I tried to take my life

[Gunsrus]

Hiya folks, it's been a while since I've posted here and I hope all is well. Forums tend to come and go, but this one is still standing tall and I'm glad it is.

Be ready to read some pretty graphic material...

The title of this thread is not a joke. I did really tried to kill myself. I made the attempt on August 26th 2015 and I failed royally. I did some damage to my body - I punctured my throat in three places.

According to the doctor, I lost over a litre of blood. I perforated my wind pipe with a kitchen knife, causing a tunnel to the outside to form and I was put on a liquid food diet for the next 13 days. I was also put under the knife because I made a hole with the same knife in one of my intenstine and I was leaking fluid.

I don't want to give you all too much to swallow, so I'll stop writing now and let it sink in. Please, fell free to discuss the issue and ask me anything you want. I'll do my best to answer.

 

[Kane]

Not to sound callus, friend, but if you were serious, why would you choose a knife to do the deed, when you have a houseful of guns?

I like guns. They are us. We made them and they are one of our finest inventions.

Well, OTOH, I'm glad you chose a knife ... and failed at the task. Apparently you weren't very serious.

Live long and prosper. Get the help you need.

And have the family take control of your guns.

 

[Gunsrus]

Not to sound callus, friend, but if you were serious, why would you choose a knife to do the deed, when you have a houseful of guns?



Well, OTOH, I'm glad you chose a knife ... and failed at the task. Apparently you weren't very serious.

Live long and prosper. Get the help you need.

And have the family take control of your guns.

Heh heh. Sorry if I said I had guns in my house. I don't. At the time I wished I had because I would've known with abseloute certainty that I could have succeeded in leaving this life.

I've gotten all the medical aid I need. I now sport a scar in my belly up to my breastbone that took 27 stitches to close and one in my neck that required 3. I got a number of stitches to close cuts on both my wrists. All wounds are healing excellently and in the coming years, they will all fade. I'm seeing a psychiatrist next week, (the same one my mother sees), and then I need to arrange monthly visits for the next few months.

As for my guns, well, the Remmington Derringer 1865 model that I have is a prop and so are all the other guns I'm going to collect. Thanks for your concern, pal.

 

[Doc]

Looking back are you sorry you tried to end it all?
What drove you to that point?
Has whatever drove you to the point changed or is it stlll an issue in your life?
Are you allowed to have guns in Spain, much like we are in the US? I've not heard much of Spain's gun laws.
Are you seeing or impacted by the refugees from Syria in your part of Spain?

 

[leadarrows]

No sympathy form me. Just a selfish act. No concern at all for the people who care about you. Now your on here looking for pity.

You will get none form me but I will shut up now and leave this thread alone.

 

[luvs]

i'm slightly raising a brow in that they would not place you into a psych hospital for a few. if not commit you to one.
great that you're alright, if that is so. i pray you're well & that you have support & resources, as well.
you have us, & we're here; except we're pals, not pros.
i would figure those you love & that love you- they're by your side in spirit & in mind, when they cannot be beside you.
depression sux. you could have lost so many ppl; so many things in life.
we land in emotional ditches & stay there for a time. we think, & fret, & worry, & make decisions.
gotta pull yourself together & keep on through those times. it is, sadly, life.
there is a plethora of support that you can look into.
fare well, & be strong. those negative thoughts fade & diminish, & then we lose them again. we tuck them into a place not too near, yet not too far, either, & so they have us, & we have them.
try talking to peers, or a support group; maybe changing your current living situation, or look into a passion of yours, so as to occupy your mind.

talk to us in advance if you have suicidal thoughts, & also dial a crisis center &/or a hospital while you type, if you get that distraught again.

 

[Catavenger]

I understand how it is to be depressed but all I can say is that's not the answer. See your Dr., talk to your friends, family pastor whatever, but do what you can to get through it.
I believe everyone's life is a gift from God. It is not yours to take away.
Please PM me; I will tell you some of the stuff I've been through and why I think I'm still alive.

