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confusing problem and need good advice and encouragement

F

fuzznutz

New member
ok so here is the details... i have a really good friend who is female and single like me. we have spent the last 2 weeks together except for 2 days so i could take care of things at home. so 12 days and 12 nights together and at first all i wanted to be was friends with her i have known her since high school but the last 2 months we have grown closer and closer. now my problem that has me confused is that i am starting to devolop other feelings for her and am not sure what to do. so far we do everything together it started after i got a dui (i know i made a poor decision that night and am dealing with the conmsequences of it) but since i don't get my license back till april and am also currently unemployed i let her use my truck since she doesn't own a car. we talk all the time about our personal lives and have similar personalities and interests. the days that i'm not staying with her she tells me how much she misses me and when we are together neither of us can stop smiling there has been no sex between us to this point so its not just being attracted for lustful purposes. however she has a fear of one of her friends falling for her or her falling for one of her friends and ruining the friendship.

i am at a loss as to what i should do, do i tell her how i feel and risk losing my best friend over my feelings if they aren't mutual or do i say nothing and risk missing out on what could become the love of my life i'm completely confused. i wish that there was an easy way to figure this out but i don't know of any. what makes matters more complicated is that she has a (being polite here) bedroom buddy but they are both clear about wanting to see what else is out there i hate hiding my true feelings but would hate to lose her as a friend even more and need some good advice we have been out for several friend dates to the movies, the bar, dinner, etc. and we seem to grow closer every day and are comfortable around eachother. i should add that she is very beautiful. she also has kids who seem to adore me as i take them sledding and got them gifts for christmas because she couldn't afford to. the only issue between us is that i want to have kids of my own and she says that she doesn't really want anymore kids but isn't 100% set on it.

snyone got any advice or ideas to help me not screw this up i have also been told by many people that we would be a great couple. what do i do.
 
Sounds like you guys are falling in love, especially since you've ruled out the lust part. Having sex with your best friend either solidifies a relationship of fucks it up permanently, IMO. I would say to keep your trout in your trousers, and see where things go.

I do see a red flag here...why is your lady friend worried about someone else falling for her? If she is serious about a relationship with you, I don't think she should be having a similar relationship with someone else who could end up falling for her. Something ain't right there, or you didn't present your concern appropriately. We'll need more information in this regard.

If you don't want a serious relationship, then stop spending every waking moment with her, and let her know your feelings right now before you build up her hopes that there is something more than friendship in this relationship. This is really kind of obvious, don't you think?
 
fuzznutz said:
crap that was alot to type on a phone excuse the typos
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No worrys on the typos , happens to all of us :wink: . This is something I can really relate to but I'll keep it short . You snooze you lose :wink: My present wife and I have known each other for over 30 years and have been through several other relationships as well as failed marriages .

If we would have acted on our feelings years back, we would have so more many other wonderfull years together under our belts & not so many bad memorys as well as wasted time .

We got a second chance , You on the other hand might not be so lucky . I say go for it , if your that close of friends now its a no brainer to me . Best of luck in your decision . :smile:
 
ask her if she thinks this is going somewhere.
if she wantsa to know why, tell her you're getting mixed signals and want to be sure so neither of you gets hurt.
if she backs off, she's not ready - and you can keep being friends.
don't add any pressure or hit her with the "L" word, give her time to think about it if she needs to.
You never know, she may be feeling similar and is afraid to bring it up for fear of ruining the friendship as well.
 
Just ask..us men are not mind readers (no matter what women think )

The worst that can happen is you'll find out your just friends and you'll be spared alot of hurt.:smile:
 
You snooze you lose.....be honest and say how you feel you may be surprised...and being honest is the best way to start a relationship.

Just remember all relationships and friendships need honesty and a little imagination to make it strive.


Good luck:thumb:
 
Galvatron said:
You snooze you lose.....be honest and say how you feel you may be surprised...and being honest is the best way to start a relationship.

