tsaw
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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Advice From A Caring Husband: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."[/FONT]
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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In And Out Of Puddles : [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink. After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom.
The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.
He asks the first duck, "What's your name?"
"Huey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Huey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."
The bartender asks the second duck, "What's your name?"
"Duey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Duey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."
The witty bartender says to the third duck, "So I guess your name is Louie?"
The duck replies, "No, I'm Puddles." [/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Cutting the Grass[/FONT]: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbour lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The Hero Of The Hour: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no.
He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt.
The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."[/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Liver And Cheese[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]: [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in.
She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."
Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."
The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."
She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Mixed Messages: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said, "Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll kick your ****ing head in!" [/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A Cunning Plan[/FONT]: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy." [/FONT]
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."[/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In And Out Of Puddles : [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink. After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom.
The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.
He asks the first duck, "What's your name?"
"Huey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Huey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."
The bartender asks the second duck, "What's your name?"
"Duey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Duey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."
The witty bartender says to the third duck, "So I guess your name is Louie?"
The duck replies, "No, I'm Puddles." [/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Cutting the Grass[/FONT]: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbour lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The Hero Of The Hour: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no.
He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt.
The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."[/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Liver And Cheese[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]: [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in.
She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."
Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."
The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."
She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine." [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Mixed Messages: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said, "Now listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me that I'll kick your ****ing head in!" [/FONT]
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A Cunning Plan[/FONT]: [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy." [/FONT]
