Dictionary for decoding womens personal ads

[working woman]

40-ish..................................49.

Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.

Athletic................................No breasts.

Average looking.....................Moooo.

Beautiful...............................Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure..................On medication.

Feminist...............................Fat.

Free Spirit.............................Junkie.

Friendship first.......................Former Slut.

New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.


Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s

Open-minded.........................Desperate.

Outgoing...................... ........Loud and embarrassing.

Professional...........................Bitch.

Voluptuous...........................Very fat.

Large frame...........................Hugely fat.

Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes.....................................No

No.......................................Yes

Maybe..................................No

We need...............................I want

I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry

We need to talk......................You're in trouble

Sure, go ahead........................You better not

Do what you want...................You will pay for this later

I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you
moron!

You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry...........................I am hungry

I am sleepy............................I am sleepy

I am tired..............................I am tired

Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!

I love you..............................Let's have sex now

I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?

May I have this dance?....................... I'd like to have sex
with you.

Can I call you sometime?.....................I'd like to have sex
with you.

Do you want to go to a movie?............I'd like to have sex with
you.

Can I take you out to dinner?..............I'd like to have sex with
you.

I don't think your shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.

 

[Bobcat]

Substitute "Dictionary For Decoding Bob's English" for "DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH". Delete last line.

 

[Snowcat Operations]

Everything looks to be true but the feminist part. Feminist..........Lesbian

Great!