Just remember all relationships and friendships need honesty and a little imagination to make it strive.


Good luck:thumb:
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Well said Galvi.
I agree with all those who suggested this approach. No sense keeping it to yourself. Either way you'll learn ....hopefully that you found the right one, else you'll know to keep looking and value your friendship. Even if she is put off and says no at first, don't be surprised if after she thinks about it she comes to the same conclusion as you ...but it might take her a little time to get there.
Good luck.
 
JEV said:
Sounds like you guys are falling in love, especially since you've ruled out the lust part. Having sex with your best friend either solidifies a relationship of fucks it up permanently, IMO. I would say to keep your trout in your trousers, and see where things go.

I do see a red flag here...why is your lady friend worried about someone else falling for her? If she is serious about a relationship with you, I don't think she should be having a similar relationship with someone else who could end up falling for her. Something ain't right there, or you didn't present your concern appropriately. We'll need more information in this regard.

If you don't want a serious relationship, then stop spending every waking moment with her, and let her know your feelings right now before you build up her hopes that there is something more than friendship in this relationship. This is really kind of obvious, don't you think?
Click to expand...

I agree with JEV. Except that maybe you are falling in love but she is not. Also, you mentioned she has no money and you are letting her use your truck and buying things for her kids. Be careful there. Don't want to see you getting used. Best thing to do is just come out and tell her how you feel. At least then you might have some answers.
 
I married my best friend. I just didn't realize he was my best friend until I married him.
dreamboy-dreamboy-love-female-smiley-emoticon-000515-medium.gif

We spent a lot of time together as friends and our relationship progressed. Neither of us had a "bedroom buddy", either. Had there been, I doubt our relationship would have gone anywhere. I'm inclined to think if she has any interests in a serious relationship with you, then the bedroom buddy will be no more. Also, it would be a good idea to stabilize your personal life before complicating it with a relationship especially one that is mutually beneficial because of transportation issues. Dependence is not a healthy start for a relationship. My advice- don't rush things, get your license back and get a job then see where things go from there.
 
Erik said:
ask her if she thinks this is going somewhere.
if she wantsa to know why, tell her you're getting mixed signals and want to be sure so neither of you gets hurt.
if she backs off, she's not ready - and you can keep being friends.
don't add any pressure or hit her with the "L" word, give her time to think about it if she needs to.
You never know, she may be feeling similar and is afraid to bring it up for fear of ruining the friendship as well.
Click to expand...

SShepherd said:
Just ask..us men are not mind readers (no matter what women think )

The worst that can happen is you'll find out your just friends and you'll be spared alot of hurt.:smile:
Click to expand...

Galvatron said:
You snooze you lose.....be honest and say how you feel you may be surprised...and being honest is the best way to start a relationship.

Just remember all relationships and friendships need honesty and a little imagination to make it strive.


Good luck:thumb:
Click to expand...

Doc said:
Well said Galvi.
I agree with all those who suggested this approach. No sense keeping it to yourself. Either way you'll learn ....hopefully that you found the right one, else you'll know to keep looking and value your friendship. Even if she is put off and says no at first, don't be surprised if after she thinks about it she comes to the same conclusion as you ...but it might take her a little time to get there.
Good luck.
Click to expand...

JackieBlue said:
I agree with JEV. Except that maybe you are falling in love but she is not. Also, you mentioned she has no money and you are letting her use your truck and buying things for her kids. Be careful there. Don't want to see you getting used. Best thing to do is just come out and tell her how you feel. At least then you might have some answers.
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All really good answers! :clap:
You can amalgamate 'em and come up with a really good book to go by.

Let us know how things work out (or don't work out).
 
Hey Fuzz you have put this saying in my head and i have to post it....

