FrancSevin
Proudly Deplorable
As some of you may know, My wife and I are setting up a retirement hobby farm in the Ozarks. After two years of weekends there we have discovered some unique features and a wealth of knowledge about the place known as "The OZARKS"
LIL Abner and Daisy Mae are fictional! Who knew.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in the OZARKS.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in the OZARKS, plus a couple no one's seen before.
Squirrels will eat anything.
Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
Pole cats will adopt your crawl space. If you don't have a crawl space, they will improvise.
A country mouse is far more clever than a common city mouse.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Chiggers come at you with chain saws
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
“Onced” and “Twiced” are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it’s a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra!
“Fixinta” is one word & used as a verb. Example: I'm "fixinta" go to the store.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper.
Backwards and forwards means we know everything about you.
'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
We don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
We measure distance in minutes. Except the distance to town, which is one hour.
We switch our home HVAC systems from "heat" to “A/C" in the same day.
Poison Ivy is the state flower & tree.
We know what a “gamecock” is.
There is always a car running in the parking lot at the WalMart with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
We install security lights on our house and garage and then leave both unlocked whenever we leave. No one ever breaks into a house that is unlocked but a padlock invites a "guest visit".
We carry jumper cables in our cars... for our OWN car.
We know what "cow tipping" is.
We only cook with four spices: salt, pepper, Tobasco and ketchsup
The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for NASCAR coverage.
The first day of deer season is a recognized holiday.
100 degrees Fahrenheit is "a little warm".
We experience all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still sorta summer, and Christmas.
We know whether another Southwest Missourian is from the low country(Arkansas), , or upstate(anything North of I-44), as soon as they open their mouth.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World".
We describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
Fried catfish is the other white meat!
You cannot simply wave to a neighbor without commiting some time for "visitin" and "catchin' up"
Everyone you meet is considered a neighbor.
Road ettiquette requires certain proceedures or you are considered a foreigner.
Gravel roads in a pickup, you stop and say high, window down.
Secondary "hardtop" roads with a county letter, you wave, window can be up.
Secondary roads with a number, optional.
All other roads are likely full of foreigners so,,,,, rip on by.
If your pick-up doesn't rattle you obviously are not from there.
It is possible to have more churches than houses in one town.
You cannot enter one of them as a stranger. Simply cannot be done.
franc
LIL Abner and Daisy Mae are fictional! Who knew.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in the OZARKS.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in the OZARKS, plus a couple no one's seen before.
Squirrels will eat anything.
Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
Pole cats will adopt your crawl space. If you don't have a crawl space, they will improvise.
A country mouse is far more clever than a common city mouse.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Chiggers come at you with chain saws
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
“Onced” and “Twiced” are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it’s a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra!
“Fixinta” is one word & used as a verb. Example: I'm "fixinta" go to the store.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper.
Backwards and forwards means we know everything about you.
'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
We don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
We measure distance in minutes. Except the distance to town, which is one hour.
We switch our home HVAC systems from "heat" to “A/C" in the same day.
Poison Ivy is the state flower & tree.
We know what a “gamecock” is.
There is always a car running in the parking lot at the WalMart with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
We install security lights on our house and garage and then leave both unlocked whenever we leave. No one ever breaks into a house that is unlocked but a padlock invites a "guest visit".
We carry jumper cables in our cars... for our OWN car.
We know what "cow tipping" is.
We only cook with four spices: salt, pepper, Tobasco and ketchsup
The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for NASCAR coverage.
The first day of deer season is a recognized holiday.
100 degrees Fahrenheit is "a little warm".
We experience all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still sorta summer, and Christmas.
We know whether another Southwest Missourian is from the low country(Arkansas), , or upstate(anything North of I-44), as soon as they open their mouth.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World".
We describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
Fried catfish is the other white meat!
You cannot simply wave to a neighbor without commiting some time for "visitin" and "catchin' up"
Everyone you meet is considered a neighbor.
Road ettiquette requires certain proceedures or you are considered a foreigner.
Gravel roads in a pickup, you stop and say high, window down.
Secondary "hardtop" roads with a county letter, you wave, window can be up.
Secondary roads with a number, optional.
All other roads are likely full of foreigners so,,,,, rip on by.
If your pick-up doesn't rattle you obviously are not from there.
It is possible to have more churches than houses in one town.
You cannot enter one of them as a stranger. Simply cannot be done.
franc
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