funny answering machines

[angels2106]

Hello, you have reached 987-6543. Please press one for English, 2 for English, or better yet: call back when you speak English! (thanks to Kathy Ziemer)

Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call even sooner!

Hi! This is Jim. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

My lover and I can't come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

Hello. I am Bill's answering machine. Who or what are you?

Hi! Jill's answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I'll stick your message to myself with a magnet.

Hello! You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need a magazine subscription, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are already clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still listening, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi! I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi! This is Frank. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

 

[RoadKing]

Hi! I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message and if I don't call back, it's you.

Since you put in a selection, I thought I'd pick my favorite.

 

[angels2106]

This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

You have reached 234-1243. This is an answering machine. This is the new millennium. You know what to do.

Surprisingly, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.

This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway.

So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Tony's Pizza. It's not the beauty shop either, and no one named Pamela lives here. You can leave a message though.

Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Leave your message.