For the lawyers

[Bamby]

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go -- and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”

​

 

[darroll]

A young farm lad from North Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the
way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money
his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his dad. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe
the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why,they actually have
a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that
program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the
course.

So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the
semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't
believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've
implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in
that program?"

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out
that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before
we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the
recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around
with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to
your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer...... )