Gov't. assistance?

[Bamby]

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing aFEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie.. 'You know how I work....You have three wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going trust a FEMA genie.....'

'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached

 

[Doc]

He should have known better!

 

[Lyndon]

A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRACY/REALESTATE/BIBLE AND RELIGION/WORLD HISTORY 101

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told the the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.
The title dated back to 1803 which took the lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to FHA, he recieved the following reply: "Upon review of your letter adjoining you client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

"Your letter regarding Title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property areana, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of the origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title of the land prior to the U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella.

The good Queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the POPE before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the POPE, as I'm sure you know is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that HE also made that part of the world called Louisiana.

I hope to hell you are satisfied. Now, may we have our damn Title?"....