 

[zekeusa]

It's not easy to get into your passion when you are feeling poorly. You don't enjoy doing anything. I can't even walk the dog. You don't care if it's a beautiful day. You don't care about anything. Depression is all consuming. All the doctors I've ever seen are only concerned about one thing and that's getting paid. Everything is a chore and totally exhausting. What's the difference, self medicating with alcohol or taking the pills the doctor gives you? All I am is a miserable sober person. I do hope you find the help that will give you relief from your troubles. I haven't found it yet.

 

[Catavenger]

It's not easy to get into your passion when you are feeling poorly. You don't enjoy doing anything. I can't even walk the dog. You don't care if it's a beautiful day. You don't care about anything. Depression is all consuming. All the doctors I've ever seen are only concerned about one thing and that's getting paid. Everything is a chore and totally exhausting. What's the difference, self medicating with alcohol or taking the pills the doctor gives you? All I am is a miserable sober person. I do hope you find the help that will give you relief from your troubles. I haven't found it yet.

GOD - no not the kind from organized religion (if that's not your thing) but your own higher power. Look around you will find it.
We are all here for a purpose.
In the summer of 1998 my mother had a heart attack followed only a few weeks later by a ruptured aortic aneurysm. That is supposed to kill someone right then. The blood loss caused her colon to shut down. She needed to use a colostomy bag. Not long after that her kidneys stopped working. Dialysis wouldn't work for her. She was given less than a week to live but lived.Her kidneys started working. Eventually her colon was re sectioned and she didn't need to use the colostomy bag. She was still really weak at first and depressed. She told my sister that she didn't see any reason to live. My sister told her that eventually she would.
A few years after that I was in a car accident that I was told should have killed me. My mother by this time was recovered and living a normal life.
The care center was unable to give me the round the clock attention I needed. My mother took me to her house house and took care of me until I was able to live on my own.
Less than two years later my mother died.
Now I have uncontrolled seizures, some memory loss, and trouble walking.
I can't drive, run, ride a bike or work. I am on S.S. disability. Yes that makes me depressed.
Yes I know what it is like to be depressed. I had given up drinking by the time of the accident. But for many years had been a hard drinker. An alcoholic. With the help of my higher power I overcame that.
Sometimes I wonder if my life is worth living. However I have to tell myself that I was allowed to live for a purpose. I don't know what it is yet but my life belongs to God.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Jame 1:12

 

[Gunsrus]

Looking back are you sorry you tried to end it all?
What drove you to that point?
Has whatever drove you to the point changed or is it stlll an issue in your life?
Are you allowed to have guns in Spain, much like we are in the US? I've not heard much of Spain's gun laws.
Are you seeing or impacted by the refugees from Syria in your part of Spain?

Well I wanted to go for many reasons. As my mother once said, "there is never only one reason for anything." One, I was rejected by two girls that I thought were my friends because I made a forgivable mistake, I'd struggled for 8 years to get a job and only had one working day to my credit, I live in a very separatist country, (which I didn't properly prepare for before coming to), among other things.

Now, I've reunited with my sisters, I've deepened relations with my friends, so yeah, life's changed since my suicide attempt, enough to make me want to carry on in this life.

We need hunting licences in Spain. You need to go through the police to get them and they need to make sure you know how to use them and aren't going to use them against people. Guns are not for sale in gun stores like in the US. Gun laws here are quite restrictive.

I am sorry I didn't restrain myself and tell my mother that I was thinking of killing myself and following the idea having the a dinner to resolve the issue that she'd told me we could've done. It would've been a better answer.

In my part of Spain, the refugees are from other parts of Africa, like Ghana, Central Africa and Uganda. I've never met any from Syria, so I'm afraid I can't comment. I do keep up with the news, though and I have to say, we're going to have resource management issues in the coming months.