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Is he playing?

N

natty

New member
This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don't get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we've been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I'm a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

We've had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago..he ghosted me for a short while..and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven't heard from since, and he's been ignoring my texts.. I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling..the other to wish him a good day ahead.

Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks.. then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

Last week he had about 2 guys over for company...or so I thought.. I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then..in which he never responded.that day..not even to tell me he's busy...
I thought that was strange because he's always asking to spend more time with me..even if it's a quick hug.. He has left company before to see me for a hug.

I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out..
He swears that there are no other women..
During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.
Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???

One time during an argument he told me that he was meeting women online to give someone the love that I've never wanted, and he is going to focus on that. Later on, two weeks of not communicating, he texted me apologizing swearing that there weren't other women, and that he was saying all of those things to make me jealous, and he knows that I care about him now because I was jealous . (I wasn't)

Is that a red flag? Was he lying??


I do log onto social media sometimes, and his active status is always recently logged on.. seemingly leading to him being on and off the whole day...even when allegedly at work

Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??
 
Weird behavior.
Yep, seems to be playing you.
I'd also wonder if he's gay.
Something ain't right.
 
Am I the problem and cause of every relationship partner that I've ever had blindsided and ghosted me??


I've been in 5 relationships, and each have ended with me being heartbroken, confused, ghosted, and finding out there were an(other) woma(en).


First relationship lasted a year, even though was speaking prior for a year. He was my first everything. We communicated daily, saw one another frequently. He promised me he wanted to marry me and remain with me. ..that he loved me.. We had spoken the day prior to him ghosting me and everything was fine. He just ghosted me and disappeared. He was seeing another woman (eventually married).

We didn't communicate for 3 years after ghosting me. Prior to marriage .He sent me a letter via postal and email saying how sorry he was for ghosting me, that he wanted to remain friends and work towards being together again....etc..even called my mom asking her advice.. we remained in contact for about 3 months off and on..out the blue he told me he wasn't in love with me, that he never loved me, that he had pretended to like me because he felt sorry for me. That I was too tall, old looking, and ugly.




Another relationship lasted 5 years. .Basically the same pipe dreams and empty promises.. On the day prior to ghosting, we had agreed to going to therapy and working on our relationship...because we wanted to be married. I called him the next day to see what time he was coming over...and didn't get an answer..I called multiple times...
Eventually a woman answered the phone, telling me that he never wanted me, that he's been with her for awhile now, that I should have been lucky he pretended to love me because I was ugly and had nothing going for myself.. I heard his voice and him laughing in the background. Months later he apologizes and told me he really wanted to be with me. That the woman was just his cousin playing games, and that he told her he was depressed and didn't want to talk to me..he claimed he had no idea she had done that.

I never believed him, and told him it was over. That I never wanted to hear from him again. Later that day, he posted pics of himself and another woman online...and he was showing off his proposal and engagement to her. That he was very excited to marry her. That she's the love of his life. They married soon after. Anytime that he was caught cheating and talking to women on social media, he's been telling her that it wasn't him, that it was his ex(me) hacking his account, trying to break them up because she is still in love with him...(I had blocked both of them months ago after seeing the engagement) She then starts hitting up my phone leaving constant profanity filled offensive insulting angry voice-mails on my phone...warning me to stay away from him.

One time I answered told her that he was lying. That she shouldn't be so quick to believe a person, especially talking about a person she's never met nor had exchanges with. I told her she never should have known my name..as him and I aren't in each other lives anymore.

I never answered again.




Another 5 relationship basically the same empty promises and pipe dreams..
Leading to him ghosting me, later admitting thar he never loved me and only felt sorry for me. .that I'm old, ugly, and have nothing going for myself.

He turned to be another gossiper and lie spreader. Denies that he ever dated me.. We hadn't spoken for months after that...told his girlfriend (a woman I found out was in the picture all along while we were dating..eventually he married) lies about me. .
Told her that I was hacking his account, sending him messages, trying to ruin their relationship, told her that I was just a hoe he slept with once who caught feelings and won't leave him alone. .etc... all lies. A little later I recieve a text from an anonymous number containing screenshots of her ranting on social media, threatening my life, telling me to stay away from her man, even had posted my complete address and name(he told her this information) saying how she was going to beat me up...the post generated a lot of comments from her family and friends ready to eagerly join her.



It's been going on 10 years since that incident and the last time he and I last spoken.



Dated a guy for about a year. Same empty promises and pipe dreams. Before ghosting me, he admitted to never have felt anything for me. That he hadn't meant it when he told me that he loved me. That he was just using me as a rebound and a placeholder, because his ex the mother of his child didn't want him anymore..that he truly wanted to be with her.


That was 3 years ago.


Now....this guy that I've recently posted about...seems to be headed in the same direction..


Is it me?? Am I really the problem??
 
Natty,
I merged your two threads on similar topics. Since the 2nd one references the first it makes it easier for all to follow.

Honestly, I wish I could answer you but there is no way I could make a valid judgement from what you've written. It seems you are depressed and down on yourself and think that you are the problem. If you believe that you can inadvertently make that happen in the next relationship because that is what you expect to happen.

I am of the belief there is someone out there for everyone. Finding them is rarely easy. I thank God I am not on the dating scene now days with the social media and dating apps. Seems like a nightmare to me.

FYI Our community is mostly 50+ so the majority of us are far removed from the current dating environment
 
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