fogtender
Now a Published Author
Subject: Humor for Smart People
*
Oh for the wonderful sick humor!
*
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,* subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
*
Here are the winners:
*1.*Cashtration*(n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
*
2.*Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass hole.
*
3.*Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
*
4.*Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
*
5.*Bozone*( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.*
*
6.*Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.*
*
7.*Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high*
*
8.*Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
*
9.*Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
*
10.*Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
*
11.*Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.*
*
12.*Decafalon*(n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
*
13.*Glibido: All talk and no action.*
*
14.*Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.*
*
15.*Arachnoleptic Fit*(n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
*
16.*Beelzebug*(n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
*
17.*Caterpallor*( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
*
*
*The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
*
And the winners are:**
*
1.*Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.*
*
2.*Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.*
*
3.*Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
*
4.*esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
*
5.*Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.*
*
6.*Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
*
7.*Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
*
8.*Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
*
9.*Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a*** steamroller.
*
10.*Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
*
11.*Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.*
*
12.*Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.*
*
13.*Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.*
*
14.*Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.*
*
15.*Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
*
16.*Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
*
Oh for the wonderful sick humor!
*
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,* subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
*
Here are the winners:
*1.*Cashtration*(n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
*
2.*Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass hole.
*
3.*Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
*
4.*Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
*
5.*Bozone*( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.*
*
6.*Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.*
*
7.*Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high*
*
8.*Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
*
9.*Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
*
10.*Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
*
11.*Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.*
*
12.*Decafalon*(n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
*
13.*Glibido: All talk and no action.*
*
14.*Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.*
*
15.*Arachnoleptic Fit*(n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
*
16.*Beelzebug*(n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
*
17.*Caterpallor*( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
*
*
*The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
*
And the winners are:**
*
1.*Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.*
*
2.*Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.*
*
3.*Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
*
4.*esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
*
5.*Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.*
*
6.*Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
*
7.*Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
*
8.*Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
*
9.*Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a*** steamroller.
*
10.*Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
*
11.*Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.*
*
12.*Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.*
*
13.*Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.*
*
14.*Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.*
*
15.*Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
*
16.*Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
