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It just never ends !!!!

BigAl

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
Ok , I need some opinions on this . I'm pretty damn sure a SOB just tried to set me up . I posted it here because its a family issue ,sort of...
My Dad is in a Rest home as of Yesterday , We do not know if this is permanate or temporary . He's in bad shape .
His 88 year old wife has Dementia / Alzheimers . Her son has full POA on her and Medical DMPOA too. Thats fine .
Heres the problem : I took her back out to the house . (she has been staying with Dad at the hospital for the past week) I call her son and daughter and told them that she should not stay alone and they were more than welcome to come stay or have another family member or friend stay at the house to help her . My hands are full with Dad . No response from them at all . I mistakenly thought her daughter stay with her last night . I went out this morning and found het half frozen ! The house was 55 degrees and she had the AC on . Its snowing outside . Her teeth were chattering and her lips were blue . I got her in the car , turn the heat up full blast and also turned on her seat heater . I held her ice cold hands until she stopped shaking .
I called her Son and Daughter and told them she is not going to stay by herself tonight ...Period . He accused me of just wanting to get her out of Dads house at any cost .I don't give a shit about the house . Its her well being that concerns me . He then told me he had his own problems and to take her out to her mobil home ,which she still has, and dump her off . I refused . I told him I would call Adult Protective Services . He finally told me to bring her to his house .He then called back and told me that a relative would pick her up and that my Dad was a SOB .WTF !... Now heres my question .

IF I had been stupid enough to drop her off , could I have been arrested for endangering her life ? She cannot take care of herself . It would have been my word against his and since I would have been the last person caring for her ,I would have been liable .
Am I correct ???

I am one pissed off puppy !!!!
 
I would call whatever agency you have in that area that deals with adults in this situation. Adult Protective Services or whatever it is there. I would explain everything to them and leave it to them. Clearly her son is bitter, I don't know why. Clearly he couldn't care less, and I don't understand that either. But you need to cover your butt and, at the same time, you need to protect her. In this case you have to write-off any cooperation with her family and go to the county/state agency that can help. JMO
 
What Bob said! Basically, it looks as if the kids don't seem at all interested so it looks like your only option is to seek proffesional assistance in this matter as Bob suggested. Explain everything to them and make sure they understand you're only looking out for her best interests.
 
i would record every phone call about this for her protection and yours. sounds like you care more about her than her kids do.
 
She has to be put someplace safe....even if it's just dropping her off at a hospital. I would think at this point if you left her alone you would be legally liable because you are aware of her mental state. Have you tried talking to the nursing home where your Dad is, and ask them for advise?
 
Al, IMHO, you would have been negligent in leaving her off at her house with the knowledge that she was unable to care for herself. You went to lengths to be certain she was cared for, which is exactly what a responsible adult does in a situation like this. I would make a written statement concerning these events and be sure that Adult Protective Services has a copy on file, retaining the original for your own records, should someone decide to make your life miserable in the future. CYA, my friend, CYA!!! :hammer:

I recall you promised your dad that you would look after his wife. You said that he seemed to start letting go upon that promise. Maybe he knows that her kids won't do jack-squirt for her.........you get the picture.

Man! I've been following your little escapades concerning your dad from the start. You've had a long, hard road with this whole ordeal, and it seems to have no end. You're a helluva man for doing all you do for him and, now, her. I'd want you at my back, that's for sure!

Take care, Friend.
 
B_Skurka said:
I would call whatever agency you have in that area that deals with adults in this situation. Adult Protective Services or whatever it is there. I would explain everything to them and leave it to them. Clearly her son is bitter, I don't know why. Clearly he couldn't care less, and I don't understand that either. But you need to cover your butt and, at the same time, you need to protect her. In this case you have to write-off any cooperation with her family and go to the county/state agency that can help. JMO
Click to expand...
:thumb:
 
I've now talk with Law enforcement to let the know what is happening .I should be talking with Adult Protective services in the morning I went and checked Dad's house after they left tonight to make damn sure everything was shut off and the house was locked . They had assured me everything was locked and the house secure . I found the front door handle locked ...But the door ajar ,which could have been a accident BUT..... . I also found a box with Pistol ammo in it ??It looks like 32 special and 38 cal and it is very old stuff . My Dad has no pistols so where did it come from ???
This is getting wierd...


