When I retired from the Coast Guard I applied for and was hired as a manager at Academy Sports and Outdoors in Gulfport MS. I was due to report in at 1:00 pm to get started on all the paperwork and to meet the crew. The District Manager was also there that day, and for anyone who has ever worked retail you know what a big deal it is to have the DM visiting.
My wife worked at a loan center for a major credit union. It was along the way, so I thought I'd stop by and say hello to her. It was a small office building with some 20 or so cubicles, a break room and a single bathroom. There were no men that worked there. After a quick visit with my wife and the girls in the break room, I kissed my wife announced to her that I was going to take a leak on the way out, then said goodbye. There was really no way use the bathroom without everyone knowing you were using it and everyone in the break room, which was consequently very crowded, being able to hear you. I pissed knowing everyone in the break room could hear me. I aimed for the deepest part of the toilet and pushed as hard as I could to make it sound...well bigger.
As I was milking the last few drops of piss from my cock, so as to not end up with PPD (post piss drip) I felt a fart coming on. It's odd the way you can tell when one is going to be loud and when it's not. It wasn't going to be loud, so I let it loose. As soon as I gave it permission to go, I had that sudden sinking feeling you get when you know that the check valve that keep farts dry has failed. There was no bringing this one back. The muffled sound of colon juice splattering out of my anus told me that this had been a total system failure.
I dropped my drawers to assess the damage. My underwear was littered with a brownish clear wad of assphlegm. I was in a near panic when my cooler thinking settled in. I took my shoes off, took my pants off, removed my underwear and set them in the sink. I could reach the sink from the toilet, so I began wetting toilet paper and cleaning my well soiled ass. Needless to say there was a lot of toilet paper being used, so I had to flush periodically as I progressed, no doubt piquing the curiosity of the women in the break room. I managed to get my ass reasonably clean then turned my attention to my underwear.
I couldn't flush my underwear and wasn't brave enough to simply leave them in the already overflowing small trash can. I was going to have to make an effort at salvaging them. The phlegm was heavy and didn't soak in quickly. I rinsed the crotch and cleaned it as best I could. I dried them as well as I could with paper towels. As you might imagine, the length of time it took me to "take a leak" as well as the multiple flushes required for evidence disposal had commanded my wife's attention.
She greeted me at the door and asked if I was OK. I shrugged and said I had a bit of an upset stomach then walked out to my truck. My plan was to strip off my pants and underwear in the truck, then put my pants back on and just freeball it for the day. As fate would have it two of the ladies were taking a smoke in the designated smoking area which happened to be right in front of my truck.
The Academy store was just a few minutes away, so I reckoned I could make it to that parking lot before my pants began wicking the residual moisture from my underwear. I cursory check of my pants when I arrived at my brand new place of employment showed me that I would not be so lucky. I glanced at the time. I had 10 minutes before I was supposed to check in for my first day on the job. By now the wet stain on my pants was really starting to show. In about the only stoke of good luck I had that day, I had a pair of gym shorts in the back of my truck.
I put them on with my shirt, tie and dress shoes and ran into the Ross Dress For Less store next to Academy. I bought a pair of underwear and was lucky enough to find a pair of 32x34 Dockers in a color that matched my shirt. I sprinted back out to the truck and wrestled my new garments on then dashed into Academy to find my new management team along with my district manager just inside the front door. Somehow I managed to compose myself well enough to greet everyone with a smile and a friendly handshake.
To this day I can't remember if I had washed my hands. Funny the things we forget in stressful situations.
My wife worked at a loan center for a major credit union. It was along the way, so I thought I'd stop by and say hello to her. It was a small office building with some 20 or so cubicles, a break room and a single bathroom. There were no men that worked there. After a quick visit with my wife and the girls in the break room, I kissed my wife announced to her that I was going to take a leak on the way out, then said goodbye. There was really no way use the bathroom without everyone knowing you were using it and everyone in the break room, which was consequently very crowded, being able to hear you. I pissed knowing everyone in the break room could hear me. I aimed for the deepest part of the toilet and pushed as hard as I could to make it sound...well bigger.
As I was milking the last few drops of piss from my cock, so as to not end up with PPD (post piss drip) I felt a fart coming on. It's odd the way you can tell when one is going to be loud and when it's not. It wasn't going to be loud, so I let it loose. As soon as I gave it permission to go, I had that sudden sinking feeling you get when you know that the check valve that keep farts dry has failed. There was no bringing this one back. The muffled sound of colon juice splattering out of my anus told me that this had been a total system failure.
I dropped my drawers to assess the damage. My underwear was littered with a brownish clear wad of assphlegm. I was in a near panic when my cooler thinking settled in. I took my shoes off, took my pants off, removed my underwear and set them in the sink. I could reach the sink from the toilet, so I began wetting toilet paper and cleaning my well soiled ass. Needless to say there was a lot of toilet paper being used, so I had to flush periodically as I progressed, no doubt piquing the curiosity of the women in the break room. I managed to get my ass reasonably clean then turned my attention to my underwear.
I couldn't flush my underwear and wasn't brave enough to simply leave them in the already overflowing small trash can. I was going to have to make an effort at salvaging them. The phlegm was heavy and didn't soak in quickly. I rinsed the crotch and cleaned it as best I could. I dried them as well as I could with paper towels. As you might imagine, the length of time it took me to "take a leak" as well as the multiple flushes required for evidence disposal had commanded my wife's attention.
She greeted me at the door and asked if I was OK. I shrugged and said I had a bit of an upset stomach then walked out to my truck. My plan was to strip off my pants and underwear in the truck, then put my pants back on and just freeball it for the day. As fate would have it two of the ladies were taking a smoke in the designated smoking area which happened to be right in front of my truck.
The Academy store was just a few minutes away, so I reckoned I could make it to that parking lot before my pants began wicking the residual moisture from my underwear. I cursory check of my pants when I arrived at my brand new place of employment showed me that I would not be so lucky. I glanced at the time. I had 10 minutes before I was supposed to check in for my first day on the job. By now the wet stain on my pants was really starting to show. In about the only stoke of good luck I had that day, I had a pair of gym shorts in the back of my truck.
I put them on with my shirt, tie and dress shoes and ran into the Ross Dress For Less store next to Academy. I bought a pair of underwear and was lucky enough to find a pair of 32x34 Dockers in a color that matched my shirt. I sprinted back out to the truck and wrestled my new garments on then dashed into Academy to find my new management team along with my district manager just inside the front door. Somehow I managed to compose myself well enough to greet everyone with a smile and a friendly handshake.
To this day I can't remember if I had washed my hands. Funny the things we forget in stressful situations.
