me. That's too formal. And since we are getting a nice snow today, I guess it will also prove that silk shirts feel good on cold nipples!

 

[bczoom]

That is quite the shirt Bob...

Oh, cutting your head out of the pic didn't accomplish much. There's a pic of you sitting on the desk.

 

[Melensdad]

Actually that is me from many moons ago. I no longer sport the facial hair. I have relatives who no longer recognize me since shaving my beard and cutting my hair. But given that my arm is not long enough to hold the camera far enough back to get both the shirt & my head, I figured the shirt was the subject of choice!

 

[Durwood RIP]

Whelp...i guess it's true then. BTW, since you don't show your face, i hope that over your left shoulder isn't your mug on a bad day .

EDIT-Dang, BC beat me to it.

 

[Junkman]

...............Last time I checked, lawyers were hourly workers just like the kids who say "And do you want fries with that?" behind the counter at McDonalds. And just like the kids at McDonalds, they get paid to take your orders and execute them properly.

The biggest problem that I find with lawyers is that they charge you in 1/4 hour increments when they talk to you. A 5 minute phone call is billed at 15 minutes. I was once in an attorneys office discussing a case and he took 5 or 6 calls during that 1/2 hour discussion. At the end of our discussion about the case, I told him that since I wasn't important enough to hold his calls till I left, that he was too busy of an attorney to handle my case properly. I was trying to be tactful not to tell him outright that he was trying to juggle too much at any one time and his behaviour was rude. I did notice that each time, he made a written note to add the charges to the client..

 

[DAP]

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