Bacon Tree

[waybomb]

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving.

They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says..."Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,
Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees,...Ees a ham bush.."

 

[300 H and H]

Good one Fred!

 

[Doc]

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."