G. K. Chesterton.....
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
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I am sure thats what your going through so grab life by the balls and go get her:wink:
 
CityGirl said:
I married my best friend. I just didn't realize he was my best friend until I married him.
dreamboy-dreamboy-love-female-smiley-emoticon-000515-medium.gif

We spent a lot of time together as friends and our relationship progressed. Neither of us had a "bedroom buddy", either. Had there been, I doubt our relationship would have gone anywhere. I'm inclined to think if she has any interests in a serious relationship with you, then the bedroom buddy will be no more. Also, it would be a good idea to stabilize your personal life before complicating it with a relationship especially one that is mutually beneficial because of transportation issues. Dependence is not a healthy start for a relationship. My advice- don't rush things, get your license back and get a job then see where things go from there.
Click to expand...


thanks for the great advice so far everyone. i like this idea the best so far because i have been thinking the same thing in that once my life is back on track and going good it will be easier to manage a relationship along with the fact that it gives me more time to get a better idea of where things are headed between us . tonight we are going out to the bar next to her apartment and since true feelings seem to come out while drinking we will see how it goes and if she says anything about how she feels about me i'm not planning on pushing the issue tonight but it may give me some much needed insight into the situation so i'll report back in the morning with what happens i'm trying to get a mutual friend to go with us because that way i'll have outside observation as to weather or not i'm seeing things right
 
fuzznutz said:
thanks for the great advice so far everyone. i like this idea the best so far because i have been thinking the same thing in that once my life is back on track and going good it will be easier to manage a relationship along with the fact that it gives me more time to get a better idea of where things are headed between us . tonight we are going out to the bar next to her apartment and since true feelings seem to come out while drinking we will see how it goes and if she says anything about how she feels about me i'm not planning on pushing the issue tonight but it may give me some much needed insight into the situation so i'll report back in the morning with what happens i'm trying to get a mutual friend to go with us because that way i'll have outside observation as to weather or not i'm seeing things right
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Just be Your Self..and have a Good Time..Good Luck Jeff!!..:brows:..B,
 
ok well i took the advice and didn't take her to a bar instead we wennt to a nice italian restaurant and had a great meal along with some good conversation between us still not real sure where this is headed but at least it was a great night after dinner we went back to her place and watched some movies for now i'm just going to let life take its course and see what happens once i get my life back in order i'll see what the signals are telling me to do.


as far as getting my life on track before i lost my job i had been a certified mechanic for 10 years until the economy took a dump on pretty much all of the local auto industry so i'm goinng to take advantage of programs wiithin the state and get trained in plumbing at the local plumbers union hall whiich guarantees me a job making decent money.

the transportation thing isn't much of an issue because as soon as shee can file her taxes she is going to get a car so she won't be dependant on my truck to get around when needed. i will say that part of the reason i decidee d to go with the idea of waiting a bit to make my move is that i feel useless without being able to drive myself around and because of not having a job at the moment i can't stand not working but within the next month i should bbe hearing from the union about the training starting have to take some tests first.


i'l keep everyone updated as to how it is going but i'm hoping for thhe best
 
ok well the subject came up yesterday while driving around and i told her how i felt. it went much better than expected and we both agreed that there may be some feelings between us. we also agreed that we would put any feelings on hold for the time being until we both have our lives on track and are not dependant upon eachother for transpotation or money just to make sure that the feeling are not related to dependancy upon necessary things for both of us i am still staying at her place and its like nothing has changed so we will see what happens in the future. as far as the " bedroom buddy" is concerned she told me that she has known him for awhile and its nothing serious between them and i believe her. now to just wait for something to happen to either confirm the feelings or let us know that there is nothing there. only time will tell. once again i thank you all for your advice
 
Cowboy said:
Good to here FN , Keep us posted & I hope it works out the best for you both . :wink:
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+1 I'll 2nd that cowboy. Good luck Fuzznutz both with her, the job and getting your life back on track. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction for sure. :thumb:
 
Fuzzy you have done the right thing....now you are both on the same page things will happen at a steady pace with no confusion.

Just remember....

"You can't hurry Love"......Phil Collins.


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYC5E4perb8"]YouTube - Phil Collins - You Can't Hurry Love *HQ*[/ame]
 
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