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Cashing it all end !

BigAl

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
Have you ever had the thought of just giving up and quitting life ?

Been there, done that . Man it was way to close . Damn near got myself arrested, hospitalized and thrown in jail for my own protection , all in the same day . The mind is our most powerful tool . It can make you so blind that you cannot see a way to safely return . Usually another person is involved in the decision to "Chuck it". It took a 7 year old to bring me back from the edge .

Never ,never again will I allow myself to reach that point of stress ever again .
I will die taking Medication to keep me straight and level . Its a fear I fight daily .

That was 25 years ago and I relive it everyday .

Thoughts of a crazy man ? :unsure:
 
pirate_girl said:
Nope.
You're not crazy, Al.. but didn't you mean to entitle the thread Cashing It All In?
:shifty:
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If that's what he meant to say he wouldn't be crazy. Let him wallow in his self pity for awhile, sometimes it feels good. Oh, and we're not supposed to spell check for fellow members or criticize punctuation or the fact that some people don't like punctuation or spaces between words. We're suppose play nice with our fellow inmates.:brows::brows::yum:
 
More times than I should admit to! There is a fine fence that borders those areas of the mind that keep rational thoughts on top of the subverted self destructive ones. Exposure to the self induced loss of others creates a strong desire to join them sometimes. Been there before and it is not good space to be in. Physical pain and emotional trauma can create an almost surreal world from which some never return. This is a problem I have dealt with since I was a teen.:flowers:
 
BigAl said:
Never ,never again will I allow myself to reach that point of stress ever again .
I will die taking Medication to keep me straight and level . Its a fear I fight daily .

That was 25 years ago and I relive it everyday .

Thoughts of a crazy man ? :unsure:
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Not at all. None of us will have to be concerned until you stop feeling that way. :flowers:

 
JEV said:
If that's what he meant to say he wouldn't be crazy. Let him wallow in his self pity for awhile, sometimes it feels good. Oh, and we're not supposed to spell check for fellow members or criticize punctuation or the fact that some people don't like punctuation or spaces between words. We're suppose play nice with our fellow inmates.:brows::brows::yum:
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Gee Whiz Jev ,
Your chip fall off your shoulder again ? You are such a joy to listen too . I never realized just how "ficking perfect" you were . Funny I never heard of you before .
For the record : I don't have time for self pity or smart ass replies .:brows::brows::yum:

You just have a real nice day :biggrin:.
 
JEV said:
If that's what he meant to say he wouldn't be crazy. Let him wallow in his self pity for awhile, sometimes it feels good. Oh, and we're not supposed to spell check for fellow members or criticize punctuation or the fact that some people don't like punctuation or spaces between words. We're suppose play nice with our fellow inmates.:brows::brows::yum:
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I was playing with Big Al and I think he knows that.
Hope he does anyway..
 
muleman said:
We can only hope for peace at the end of our journey. As we move on to the next phase the burdens will be lightened.:flowers:
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Sorry, gents. I've been to the near-end a couple of times, and I hate to tell ya' but there's nothing else there. No light at the end of the tunnel. No nothing.

Better make good and find peace this time. The only time there is.
 
Kane said:
Sorry, gents. I've been to the near-end a couple of times, and I hate to tell ya' but there's nothing else there. No light at the end of the tunnel. No nothing.

Better make good and find peace this time. The only time there is.
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And you come back just to piss on a thread like this?? Praying for relief for you brings new strength to me.:flowers::flowers:
 
Cashing in isn't the answer and I am glad to hear you found another way. I wish people could see the devatation they cause by cashing in. The mind plays some pretty interesting trick on us sometimes. I wish that 7 year old that helped pull you out had been around my house on Oct. 17 of last year. It is a day I will remember for the rest of my life. At 5pm I came home from work to find my wife on the livingroom floor slowly dying. She lasted until 2am on the 19th. We had had an argument earlier in the day and for some reason she decided suicide was the answer. It is amazing we spend our whole lives trying to get ahead, or a new car or house or in my case a boat to retire on. We lose sight of what is really important. I would live in a cardboard box under an overpass to spend the rest of my life with her. I lost everything that was important that day. I live with my brother now because I can't go home. I have thought about cashing in but I could not do this to my 2 younger brothers.
 
S Young, I am so very sorry.
I witnessed a suicide and understand what comes with that.
Knowing what it feels like to go through that, has been what has stopped me from popping off a few times. Even though I feel like i could disappear off the face of the earth with nary a soul to notice, I do know what it would do to at least one. and like you, I won't do that.


you ever need to talk S Young, give me a holler.
 
sorry s.young.i have it heard that it is a cowards way but i do not agree.when a person gets to that point they are not thinking of the cause and effect. they have crossed over a point in their mind that most can not come back from.i don't think god holds them responsible and we should not either.sending love your way man.god be with you and bless you with only good memories:wink:
 
Thinking of my oldest boy who took his own life over 19 years ago. Tomorrow is his birthday and I can't help remembering the few we had to celebrate with him. Some folks just need a willing ear at times. I see it happen with elderly a lot as well. More folks need to take the time to stop and chat with folks and let them know somebody cares.
 
I haven't felt that way (quite as much anyhow) since I stopped drinking. I went through an 18 month period where my house got burglarized, I was almost killed in a car accident (naturally since I couldn't and still can't work I lost my job.) 6 months after that my brother died then about 6 months after that my mother died - I even had a couple of my cats die in that time frame. But I got through it and so will you if you hang tough!
 
muleman said:
Thinking of my oldest boy who took his own life over 19 years ago. Tomorrow is his birthday and I can't help remembering the few we had to celebrate with him. Some folks just need a willing ear at times. I see it happen with elderly a lot as well. More folks need to take the time to stop and chat with folks and let them know somebody cares.
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My condolances on the loss of your son. I am hoping it get easier with time. Christmas was a mess this year as I am sure you know. Valentines Day was our anniverary and her birthday is coming up in May. I think I am still in shock. Bad thing are suposed to happen in 3's, I think someone lost count. I buried my mother the Friday of Victoria day weekend and my Aunt (my wifes favorate relative) on the Saturday of the same weekend. My oldest friend Brian died in August (we hung out since high school) It has taken just about all my resolve just to survive, let alone start living again. I am fortunate I have a very close circle of friends that won't let me isolate myself or give up and a bachelor brother who is willing to put up with me. One in particular is a doctor who has to deal with this stuff quite often, he has been so much help. I know I am at that point in my life when you don't do the wedding circuit it's the funneral circuit but somebody is getting a bit carried away here. I lost my temper and my best friend that day, you have no idea how much I wish I could have that day back.
 
Fighting the battle again since I put down the old cat the other morning. That and the return of constant pain sure fires up things.:hammer:
 
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