Danang Sailor
nullius in verba
These really work! I checked them out on Snopes and they're all for real!
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1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the women in your house about lowering the toilet seat by peeing in the sink instead.
3. For those bothered by high blood pressure: every few days simply cut yourself and bleed for 3 minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins without the high cost of drugs. Remember to use a timer, as protracted bleeding has been known to have serious side effects.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent rolling over and going back to sleep after groping for the snooze button.
5. For a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives - you'll be afraid to cough.
6. There are only three necessary tools: a hammer, WD-40, and duct tape. If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move but does, use the duct tape. If these don't apply and hitting it with a hammer doesn't fix it, it must be an electrical problem.
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Remember, these are guaranteed to work!!
**********
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the women in your house about lowering the toilet seat by peeing in the sink instead.
3. For those bothered by high blood pressure: every few days simply cut yourself and bleed for 3 minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins without the high cost of drugs. Remember to use a timer, as protracted bleeding has been known to have serious side effects.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent rolling over and going back to sleep after groping for the snooze button.
5. For a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives - you'll be afraid to cough.
6. There are only three necessary tools: a hammer, WD-40, and duct tape. If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move but does, use the duct tape. If these don't apply and hitting it with a hammer doesn't fix it, it must be an electrical problem.
**********
Remember, these are guaranteed to work!!