AW : I did in fact talk with the Nursing home where Dad is at and they told me either I call Protective Services or they would . I am beginning to think the son is completely bonkers .
 
Al,

By contacting the police with your concerns and contacting the County Services that apply, you have already shown your concern. Should the kids try to pull something on you/her, it will have been documented that they were either the cause of the problems or irresponsible for doing their end of the deal. If you had to go to a Judge, they would have a case as strong as jello when you have the documents backing you up by your actions and deeds.

If the pistol wasn't your dad's or your's, take it to the police in the event that the kids were doing something wrong. Or at least tell the police you found the pistol in the house and took it home for safe keeping, but give them the serial numbers to ensure it isn't stolen.

At this point, you may want to take a video camera and walk all throughout the house taking a steady from "start to finsh" video with no breaks in the production of the entire house, closets and yard during the taping... Show every drawer being pulled oven and scanned, and so forth. Also show the latest newspaper in the video to verify the date at that time, that way nobody could say it was done months earlier. Also have a couple of people go with you and video them helping you and narrate it, that way you have witnesses to authenticate it as being as the way it was shot.

Sounds like you have been going up and beyond the call of duty, my hat is off to you!
 
fogtender said:
Al,

By contacting the police with your concerns and contacting the County Services that apply, you have already shown your concern. Should the kids try to pull something on you/her, it will have been documented that they were either the cause of the problems or irresponsible for doing their end of the deal. If you had to go to a Judge, they would have a case as strong as jello when you have the documents backing you up by your actions and deeds.

If the pistol wasn't your dad's or your's, take it to the police in the event that the kids were doing something wrong. Or at least tell the police you found the pistol in the house and took it home for safe keeping, but give them the serial numbers to ensure it isn't stolen.

Sounds like you have been going up and beyond the call of duty, my hat is off to you!
Click to expand...

There was no pistol . Just a box of misc Ammo .As I said , it appears to be 32 and 38 cal shells . about 12 rounds in all and its old stuff . You can see the oxidation on it . I removed the only rifle , a 30-30 ,from Dads house about a year ago . He has never owned a pistol of this caliber .
 
BigAl said:
There was no pistol . Just a box of misc Ammo .As I said , it appears to be 32 and 38 cal shells . about 12 rounds in all and its old stuff . You can see the oxidation on it . I removed the only rifle , a 30-30 ,from Dads house about a year ago . He has never owned a pistol of this caliber .
Click to expand...

Well I would still video the place, in the event that something is taken or broken into.

The old bullets could have been there for years and she could have gotten them out for some odd reason known only to her, and maybe she was looking for the gun that may have been in the house years ago that went to them for protection.... You may never know the answer to that one...

But you never know if someone was pulling some kind of a setup that you foiled by taking them... If there is some kind of insurance the kids are figuring on, or other monitary benifits that they may be entitled to if their mom was gone. People do all sorts of stupid things if they think there is a light at the end of the tunnel for them, and her kids sound like that type.
 
Did you search the house "read good" for a gun?
Those things are easy to hide.
 
darroll said:
Did you search the house "read good" for a gun?
Those things are easy to hide.
Click to expand...

