A Little Catholic Humor

[Pigtails]

Subject: A Little Catholic Humor )


The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good

idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It

worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me

adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to

church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock'n'roll gospel

choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony." "Thank

you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open

to the new ideas of youth."

"All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest,

"But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the

drive-thru confessional." "But, Father," protested the young priest,

"Confessions have nearly doubled since we started that!"

"Yes," replied the elderly priest, "And I appreciate that.

But the flashing neon sign,

"Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell "

just can't stay on the church's roof.

 

[Melensdad]

Here is another Catholic joke, I just added it to this one because its also a Catholic joke and didn't think we needed to have a dedicated thread.





Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well.....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,


Slim,


Tall,


38D breast,


24" waist and


34" hips.


When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

 

[Melensdad]

Well, I lost the Trivia Contest at the church last night by 1 point.

I not only got the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.

The question was:

"Where do women have the curliest hair?"...................


















Apparently the correct answer is New Zealand.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

 

[snow dog]

who would have ever thunk

 

[Melensdad]

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.


Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race..


Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.


Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.


Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.


Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated.. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.


Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that woul d tell him which horse to bet on.


True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears and hooves of the old nag.


Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.


He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.


Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened?


All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'.


The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites’