Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead .
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay,
I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas,where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh** may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater, again.
Santa
----------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like the boogeyman does, through your bed room window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead .
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay,
I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas,where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.
Santa
----------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh** may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater, again.
Santa
----------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like the boogeyman does, through your bed room window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