No .I did not . I did not feel comfortable doing that . I will go out with my wife today and make sure all the legal papers, check book , documents, etc are still there .
I've thought about this all night . I am not even sure now ,if they did , in fact , actually take her up to the sons place . A grandson picked her up .
I'm taking the word of the same person that wanted her dumped off at her old house . So , I'm going to go out to her old home and see if she is there alone .
If I do find her there ,I'm filing charges on both the Son & the Daughter for endangering their mothers life .
The Daughter has told me numberous times that her mother is a 88 year old conniving bitch and I should "Watch my Back " . I know my Dad's wife can be difficult, especially with her mind slowing going , but in 12 years ,I have known her ,I have never seen anything that warrants that statement by her daughter .

Today is going to get real interesting .
 
Pathetic world that the one resonding statement in the midst of your compasion here is CYA; yet I too agree. Take care Al.
 
PBinWA said:
Just remember Al - CYA! You're doing the right things. Have patience.
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Actually PB , that is one reason why I posted this situation here on FF . Its in print now , I can't change dates on any post I have made ,nor can I delete them later than one hour after posting . Only a Moderator can do that . It clearly shows what I have done or said to right now . It would be admissable in court if necessary . A paperwork trail may end up being much better and more creditable than a "I said /They said " conversation I had with the son on the phone .
 
BigAl, be careful. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
Sounds to me like you are dealing with some real winners, scum of society.



And thank you for caring for people that can't care of themselves.:thumb:
 
Well . I have learned quite a bit from talking with Adult Protective Services this mornning .

It appears I have very little power in checking and watching out for the welfare of my dads wife . Even though she has mild to medium Dementia /Alzheimer she does not have to stay with anyone for her safety or wellbeing even if it is documented by her doctor . I would have to petition the court to have her labeled incompetant , which I would never do .
The lady at protective service said my concerns were now on record ,but their hands were tied and nothing would be done unless I can prove she is being mistreated by her son and daughter . I did check this morning and she was not dropped off at her old house . That was a huge relief and gave me a little more assurance about her well being and that she is safe .
I'm not to sure if this policy of "Protective Services" is the way it works in all states , but to me this is like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped .

I had a doctors appointment this morning and the nurse commented that my weight is down another 30 pounds but my blood Pressure is higher than ever .
It figures :hammer:
 
BigAl said:
Well . I have learned quite a bit from talking with Adult Protective Services this mornning .

It appears I have very little power in checking and watching out for the welfare of my dads wife . Even though she has mild to medium Dementia /Alzheimer she does not have to stay with anyone for her safety or wellbeing even if it is documented by her doctor . I would have to petition the court to have her labeled incompetant , which I would never do .
The lady at protective service said my concerns were now on record ,but their hands were tied and nothing would be done unless I can prove she is being mistreated by her son and daughter . I did check this morning and she was not dropped off at her old house . That was a huge relief and gave me a little more assurance about her well being and that she is safe .
I'm not to sure if this policy of "Protective Services" is the way it works in all states , but to me this is like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped .
Click to expand...

Well the fact you are trying to make it better for her is more than most people can expect in a lot of cases. You still have a long uphill battle, but I wish the best for you and family.

I had a doctors appointment this morning and the nurse commented that my weight is down another 30 pounds but my blood Pressure is higher than ever .
It figures :hammer:
Click to expand...

Well the weight loss is great, the high BP is normal when you are under stress, not healthy mind you, but it will come down with the weight loss in time. Keep up the weight battle, you are a lot farther ahead in that war than me!
 
RedRocker said:
Try the serenity prayer Al, you can't let this stuff have a negative effect on your health.
Click to expand...


Thanks Red , I honesty have not heard of the "Serenity Prayer" But i'll find it .
God bless and Thanks :smile:.

Merry Christmas buddy !
Allen
 
BigAl said:
Thanks Red , I honesty have not heard of the "Serenity Prayer" But i'll find it .
God bless and Thanks :smile:.

Merry Christmas buddy !
Allen
Click to expand...

[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Click to expand...
[/FONT]
[SIZE=-1]There u go sir.
[/SIZE]​
 
Sorry, I shouda posted it. I believe it works myself, sometimes that wisdom part
is a tough one, but it's a good way to go.
 
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