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Glad To Be A Woman

pirate_girl

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.

I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!

I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.

I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.

It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.

Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.

I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.

Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.

I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

:hide: :whistle::respect:<~~~~ to the gents!! lol
 
Man, I'm Glad I'm a Man, Man

Everyday I give thanks to God
I was born a man instead of a broad
When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee
I go to a barber, not a beauty salon
Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on
Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts
I use my turn signal, I understand sports

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't go through a faze every 28 days
Man, I'm glad I'm a man

I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
Don't take a lot of friends when I go to the john
I don't throw a fit when I break a nail
I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale
I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer
I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass
I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't face the pain of water-weight gain
Man, I'm glad I'm a man

Let me tell you ladies
Listen to me ladies
I love those things inside of your blouse
I love your pretty faces
Your warm and soft embraces
But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house

I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date
I don't play with dolls unless they inflate
When someone asks me my age, I never lie
After sex in bed, my spot's always dry
I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines
I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans
I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie
This is the same underwear I wore yesterday

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill
Man, I'm glad I'm a man

Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin'
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
 
Bumped this for Cowboy now that he is doing domesticated at home hubby with a helper duty!:clap::yum::yum:
 
muleman said:
Bumped this for Cowboy now that he is doing domesticated at home hubby with a helper duty!:clap::yum::yum:
Click to expand...
:yum: Hell I dont even see my wife untill evenings ever since I built her candle shop in the basement , its really nice and cool down there .

Thank the good Lord She aint no prissy bitch though . While I was moving dirt last night she mowed a couple of acres in the pasture with the other tractor . She cant take the triple digit temps but when it cools off a lil in the evening she does enjoy her seat time on the tractors as much as me . :clap:
 
muleman said:
Bumped this for a timely review of women's perspective.:whistling:
Click to expand...
You must be bored today, baldy!:yum: I can't make a comment because I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body, and I like all the things that PG likes...the "girls" in particular!:hide:
 
JEV---Kiss my bald ass. my little stubs will grow back.


PG---For your information, I ain't skinned!:yum::yum:
 
muleman said:
JEV---Kiss my bald ass. my little stubs will grow back.


PG---For your information, I ain't skinned!:yum::yum:
Click to expand...
Got a picture of that bald ass???? All I seen was a bald head...the one attached to the neck on your shoulders...and NO, your hips don't count as lower shoulders.:yum::yum:
 
yes, i keep a purse.
i luv the color pink.
& yes, i check for periods
each single 'lil restroom blink.
yes, i keep my tampons
in case i need one now
if my female faucet drips
& makes me shout an 'ow!'
creepy movies scare me;
pervs'll scare me, too.
one of us shall be blu-balled
& we both know that is you.:whistling:
 
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